Famous Last Words
0001-"Let's go in."
0002-"Let's not go in."
0003-"I follow them."
0004-"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."
0005-"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the
extra-healing potion."
0006-"I kill it."
0007-"Let me handle this."
0008-"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"
0009-"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over
again..."
0010-"Click?? ...This doesn't come with ammo?"
0011-"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"
0012-"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
0013-"Trust me."
0014-"I never get lost."
0015-(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold)
"I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate."
0016-"Dammit, this thing won't die!"
0017-a)"I bet without Mjolnir you're a real wuss."
b)"He looks like a wuss to me."
0018-"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"
0019-"They're only kobolds!"
0020-"Hey, this chest just bit me!"
0021-"I try to move silently in plate armor..."
0022-"I didn't find any traps !!"
0023-"Wonder what this button does ?"
0024-"Don't worry, he is probably just first level."
0025-"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."
0026-"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror"
0027-"Can I eat this green slime?"
0028-"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"
0029-"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"
0030-"This type of undead can't drain levels"
0031-"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"
0032-"We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping"
0033-"That's only a statue"
0034-"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it"
0035-"Look, behind you!!!" Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked
parttymember crept up. End of the other member.
0036-"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"
0037-"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"
0038-"We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."
0039-"Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?"
0040-"How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?"
0041-"I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level."
0042-"Don't I get the farie fire bonus on my parry."
0043-Star Wars:"Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist..."
0044-Traveller:"Who took the battery out of my grav belt?"
0045-"They're wearing blue robes? They must be Druids. Roll for initiative,
suckers." (At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.)
0046-"I see HOW MANY wights?!" (from the crypts of Ravenloft)
0047-"Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked."
0048-"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding
the treasure."
0049-"A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."
0050-"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."
0051-"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible"
0052-"Don't worry sir, we can handle it."
0053-"You jump down and distract him, and I'll shoot him."
0054-NPC: "Lets drop our weapons and talk."
PC : "Okay!"
0055-"We killed all monsters on this level."
0056-"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."
0057-"What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said crocodile."
0058-"Well ...., I'll touch it again"
0059-"I attempt to disbelive."
0060-"I cast a fireball" (into a 10'x10'x10' room)
0061-"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."
0062-GM:"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or take
210 points of damage"
0063-GM:"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf, because it's special bodak
power"
0064-" It's OK, I trust her..." ... *BOOM!!!!!!*
0065-"Stand back you wimps. I'll kill it."
0066-"Oops."
0067-"OK! I moon the Balrog!"
0068-"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me?? OK, I shoot again!"
0069-"Where'd that thief go now?"
0070-"Trap? What trap?"
0071-"So what?"
0072-"Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button",
do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?"
0073-"Hmmm...the sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK". I wonder what's inside."
0074-"You're all a bunch of wimps!! I'll prove to you myself that an entire
orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian."
0075-"All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no
light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!! Let's yell and scream a lot
so we can locate each other by sound!!"
0076-"I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn
whether the other goody-good PC's like it or not."
0077-"Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably
serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."
0078-"A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right
away I recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised
cigarette lighter."
0079-"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With
TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical
construct. Let's kill it."
0080-"Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team
Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my
character."
0081-"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers,
I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"
0082-"I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture
of contempt."
0083-"Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all
tarred and feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me,
are you?"
0084-"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell
won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll
prove it."
0085-"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off
after we kill this fire lizard."
0086-"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he
promised not to betray us."
0087-"So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was
worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."
0088-"Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I
might as well try to seduce her."
0089-"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal
our wounded!"
0090-"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice,
at my level, are infinitesimal."
0091-"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of
feather fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?"
0092-"So you're Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like
to convert?"
0093-"I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force."
0094-"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't
trapped, that's good enough for me."
0095-"Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes
nothing..."
0096-"I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it
across the room at the aliens...Wait! Isn't that grenade
Contact Fused ???"
0097-"All right, I guess Toronaga's right. There can't possibly be
anything on the other side of this airlock. Why not open the
damned thing."
0098-"Whistling sounds? Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!"
0099-"Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge. I go through the door
and find the helm."
0100-"They can't possibly outflank us. We have a multi-scanner!"
0101-"Come on! Arrows versus Kevlar?"
0102-"What do you mean Tsu Han's pilotting the shuttle? Does he even
have Insystem Pilot? WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND SHAKING YOUR HEAD?"
0103-"So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get
his treasure."
0104-"Oh, that sorceress looked a little pale when she examined the
mirror which has the pentagram in front of it on the floor. I
think I'll break the mirror."
0105-"It's not trapped, you just want it to yourself."{He still got it
for himself.}
0106-"Me first Me first."
0107-"Dinosaur? Hey, no problem, right Balinor?"
0108-"You call yourself a barbarian, you son of a witch ?"
0109-To powerful demon: "Try me sh*t breath!"
0110-To sleeping dragon: "Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."
0111-"Come on, we haven't found any so far."
0112-Ranger: "What do I see?"
DM:"Do you remember the trap that killed Indy's guide in Raiders
of the Lost Ark?"
0113-"Diamonds ... Gold... Saphires !!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're
rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!! ...Terry ..... Terry ??"
0114-"Let's walk this way."
0115-"Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."
0116-"I never get to have any fun!"
0117-"You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"
0118-"Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."
0119-"What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"
0120-"Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"
0121-"Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."
0122-"What does it mean when you botch an initiative roll?"
0123-"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing!"
0124-"Stop!"
0125-"A sign labeled `pit'? I walk up to it."
0126-"No problem. That's easy!"
0127-"Hey, I found it. I'm keeping it."
0128-"I think we'll have to reason with him."
0129-"Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points."
0130-"Oh, no. We're being rescued. How embarrassing!"
0131-"Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience
points."
0132-"I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand
straight up."
0133-"Don't worry. I've got a plan."
0134-"They can't see me. I'm invisible!"
0135-"I wonder what's in here?"
0136-"He wouldn't try that trick again!"
0137-"My two mutations? ...But I've only one!"
0138-"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME
around."
0139-"They don't look so tough."
0140-"I'm SURE there are no traps."
0141-GM: "FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO..."
PC: "I look for the light switch."
0142-"What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!"
0143-"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."
0144-"I'll open it."
0145-"It seems easy enough"
0146-"I think he can be trusted."
0147-"Those noises are probably nothing."
0148-"I'll pull the lever."
0149-"Money!"
0150-"Magic is for wimps."
0151-"Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC."
0152-"Oh no! Let's go help them!"
0153-"Run away!"
0154-"I want to kill something."
0155-"All clear, guys."
0156-"Gummy werebears? They should be cake to kill once they turn
human."
0157-"Wait a minute, didn't the old man say something about a curse?"
0158-"Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"
0159-"Okay, Ed, your underwear explodes!"
0160-"Bob, you have any grenades left? Throw me one..."
0161-"AGAIN!?!?!"
0162-"He shot out my eye? Okay, I tear out my other eye and throw it
at him as a gesture of defiance."
0163-"I pull the metal ring out of the sphere."(Recognize a Holy
Hand Grenade?)
0164-"This is a push-over dungeon."
0165-a)"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
b)"I told him it was a bad idea."
0166-"I'll use my taunt skill."
0167-"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."
0168-"My God will protect me."
0169-"You wouldn't dare!"
0170-"Hey, we're out! We're safe!"
0171-"I'll try it on."
0172-"C'mon! We're a team!"
0173-"You don't look like a mage!"
0174-"It'd be stupid to trap this!"
0175-"I'll kick the door in!"
0176-"It could be dangerous!"
0177-"Here, hold this rope while I go down."
0178-a)"I thought you brought the food!"
b)"I thought you brought the antidote!"
0179-"Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"
0180-"Isn't there anything exciting in this dungeon?" (said to GM)
0181-"Uh guys? Hello? Anyone?"
0182-"Dragons give you a lot of Exp."
0183-"I know an illusion when I see one."
0184-"Who's the bitch with the spiders?" (ahhh! the infamous Lloth)
0185-"I sit on the pale lady with the funny teeth." (Ahhh! the
infamous vampire)
0186-"Mysterious shadows in the room? I'm not scared --- you can't
spook me!"
0187-"There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought
to be safe."
0188-"Take off my armor and try to swim? Forget it --- I worked hard
to get this +3 plate mail. Besides, the DM never lets anyone
die --- he wouldn't let me drown, would he?"
0189-"I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."
0190-"Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"
0191-"A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"
{Twenty.It's like a crossbow, only MUCH larger.}
0192-"So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't
have a very big militia."
0193-"Only six inches long? Ha... Wait, you don't mean six _scale_ inches,
do you?" {said in miniature-figures-game. Character itself
was 3/4" high.}
0194-"...and then I... Uh, guys? Why are looking at me like that? Guys?"
{After using a spell called "Polymorph Other" }
0195-"What do you mean, `It doesn't work' ?" {Item with no more
charges left.}
0196-"Oh these, I've fought them before..."
0197-"Then I'll hit him back!" {spoken at the start of a bar brawl.}
0198-"I'm bored..."
0199-"Quick! What did that scroll say ?"
0200-"How did he dissappear like that ?" {About a hostile warrior with
a ring of invisibility and two attacks per round.}
0201-"I'll try to pick his pockets." {Pockets belonged to a level
30 mage.}
0202-"Maybe we should just kill him."
0203-"Read it to me." {It was a fireball scroll.}
0204-"You mean there's more ?" {About undeads which entered the room}
0205-"MAGIC ITEMS!"
0206-"He looks like a sunburnt elf? Huh."
0207-"I'll light a fire." (In the woods at night (attracted bears)}
0208-"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"
0209-GM:"You DID take the swimming skill?" (to a player when character
fell overboard.)
0210-"I'll stand guard." (Didn't want to enter orc cave.Orcs were out.
Orcs came back.)
0211-"What do you mean I hear water?" {in a tunnel}
0212-"I bar the door!" {Door opened inward.}
0213-"I'll cover you!"
0214-"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"
0215-"I can't possibly miss..."
0216-"Don't worry, I can hit him! I can hit him!"
0217-"Shut up, bird!" {to a parrot who happened to be repeating the
True Name of a demon which subsequently exterminated the party}
0218-"But he has to be our friend!"
0219-"How would you like to have this sword?"
0220-NPC:"Take this ring as a token of my esteem." {This party no longer
accepts gifts from unknown NPC's.}
0221-PLAYER:"BEGONE THINGS OF EVIL!!!" REPLY:"Begone thing of good."
0222-"I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"
0223-"Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."
0224-"I run up to the monster, throw my magic net over it, and try to
take the jewel from around its neck." {But nets don't stop
creatures from biting.}
0225-"Hmmm... odd-colored walls. Well, I touch one." {turned to stone}
0226-"I wonder what the black-and-yellow striped ring above the seat does?"
{ Ejection Seat. No atmosphere and no vacc-suit.}
0227-"What do you mean, vacc-suit proficiency? I thought it was perfectly
straightforward, like wearing clothes..."
[From a character attempting to fight hand-to-hand in one.]
0228-"But the directions SAID to `pull pin and throw' !"
[From a beautifully role-played traveller character from a non-
technological world. He was given a scout ship survival pack,
which among other gimcracks, contained concussion grenades.
When he got in trouble, of course, he pulled the pin out of
one and threw it ("it" being the pin, naturally)...]
0229-"Uh, what does 'explosive decompression' mean?"
