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Laura calls me "Mikey".. is that normal?
*10:07 PM
Today actually ended up being a better day then I thought it would. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and didn't really feel like going to work. Although work was a little stressful, I got an email from an old friend that cheered me up. *wink wink* I had a long talk with somebody else that I'd been having "disagreements" with and we found a happy medium. I got this warm fuzzy feeling inside that I haven't felt in awhile. Strange.
Lately I've found that I'm pissed off at the world. With all the hysteria that's going on, I think I may lose my mind. I could vent forever about the things that are stressing me out at the moment, but it really wouldn't do any good (besides the fact that somebody already got more than an earfull today, *thanks* btw.. you know who you are). All this talk about war is driving me nuts. All the boys are over in Kuwait, waiting patiently. It hits a little closer to home when most of the people that you were surrounded with and considered family over the past couple years get put in a situation like this, sent overseas just to wait.. .. not knowing for what. Blah. It's depressing, but I hope they're keeping their heads up. I'm planning on sending a carepackage over there to Tony's old unit with goodies, they deserve it.
On a lighter note, I need to go out this weekend. It is of crutial importance that I get slightly (or immensely) intoxicated, throw my worries away for the night and dance my ass off. It's only been a week since I've been out and it feels like a fuckin' eternity. My girl Athena is coming up from Georgia in a week or so, that cheers me up. She's one of the few chicks I know who's actually a trooper. She can hang with the best of 'em & she kept me sane for the two year period that I felt like I was locked up in Georgia. Looking back it wasn't so bad, I actually had more fun there then I have since I've come home.. or maybe I just have fond memories. Either way.. Georgia sucked, the people I met were kick ass. I'm rambling. Anyways, back to partying. I'm planning on dragging my girls (and boy) out on Friday night. People that are under the age of 25 and don't like to go out need proper enforcement. That's where I come in.. .. *giggles* Yeah, so.. Um..
It's Real World time, gotta go.
*10:06 PM
It seems like life never gives you a break when you need it, huh? Well, I needed one.. bad. I got one, thank god for family. Although, my troubles aren't over, I'm scraping to make this shit work.. financials that is. I'm thinking about getting a second job for the winter. $1300 rent and $300 electric bills on top of everything else (credit cards, phone, cell, cable) just aren't cutting it. The blistering cold in Boston isn't helping, although the sun is shining today and I went out yesterday in a warm sweater, I'm sure it won't stay like this. I'm such a bitch lately. The winter brings me down.. Oh well, six more weeks. Deal with it, Melissa.
I still haven't taken my lazy ass the five minutes over to my girl's house to pick up my camera. Soon, I promise.
I'm not sure if I've said this yet, so I'll say it again. Thanks for the welcome back. I've recieved plenty of positive emails regarding my return with concern to the things that have gone wrong in the past few months. Thank you for your good wishes. I will get back to you when I can, if I haven't already.. I've just been hella busy, working a lot of hours and trying to have a life somewhere in between work and the daily grind. Well, here I go.. another day. Wish me luck.
* 8:11 AM
Well, this is the product of a Friday night @ home and too much caffine. The animated gif was driving me nuts on the last layout and I wanted something more "user-friendly". I've still got some junk to add, but that is going to have to wait. I'm amazed that I actually completed this site from start to finish in about 5 hours. Boredom and bancrupcy is a bitch.
On a personal note, I'm frustrated that I didn't go out last night when I probably should have. I guess a break now and then is good though. I cleaned my house, paid my bills, ect. I got a lot accomplished. Things that I won't have to do next weekend when I go out. *wink* My mom is in Vegas this week so I'm going to hang out with pa dukes. Keep him company, my laundry, download music and burn some cds because my computer is about to kick the bucket.. boring shit.
My camera is at my best friend's house, therefore no updated cam images until I get it back. Sorry. Well, I'm off now. *throws up peace sign*
* pst, Baker. Party for the both of us tonight, k?
* 1:58 PM
Sorry for the lack up updates, I've been busy. Working my ass off.. I may be MIA for the next few weeks, we'll see. Things just aren't going right. Blah.
