From jenbird@earthlink.net Mon May 12 18:39:23 1997 Subject: "Us 4: All The Places We Were Hiding Love" by Jennifer Maurer From: Jennifer Maurer <jenbird@earthlink.net> -------- DISCLAIMERS: Scully and her mom belong to CC, FOX and 1013. Mulder's mine now, I won him in a poker game. Hehehehe...nah, he belongs to them, too. More's the pity. Good thing I always keep my life-sized inflatable Mulder doll handy! Get one today! SPOILERS: Tiny references to Syzygy, Wetwired, Die Hand Die Verlezt, Tooms, Scully's abduction, and the Anasazi/Blessing Way/Paper Clip trilogy. And, of course, parts 1-3 of this series:) RATING: PG-13 for language. CLASSIFICATION: Moving towards MSR, angst. SUMMARY: Mulder talks with Mrs. Scully and learns a thing or two. As for his promise to Mrs. Scully, it may be somewhat unrealistic, but *sigh* isn't it romantic? What am I talking about? Read on and find out... COMMENTS: I'm holding my breath for them at <jenbird@earthlink.net> For Brightstar, who made me a similar promise. For Endy, who stood by me. US 4: ALL THE PLACES WE WERE HIDING LOVE 4/5 By: Jennifer Maurer I stood in this unsheltered place Till I could see the face behind the face All that had gone before had left no trace Seeing things that were not there On a wing on a prayer In this state of disrepair Down by the railway siding In our secret world we were colliding In all the places we were hiding love What was it we were thinking of? --Peter Gabriel, "Secret World" I slammed the door hard enough to bring down the house and stomped down the front steps. I was livid, I couldn't *believe* that Scully had it in her to act so childish. Running off like that just to prove her point---whatever the hell it was. Without a word to me! Leaving me to worry about her like that! I was also hurt in a very unprofessional way, but I wasn't prepared to acknowledge *those* feelings just yet. <But isn't that what you do to her, run off?> my conscience prompted me. No, I argued with myself, with me it's totally different. <Why is it different?> Never mind. I dug in my pocket for my keys, mumbling curses under my breath. "Fox?" I whirled around, prepared to lay into Scully for using my first name again. Instead I came face to face with a worried Mrs. Scully. I struggled to control my temper and remain polite. "Hi." "Where's Dana?" "Still inside. I have to go, Mrs. Scully." "So soon? Did you get a chance to talk to her?" I snorted. "We exchanged words, yes. How much communicating was done, I really couldn't say." Mrs. Scully sighed and walked over to me. "Come on, Fox," she said, taking my hand. "Mrs. Scully, I think Dana and I just need some space from each other right now..." "We're not going back inside, we're going for a walk. No arguments, now." She tugged on my hand and I obediently followed her to the sidewalk. As we started away from the house, she glanced back over her shoulder. Looking for Scully, no doubt. I refused to look, not wanting to even give Scully the satisfaction of seeing me look for her. Mrs. Scully released my hand after we'd walked a bit, apparently satisfied that I wasn't going to run away. I crooked my arm and tucked her hand under my elbow. I'd always admired that gentlemanly gesture in the movies, and was rewarded with a smile from Scully's mother. We walked a little further in silence. "Fox..." "There's no excuse for the way Dana acted, Mrs. Scully, no matter how upset she was with me. You of all people should understand that." "I do, Fox. If I hadn't been so relieved to see her myself I would have been angry, too. She didn't mean to scare you." "Then why? Why would Dana, who's normally the most level-headed person I know, not show up for a meeting with me *and* cut off all means of communication? She *never* turns off her cell phone." "She didn't think you would ever lie to her, Fox," Mrs. Scully said in a soft, reproachful voice. I gaped. "Lie? I would *never* lie to Scully..." She gave me a searching look. "Didn't you tell her you had to work on your new case?" I winced. <*My* new case, not *our* new case. I deserved that, unintentional as it may have been.> "Oh...that. Okay, I admit, there wasn't a new case." "What was going on?" I paused, slightly embarrassed. Then I wondered why I was embarrassed. Hell, Mrs. Scully had seen me do stranger things than this. "I was, um, out buying flowers for Dana." Her eyebrows shot up. "Flowers?" she asked, a delighted grin spreading over her face. "Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "A single rose. I, uh, kind of tossed it at Dana before I stomped out." "You're both under a lot of stress, Fox, a little fighting is understandable. Oh, I'm so relieved, this was all just a misunderstanding. You two just need to calm down and everything will get back to normal." "I'm not so sure about that, Mrs. Scully." Her gaze swung back around to me. "What