0230-"Why the hell do you always put `Graf' before your name? Is that
this backward planet's equivalent of `Duke' or something?"
0231-"Don't worry - I have Pilot-7."
0232-"What do you mean `energy weapons are illegal' ?"
0233-"DO NOT OPEN"
0234-"Easy kill."
0235-"I've got you now!"
0236-"Is this one really able to breath fire?"
0237-"Trust me. I know what I'm doing"
0238-"I open the door and see who it is." {in response to a knock on
the door}
0239-"I jump off the roof - He won't get my last HP then."
0240-"Oh cute! Look at the fuzzy little cubs!"
0241-"Your armor is too noisy. Wait here and I'll scout ahead."
0242-"I explain to the ogre that it was an honest mistake."
0243-"Oh, he puts those in all of his dungeons. It's a gas spore."
0244-"Hubba hubba! The nymph's taking off her clothes!"
0245-"Whoever did this must be long gone by now."
0246-"Easy, boy. What's this stupid horse's problem?"
0247-"You mean ... this ... is the last ... torch?"
0248-"Oh don't worry. The poisonous ones have orange stripes."
0249-"I really didn't know it was against the law."
0250-"You racist! They're elves. So what if they're black?"
0251-"This flickering torch light is playing tricks on my eyes.
It almost seemed as though that chest moved by itself."
0252-"Demogorgon."
0253-"What's the duration of this Fly spell?"
0254-"I don't understand. It should be dead by now."
0255-"Finally! I thought that troll would never die."
0256-"If we look brave and fearless, they won't attack."
0257-"I'de feel better if we had some crampons. Oh, what the hell,
let's go for it."
0258-"I wouldn't worry about the thieves' guild -- they don't have a
clue who did it."
0259-"Aha! So you're the [killer/spy/vampire]!"
0260-"It doesn't look very fast; we can easily swim across."
0261-"While they're fighting the dragon, I sneak around behind him and
examine his hoard."
0262-"I wish we had a 10 foot pole. Oh well."
0263-"Ha ha ha! Let's put bookworms in his spell research library."
0264-"I rolled a 20. How could that be a miss?"
0265-"I've got plenty of spells; I don't need to carry a weapon."
0266-"I'm heir to the crown. They wouldn't dare!"
0267-"Don't you understand? The odds will be even. If we can't see them,
they can't see us."
0268-"Who's bringing up the rear?"
0269-"It's only one wight. The others are just ghouls."
0270-"But [longbows/match locks/nuclear weapons] haven't been invented
yet..."
0271-"Look, I don't care what you think of her, or her "demonic smile."
She's hot to trot. So, if you'll excuse us..."
0272-"I've got better things to do than run your petty errands, your
highness."
0273-"What?! I thought you said fifTEEN kobolds."
0274-"It'll be a short ocean voyage. One week's worth of food and water
will be enough."
0275-"I won't fall in; I just want a better look at what's down there."
0276-"Ochre jelly? Ok, everyone, break out the bread and the peanut
butter."
0277-"Quit clowning around. Look, whichever one of you is doing that,
it's not funny."
0278-"Hey! Where's my components?"
0279-"For some reason I had always imagined that bugbears were somewhat
smaller."
0280-"A trap? That's exactly what we're supposed to expect. I think this
DM is more imaginative than that."
0281-"After what we took, he won't be able to afford an assassin."
0282-"They're usually not aggressive. If we leave it alone, it'll leave us
alone."
0283-"Wanna see my new spell?"
0284-"Something's wrong with my d20."
0285-"That was no healing potion! I'm gonna kill that swindler!"
0286-"Ha! That's the oldest trick in the book."
0287-"Hey, Bill, cast a Detect Invisibility, quick. Bill. Bill? Where's Bill?"
0288-"Cover me."
0289-"I think it's asleep."
0290-"Look at the size of those tracks!"
0291-"Can you make out this next rune? It looks like someone spilled coffee on
this scroll."
0292-"..23..24..Well, that's the last of his arrows."
0293-"Watch this."
0294-"Well, if I remember correctly, it's AC 7, 3+1 HD, 1d8 damage. Hmm..."
"I should defeat him around the 4th round and still have
about 12.5 hit points left. Ok, let's rock!"
0295-"No problem! I'll just cast a ... whoops, I forgot. I'm just 2nd level,
aren't I?"
0296-"Did you see that guy's head? I wonder what did this."
0297-"Damned be him who first cries, 'Hold, enough!'"
0298-"If you cut me down, I will only become more powerful."
0299-"Zoinks! I sure hope that's just Scooby behind me."
0300-"I ain't afraid of no ghost."
0301-"Geez, I'm kind of low on funds. Ok, I'll take 500 gp for the healing
potion."
0302-"I bet it's just an illusion."
0303-"Well, at least I tried...?"
0304-"It's only an illusionary red dragon!"
0305-"I'll attempt to patch it up." {...finding a hole in the cargo bay of the
the orbital shuttle}
0306-"I'll cut the red wire."
0307-"Hey, I'll try to hide in shadows." {Room full of Shadows(kind of monster
in AD&D)}
0308-a)"I cast a powerball." {inside an elevator}
b)"I shoot him with my laser." {inside a crowded elevator}
0309-"I cast a hellblast." {at a gas station}
0310-"Let's blow open the airlock."
0311-"I jump from our car into theirs."
0312-"YOU are the UGLIEST guy I've ever seen." {to an 8 foot tall troll}
0313-"What do you mean 'the bullets are just bouncing off'!"
0314-"O.K. pal, take your best shot."
0315-"Let's rush them."
0316-"There's no way they'll ever find us."
0317-"What could possibly go wrong?"
0318-"Him? What is HE doing here? I thought we killed him!"
0319-"I throw a grenade at them." {in the middle of a weapons storhouse}
0320-"Guys, I'm out of ammo."
0321-"I tackle her." {She was a wolf shapeshifter in human form}
0322-"Dragon? What dragon?"
0323-"I shoot a missile at one of the Wasps."
0324-"Does anybody in the group have Doc Wagon?"
0325-"A juggernaught? What the hell's a juggernaught?"
0326-"Get him!"
0327-"I give him the finger..."
0328-"He has a threat rating of WHAT ?"
0329-"Guys, there's some giant bugs in the hallway."
0330-"Do you think it's a toxic spirit?"
0331-"What's with that wierdo with the teeth?"
0332-"I put my AK97 under my coat and go to the subway."
0333-"How many teeth does it have?" {character used to make chains of the
teeth of his dead opponents}
0334-"'Brak'? That's a stupid name for a barbarian!"
0335-"Blue, no...wait, Yellow! Aaaaarghhhh" {to a bridgekeeper}
0336-"Shit, it's a minefield, leggit !!!"
0337-"Call me Kregor the Undying!"
0338-"Let's split."
0339-"They will flee in terror from my "
0340-"Feel like surrendering ?"
0341-"Give you my T.O.&E ?! Figure it out yourself..."
0342-"It's only infantry."
0343- while rolling dices "Please God, not an ammo explosion..."
0344-"Stupid fool. Tried to scare me by firing LRMs at my feet. I charge
right at him." {character standing in a minefield}
0345-"Sure you can use the LRM Carrier platoon in this scenario ."
0346-"Airstrike? Sure.....But I get one too."
0347-"I'll hide my ship near the planet's ring?" {which is where several hundred
nuclear missile-equipped automated battlesats were hidden}
0348-"That's an interesting headband you're wearing pilot Smith."
{kamikaze headband}
0349-"I'm sure reinforcements will get here on time. They promised."
0350-"Say, what's that red dot on your forehead?" {laser sight}
0351-"I'm a vampire. No mortal can kill me."
0352-"What a stupid 'bot." {It was a hunter-killer drone}
0353-"Jamming at full power, they'll never scan through that!!"
{enemy used anti-radiation missiles}
0354-"What kind of idiot would set boobytraps in his own home?"
0355-"No, I wasn't reading the module. I was just looking at the pictures."
0356-"Black Ice in Mom and Pop's Grocery?!" {front for money launderers}
0357-"Funny, doesn't *look* like a cyberpsycho...." {but it was one}
0358-"Corporate geek, huh? I throw my beer on his fancy suit!"
{Arasaka exec with bodyguards nearby}
0359-"No security force is *that* fast responding."
0360-"I have a very bad feeling about this."
0361-"I'm sure they didn't trace me."
0362-"I throw the grenade..." (Onto a proch less than ten feet away)
0363-"We'll let him fire the mortar, he's not to good with a gun."
0364-"Um... I charge the machine gun nest."
0365-"I think I'll rob that place."
0366-"Naah. He's the DM, he never kills PCs."
0367-"I turn the red gem so that the little carving points right at the one on
the wall above it. Then I rotate the ..."
0368-"No, you idiot, they can't hear us crawling around out here!"
{yelled to another PC}
0369-"So they have a tank...big deal! I have an M-16!!! I can kill it."
0370-"What do you mean they threw it back ?"
0371-"There is only two left..."
0372-"No, sir. We're gonna protect this fire base. They won't get past us...
...Arc Light ?!?! What do you mean the B-52s are on their way ???"
{after being ordered to evacuate a camp that will be attacked in four
hours}
0373-"Switch to 2nd Edition? Okay, what the hell..."
0374-"Do something, SCHMUCK !"
0375-"Hey, wow, something that really DOES 'go bump in the night' !"
0376-"One of these must be the right one...just start pushing buttons at random,
we'll hit it."
0377-"In my present mood I could cast 'Speak with Dead' and talk to myself."
0378-"Oh, that's just a light wound."
"Ach, is doch nur 'ne Fleischwunde..." {in German}
0379-DM: "You know you're 6' high and sitting on a 3' high horse in a saddle
designed to keep you from falling. Now you're charging at full speed
into a 7' high cave. What are you going to do ?"
PC: "Hit my head on the cave roof ?!" {He took a *lot* of damage...}
0380-"I just HAVE to know what that magic trap(/item) does."
0381-"Oh, that bat's not much of a problem." {playing ULTIMA Underworld}
0382-"Let me have this stupid skeleton with my two-handed sword."
0383-"I tell the guard to go fuck himself, but I say it in a nice way."
0384-"I wish all these bloody things were dead." {spoken by a PC wearing a ring
of wishes (he didn't know about), the entire party was wounded so they
died like two of ten demons they were fighting.}
0385-"You are on my side, aren't you ?!"
0386-"Open that door, slut!" {said by PC to another PC(femalefighter), she
cuts him in two after that}
0387-NPC: "Surrender !"
PC1: "Don't shoot. I give up, but let this guy(PC2) go, I took him as a
hostage..."
NPC: "Okay, okay, but first of all drop all your weapons!" {said to PC1}
PC2: {taking out his Heavy Autopistol} "Shall I drop my weapon,too ???"
0388-"Computer, I'd like to register my mutation... It's Machine Empathy."
0389-"Sacrifice...?"
0390-"My Skill? ... Vehicle Operations... Flybot...! ... Oh shit!"
0391-"I'll try to fix it."
0392-"I step back as far as I can." {In an elevator}
0393-"I try to talk to the blob."
0394-"A Communist sticker on the Warbot? ... I'll shoot it off."
0395-"I'll put my head in, and see what's inside."
0396-PC1: "So... who knows how to drive?" {noone knew but they didn't care...}
0397-"You mean this suit is nuclear powered? Get me outta here! ... Guys?"