I really just wanted to take a minute to address the issue of what is and isn't going on with me. It's amazing to me how some people online seem to assume things about you when you and the things that go on in your life when you have a site like this. Please, quit the drama. If I keep something private on this site, it's because it's personal. Just because I express some emotions & events here, does not mean that I am obligated to let the world know every damn thing about me. I've heard numerous rumors about why I shut down this site, thigns that are going on with Tony & I, ect. Let me assure you that none of them are true. You wouldn't believe the rediculous shit that people are emailing me about. Everything that I've heard is bullshit, there's really only 3 (count, 1.2.3.) people who read this site who know what the deal is with me and ALL of them are personal friends, not "net heads". A lot of things have changed since I've left Georgia, most of them are specific to me, emotionally. Specific aspects of my life I've just chosen to keep out of this site, I've grown since I started this website and I'd rather not let everyone in the world have free access to my personal life (hence, the vip section). It came to my attention when I was in the bathroom at a club and some girl asked me if I was Melissa from urbankitten, she knew my best friend who was standing next to me, she knew everything that had happened to me during the previous few months.. That's just a little too strange for me, to have somebody know intimate details about me, and me never having met them. So, that is why I have excluded things, if you really need to know. If you really want to know something, feel free to email me and I'll do my best to explain within reason. That's really all I can say, but please don't start rumors. Gracias.!
* 5:45 PM
I woke up this morning and realized that things won't be the same anymore. I feel strange. The world seems to look different.. .. .. That's all I'm gonna say on that note.
* 8:08 AM
I meant to do this Friday, but I got lost. Friday Five.
1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?
My boobs. I'm jealous of girls with large breasts because I don't have them. I'm obsessed, you could say with them. One day, Melissa.
2. What are two things you love about your body?
My size, I'm short & tiny. You could pick me up and throw me in your pocket if you really wanted to. Second, my butt. Don't ask why, I just like it.
3. What are three things you want to change about your home?
I need a new couch. I have two couches, one is a hand-me-down. The other one, my dog ate the cushions when he was a puppy. A huge tub, I love bubble baths and my tub only fits one person, I'd like one large enough to fit a group of 4, freak. Girls! I want a bachellorette pad. Looking for a roommate in the Boston area? A huge widescreen plasma tv. That would make me happy.
4. What are four books you want to read this year?
I don't read as often as I should. I can't remember the last time I read a book. So, I'm skipping this one.
5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?
To life a healthier lifestyle. To save money. To live every day like it was the last. To think positive. To be happy.
*11:33 AM
Happy Superbowl! <3 Oakland.
*10:57 AM
Downloadables..
The Roots - "Sacrifice"
Slum Village - "Disco" remix
Grafh - "Bad Bitch"
Grafh - "We too Raw"
Kevin Lyttle - "Turn me on"
Jurassic 5 - "Thin Line"
*10:56 AM
Will someone please tell me what the point of negativity is? Specifically, female negativity towards other females for "high school" reasons. Really, what is the point of wasting your time hating somebody because of your own insecurities? Isn't that really what it all boils down to? Honestly, if you're secure in yourself, you really would have no reason to be threatened by another girl.. Lets break down an example. The guy you like, likes me.. *giggles* You hate me because of it. On the surface you could say I'm a slut, whore, or any other typical generic comment that would make you feel better about the situation to try to bring me down, but it does go deeper. If you really had confidence or any sort of self esteem, you wouldn't have to question his need to be with someone else.. and if for some reason he did decide to go elsewhere, he's not worthy of your affection. He's not deserving of you. You're too damn good for him. He fucked up, I didn't. Feel me? You can hate me for whatever superficial reason you feel, but just know that the real problem doesn't lie within me, it lies within you. Life is way too short to waste your time hating on somebody because of something that they have no control over. It's not my problem, it's yours. Damn, can I live?
*10:50 AM
Grafh is fucking nasty. I think I'm inlove... ... ...
* 9:42 AM
Ugh. So it's Wed. & I really don't feel like going to work today. I want to go out tommorow night, it's just a matter of any of my friends wanting to go. We'll see. I'm stressed, hence no updates here. I'm feeling frustrated on emotional, mental, financial & sexual levels. I'm about to explode.. It's alright though, this will pass and I'll be just fine. *wink*
If you have the password to the vip section, please email me. I'll be getting rid of that password and giving out individual ones. I've decided not to give the password out to anybody that I don't know, just because I've spoken to you once on aim does not mean I know you. Friends only, sorry. There's personal things that I'd like to express there, and I'd rather not express them to strangers. Feel me?
I dyed my hair black last week. I'm not sure if I like it much, but it fades out in 12-24 shampoos, lucky me.
I've heard that the entire post on which we used to live is being deployed to Kuwait. Sucks. There's a lot of good friends there, mad love to you if you're reading this.