do you mean?" "Well, um..." I hedged, not wanting to go into too many of the gory details, "Soon after the case, Dana called me, crying. She'd been having nightmares, she hadn't slept in two nights. I picked her up at a schoolyard, she'd been wandering around alone in the middle of the night." Mrs. Scully frowned. "That doesn't sound like Dana." "I know," I answered, "That's what has me worried. Don't get me wrong, Mrs. Scully, I'm glad that Dana felt she could turn to me. But she's not...acting like herself." Mrs. Scully sighed sadly. "I know." She glanced up at me, searching my face. "Dana doesn't open up often, does she?" I felt myself color, somewhat embarrassed by the question. I knew Mrs. Scully wasn't accusing me. She didn't have to. I'd already beat her to it. "No, not really. It's always 'I'm fine, Mulder.' I try..." "I know you do, Fox, I didn't mean it like that." She sighed. "I worry about Dana sometimes, keeping everything bottled up." "I do, too." I answered. We walked in silence for awhile. I remembered my conversation with Scully the night before last, when she talked about hiding from her pain in madness. That had been such an uncharacteristic statement from her. She *wasn't* being herself. Steady, logical Scully...wanting to lose control? Unthinkable. "Dana's always been this way, as long as I can remember," Mrs. Scully began, "Even when she was a little girl she acted like a grown-up. It was especially odd since she was the youngest. Melissa always wore her heart on her sleeve, and Dana was just the opposite. I used to be grateful for that, Dana was much easier to handle. Now...now I almost wish she would get emotional." "The stoicism I'm used to," I said, "And the crying doesn't throw me, even Dana needs to let go once in awhile. But just taking off like that, without a word...it's almost like she *wanted* to hurt me, Mrs. Scully. Dana's been angry at me many times, but never like this." "She's not really at angry at *you* Fox, more at herself. That way she forgets about being afraid and she thinks you won't notice her fear, either. She hates to lose control." "Don't I know it." I paused, wondering if I should even be asking the next question, then decided I would. "Why is she like this?" Mrs. Scully answered, "You know that Dana's father was in the Navy, so we moved around a lot. Melissa and the boys loved it, they looked on it as a new adventure every time. Dana was different, she hated moving. It was hard, too, because Dana worshipped her father, yet it was because of him that we always moved." "That would be tough on a kid," I interjected, not knowing what else to say. "She handled it well, though," Mrs. Scully continued with a small smile of pride, "Melissa and I fought, oh, all the time. She was so impetuous. Dana was the peacemaker. I suppose it kept her mind off her own loneliness." "Whatever works," I said, thinking of all the ways I'd tried to distract myself after Samantha vanished. "It never seemed detrimental, and Dana was so well-liked as a child, I never gave it a second thought. I guess I assumed she'd grow out of it. I think it's gotten worse, though, in light of...recent events." "You mean her abduction," I said quietly. Mrs. Scully nodded. "That, and Melissa's death," she answered, her lips quivering, "Those things scared her, because she couldn't control them. Dana would rather be angry than scared." I thought back to our exchange a short while ago. Scully hadn't snapped at me that sarcastically since Comity. If her anger increased equal to her fear, what did that say about *our* relationship? Was she just skittish because of the new corner we seemed about to turn, or was it something else? When we had been investigating those subliminal TV signals, Scully had run from me, convinced that I'd betrayed her. We determined later that the signals brought one's worst nightmare to life. If my betrayal was Scully's worst nightmare, did that mean she expected it to happen one day? My heart hurt at the thought. I forced myself to ask the question. "Mrs. Scully, do you think Dana is afraid of me?" She looked up at me, surprised. "Oh, Fox, no. How could you think such a thing? Because of that incident when she..." "No, although that did cross my mind. I know Scully wasn't herself when that happened. But she did have the fear somewhere, it was just brought to her conscious mind, right?" "Oh, no. Dana isn't afraid of *you*, Fox, you mustn't think that." "Then what is she afraid of?" I asked plaintively. Mrs. Scully stopped in her tracks and looked up at me. "You really don't know?" I shook my head. "She *loves* you, Fox. That's what scares her." I felt torn in half by Mrs. Scully's revelation. Somewhere inside I'd known it all along, and yet it also felt like I'd just figured everything out. I was happy that Scully loved me but sad and hurt that it seemed to