0398-PC: "Citizen Marks-R reporting treasonous activity in a corridor."
"What colour corridor is that, citizen?" {computer}
"The corridor? Umm...It's Blue."
0399-"It has an ejector seat? I pull the lever." {in a helicopter-like Flybot}
0400-"Beeping? O.K. I put it back in my holster."
0401-"I'll hold my breath and run through the gas."
0402-"I'd better carry the explosives, I've got demolition skill."
0403-"Oh shit... I'll try to teleport again."
0404-"Umm... Do I have a gas mask?"
0405-"I knock at that door."
0406-"Save vs spell ? Why ? Doesn't matter! I've got a save on a 4."
{said it rolled his dice and was disintegrated on a roll of 3}
0407-"I try to resurect him with this rod."
0408-"Was that rune inscribed on the cage important ?"
0409-"Want some help ?" {said by an magic apprentice}
0410-"Quick !! How does one UNSUMMON a demon lord ?"
0411-"I wonder what this wand does ?" {waving it around}
0412-"Remember that demon that you HAD imprisoned down in the cellar ? Well..."
0413-"I thought lighting the candles around the pentagram was YOUR job."
0414-"I finally shot that owl that's been folowing you around !"
0415-"By the way, what's the reverse of "summon"?"
0416-"That fire wand only had 25 charges left on it ?!"
0417-"How does one control something once it gets out of the pentagram ?"
0418-"The warding circle for this demon wasn't continuous before, was it ?"
0419-a) "Let's see what'll happen when I mix these two potions together ?"
b) "I mix the potions and drink."
0420-"So this wand fires a fireball if I point it at something and say 'Braxat'?"
{ Boom !!!!!! }
0421-"You wouldn't happen to have a banishment spell memorized...?"
0422-"Hey, I bet I can do that better than you can!"
0423-"Oh, that component was worth THAT much ?"
0424-"But this was supposed to be foolproof!"
0425-"I thought you said "Cone of Cold" not "Coin of Gold"!"
0426-"What kind of glue do you use to fix a DragonOrb ?"
0427-"Master, I kind of forgot to feed your familiar." {never seen again}
0428-"What's in this bottle ?" * POP * "Uhh... oh-oh..."
0429-"Sorry about that, Master. I promise I won't wave your wand around again...
Hmm...what's this frog doing here ?"
0430-"Is this scroll pronounced 'HAStur HAStur' or 'HasTUR HasTUR' ?"
0431-"Hey, where did I put the top to this Decanter of Endless Water ?"
0432-Master: "Hey, where is my staff of power, you know, the one with the rune on
it ???"
Apprentice: "Was that your Staff of Power ? That end table in the den at
home needed a new leg and you TOLD me to fix it ..."
0433-"Okay, I put the fire resistence potions in the red bottles, and the cold
resistence potions in the blue. Or was it the other way around ??"
0434-"I thought this spell required a 5-sided star..."
0435-"Master, why was this mirror lying faced down on the table ?? Master ???
Gee, where'd he go ? {scratches head}
0436-"We are all out of candles, so I used lanterns to surround the pentacle..."
0437-Apprentice: "Well, Master, I finally managed to learn the enlarge spell.
Now, could you please tell me how one gets rid of a 50' big
rat ?"
0438-Apprentice: "Excuse me sir but, theoretically, what would happen if someone
summoned, oohhh, lets say a major demon from the 376 level of
the Abyss ?"
0439-"With this body in my possesion I shall now rule the world!!"
0440-"Why does the writing on that book disappear while I am reading it ?"
0441-"That nice wizard from across town paid me 2000gp to deliver this box to
you... Me thinks -- It must be some kind of clock !"
0442-"Let me control this steering-wheel now."
0443-PC hires NPC to be a spy; PC is in contact with NPC via walkie-talkie :
NPC:"I see it coming...aaargllhhhh" {sough}
PC :"What do you mean 'aaargllhhhh'? Hey man, I've paid for this."
0444-DM:"All of you successfully hit the dragon. It doesn't do anything."
PC:"You mean it doesn't even wake up?"
DM:"Suddenly, from behind you a *living* white dragon..."
0445-DM:"You crash through the door and find about 10 goblins. They look
surprised."
PC:"I say, 'Boo'!"
0446-"Come on, there's no such thing as a sword made of arsenic..."
0447-"It probably just wants to be friends."
0448-"Don't worry, what are the odds of rolling a 1 on a d20 ?"
0449-"It doesn't look like anyone is hiding in here."
0450-"Aw, come on. I'm sure he's forgotten about that last time."
0451-"I light the torch. What do you mean there is a sizzling sound ?"
-* BOOM *-
0452-"I'll kill that sucker if it's the last thing I do." {It was...}
0453-"I hear a clic-clac? OK, I'll do a fast peek, like in Miami Vice. Those
guys never got shot."
0454-"I bet this is not under current."
0455-"Come on, there are more good mutations than defected ones."
0456-"Who cares about f*king telepathics. Lets torch him."
0457-"I know how to handle a flame thrower."
0458-"I'm so tired. I'll sleep during my watch tonight. Nothing will happen."
0459-"I never fall asleep during guard jobs."
0460-"I want my reward."
0461-"I wake up quickly!"
0462-"Bugger! Failed my Intelligence test."
0463-"YES! A naked maiden in the woods, I just have to take a look."
{...visit the nymph...}
0464-a) "Anything but a fumble now...."
b) "What do you mean I fumbled ?"
0465-"I am not getting short-changed by this guy."
0466-"Let this Alien Queen come in. We'll roast her with our flamers...What do
you mean 'no oxygen in the atmosphere' ?"
0467-"Ok, since I am going to die anyway, I pull the pins off all the grenades
on my body..."
0468-"You must be kidding! No?"
0469-"Are you sure this female goblin could do 6 points of damage with flail ?"
{He had only 5 points.}
0470-"Don't worry! I still have a dagger attack."
0471-"Come on, do you really think they could throw a grenade through that small
window ?!"
0472-"I don't care. I'm taking a bath right now."
0473-"Hey, wake up, they're coming... For Heaven's sake, WAKE UP!"
0474-"No retreat, no surrender!"
0475-"Hey scumbag, we'll do it my way, or I'm gonna have to kill you."
0476-"Turn !!!" {to bone golem}
0477-"Sure, give me 5 cards." {from the Deck of Many Things, being offered by
a man in black robes}
0478-"Look, you're on top of a building, you behind cover, he is firing full
auto. There is no way he can hit you."
0479-"While my elemental is attacking, I'll cast Magic Missile..."
{to which the elemental attacked him}
0480-"What do you mean the skull is floating in the air?" {Demilich float}
0481-"Hey, she's female. Don't worry, this GM never has female villians."
0482-"My Character is being careful."
0483-"Isn't the rope double-secured up there!?"
0484-"A cute looking coala with a WHAT!? THEY can't use Kalashnikovs, no!?"
0485-"That auto-targetting laser can't hit me! I have human reflexes."
0486-"Don't worry. This is just another empty room."
0487-"Hey man, they're just two lousy orcs..." {He never saw ogres before.}
0488-"This trap only hits one time. Trust me, I'm sure."
0489-"Elves don't die. They live eternally." {Not this one, of course}
0490-"Shit. Why did I slay the healer ?"
0491-"NOOO, don't touch anything inside..."* BOOM * {inside a laboratory}
0492-"I can banish this demon."
0493-GM: "You encounter some goblins."
Party: "BANZAIIII" [charge]
GM: "Hmm, didn't I say, they're 84."
0494-"Don't worry. This ship won't sink with this little water inside."
0495-"Come on you cowards. This guy is dead since hundreds of years."
[kneeing near a skeleton]
0496-"Wait. Let me first look through the keyhole." [a trapped one]
0497-"What do you mean 'No reaction' ? I hit him again harder !"
0498-"Don't worry. With the amount of modifiers you've got there's no way he'll
hit you."
0499-"He just fell off the 10th floor? I run over and catch him."
0500-"Live and let live ? Yeah, right!"
0501-"I guess this has to be the location shown at the map. But what the means
this title 'M_NEFI__D'" *BOOM* {bad luck it was a minefield}
0502-"Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix."
0503-a) "I ensure you that this rope is robust enough to help you in climbing
down the canyon."
b) "Don't worry, this rope will hold."
0504-"Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there."
0505-"What happens if you touch these two wires tog..."
0506-a) "Don't worry, it's not loaded."
b) "Are you sure its not loaded ?"
0507-"I want revenge !"
0508-"Wanna have more ?"
0509-"I've beaten you once and I can do it again."
0510-"No problem at all. I've a +20 modifyer on Detect Traps."
0511-"What a big rock in the ceiling ahead. Is it fixed there ?"
0512-"Grimmtooth ? Not this one."
0513-"I'll take a quick bath in this pool." {full of acid}
0514-"I wake him up."
0515-"You wizard don't have the 'Analyze Potion' spell. Okay, I will take a
smell at it."
0516-"Let me take a closer look on the medusa..."
0517-"They are chaotic evil ? That's great, we're chaotic evil, too. So there
will be no problem with alignments."
0518-PL: "Hi, my name is Hurga the Immortal."
DM: [smiling] "I hope you have an Hurga the Immortal II worked out..."
0519-"I can kill everything. What is it ?"
0520-"I disbelieve the pit's existence and walk over it"
0521-"How about a riddle contest?" {facing a dragon}
0522-"They're only squirrels. Come on, lets' go." {hungry ones}
0523-"17,000 miles? That's ridiculous - I can't believe someone would go that
far only to kill me!"
0524-"This does have a safety catch, doesn't it?" {Nope.}
0525-"OK, I'll leap out, open the outer airlock door, and then jump back inside
and close the inner hatch...will I get a negative to my DEX roll?"
0526-"This pure creature...I have the skill animal-care. I'll help that horse."
{This 'horse' was a terrible mixture between a horse and a lion.}
0527-"We should have no problems with the werewolves. I've got a ring of
healing." {lykanthrophy is hard to heal in Ravenloft}
0528-{in a dockside inn}
PC1: "I call him a reptile's haemmorhoid" {to a dock-worker}
GM : "Eight people stand up."
PC1: "Can I get out the door ?"
PC2: "I block the door."
0529-GM: "Don't let Odin see this ugly act."
PC: "F*ck this damned Odin !"
--kawoommm--
0530-"Ok, I'll run through his prismatic sphere, and attack."
0531-"A child could have done it!"
0532-"The odds were on *my* side."
0533-"Those fools are wasting ammunition! They couldn't hit the broad side
of a barn at this distance..." *thud*
0534-"I'll cast darkness to get away from the bats."
0535-GM: "A kind of sizzling sound seems to come from a small hole in the wall."
PL: "I try to close it with a glutinous strip."
(inside an enterprise known for producing nerv gas for military usage)
0536-"Don't worry. The thief's stupid. She won't know we're using her for a
Polish Mine Detector."
0537-PL: "I go and help the wizard."
GM: "So you disturb the circle of diamond dust around the pentacle."
0538-"We're no wimps to hide inside at night !"
0539-"What do you mean the townspeople are upset that we killed the mayor?"
0540-GM: "Uh. After killing one wolf the 99 others aren't really too fazed."
0541-"What do you mean save versus Turn to Stone?"
0542-"Okay guys, what we need to do is ........ROLL REALLY WELL !!!"
