Demonic Affirmations

1. I will run away when the tide of battle turns against me.

(1.2) I will return when they are sleeping or giving each other high fives while dividing my treasure.

2. I will fight dirty.

3. The next time I see some humanoid goody two shoes waving their hands and making weird noises, I will set my lesser minions on him or her first.

4. Must remember to nurture pet oozes and slimes so they growth to freakish proportions. I will remember to situate their living quarters at the bottom of pits or in small closets behind locked dry rotted doors. "Just kick in the door!"

5. Poison. Not just a good idea. A great idea.

6. Sticks and stones may break their bones, but boiling oil will scald them.

7. Must remember to have patience when seeking revenge. I may not be able to defeat the paladin, but I can surely knock off his or her loved ones while he is off crusading about.

8. I deserve to have numerous loyal minions, because I have tentacles, three eyes, and darn it, others fear me.

9. Heavily armed warriors aren't as intimidating if you imagine them naked. They are even less intimidating when sprayed with acid.

10. I will practice my disarm technique; On kittens.

11. I will tone my 'sundering' muscles.

12. If the party manages to kill me or my significant other minions I will have set aside a "raise dead" fund.

13. Animate dead and haste, perfect together.

14. I will leave around vials labeled "X-tra healing" filled with strawberry flavored plague.

15. Improving morale of lesser minions is easy if you hire unscrupulous bards.

16. I will use my perform skill to mislead scrying eyes.

17. Illusions are nature's way of punishing the stupid.

18. I will encourage my minions to speak gibberish in public and scrawl cryptic runes whenever they fancy. The more magic they waste, the less the can use to resist my awesomeness.

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