inspire such fear in her. I wanted to run back to the house and sweep her into my arms but I was afraid, too. "Are you sure?" I asked, my head spinning. "Yes," Mrs. Scully answered, "Dana told me today. But I've known for awhile." Now I was the one to stop in my tracks. I stared down at Mrs. Scully, astonished. "How long have you known? And *how* did you know?" She smiled at my expression. "I'm Dana's mother, Fox, and mothers just know these things." The smile faded from her face as she continued, "Dana would speak of you often, and I'd wonder. I knew for sure when you were lost in New Mexico..." I winced, thinking of what Scully must have been going through. As far as she'd known, I was dead, burned up in a fire. When I'd returned to her, she'd given me a look that just about stopped my heart, but we never said anything about it. She had "just known" I was all right, that's all I ever got out of her. "What happened?" I asked, curious again. Mrs. Scully sighed. "She was called into Skinner's office and suspended, as you know. After that she walked to my house." "She *walked*?" "Yes. When she got here she started crying, saying that she'd made a terrible mistake, that her father would have been ashamed of her." My heart went out to Scully, who I knew had joined the FBI over her father's reservations. For her to say something like that meant she was feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. "What was the mistake?" Mrs. Scully looked at me evenly before replying, "Letting you go on alone." I was silent for a moment. Mrs. Scully continued, "She cried all night, Fox. She thought you were dead because she'd let you down. Her heart was broken. When you came back alive, I thought for sure that Dana would tell you how she felt about you...but I was wrong." "I had no idea...well, maybe I did. But I couldn't believe that Scully..." I trailed off, at a loss for words. "Fox, when I called you to let you know that Dana was all right, you asked me to tell her you loved her, remember?" Did I ever. I'd been tearing around DC looking for Scully, having nightmare visions of her being ripped away from me again, when I'd gotten the call, telling me she was all right. So much like the call I'd gotten that morning when Scully had awoken from her coma and come back to me. I was so happy she was alive, remembering also a call I'd once gotten to come down and possibly ID her body, that I'd just blurted that out to Mrs. Scully and hung up to come rushing over. I'd forgotten about that until now. "Yes." "I've hoped that you returned Dana's feelings for you, Fox. When she was so sick I thought you might, but I wasn't sure. You *do* love her, don't you?" I gulped. "Yes, Mrs. Scully, I do. I love Dana." She smiled in relief. "I'm glad. You two are both so stubborn I was wondering if you'd ever admit it." "I think we're *both* a little spooked. I mean, Scully and I have cared about each other for years, but this...this is different." Mrs. Scully nodded. "Dana said the same thing. Being in love means being vulnerable, and I don't think either of you do that very well. Dana was hurt so badly by Jack Willis, and I know you've had your disappointments, too." "I would *never* hurt Dana, Mrs. Scully." "I know that, and so does Dana. But Fox, you two have to stop running from each other." "I'm not the one that's been running," I protested. "Not this time, maybe, but you have been known to...go off without Dana before," Mrs. Scully delicately hinted. "I only do that to protect her, and---" She interrupted me, "Dana doesn't *want* to be protected, Fox. She had the same training you did, she's perfectly capable of looking out for herself. That's not what she needs you for." "Then what?" "She wants to be *loved*. I don't think anyone understands you two like you understand each other." "That's true," I admitted. "All right, one more thing, Fox, and then I can freely bestow a mother's blessing upon you and my daughter. Now that we understand each other, can you look me in the eye and *promise* me you won't leave her, ever again?" I'm ashamed to admit now that I hesitated. Of course it would be an easy thing to *say* but I knew if I made this promise and then later broke it, I would never be forgiven by either Dana or her mother. I had tried Scully's patience enough already with my constant flights. A promise like that would keep me here, no question. And I knew how I get sometimes, when I think the truth is within my grasp. Nothing had ever stopped me before. Did I want to let a promise stop me in the future? I stopped, turned to face Mrs. Scully, and placed a hand over my heart. "I promise. I won't run off without Dana ever again. But," I continued with a small smile, "I can't promise I won't run off and drag her along with me." Mrs. Scully smiled back and said, "That's only what she wants from you. Now, let's get back to the house so you two can work this out." I walked along beside Mrs. Scully with an unusual spring in my step, as corny as that sounds. I felt better about this whole thing for the first time since Scully has teased me about making out like "normal" people. I'd overreacted to that, and pushed her away, as usual. She'd only responded in kind. Well, that kind of thing would come to an end, starting now, I decided. Our experiences together had taught us both that nothing should be taken for granted. Tragedy can strike at anytime. <No more stalling> I vowed to myself, <not by me, and not by her.