0543-PL: "How long am I going to be stunned for?"
GM: {smiling} "...the rest of your life."
0544-"Hey, I know, that you're evil!" {after casting a detect-evil on a red
dragon}
0545-Priest:"Okay, God, you wanted it this way."
0546-"I don't know which kind of tree this one is, but we're safe." (in a thun-
derstorm)
0547-"Die!!!" {But he had a ring of spell turning.}
0548-"Ok, I make friendship with this baby cardonian."
0549-"Don't shot, it's me."
0550-"HA ! We killed all the hostages anyway!"
0551-"Don't worry, he is the recon expert..."
0552-"The window isn't open, so he couldn't have gotten out, he must be still
be in here." {absolutely right}
0553-"I reach my hand into his pocket. What do you mean it's a bag of
devouring ?"
0554-"I take a deep breath."
0555-"Pattern on the floor? What pattern ? Oh, that pattern!" {Amber}
0556-"What do you mean my weapon was made by the cheapest contractor?"
0557-(a demon shows up)
PC: "Who did you ask for? Oh Shit!!!"
0558-"What does scroll of stupidity do? duh?"
0559-"What do you mean you got the spell wrong or backwards ?"
0560-"So how many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb ?"
(PC to another PC while sitting in a Klingon bar)
0561-"So where is that local woman Im supposed to wrestle ?"
{after drinkin' a fifth of vodka, was supposed to wrestle a polar bear
and fool around with a local girl, but he got it confused.}
0562-"I break the end of the oxygen cylinder off and aim it at the enemy!"
0563-"So what is a mind flayer, oh that is a mind flayer..."
0564-"We're HOW close to a super nova ???"
0565-"Okay, who turned out the lights ?"
0566-"What do you mean it the 'snow crash' hypercard, what does that mean?"
0567-GM: "This is your last chance to get out from under this girder."
PL: "The others aren't helping, are they?"
GM: "Nope."
PL: "OK, I'll use my pyrokinesis on Lucky's nuclear reactor to blast it
off..."
0568-"It's daytime...it's gotta be safe."
0569-"Let's all go in; he wouldn't kill the whole party at once."
0570-"Watch this and be envious!" {right before climbing up a ten foot wall,
falling down putting himself in a coma, died later on - bad luck }
0571-Dwarf:"Hey, elf, what does this message on the metal plaque at the be-
ginning of the tunnel say ?"
Elf(smiling):"Walk in single file down the corridor, keeping to the left."
Dwarf:"Okay, me first..."
{Gnomish message - elf didn't know Gnomish}
0572-"Hey, this hole in the ceiling wasn't there the last time, was it ?"
{after that a purple worm came out of that hole}
0573-"A spell of aging? Come on, I'm an Elf!!"
0574-"He doesn't look lika a barbarian."
0575-DM: "You detect massive launches of missiles from the surface heading
toward the ship. You're in the path..."
0576-"What's it gonna do? Bleed on me ?" {about a badly wounded Alien warrior
the kind with acid for blood...}
0577-"I suppose a good death is better then bad roleplaying."
0578-{PC is facing a big dragon}
GM: "You CAN run away."
PC: "No, I can't."
DM: "Your psychlim is moderate."
PC: "No, it ain't."
DM: "Yes, it is."
PC: "Used to be, My overconfidence is much higher now."
0579-"The mithril arrowheads are mine! The elves OBVIOUSLY wanted me to
have them !"
0580-"Ok, I'll drink my self-made healing potion."
0581-"What do you mean I'm the only one who survived the first combat round ?"
{but he didn't decide to flee}
0582-"I put on the necklace I took from that skeleton." {Necklace of
Strangulation, removable only by wish spell or when person is a skeleton}
0583-"What 10,000 gp I borrowed ?!" {said to a barbarian who liked his gold}
0584-"I'm a wizard. I don't need to be able to swim. I will fly !" {fumble}
0585-PC1: "Help me, I'm in deep trouble. Hey, Argan, it's your turn, you owe a
lot of money you borrowed."
PC2(smiling): "Not any longer, I guess..."
0586-"I go back by myself to look at those pretty yellow flowers I saw back
there." {Yellow Musk Creeper}
0587-"I jump down into the river to see how deep it is."
0588-"Take the other end of this rope and we'll trip the dragon as it runs
through the doorway."
0589-"You? A GOD? Sure, right, then strike me down with lightning!"
0590-"I could have sworn that statue didn't register when I did detect magic."
0591-"Don't worry fellas, it's not a real dragon. It's just a skeleton of one."
0592-"Okay, let's see if I loaded this thing right."
0593-"Was that all ?"
0594-"Damn, I KNEW I'd forgotten something..."
0595-"Nothing ever happens on the first level of the dungeon!"
0596-"I didn't know there were rules for weapons breaking..."
0597-"Reload ? Nah, I've still got 5 shots in the mag."
0598-"Wiz, put the cat out !"
0599-PC1:"I guess this goblin came to taunt and lead us into an ambush."
PC2:"Yes, obviously. Hopefully there'll be more of them there."
{there were}
0600-"I stroll past the thieve's guild."
0601-"Hey, there's dead things under here!"
0602-"Well, he's got the arrow point cocked against my temple, so when he
lets go of the drawstring, it should just stay there, right?"
0603-"I try to outrun the cops."
0604-"They can't shoot us at this speed!" {while driving away at 35 mph}
0605-"What do you mean this is a one-way street?!"
0606-An ambitious example how to carry a live electrical wire across a river:
"I put the wire in my mouth and wade through the river."
0607-"How many times do I have to tell you: there's no ghosts here!"
0608-"It's just a magic mouth, right?"
0609-"What was that demon's name. I think... ah, yes... it was-"
0610-"What do you mean there are five more town guard ?"
0611-"I should survive this."
0612-{after surrender of the White dragon}"I release it from my entangle spell"
0613-"I jump after him." {On top of a tower, a evil wizard made his escape by
casting Jump}
0614-"I'll stay out here in the light."
0615-"They'll never expect it."
0616-"What do you mean, 'Let's try a frontal assault on those archers'??"
0617-"What do you mean, `He panics, grabs me by the head and throws me to the
other side of the room'?!? This guy is supposed to be a scared, shaken,
mentally unbalanced nervous wreck!"
0618-Priest:"Are you telling me you are the chosen one?"
PC :"Did I say that? No, no, you misunderstood me; I just wanted
to say..."
0619-"I push him in the pit from behind..."
0620-"They're only trolls, I won't waste a fireball."
0621-"Remember my Helm of Brilliance saves at +4, so it only needs ..."
{helm failed to save, exploded and killed the whole party}
0622-"You mean I *wasn't* sleeping in my armour ?"
0623-"Thank God for the Computer!"
{In Paranoia, all religion has been deemed illegal - instant termination}
0624-"Who's got a tinderbox?" {nobody}
0625-"Mayhap, I should not have done that..."
0626-"Don't worry, they can't fire while cloaked."
0627-"Sensor scans show negative, captain."
0628-PC1:"Shields are down to 10%, captain."
PC2:"Just one more photon torpedo, and he's history..."
0629-"Lower shields as a sign of peace !"
0630-"I'll take this hit like a man to save my action."
0631-"Cut life support to conserve energy."
0632-"Hah! That's six! You're empty, mister!"
0633-"Quick, there's an Ogre over there, hide the gold!" {shouted}
0634-"Why aren't you recording our damage ?"
0635-{in an aircraft}
PC1:"Blubber-blubber-gaaaaa." {failed SAN check}
PC2:"Does anyone *else* have Piloting skill?"
0636-GM:"How many hit points did you say you have ?"
{shaking every dice he owns}
0637-"What do you mean the warranty ran out ?!"
0638-PL {to GM}:"I did not know you owned THAT many dice!"
0639-"What, I thought you had the toll money."
0640-"Sorry Fred, I did not see you behind me."
0641-PC1:"Quick, cast a fireball !!!"
PC2:"I'm a bloody watermage..."
0642-PC1:"Only a idiot would stick his head out of that window...Hey Mark,
stick your head out of that window."
PC2:"Okay."
0643-{PC in Imperial uniform meets many armed pirates}
NPCs:"Who the hell are you..."
PC :"I'm one of you, guys..er..joined last week."
NPCs:"Then whu do you wear that Imperial Officier's Uniform ?"
PC :"It's not a uniform....its a sweater my mother knitted for me."
0644-a)"Don't worry, I never fumble."
b)"Don't worry guys, I can't possibly fumble twice in a row."
0645-"Scared? Us? There's ten of us and one of him! Chaaaaarge..."
0646-GM:"Okay, you managed to escape from palace-jail. Now you're in the
palace garden. What'll you do next ?"
PC:"Hiding in this bush. They won't find me there."
0647-GM:"He wants a duty for passing."
PC:"I pull his beard." { 'He' was a large troll.}
0648-"Okay, Mr. Hal !"
{to Emperor Hal I., the allmighty ruler of the large empire, defender
of humanity, ...etc}
0649-GM:"The doors are locked and the corridor is filling with water from
pipes high on the walls."
PC:"I'll cut a hole in the ceiling with my monomolecular sword."
GM:"Okay. The fire-sprinkler pipes which run through the ceiling start
spraying water all over the place. There is also a high-voltage
electrical cable conduit in the ceiling..." {grin}
0650-"I drop the thermal detonator and duck around the corner."
0651-"We don't negotiate with monsters, we kill them!"
0652-"Maybe I should make up a spare character, just in case."
0653-"I rolled so well on my force field, nothing can touch me."
0654-"Gee, if I had known what a failed bind spell would do I never would
have cast it on that Dark Young."
0655-"If you meant the giant elephant statue, why didn't you say so?"
0656-"It always works in the movies."
0657-"You know, I'm actually starting to like this character."
0658-Priest(PC):"Hey, what's the name of this module ?"
GM :"Death Of A Priest"
0659-"No problem at all. He is 6th level Elven Bladesinger and we're only
5th level, but we're PCs."
0660-"A Sphinx Of Enigma ? Don't worry, she always asks for the solution
of the same riddle which I know."
0661-"The spell 'Know Alignment' says she's a Neutral Good Drow."
0662-PC1:"Go talk to it. You're the one with the 18 Charisma."
PC2:"Okay...Pardon me...Do you have any 'Grey Poupon'?"
0663-"A little japanese kid ? He's called AKIRA ? I don't care..."
0664-"Power ! More Power!"
0665-GM:"The orc peels back the blanket, looks at you, and says 'Din-ner'."
0666-"What the hell is a 'Horror Check'? This ain't Cthulu..."
0667-"What do you bloody well mean it was a 'luck blade'?! Do YOU KNOW what
I just wished for ?!"
0668-{PC (bard) to troll}
"I can sing for you...please don't eat me."
0669-"Look out! I'm coming to save you!"
0670-PC{bard}:"You're not going to believe this, but I sang this song about
the King of Cormyr and his mistress, and he was a bit mad..."
0671-"Have you noticed that she gets this huge glow in her eyes right
before she's going to kill you?" {about GM}
0672-{Party meets a group of NPCs}
PC1:"We come in peace."
PC2:"...and leave in peaces."
0673-"Nah. She's done this to us before. Its just a blue dragon with an
illusion of four other heads."
0674-"I wonder what number comes before zero..." {about his life points/wounds}
0675-PC:"It looks like a big worm ? How big ?"