* 7:55 AM
This weekend was a little weak. Friday I went out with a couple of my girls. Ended up getting there a little late, the club was slow but we made the most of it. I drank a little bit too much, so the night is a bit fuzzy. I need to slow down a little.. put myself on a "3 mongolian limit".. Lately I've ended up having phone calls & encounters that aren't too clear in the morning. My mind is so clustered that I can't think straight. I'm missing the constant flow of testosterone that I used to be surrounded by while in Georgia. There's something about being surrounded by guys that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Not in a sexual way neccessarily, just by general rule I like hanging with guys much better than girls. Maybe it's because I never had any sisters, and I was always a daddy's girl.... ... who knows. Lately I've felt the need to escape... step out of my element, like I'm searching for something that I can't find where I'm at now, something's missing. It's obvious and I keep repeating it to myself in my head, but it ain't sinking in completely I guess. I think I just need a vacation. Speaking of vacation, in March we're planning on flying out to Atlanta to visit my undercover lover. Myself, my girl Laura & my cousin Jess. We were planning on Vegas for spring break, but that won't work out financially for anybody. The ATL trip is scheduled for the last weekend in March. Good times..
On another note, you need to call me. I hope all is well.. ..
* 9:35 AM
".. So many things I'm going through. So much that I want to do. It's starting to become so clear to me, tommorow ain't really guaranteed. So many days I've thought of you. It's about time you knew the truth. Got to act quickly you and I. We fall inlove so many reasons why.. so why don't we fall inlove? ... It takes such a load off to let you know, that you're the only one I never want to go. Things I never did now what to do, a love I never felt, now I feel with you. Why don't I just swallow each and every ounce of my pride, everything you do I wanna feel again. Ain't no use for us to pretend. Why don't we fall inlove? " Amerie
* 9:09 AM
I'm going to try to get into the habit of updating this site daily or even semi-daily.. even though I'm well aware that it probably won't happen. So, here I am, blabbing about absolutely nothing just to say that I did. Today is just like any other day.. work, no play. Tommorow I'm going out, tonight possibly. Funds are low but I need to get out.. I have a ton of shit to do, important girly stuff.. (ie. dye my hair, go to the mall..) Well, back to the daily grind.
* 1:03 PM
The cold is killing me today. Besides that I'm all drugged up on Tylenol cold and various other "please don't get sick this week" drugs. Cam is up, click "snap". VIP section is up, email me for a password if I know you. Now, it's back to the 9-5.
*12:06 PM
Thanks for the warm welcome back kids! Much appriciated. Took the day off work today to do some shit. A couple appointments, cleaned house... blah blah blah. Thinking a bit about the weekend. I'm going out whether you like it or not. By myself, if nobody wants to come with me. Once every two weeks is just not enough for me. I'll end up racked out on somebody's couch and not remember how I got there, but it's all good.
On another note, I might as well update you folks on what's been going on while this site has been closed. I moved in August from Savannah, GA back to the Boston area. Lovely, but cold. I'm working full time and making big bucks. *rolls eyes* Never enough, you know? I now have the oppritunity to spend every waking moment with my loved ones, which in turn left me with no time for this site. I've gone through changes, emotionally & mentally. My mindstate has done a 180. I'm not going to give an lengthy explainations or details.. .. There's really no need to look back. Time to concentrate on now... and right now I'm going to the gym to get jacked.
** Bio is up.. .. I'm a lazy ass.
* 4:15 PM
Okay. So here it is, the *almost finished product. None of the links work yet, so don't try it. No time sucks, this week maybe. Time for milk & cookies. Nighty night. Need me? holla.!
* 8:17 PM
... ... * bad misses, throwing rasberry kisses on me. you looking for direction, girl i feel your vision on me. just don't let him see you sweatin', we ain't supposed to be involved... knowing when we get it off girl i mean it off. keeping you fiendin' until you takin' it tossed and when i'm breakin' it off it's no denying the fact it's wrong.. 'cause you got a man who's probably playing his part, you're probably breaking his heart. he's trying to figure the reason you gone. is it 'cause he's superficial, or is he too submissive? .. or did i come along and hit you with the futuristic? or is it 'cause you really couldn't see a future with him? all he about is paper, never took the time with you to listen. you want it gripped up, flipped & thrown and get stripped & shown, the way the getting is on. the cost, dealing with this you only taking a loss.. you need to leave him alone and go with the one who's breaking you off... *black thought
* 7:48 PM
Well, here I am. Why did I come back? I needed an outlet, I missed having somewhere to spill my thoughts. So here it is, nothing special. Just me. I'm not making much of this site besides my words, gallery & a new design here and there, so don't expect much. That's all for now kids.
*11:24 AM
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