> We rounded the corner and I was disappointed to see that Scully's car was no longer parked in front of her mother's house. We walked up the front steps and went inside. The house was empty, Scully had left. "She probably went home, why don't you try and catch her there," Mrs. Scully said. "Yeah, I think I---" I was cut off my the cheeping of my cell phone. Mrs. Scully arched her eyebrows and smiled, obviously expecting it to be Dana. I answered it, hoping she was right. "Mulder." "Hi." "Scully!" I exclaimed, a smile spreading across my face to match Mrs. Scully's. "Your mom and I were just talking about you." "Yes, I thought as much," she said a trifle sourly. "Mom likes to play matchmaker." "Well, it wasn't like that, really..." I trailed off, wondering if she was going to get hostile again. I supposed I'd be a little annoyed if *my* mom had taken Scully for a walk to discuss intimate details of my life. <If she'd been so concerned, though, she could've come after us> I thought. "Oh, I think it was," she answered, "But that's not why I'm calling. I wanted to apologize for scaring you like I did. It was thoughtless of me and I'm sorry." A pause. Silence. That was it? That's all she had to say to me? Nice apology, Scully, but isn't there anything else, I thought to myself. I cleared my throat. More silence. Okay, if she wasn't going to reach out then I was just going to have to. "Scully, we need to talk." Mrs. Scully perked up considerably at my words, mouthed something I couldn't understand, and waved goodbye to me. I smiled and waved back, waiting for Scully to answer me. She sighed quietly. "What's left to say, Mulder?" The resignation and defeat in her voice startled me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'd never seen Scully run from anything, and I was hurt that she could brush me aside with so little regret. "There's a *lot* left to say," I answered forcefully, as I walked to my car, "This is not over, not by a long shot. In the first place, we're not giving up on a four year partnership just because of a misunderstanding. So, if you were entertaining any thoughts of transferring out of the X-Files, you can forget it." "I have no intention of transferring, Mulder, but this is more than a misunderstanding, and I---" I cut her off, "It's just a different *kind* of misunderstanding, that's all, and we'll work it out like we have all the others." I slammed the car door and turned on the ignition. "How, Mulder? *How* will we work this one out? The lines of communication between us have completely broken down!" "Scully, that's not true. We just have to sit down together and take some time with this. We know how we feel about each other now---" "Yes, we do, Mulder, and let's examine how we found that out. My *mother* had to *explain* it to us. Let's face it, we suck at communicating on a personal level. Look at the time we've wasted already running around each other in circles. This is just who we are, Mulder, and I don't think either of us is going to change." I was shocked equally by the sentiment as well as Scully's language. When was the last time I'd heard her talk like that? <Try never.> This conversation was not conducive to safe driving but I was determined to get to Scully and make her face me as soon as possible. "You don't believe that," I said, and it wasn't a question, "We *can* change, we've *already* changed. Scully, from that first day you walked into my office, something changed. I...learned to trust someone again. Not all at once, but it happened. I'd like to think I've had some effect on you as well." "You have, Mulder. You know you have." I blew out a long sigh of relief at her quiet answer. "Good. I'm on my way to your place even as we speak. The running and hiding stops now, Scully." "Why this sudden change, Mulder? You weren't at all interested in discussing this last night, or this morning." "I know. I'm an asshole, I'm sorry. It's just that...I never used to mind being abnormal, until now." She chuckled softly, "Mulder, you're not abnormal." "Maybe not," I replied, "But I guess I am a little nervous." "Me, too. I said some things I didn't mean." "I did, too. Look, Dana, neither one of us is used to anything like this. But I believe in us; it's one of the