GM: smiling
0676-Bard-PC:"I'll make a nasty song up about this uncivilised bastard."
0677-Bard-PC:"You..said...that...you...broke...my...flute ? BANZAIIII !!!!"
0678-"It was only a dumb unicorn. Why's the ranger so upset ?"
0679-"The laws of probability say that I should be able to climb this
wall like that {snaps fingers}."
0680-PC:"Kill the troll."
Troll:"I would prefer it if you would cease the hostilities..."
{player died of shock}
0681-GM:"So you're trying to ride your pony on a swaying rope bridge over a
lave pit without the riding proficiency ?!"
0682-{female PC detects someone who behaves suspicious (he is a killer sent
to terminate her party!) in a bar. She doesn't know wether he observes
her or just find her attractive. She walks up to him.}
"Do you like a drink ?"
0683-"We surround them, fellows... hey...?"
0684-"I don't know if I'll make it through this round. Maybe I should
have fled."
0685-"Does the spell really require ox blood? Can I substitute some other
kind of blood ?"
0686-"We can stop and heal when we get there."
0687-"I'm still pretty sharp. I only had a few beers."
0688-"It's GUARANTEED against breakage!"
0689-"I have to. He insulted me. It's a matter of personal honor."
0690-"This one is hard to hit. No parry this round."
0691-"This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm going to die at the hands of
this little gnome."
0692-"I'll try again."
0693-"Am I still bleeding ?"
0694-"Good thing the GM forgot about my curse."
0695-{to GM}"You're shooting a ballista at 1st level PCs?!?"
0696-"Uh oh. How fast can I hack through this wooden ceiling with my sword ?"
{Wasn't _nearly_ fast enough, but nice idea.}
0697-"Don't worry. The Healers' Guild are all sworn pacifists."
0698-"No trouble, the mothership would have us teleported out of this Section
BEFORE the Genestealers will reach us."
0699-"I've just killed six Genestealers in Overwatch, I'll manage it again."
0700-"The inscription says 'Asmodeus was here.' Asmodeus... I haven't
heard that name before. Hey, magic-user, do you know who Asmodeus is ?"
0701-"It's just a mirror. Right ?"
0702-"There are no demons in Second edition."
0703-"Dragon turtles can't breath underwater."
0704-"We're using spell fumbles ?!?"
0705-"Gygax modules aren't that killer..."
0706-"What do you mean I'm standing on a big X ?!"
0707-"I set fire to the stage." {in an elven inn}
0708-"Gods don't exist. Here, I'll show you...Odin is a geek! Odin is a geek!
Odin is a geek! ... See, nothing happened."
0709-PC :"No captain, there is no-one here, except for the computer speaking."
NPC:"What is it saying ?"
PC :"9 ... 8 ... 7 ..."
0710-"What ? It looks exactly like me, except it's made out of luminious blue
energy ? It's an illusion. Watch, I'll stick my sword thru it!"
0711-"A red dragon? Aw, the DM wouldn't give us one of those until we're
really high level. I disbelieve."
0712-"Woah, I'm really lucky! A chest, no traps, no locks? You gotta be
kidding! I open the chest."
0713-DM:"You hear a click."
PC:"I freeze !"
{while standing on a pit}
0714-NPC:"I jump down the cliff." {VERY long way down}
PC1:"I jump."
PC2:"I leap and grab onto PC1."
PC3:"Okay, I jump too."
PC1:"Just before I hit, I'' activate my Feather Fall."
PC3:"Your what ?"
0715-PC:"What do you mean the brontosaurus surprises us? Where did it come
from ?"
GM:"Well, it was hiding behind the mountain."
0716-PC:{to NPC}"En garde."
GM:"Touchè."
0717-"Don't worry. I only fail to save on an ..."
0718-"You obviously don't know who you're dealing with."
0719-"Fireballs don't hurt me."
0720-{to DM}:"Let's talk about what we just saw...."
0721-{to hostile wizard}
"You thought we wouldn't survive that and come back to you, didn't you ?"
0722-"I'm sure that noone saw us."
0723-"Defend your life, you ugly worm."
0724-"This disease is no lethal one."
0725-"Where the hell did that assassin get a laser-guided triple-barreled
crossbow ?"
0726-"Fifty monsters ? Well, half of 'em are kobolds. We can take 'em!"
0727-PC:"There are HOW MANY GNOLLS in that courtyard ?"
GM:"Well, about 200. Want to stop and count them?"
0728-"Well, I hit him twice. He's probably in bad shape."
0729-"What do you mean there's a shapechanging demon in the party ?"
0730-"I'm a grey elf! I have lots of time!"
0731-"I parry the demon's two-handed sword with my stiletto !"
0732-PC1:"Why is there a moose staring into that bush over there ?"
{enimy hiding there}
PC2:"What the heck is a moose doing here ?"
PC1:"Maybe the attacker turned himself into a moose!"
PC2:"It's a shapechanging moose!"
PC1:"I'll cast Charm Person on the moose."
PC2:"I cast detect magic and look at the moose."
DM :"You detect no magic on the moose."
PC1:"It must be a non-detection moose!"
PC2:"Yeah, a shape-changing non-detection moose!"
0733-NPC:"Beware the unspeakable one!"
PC :"Oh, you mean Hastur ?"
0734-"Dwarves can't be vampires."
0735-a) "What do you mean there's no saving throw ?"
b) "There has to be a saving throw!"
0736-"I'm stunned, huh ? Okay, I sit back and drool for a while."
0737-"What do you mean I'm his slave now ?"
0738-"I fly over to the pirate ship."
{the plate-clad warrior encountered a beholder's Anti-Magic Gaze}
0739-"Hey, the pyramid's glowing. I didn't think it could do that."
0740-"What do you mean the ship is sinking ?"
{character disintegrated a hole in its bottom}
0741-"That gem must be worth a fortune! I'll grab it!" {a demon's soul gem}
0742-"I'll follow him down the alleyway."
0743-"Stop screwing around with all this sneaky stuff!"
{character rips window frame off building and climbs in}
0744-"Priests of Orcus aren't that bad, are they ?"
0745-"Cool! Crocodiles!"
0746-"We'll wait in ambush for them here !"
{they were ambushed themselves}
0747-"I thought you silenced the guard!"
0748-"They have an acceleration of WHAT ?!"
0749-"Wait 'till I flick my bic."
0750-"Ah. Safety jackets are for pussies."
0751-"Don't worry. I've done this before."
0752-"Just see it as a proof for courage."
0753-"I take my missing leg that he just ripped off, and hit him on the head."
0754-""Give me the cooler box or I'll have to get it myself." {freezes to death}
0755-"I'll probably be faster then this four-headed monster."
0756-"I step through the darkness, what do I see ?"
0757-PC1:"Let's use a Silence spell."
PC2:"No, we might need it later..."
{ -- knocking on the door and asking for trouble }
0758- {cave full of goblins}
NPC (Goblin leader):"Who kills the most dwarves ?"
PC1 (party elf): "He gets 10 GP!"
PC2 (party dwarf): "Ok."
{dwarf is slaying all the goblins}
PC2 (dwarf): "So, where is my 10 GP ?"
PC1 (elf): "No, you didn't understand... it was meant for
the goblins..."
0759-"I was sittig here first."
0760-"You're a dead man, you hear me, a dead man!"
0761-"This is *my* table." {in a tavern}
0762-GM:"Failed Strength Check ?! Okay, you try to cross the fast-flowing river
near the waterfall using a rope and you don't manage to hold this rope.
So you go down the waterfall and begin your last journey."
PC:"But I only held the rope for doing so. I'm tied with it !"
GM:"Snip."
0763-"There's nothing that could go wrong. I have a 96 percent chance to be
revived. Let's go on."
0764-"Runes of Protection ?! Never heard about ..."
0765-"What do you mean I'll be damned."
0766-"What are these three glowing red dots on your chest for?"
0767-"Where is that damn assassin?"
0768-"I'm *still* glowing when I wake up in the morning ???"
0769-GM:"So are you just going up into the Rope Trick then?"
PC:"Yeah, and these guys are going to hand me up the gold and I'll stack
it around and..." ...poof...
0770-"Why does Norm the pirate have a stick with a skull on the end?"
0771-"Sh*t, my sword isn't working!"
0772-GM:"You see a giant glowing emerald lying on the ocean floor, in the midst
of the shipwreck. It's bigger than your head and pulsates with inner
light."
PC:"Cool! I pick it up!"
0773-"Say, I wonder why my detect magic isn't on any more--urgck."
{assassin disabled it...}
0774-GM:"You glimpse a shadowy figure on the next rooftop."
PL:"Okay, I D-Door to the rooftop behind that one."
0775-"Look at this Neato-Keen stick I found! It's got a skull on the end and...
hey, where'd everybody go?"
0776-"Bloody Peasant."
0777-GM:"Nimbus-man tells you to stop following him, puts you down, and turns
around to leave."
PC:"OK, I wait until he goes around the corner, then I follow him."
0778-"Man, this water feels really funny."
0779-"I broke my rapier parrying the giant ? That doesn't matter, I have
a second one with me anytime."
0780-"I hope my defensive spells are still working."
0781-"The air is solidifying? Um, I start digging."
0782-"Pirate Lords are wimps."
0783-"I've been impaled to the floor with a lance ? Um, I try and tumble
out of the way of his next attack."
0784-"Maybe you'd better not touch that?"
0785-"I need this blood for, uhh, an experiment."
0786-"Please press '#' to download your free navigation software upgrade."
0787-"Shields are for cowards only!"
0788-"I can't jump to cover. If I would do so, they will fire at Tom
{another PC}, right?"
0789-"My magic-user stands at attention and gives the fire giants the
One-Finger Salute..."
0790-"I swing my double-bladed axe with a terrific outcry to impress the
other party members and to intimidate our opponents ! ...
What do you mean the metal blades became loose and I only still hold
the wooden helve in my hand ? Where are they ?"
0791-"Sure I'd like to kiss her."
0792-"We can take him out -- we've all got stoneskin on!"
0793-"What do you mean I can't hide in shadows behind that sand dune ?!"
0794-"I choose to trial in combat." {by a ranger lord, accused of treason}
0795-"Well, that wizard's out of spells, charge !"
0796-"Okay, so they're looking furtive, jumpy, and nervous, are carrying
state of the art weaponry, and are heading down a tunnel - I'll
attempt to follow them stealthily."
0797-"Hello Mr. Cow, I've never..." {said to a Minotaur}
0798-PC1:"Are the others all alright ?"
PC2:"I don't know - they're all under water."
0799-"O.K., I'll divert the guards, you all go in the back gate."
0800-"Does anyone recognise me ?"
0801-"We're just defending our rights. Can I hit someone now, please ?"
0802-"I pull the pin and count to three!"
0803-"No one would be stupid enough to ram another car at THIS speed !"
0804-"C'Mon, a large glowing gem surrounded by skeletons impaled on
spikes ? Noone would make a trap that obvoius."
0805-"Hmmm Cloudkill. If I run fast enough I should be able to run through it."
{too late when he noticed the pit underneith it...}
0806-PC1:"I step out of the combat and cast Chromatic Orb at one of the
enimies - at my level he must save or be turned to stone."
PC2:"Wait if you fire a spell ito melee there is a chance it will hit
one of the other players."
PC3:"Don't worry, there are more of them and they are larger than you."
0807-"The troll won't attack, he will be grateful for letting him out of
the cell."
0808-"What do you mean if I roll a 20 the disintegrate spell will reflect back?"
0809-"I speak to the Celestial Dragon in the dragon tounge. Does that
impress him ?"
0810-"Look, it is the ship of the evil Pirate Kane. I wonder why his
bounty is so much higher than the other pirates. Oh well well be
rich after we kill him."
0811-"The dragon wants us to hand over all our valuables ? Okay, I toss him
1 gold piece."
0812-"I shoot at the Indians that are armed with guns, the ones with bows
shouldn't pose much of a threat."
0813-"What do you mean the mage disappeared? I thought there weren't any
Teleport spell in Shadowrun !" {There were invisibility spells though}
0814-"I use my boots of speed to run after him. What do you mean he just went
through the wall ?" {THUD}
0815-"It's only two vehicles and they are unarmored, we should be able to
take them out before they can shoot back."
0816-"I hit him, but I don't want to harm him."
0817-"I always win in gambling." {said by a PC who was offered a game of
Russian Roulette}
0818-a) "That bridge will hold our weight!"
b) "The bridge looks sturdy enough.."
0819-"What do you mean a Ring of WindWalking does only function for one hour
per day ?" {said while 200 yards above ground}
0820-{inside a dark dungeon}
PC1:"Allright, I'm holding on to PC2's shoulder."
PC2:"No you aren't."
PC1:"Is that your shoulder, PC3 ?"
PC3:"Nope."
PC1:"That's bad. 'Coz I'm definitely holding on to someones shoulder !"
0821-"We open the door, throw in the dwarf, quickly shut the door, and wait
for the screaming to stop. Then we open the door again. What do we see ?
... Dwarves ? How many ? Do they look upset ?"
0822-"Umm, guys? That temple statue's eyes are glowing. Is that bad ?"
{It is when you're looting the temple !}
0823-"Big deal. There's eight of us. He's only one priest. And he's not
even wearing any armor !"
{Some people would have taken that as a hint !}
0824-"We can hear the ocean? But we're in a sewer!"
0825-"Um, just curious. But do doors normally drool?"
0826-"Oh sh*t! Just hold it off for a round while I get my sword out!"
0827-"Ha, this troll will not get up soon."
0828-"Quick! Cover your eyes !"
0829-"What do you mean there was gas inside and liting a torch wasn't such a
good idea ?"
0830-"Let a REAL wizard show you how it's done..."
0831-"No one would booby-trap their own closet."
0832-"Ok, I got my arm chopped off. Do I get those points to spend before he
swings again ?"
0833-"This cannot be a Death Knight, we're too low level."
0834-"I drink the Slow-Poison-elixir." {Not an elixir to slow down the effects
of a poison but a poison that kills you slowly.}
0835-"If you shoot me, I'll drop the light and you'll be lost down here."
0836-"I don't discuss with other PC's which potion to use when I'm unconscious."
0837-"Oh no, mummy, I don't lie down with you in your sarcophagus."
0838-"What archer ?"
0839-"I don't trust you."
0840-"Wait..it's a giant centipede and I have a +4 to my save vs. poison ?
I step on it."
0841-"A race that advanced can't possibly be warlike."
0842-"They're only Extras." {Extras == NPCs dedicated to die}
0843-GM:"You found a strange portal."
PC:"I look through it."
GM:"You see something beyond your wildest imagination."
PC:"Okay, How many tentacles does it have ?" {in sarcastic voice}
GM:"I don't know, how many tentacles does GREAT CTHULHU have ?"
PC:""Er? As many as he wants? Too many?"
0844-"Should they go all outside. I'll just stay here and steal a few things."
0845-"We're working for a stupid computer ?" {from Paranoia}
0846-"No, I haven't seen any invisible assassins lately."
0847-"You know, I'm sick of no-one ever turning around to see what's chasing
them."
0848-"I sit on the throne."
0849-"Go and finish my supper, woman. ...oops..., oh, oh no, um...forget it."
0850-"Lynx hit him and didn't draw blood ? START DODGING!!!"
0851-"It's a bad idea to punch out rich people, isn't it ?"
0852-"We're heroes, we don't have to knock."
0853-PC1:"What's our goal ?"
PC2:"To be the last ones conscious."
0854-"What was that 'Oops' at the end of your spell ?"
0855-"What do you mean you forgot the Amo ?"
0856-"Cannons to the left, cannons to my right, cannons in front of me,
cannons behind me and all I have is this stupid sling."
0857-"You're aiming for his 'WHAT' ?"
0858-"What do you mean I am holding the LAW (light anti-armor(tank) weapon)
backwards ?"
0859-PC1:"What does it mean when your bio sensor goes red ?"
PC2:"It means you are in a lot of trouble. You should get out of
the armor as quick as possible. Why is yours going red ?"
PC1:"No, yours is !"
PC2:"Oh %&*@ ME"
0860-PC:"You don't need to see my identification."
GM:"Which Force power were you using ?"
PC:"Er...optimism..."
0861-GM:"The chest explodes. You're blinded."
PC:"I use my fingers to feel for gold."
0862-"I stick my finger into the hole in that wall over there."
{nothing a PC should ever do -- electricity}
0863-"Do you smell something. Is that gas?"
0864-"Thank God it's finally over!"
0865-"Awwwww, How cute! I bet you wanna play don't ya boy!?"
0866-"He wouldn't hold a grudge."
0867-"Did you leave the door unlocked?"
0868-"Dahmer, Dahmer, that name sounds familiar."
0869-"Quit playin' around guys. It's not funny! .... Guys?"
0870-"I don't believe in fairy tales"
0871-"Whoops. Guess I should have used that healing potion, huh?"
0872-"I didn't know they *made* dragon-sized Rings of Spell Turning !"
0873-"Oh, come on! Psionicists can't split their minds eight times!"
0874-"Ok, I'll visit the enchantress. Does she like men in black leather?"
[PC assassin to other PC]
0875-GM:"It's an evil alter."
PC:"Ok, I p*ss on it..."
0876-Jeff [PC]: "What does the sign at the dungeon entrance say ?"
GM : "Jeff should stay away !"
Jeff : "Someone's knowing my name. I rush inside."
0877-"A cyclope throwing boulders from a 30 metres high cliff? That idiot! I'll
climb up and kick him..."
0878-"There is a crown on the head of that statue standing in the rooms, which
floor is made out of a mirror? I go in and get the crown. ... What do
you mean 'You stumble and fall down in the bath of mercury' ???"
0879-"He won't be able to summon a demon THAT quick..."
0880-"Cute little baby dragon. But let's get out of here, before it's mother
comes back..."
0881-It's a leap of faith. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
0882-"Hey, I wanna lead the party!"
0883-"I don't care what my climb bonus is."
0884- Player [to GM]: "Hey, I've got half a pizza here. You can have it if you
kill someone before the game's over."
0885-"I thought you said I had *two* mirror images left."
0886-"Nobody tells me what to do."
0887-Druidic PC: "As we ride off, I turn back and fireball the forest to slow
down our pursuers !"
0888-"If that's your attitude, you CAN'T kill me!" [to GM]
0889-"I always enjoy killing these things because they're the GM's favourite
monster."
0890-"Ogre magi aren't that tough!"
0891-"WOW! Who's that gorgeous naked broad with the bat wings?"
0892-"While the rest of the party is gathering information, I'll just
circulate around the room and pick a few pockets."
0893-"I drank what ???"
0894-"What do you mean, my water breathing spell has expired ?"
0895-Player: "Don't worry, Idied last time we played, so the DM won't do it
again."
0896-"But I ran away...!!!"
0897-PC1:"I'll just climb over the wall, and open the gate from the inside."
PC2:"I'll read the sign on that gate." [while waiting outside]
GM :"It reads 'Beware the dogs' !"
PC2:"Oops."
0898-PC : "I don't remember the way out of that dungeon anymore."
NPC: "Turn to the left side at the end of the tunnel." [such a traitor]
0899-"Who farted ?" [said in the Gas Swamps]
0900-"That's right, I'm going to polymorph into a pergrine falcon and attempt
to land on the back of one of the 12 griffons flying above us."
0901-"I think we can take it down."
0902-"Come on, EVERY evil wizard's tomb has a way out!"
0903-"It can't be a beholder, we're only first level!"
0904-"When nobody's looking, I go back to get some more gems."
0905-"What do you mean 'Green slime ain't always green!' ?"
0906-Nah...The games just started....he wouldn't put a fatal death trap in yet."
0907-"Did anyone tell you you had a bad breath?" [said to angry red dragon]
0908-"Hum, a dark unexplored cave ? I get a rock and throw it into it."
0909-"A red WHAT swoops out of the sky at us?"
0910-"Dolphins? I go swimming."
0911-"I'm not going to waste spells on THEM!"
0912-GM:"You find a huge knuckle bone."
PC:"I'll use my rod of resurection on it."
0913-"There's only three of them. Watch the one that looks like Death, though."
0914-"Are you hurt, fair lady?" [she wasn't hurt, she was a medusa instead]
0915-"Hmm...how do we know you are the REAL Angel of Death ?"
0916-"What do you mean 'This area is a no-magic-zone' ?"
0917-"Computer, end this program."
0918-"Well, I checked it out, my new transporter configuration cannot have any
bugs anymore."
0919-PC: "I shoot my wand up through the holes, from where these elves are firing
at us."
GM: "You're about to get a quick lesson in Physics..."
0920-GM: "If the monster could laugh at you, it would."
0921-NPC:"Don't come in here! I got my finger on the self-destruct button!"
PC :"He's bluffing."
0922-PC:"I'll put my lantern on the altar."
GM:"Your lantern explodes."
PC:"I'll sit on the altar."
0923-"Well...I'm unconscious. At least nothing can happen to me now."
0924-"I'm sick of firing arrows. I think I'll actually FIGHT this time."
0925-"You mean I lost my +1 sword in the sand pit? I go back and get it."
0926-"Let's get the old mage's body down from the cross and give him a decent
burial."
0927-"I pass the time practicing with my Ring of Fire."
{said during travel on a wooden boat}
0928-PC1:"I know there's something down here. It's big. But I can't see it."
PC2:"Light a match, then, so we can see it."
0929-"No one can order me around !"
0930-"I knew I should have put more points in DEX."
0931-"Hm, what do you mean the voodoo master has a little puppet in his hand
that looks a little bit like me."
0932-GM:"You need to save VS. poison or die!"
PC:"Whew! I made my save!"
GM:"OK, you only take 20hp damage!"
PC:"Oops."
0933-"Hey, look at this huge red rubin on top of the dragon's treasure. This
one is really beautiful."
0934-PC:"I wanna buy a cyberpig."
GM: *sigh*
0935-"ssssssssssss....snore....ssssssssssss...snore..."
0936-"Hey, everyone knows animals don't attack druids. So let me talk to
that giant spider."
0937-"He won't hurt me, I'm wearing my magic breastplate."
0938-"Okay, I jump down that cliff and use my robe of flying..."
0939-"I've got the best perception in this party,and I say this bridge IS safe."
0940-"It's you again. Ha, wait some seconds, this time I'll kill you."
0941-"I'm invisible in his back, I can't possibly miss my firebolt."
0942-"This alley is a dead end."
0943-"Hey, I hear your short people." {said to Dwarf caravan-master after he
had lost several people in a raid.}
0944-"Ahh, come on, you won't eat me, would you ?!"