few things I have an unshakable faith in. We can solve this like we do our cases---by working together. I'm almost at your building, will I be admitted or should I try the fire escape?" Another soft laugh. "As appealing as the sight of you scaling a fire escape for me would be, I think you should just come up the elevator." "Okay, see you soon," I answered, and disconnected. Once I'd hung up my cell phone and could devote my full attention to the road, I of course drove even faster. I'd peeled out going to Scully before, but this had the potential to be the most important meeting of our lives. As I dodged through traffic I remembered all the other frantic drives to get to her. Flying over to that devil-worshipping high school, after what I thought was a frantic phone call from her for help. Dashing back to her apartment after I'd found her necklace in Tooms' lair, knowing she was going to be his next victim. And the worst one of all, driving and praying desperately that I'd get to her in time after her screams for help on my answering machine. That had been my one miss, Duane Barry. Too late that time. <Don't think like that. She isn't in any danger, and you two have always been able to work things out. This time will be no different.> I rounded the final corner and screeched up in front of her building. I took several deep breaths as I turned off the car. <Okay, Mulder, it's the moment of truth. Get up there.> I took the stairs two at a time, too jumpy to wait for the elevator. I burst through the stairway door and bounded down the hall, counting down the apartment numbers in my head. I skidded to a halt, my hand half-raised, ready to knock. I felt like my entire future waited for me behind that apartment door. <That may not be too far from the truth> I thought, as I rapped on her door. ********************* End 4/5 Wow, aren't you all wondering how *this* conversation is going to turn out? Mucho gracias and a big smooch to Leyla and Sabine who helped me fix the boo-boos. From jenbird@earthlink.net Mon May 12 18:40:13 1997 Subject: "Us 5: The Heart It Will Not Be Denied" **NC-17** by Jennifer Maurer From: Jennifer Maurer <jenbird@earthlink.net> -------- AN UNUSUALLY PHILOSPOHICAL DISCLAIMER: If I didn't include one of these, do you really think Chris Carter, FOX and 1013 would take the time to sue my poverty-stricken butt? Does Chris Carter even *read* this stuff? Nah, probably has his lawyers read it for him. Thus, I respectfully mention that I own none of these characters, and that I never ever (well, hardly ever) tell lawyer jokes. So don't sue me:) SPOILER: "Unruhe," of course. References to Jack Willis, Phoebe Green, "Blessing Way." RATING: NC-17. Yes, the payoff has arrived! This is my first time writing smut. My friends say it gets easier;) If you're underage, bail out now. CLASSIFICATION: S/R/A, MSR. You can also label this one RST, for *resolved* sexual tension, tee hee. SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully, after various misunderstandings, finally work things out. Now listen up, people, I'm all for safe sex in real life, but you won't find any in this story. Flames on this topic will be used to roast weenies...that's why they call it fan FICTION. COMMENTS: *gasp* Must...have...feedback. *THUD* <jenbird@earthlink.net> For Cosmic Coley, who asked me when Mulder and Scully were "gonna do the horizontal tango" and suggested I paraphrase "Top Gun" by having Scully holler, "Mulder, ya big stud, take me to bed or lose me forever!" Thanks for the inspiration, you lunatic;) US 5: THE HEART IT WILL NOT BE DENIED 5/5 "I can imagine the moment Breaking out through the silence All the things that we both might say And the heart it will not be denied Till we're both on the same damn side All the barriers blown away I said please talk to me Won't you please come talk to me Just like it used to be Come on come talk to me I did not come to steal This all is so unreal Can you show me how you feel now Come on come talk to me." --Peter Gabriel, "Come Talk to Me" I watched Mulder and my mother walk away down the sidewalk. I had little hope that she would be able to calm him down. He was angry, and rightly so. It had been irresponsible of me to run off like that. Coupled with my guilt was lingering resentment that he often did the same thing to me, but apparently I wasn't supposed to mind. I guess Mulder's philosophy was once an abduction victim, always an abduction victim. I knew that's what his constant fear was. True, they'd caught me by surprise once, but that wasn't going to happen again, whether Mulder hovered over me or not. I wouldn't allow it. I sighed and let the curtains fall back in front of the window. Mom and Mulder disappeared around the corner, arm in arm. <And Dana is left here alone, as usual. How is it that my mother is able to reach out to him when I cannot?