0945-"Yeah right...just eat me!"
0946-"If I'm falling down here, I'll be dead." {while climbing a high mountain}
0947-"I'd like to know how these monsters can attack us, they seem to be
harmless."
0948-"You won't get a second blow, so you better make your first one count,
jackass!"
0949-"Look - I'm a catburglar. I don't need a gun."
0950-"You don't want to know who I am." {trying to hypnotise the city watchmen}
0951-"It's an honour to meet you, sir. I have always been an admirer of the
Chinese." {said to the local head of the Yakuza, a Japanese of course.}
0952-"Much will help much." {talking about explosives}
0953-"It's better with too much than too little." {another character talking
about explosives}
0954-"We're in a tank. They would need a LAW to hit us."
0955-Player:"I'll be back in half an hour. Take care of my character meanwhile."
0956-"You mean a force field wont break a fall?"
0957-"Nice tits." {nice *royal* one, of course}
0958-I use 'Basic Electronics' to try and stabilize the shield generator."
0959-"Ghosts doesn't exist."
0960-"Ghosts cannot by any chance follow us to this place."
0961-"Okay - I'll spin around, brush away the gun in my back with my elbow and
neutralize the guy with the knife with a backwards kick while throwing a
shaken at the one with the shotgun."
0962-"5 and 6. That was his last shot. Let's get him!" {forgot the other gun}
0963-Look, I know how to make nitroglyserin!"
0964-"There he blows, cap'n Ahab!"
0965-PC1:"What's the name of the captain of the ship where we hired ?"
PC2:"Captain Ahab or something similar."
0966-"Don't worry, nobody dies on the first encounter."
0967-"Okay, I'll drink the shrinking potion and follow the snake
down its hole."
0968-NPC:"I'm Gorgol, ruler of the seventh sphere !"
PC :"I'm not impressed."
0969-{PCs awake dragon ogre accidently in its cave, dragon ogre grabs
one of the PCs}
Dragon Ogre:"Are you the chosen one, to wake me up when the
world sees its end?"
PC: "Well, I'm unshure whether I did fully understand what you
said."
0970-"Nothing could posibly survive that."
0971-"Don't worry. We're alone."
0972-"Let's send out scouts."
0973-"What anti-magic shell?"
0974-"Who would put a trap in the fridge?"
0975-"I sneak up, climb up on his back, and stab him in the neck with my
sword." {confronted with a huge ogre."
0976-"I'm not a number, I'm a free man!" {number six, prisoner}
0977-"The GM wouldn't dare do that again."
0978-"Let's see if it works, a matador dwarf."
0979-"All that noise we heard and there's only one drow here?"
0980-"Awright! I can cast stoneskin! Now I'm invincible!"
0981-"Been nice knowing you"
0982-"Bow to a demon? Never!"
0983-"But I just got a little prick!"
0984-"Can I try vampiric touch on this giant gelatinous cube ?"
0985-"C'mon guys, it was only a rumor, theres nothing here"
0986-"Come on, how powerful could it possibly be?"
0987-"Damn It, where did I put that slay dragon scroll?"
0988-"Demogoron? Great! Do you know how many exp he's worth?"
0989-"Did he say he had Plate Mail +5? I stop running and fight him!"
0990-"Elminster, you old fart, I thought you were really mad for a minute."
0991-"Featherball! I mean, featherrrr........"
0992-"Follow those lights!"
0993-"Go ahead and drink it."
0994-"Gorgons? OK, everybody hold your breath."
0995-"He's only an ordinary 15th level magic user."
0996-"Hey, do you guys think that this might just be an illusio...(whack)"
0997-"Hey, they're dwarves; me too. I can calm them down."
0998-"Hey Thor! I'll bet if you'll put your hammer down I can take you on!"
0999-"I can use my Psionic powers on this Mindflayer."
1000-"I don't care. I have a Ring of Regeneration."
1001-"I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough."
1002-"I open the coffin...SLOWLY."
1003-"I pick the lock on the magic shop window."
1004-"I run down the hallway alone."
1005-"I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets."
1006-"I think level draining's only temporary. Keep attacking."
1007-"I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get it's attention."
1008-"I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops."
1009-"I walk into the raiders' camp and ask to use the toilet."
1010-"I want to check out the magic tome."
1011-"I'll steal the 20+ level mage's pouch."
1012-"I'll use the wand of wonder."
1013-"If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!"
1014-"It can't talk to us like that!"
1015-"It was a joke."
1016-"It was only the wind."
1017-"Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around."
1018-a) "Just one more room."
b) "Just one more fight."
1019-"My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory."
1020-"Of course it's evil, kill it!"
1021-"Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help
but kill them!"
1022-"Ok, so theres a few more of them"
1023-"Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round,
maybe..."
1024-"Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first."
1025-"Rakshasas? Quick, break out the poisoned bolts."
1026-"So what, I have the artifact!"
1027-"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"
1028-"Tell me this is an illusion."
1029-"That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..."
1030-"The Fire Drake's tracks go into this cavern, let's go in."
1031-"The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex."
1032-"There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?"
1033-"There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that."
1034-"Wait! What's deathspell do?"
1035-"They CAN'T have initiative!"
1036-"Wait...Dragons can only breathe fire once per day right?"
1037-"Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?"
1038-"Well, he's OK, Know Alignment works on anybod..."
1039-"What do mean feather fall wears off?"
1040-"What do you mean, `Your wand ran out of charges.'?"
1041-"What do you mean I turn into a bug?"
1042-"What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What's Stoneskin do anyway?"
1043-"What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?"
1044-"What do you mean, the item's not in my backpack any more?"
1045-"What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?"
1046-"What's a wild-magic zone?"
1047-"What's your alignment?"
1048-"YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!"
1049-"You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing"
1050-"You may be the keeper of this stone, but I want this stone."
1051-"What do you mean, the small dragon's big brother looks very angry?"
1052-"You mean it was a GOOD dragon?"
1053-"Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take
the slack [700'] and jump in."
1054-"Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich.... and we've
got a horn of bubbles!"
1055-"How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not
wanting to come in here!"
1056-"I'll just fly over the dragon's lair on my pegasus and see if it's
still there"
1057-"I'll poke it with my sword.."
{pool of green slime...it eats through metal very quickly}
1058-"It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like
that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff."
1059-"It's just a goblin." {...or a Doppelgaenger caught by the PCs trying
to steal the goblns' small hoard of gold and
silver}
1060-"Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff.
Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on it's eyes
to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics."
1061-"The huge red dragon is flying toward me with his mouth open?
Ok, I roll for initiative with my bastard sword."
1062-"The thief is dead, and we got one coffin left to open! I crack it
open with my +1 two-handsword"
1063-"What if we drained this fountain that acts as a portal to the
elemental plane of water with my bag of holding?"
1064-"You mean this is only an 'invoke elemental' ring ? I can't
control the elemental with it?"
1065-"No problem, I have a Staff of Fire!"
{during an encounter with Fire demons}
1066-{PC charging dragon}
PC : "For Honor, for King, for God."
Dragon: "For lunch."
1067-"No, I don't want any help from you fighters, this one's mine!"
1068-"Didn't I kill you yesterday?"
1069-"I guess you guys got THAT BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING !"
1070-"But I've read the instructions..."
1071-"I hope you guys practice birth control."
1072-"I know how to create special effects..."
1073-"Surrender and give me all your money !"
1074-"That's definitely NOT where we should be ..."
{right after teleport}
1075-"She won't blame us for frying her owl because we're starving for
three days now." {owl was her familiar}
1076-"I told you so..."
1077-"Wheew! That was close."
1078-"Is this supposed to happen?"
1079-"Strange, the phone just went dead."
1080-"Aren't you supposed to upgrade anti-virus shields regularly?"
1081-"Great! We have night goggles and mimicry suits and it is in the
dead of night. They'll never see us! What do you mean 'Sssh!'?"
1082-"Ropes? For what? I would have to roll a 1 to fall off this wall..."
1083-Player: "Didn't you say that when the dice come up like this, it's a
critical hit?"
GM : "Erhm...thank you for reminding me..."
1084-"I'll kick the dud grenade back into the elevator."
1085-DM:"When did you clean your gun the last time?"
PC:"I thought they were self-cleaning... What do you mean, *click*?"
1086-"Hopefully he hits me with an E-critical. I need the EP!"
1087-PC: "3 feet long, head 1", tail 2", legs 1". You call that a monster?"
DM: "Did I say that it's still twenty miles away?"
1088-"Who wants to live forever... hey, wait!"
{sung along with background music}
1089-"Wait, kobolds in PLATEMAIL?"
1090-"A priest of the Halfling Demi-god of Death, is this guy for real?"
1091-"Mushrooms at the end of the corridor? I flame them!"
1092-"Well, I'll heal myself."
1093-"Okay, he shot me, but I'm a healer." {a dead one}
1094-"Wait, I trust this vampire."
1095-PC1: "Well, what are they?"
PC2: "Kobolds." {after investigating an ogre camp}
1096-"I tell Strahd that I don't like that arrangement."
1097-"Of course I'm sure that's what I want to do!"
1098-"I wish for the dragon to appear right here!"
1099-"I teleport 2 miles in the air, memorize cone of cold while I'm
falling, and then teleport right above the dragon's head and
cast it."
1100-"So I can either dodge OR attack. Okay, then I'll attack!"
1101-"I wonder how all the statues got here?" {ever heard of Medusa}
1102-"Free talismans?! Sure, I'll have two."
1103-"Thats just some DM trick to keep us out."
1104-"Why do these candles say T-N-T?"
1105-"All the Tallasquese hibernate this time of year."
1106-"D'Artagnon? Never heard of you. Let's see how you are with that
sword of yours."
1107-"Ain't this great!! I lose an arm and this Vecana guy leaves a magic
one for me."
1108-"What do you mean my batteries are dead?"
1109-"What optional rule?"
1110-"What do you mean I'm out of Empathy?"
1111-"Why is that guy staring at me, and pointing at my back?"
{to tell you about the shadow sneaking up on you}
1112-GM : "You enter the magic forest."
PC1: "What do we see?"
GM : "Giant Badges."
PC2: "Giant Badges? We don't need no stinking giant badges?"
GM : "Did I say badges? I meant Badgers, sorry."
1113-"What did you say Mr.Alucard, theirs something on my neck? Check
for me, would ya?"
1114-"I dodge." {a shotgun fired from a 5 feet distance...}
1115-Player: "This is not fair."
GM : "Didn't your mother tell you not to wander in the night alone?"
1116-"No, I didn't say 'GRRROOOOOAAARRRR!', why?"
1117-PC1: "Uh-Oh?!"
PC2: "What do you mean 'UH-OH?!'"
1118-"Don't wory guys, I'm immune to fire. Come on you big ugly, pathetic
excuse for a dragon, do your worst!"
...
"What do you mean black dragons don't breath fire?"
1119-"Damn, that's a lot of fire elementals..."
1120-"I point the wand of wonder at the big stone coffin with all of the
wards and protection enchantments on it and say the command word.
Hey, why are all of you guys running away?"
1121-"Just to mention it: It was your fault."
1122-"Don't worry about me - I'm fine by myself."
1123-"An AK-20 only has 10 shots."
1124-"Well, a natural 20, critical success, double damage..."
{...,wrong system...critical failure}
1125-"Come on, this spell cannot be all this hard to cast."
1126-"This bridge will probably remain for the next 100 years."
1127-"Erm...what was the name of this protection spell I learned lately?"
1128-"You bloody joke of a man are supposed to be an assassin?"
1129-"Just watch and wonder how I manage to ride this horse."
1130-"Which colour did healing potions have...red or green?"
1131-"No, this isn't my first trap to deactivate."
1132-"Beware. This is a magic seal. If you read it..."
1133-"I have the most powerful ship in the galaxy. They wouldn't dare
attack me!"
1134-"Ha! You don't have the guts to shoot me!"
1135-"Say, didn't we have FIVE people in our party?"
{in a dark cavern, talking to the only other character there}
1136-"What do you mean you forgot your spellbook?"
1137-PC1: "Do you remember that group of trolls whose leader you slayed?"
PC2: "Yeah..."
PC1: "Well, don't look now but..."
1138-"You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"
1139-"Orcus WHO?"
1140-"My Magic Resistance will protect me from this Earthquake." {underground}
1141-So I dropped and broke the staff of power, I have another..."
1142-"We've plenty of time until the dragon returns."
1143-"Weapons? I'm a spell-caster..."
1144-NPC: "This is the inquisition."
PC : "What's an inquisition?"
1145-"No trap doors in this sectioooooooooooooo*bump*"
1146-"This potion really tastes good."
1147-"Is it true, that crocodiles do exist in this area?"
1148-"Well, the river isn't too deep here."
1149-"Do you think he spotted us?"
1150-"It is better to go now."
1151-"Is this potion supposed to bubble?"
1152-"Did the old man tell us that the trap is to the right or to the
left?"
1153-"These mushrooms aren't poisoned."
1154-"Ha. Now your life is in my hands, evil witch."
1155-"Now on to the reward you promised."
1156-"If the tag says 'healing potion', then it IS healing potion!"
1157-"Excuse me, sir. You aren't allowed to carry such heavy weapons
in this area."
1158-"Ha, you lost again. You are an awful stupid barbaric."
1159-"Well, watchword?"
1160-"Hey, yellow-skinned idiot, don't hop around but fight like a man."
1161-"Why shouldn't I turn over the next leaf?"
1162-"Watch, no trap, no seal, it's safe."
1163-{PC opens a box, finds a sphere inside, sphere starts ticking.}
PC: "I throw away the sphere."
...*boom* {sphere was only the trigger, the box was the bomb}
1164-{PC just being backstabbed}
GM: "Do you turn around?"
PC: "No, I keep fighting."
1165-"No wonder that you're extincted." {to dinosaur creature}
1166-"What do you mean the vorpal sword didn't kill the dracolich?"
1167-"Yes!!! The wizard is dead. One more round and he would have killed
us. What do you mean a Delayed Blast Fireball?"
1168-"I am a Ranger with a 21 Strength. I rip the tree out of the ground and
use it as a club."
1169-PC: "Wow! What a good idea to enter this cave now I'm saved."
DM: "But it is the cave of a wyvern!"
PC: "Oh...now I know what this pet is I just found..."
1170-"At least the fire's out."
{said after a very disasterous crash in the group's ship. The engine
section of the ship blew up, starting a fire in the back.
Two CPs were wounded, but managed to strap in before we crashed into
an inland sea. When we awoke, we found that we had sank about 10 feet
below the surface of the water, and the hull was leaking.}
1171-"Now where did I put that Thermal Detonator? What's that beeping
noise?"
1172-GM : "Something small and roundish clinks down the stairs."
PC1: "Grenade! I catch it."
PC2: "I catch it."
PC3: "I catch it."
1173-PC: "I will cast Ghoul-Touch."
GM: "But you do not have any components."
PC: "I know..."
1174-GM: "As you enter the cave, you notice it's pitch black and you can't
see anything..."
PC: "Hmmm...okay...I close my eyes!"
1175-"I avoid the gargoyle, run and drink from the healing fountain."
1176-"Ok...so Narhal's WASN'T the best spell to cast in the inn..."
1177-PC1: "Hey, I hear something very near around this corner. Christian,
haven't you got something on the motion tracker ?"
PC2: "Don't know, I turned out the motion tracker for saving the
battery power for later."
1178-"I did THAT much damage?" {hit another PC by accident}
1179-"Cover me, I'll take out the mages."
1180-"Twelve knights, seven of us? You'd better get more knights..."
1181-"Oops. I think I forgot to surrender"
1182-"No brain, no pain..." {said to NPC}
1183-"Hmm... This thing looks like a radio controlled bomb. I think I
better break off its antenna."
1184-"So what? I'm impervious to fire"
{he was, but the hand grenades at his belt weren't}
1185-"A wall of pudding? Well, I'll eat through it...What do you mean
the pudding bites back?!!"
1186-"I throw my nuclear hand grenade into the next room."
1187-"I hate the god of lightning and thunder."
{Standing on a mountaintop, pointing towards heaven with a 20 yards
long ironpole in thunder}
1188-"Don't worry, I'll have this door open in just a minute."
1189-"OK, we're in the arena. HOW MANY lions come out of that gate?"
1190-"You can't just leave us here!" {said to party wizard just before he
teleported himself out of the trap}
1191-"What do you mean, we can't see where the arrows are coming from?"
1192-"What do you mean, he's still alive?"
1193-"Do you have a problem? If not, a problem can be arranged for you."
1194-"Can we talk this over?" {no}
1195-"Hmm... No weapon, no more spells... I hurl silver pieces at the
wererat."
1196-"Wasn't this elevator going up?"
1197-"Finally, he's out of ammo."
1198-"What's the big deal about a guy in dragonarmor?"
1199-"That's odd. *Most* lizardmen don't have wings."
1200-"That's odd. The tracks end here."
1201-"A genie, huh? Gimme my wishes!"
1202-GM: "It blinds you with a jet of acid."
PC: "Bah! I locate it by its foul stench!"
1203-{player handles grenade, fumbles, grenade falls to the ground just
before the PCs' feet}
"Don't worry guys. It's harmless, it's just a neurostun-grenade."
1204-"Hey Gueso, Man you need to take a bath!...Gueso?"
{well, it wasn't Gueso...}
1205-"Since these Orges are under a sleep spell we don't need to kill them."
1206-"I try to jump up and pull the helmet off of the Paladin."
1207-"The've only got maces, how are they going to hurt us?"
1208-PC1: "Climb the tower. If you fall, I'll catch you !"
PC2: "Ok."
1209-"Which side is the business side of this weapon?"
1210-"I'm going to hide behind the door in such a way that I can hit him,
but that he cannot hit me."
1211-"Wait! I'm a good spider!" {after being polymorphed into a giant spider}
1212-GM: "You see an island on the horizon."
PC: "I leap over the side of the ship and swim to it."
{...in full plate mail}
1213-PC1: "Look over there is a crystal skull."
PC2: "I run over, take my gloves off and pick the skull up."
1214-"What does 'enimity' mean?"
{said after drawing the "Enimity between you and a devil card in a
Deck of Many Things}
1215-"20,000 gold pieces!! I put it in my backpack and run before the
guard wakes." {moving is not too easy with such an encumberance}
1216-"Naw! Can't be! Assassins always wear black!"
1217-"Well, first a hills giant, then a fire giant, and after that, a clouds
giant. There can't be Storm giant, it'll be too obvious, Ok, the exit
is there, i feel it, let's not rest, and move on..."
1218-"You killed all my friends ! Prepare to face my ... FUMBLE!!!!"
1219-"Let's follow the trail!"
1220-"He couldn't possibly have any spell left!"
1221-"That dragon is too young to breathe fire."
1222-"Don't worry- the dragon has used all of it's breath waepons for today!"
1223-"Awe, look at the cute little fuzzy thing!"
1224-"Don't worry, we can out run it!"
1225-"Why are those two triangles on the ground like that?" {pentagram}
1226-"Hey guys, wanna play a trick on the mage?"
1227-"What do you mean it's to late?"
1228-a)"But aren't you my friend?"
b) "But I thought you were my friend!"
1229-"Why do you insist upon looking at my character sheet?"
1230-"I peek around the corner... but not enough to expose my whole head...
just enough for my to see with my good eye."
1231-"I don't think he had a flame thrower. Hold on, let me check."
1232-"In the name of Tyr, I command you begone foul lich!"
{said by overzealous first level cleric}
1233-"What do you mean my DEX bonus does not apply?"
1234-"Oh boy! Kudar is back!"
{Kudar is the hero of the party... or was until he met the
doppelganger!}
1235-"Don't worry, I removed all the bullets from his gun while he was
sleeping." {he reloaded it}
1236-"But it's only a little kid!"
1237-PC1: "What do you mean my sword breaks?"
PC2: "Don't worry, I have another one... now where did I put it?"
1238-"So that's what a Tarrasque looks like!"
1239-"I wonder who's holding that light over there."
1240-{party consists of 4 PCs}
PC1: "Hand me the lantern"
PC2: "I don't have it... Mark does"
PC3: "No I don't... Joe does"
PC4: "I'm not the one holding it"
1241-"Who knows how to stop a fireball?"
1242-"Why are you guys smiling like that?"
1243-"Hi. Mabye you can help me. I am looking for the thieve's guild..."
1244-"OK guys, here's the plan: In this movie I saw last week..."
1245-"Awe, he's drunk! He wouldn't know if I picked his pocket or his nose!"
1246-"Hey, I was talking to her first!"
1247-PC1: "Mike, are you Hindu?"
PC2: "No, why?"
PC3: "Because there is a red dot on your forehead!"
1248-"What do you mean my globe of invulnerability runs out?"
1249-"What do you mean my fly spell runs out?"
1250-PC1: "Shut up! Your just a silver. We wanted to talk to a GOLD
dragon, at least!"
PC2: "Umm, he doesn't look silver, guys."
PC3: "Umm, how many metals look like silver but aren't?"
PC2: "One. Plat..."
1251-"Trust me, shambling mounds hate lightning."
1252-{small green leathery creature falls from the roof and wraps itself
around PC1's face}
PC1: "Aarrgghh!"
PC2: "Quick...I think I've read about these...they're highly vulnerable
to fire!"
PC3: {carrying torch} "OKAY!" {places flaming torch against PC1's face}
PC1: "Aarrgghh!" {creature dies...PC1 suffering from wounds and burns
to the face ... PC1's hair catches fire}
PC2: "Quick...Jump in the fountain!"
{acid}
1253-PC1: "I fireball the Gnolls."
Player2: "Noooooo!"
{player2 just lost his character. His new one was to be introduced as
the prisoner of the Gnolls, but only the player and GM knew that. It
was the shortest lived character I've ever seen.}
1254-PC1: "We smell gas? Joe! Don't cast any fire spells! Now, what did I
just tell you?"
PC2: "Don't cast any fire spells."
PC1: "Good."
{5 minutes playing later}
PC2: "Goblins? I cast burning hands."
1255-"We'll leave Craig at the farmhouse so he can recover."
1256-GM: "The guard's bullets are riddling the Van."
PC: "The Briefcase! It's full of plastic explosives! I set the timer,
throw it out the window and tell Dave to floor it."
GM: "How long do you set the timer for?"
PC: "Uhh, three seconds."
1257-"Oh no, I forgot to take my parachute..."
1258-"Well, sorry, sir. Didn't meant to hit your wife..."
1259-"Is it possible to pat these beasties?"
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