> Mom had always been like Melissa that way, very open with her feelings. I knew she considered Mulder a substitute son, since Bill and Charlie were so far away. I, on the other hand, was just like Ahab, keeping everything tightly buttoned up. Mulder and I were two of a kind. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I scooped up my keys and tossed on my coat, suddenly feeling the need to get out of the house before they got back. Mom's words echoed in my head. <Dana, why are you running from Fox again?> I shrugged them off, or tried to, as I headed for the door. I stopped with my hand on the knob. What if I ran into them as I was leaving? <So what if you do, Dana?> Angry at myself for caring so much, I slipped out and made myself walk at a leisurely pace to my car. My hands were shaking so much I could hardly get the key in the ignition. <I'm just tired, I need to go home and get some rest.> Sure, fine, whatever, I told the rational voice, and pulled away from the curb. What was bothering me so much about this? I'd kissed Mulder several times without the slightest hesitation. I'd even enjoyed it, no problem admitting that. I knew he had liked it, too. So why were we dancing around each other like this? I'd never had difficulty airing my views to Mulder before. <Oh, Dana, that is such bullshit! Sure, you can spout technobabble until you're blue in the face, but when it comes to real-life feelings, you haven't got a clue. And neither does Mulder. Which is why you're in this mess.> Had my love life been that unsuccessful? Had Mulder's? Okay, he had the excuse of a traumatic childhood for not being able to let someone in. What was my excuse? <Do I even need one? I loved Jack, I was with him for almost a year.> Yeah, Jack the workaholic. Jack who was so driven that our relationship always came second. I'd told myself at the time that I'd liked it that way, being equally driven myself. But I knew it wasn't really true. I loved my career and had no intention of giving it up, but that didn't mean I wanted everything else to take a back seat to it. A good job doesn't love you back. <Not that Mulder is much better> I reassured myself. <He has even less of a life than I do.> My heart ached at that thought. At least I still had Mom. Mulder didn't really have anyone...except me. <And his videos> sneered the little voice. I shook my head. No, those were just for release. That only gets you so far. Even Mulder, the incurable cynic, needed to be loved. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop myself from wondering just what Mulder and my mother were talking about. I had a few thoughts of driving around the neighborhood until I tracked them down...but then what? Run Mulder over with my car? Chastise Mom for butting in when I was the one who'd run to her in the first place? My curiosity was driving me nuts but I forced myself to let it go. One way or another I would find out eventually, and I didn't want to confront Mulder with Mom there playing peacemaker. No, I decided, I would just go home and wait it out. He'd crack and come to me eventually, even if it was only to yell at me some more. I could wait. I don't think I'd ever been so relieved to get home. I tossed my coat and briefcase on the couch and headed for the bedroom. I glanced at the clock, startled by the time: it was late afternoon already. <Where did the day go? Did I really just spend an entire day playing cat and mouse with Mulder?> I felt like I'd been through the wringer. I wriggled out of my work clothes and slipped into my oldest sweatpants and a T-shirt. Much better. I padded around barefoot, putting my clothes away, tidying up. That done, there was nothing left to do but sit and wait. I plopped down on the couch with a sigh. Time crawled. What could Mulder and my mother be talking about for so long? Should I have followed them? I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples. The events of the past few days were so strange. If anyone had told me even a week ago that Mulder and I would be playing hard-to-get with each other like this, I would have said they were crazy. Yet here we were, two grown adults having our differences smoothed over by my *mother.* And why? Because we were unable to communicate rationally or productively when left to our own devices. A week ago I would have *never* pulled a stunt like turning off my cell phone on Mulder. Then again, a week ago I probably wouldn't have kissed him, either. <Oh, really?> came the voice in my head, <Is that so?> Okay, maybe that part wasn't entirely true. What was it about our last case that had changed things between us? Or perhaps more accurately, changed me? I'd survived numerous close calls in the line of duty. Why were Gerry Schnauz and his icepick so different? <Because of memory. A crude lobotomy like the one Schnauz was planning on giving you would have erased your memory. Not just three months of it, but *everything.* Everything would be gone...including Mulder. You'd have no control but you wouldn't even be aware of that. You have to have control, losing it is not an option to you. Not being aware of it, being a vegetable, outrages you even more.> I contemplated the insight. As much as I hated to admit it, because I hated anything that had to do with my abduction, it sounded right. It sounded like something Melissa would have said to me. She'd urged me to explore my subconscious, try to recover the memories of my missing time. After one hesitant attempt, I'd given up and shut the door again. <Apparently it isn't going to stay shut> I thought. But what did any of this have to do with Mulder? Why my sudden urge to reach out to him, and on such a personal level? Well, I reasoned with myself, he's the only one who would understand. I can't exactly go around spouting off about mutants and aliens to just anyone...only Mulder knows what working the X- Files is like. <Okay, then> my mind piped up, <Mulder is the only who can relate, I'll accept that. That doesn't mean you had to *kiss* him.> "Fine!" I shouted to the empty apartment, "I'll admit it! I'm in love with Fox William Mulder! Happy now?" Silence. <When did *this* happen?> I asked myself. <How does something like this sneak up on you?> I decided it hadn't, not really. Maybe the trauma of Gerry Schnauz had pushed the emotions into the forefront of my mind, but they'd been lurking for awhile. I trusted Mulder more than anyone, certainly. I cared about him a great deal, considered him one of the best friends I'd ever had. <So why do you keep treating him this way?> the voice in my head I'd started calling Logic Girl asked me. I spoke the answer out loud and was not surprised to find it was something I'd once said to Mulder. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid to believe." <Dana, that doesn't sound like you. You've never been afraid to take chances.> Mom was right. Mulder had asked me many times over the course of our partnership to stretch my imagination, open myself up to extreme possibilities. Even when I hadn't agreed with him, I'd tried. Couldn't that extend to include our personal lives as well? I sighed, remembering how safe I'd felt with him. How nice it was to wake up and know he was watching over me. Not an easy thing for independent Dana Scully to admit, but there it was. I wanted to be with Mulder, plain and simple. Of course, a relationship with him would be neither. Still, I wanted to try. Second chances are never guaranteed; hell, not even first ones are. Mulder and I certainly deserved a chance. So I called him, not without some trepidation. Knowing that Mom was hovering in the background listening made my end of the conversation somewhat clipped. Besides, I have always hated trying to tackle weighty emotional issues over the phone. Mulder sounded ridiculously glad to hear from me. My own heart did a silly little dance. <This is not the happy ending yet> I cautioned myself <We start the work from this point, and see how it goes.> I'd been standing at my window as we finished our conversation, expecting Mulder to come flying around the corner at any second. He didn't disappoint me. With the ease of long practice, he careened down my street and slid into the last empty parking spot, right behind my car. I watched him unfold himself from the car, his anxiety and eagerness written all over his face. He still clutched his cell phone in his hand. Despite my own uneasiness, I had to smile. I tapped on the window pane with my fingernails and Mulder's head flew up. Our eyes locked and for a long moment we stared solemnly at each other. I had almost cried when Mulder had told me *we* were the one thing he had an unshakable belief in. I hadn't realized Mulder was that certain of *anything* in life. He really wanted to have a relationship with me, he wanted to make this work. He honestly believed we could change. I didn't *want* Mulder to change, I loved him just the way he was (and what a revelation that was to me!), but there were some things that were going to have to be different if *we* were going to be different. So many times we had been unable to communicate---but there were an equal number of times when Mulder or I could convey any thought with just a look, a raised eyebrow, a tilt of the head. We meshed like textbook partners...and something more. This was what he was betting all his chips on. Not just me, but *us.* His courage astounded me, bolstered my own. I gave him a smile and waved. He grinned like a little boy and bounded up the steps. I could hear him thumping down the hallway. I left the window and walked over to the door, hearing his footsteps stop. He coughed. I put my eye to the peephole and saw him raise his hand to knock, lower it, raise it again, run it through his hair. <This is worse than the prom> I thought, and laughed. "Young lady, maybe you'd like to share your joke with the rest of the class," came Mulder's voice through my door. I opened the door and smiled again at the faint blush on his face. "Hi," I said simply. "What's so funny?" he asked, arching one eyebrow. "Oh, no," I answered, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him inside, "Don't even go there, Mulder." "What? Go where? What am I, some kind of clown, here to amuse you?" he squawked. I took the coat he shucked off and hung it in my closet, hiding my smile from him. As much as I enjoy Mulder's sense of humor, *some* serious conversation had to go on here. I shut the closet door and turned back to face him, crossing my arms over my chest. "Uh-oh." "Uh-oh *what*?" "Uh-oh, it's the Dana-Scully-is-not-amused look." I allowed a small smile, "Very good Joe Pesci imitation, Mulder." "Thank you," he answered, then paused. "Can I ask you a question without making you angry?" "Mulder, you can always ask me anything, no matter what," I answered honestly. He crossed the room to me, and gently took my wrists in his hands, uncrossing my arms. He guided my hands around his waist and pulled me close to him, wrapping his own arms around my shoulders. "Please don't ever leave me like that again," he whispered into my hair, "I was really scared." I hugged him back, surprised by this decidedly non-flippant remark. I remembered how I'd felt in New Mexico, and my eyes filled. I pulled away and looked up at him. "I'm sorry," I said. "S'okay," he replied. We stared at each other, entranced. <This is the big dramatic moment where the kiss goes> I thought, but it didn't happen that way. We just held each others hands. Like children, venturing into the forest. One of us was going to have to take the first step...or had that already been done? I backed towards the couch, pulling Mulder along with me. "Let's sit," I said. "Okay," he agreed amiably, settling down next to me. Right next to me. I scooted backwards a little, only to find myself wedged between Mulder and the arm of the couch. No where to go. <You did this on purpose> my look telegraphed to him. His smile confirmed my suspicions. "Mulder," I began, "We need to talk." "Hmmm. Okay. One of those relationships talks, huh? Haven't had one of those in a long time," he said. I had a fleeting thought of Phoebe Green and gave him my best skeptical look. "Okay, maybe never," he conceded. I smiled at the admission. "Phoebe didn't seem the type for talk," I commented dryly. "No, she wasn't," Mulder replied, looking right into my eyes, "But she wasn't the kind of person you built a lasting relationship with either, you know?" I was speechless. Mulder may have been reticent with his emotions but when he wanted to say something with hidden meaning, he said it right. "Is...is that what this is?" I stammered. "Yeah, I think so," he answered softly, taking my hand, "I'd like it to be. On a different level than it is now, if you know what I mean." "I know what you mean," I whispered, hardly daring to believe we were having this conversation. He squeezed my hand and smiled at me, then slowly started leaning closer. His eyes closed, I could feel his breath on my face...God, I wanted to kiss him so badly, but... "Mulder, wait," I said, pulling my hand from his grip to plant my palms on his shoulders. "This is how we got in trouble last time. Too much action, not enough talk." Mulder opened his eyes and sat back. "What is there to talk about?" he asked simply. I was shocked at his offhand attitude. My brows drew together in a frown and I opened my mouth to let out some angry retort when he shushed me with a finger over my lips. <I'm pissed> I reminded myself, <so I will *not* be opening my mouth to suck on his finger...> "That came out wrong," he said, "Let me try again before you reach for your gun." He removed his hand and I waited, my face relaxing into calmer lines. When he saw that I wasn't going to interrupt, he continued. "What I'm trying to say, Scully, is that...well, we've known each other a long time. I think we know each other better than anyone else in the world." He trailed off, looking at my face for confirmation, before continuing, "I care about you, I *trust* you more than anyone. You already know that. And I already know you feel the same way about me. Maybe all that's left to be said between us is 'I love you' but I think we've even said that before, if not in those exact words. Now, I know how you love to analyze everything," he went on, a teasing note creeping into his voice, "But maybe the time for thinking has already gone by. We have the foundation, Dana...for the rest, we just have to believe." I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by his speech for a moment. I felt as though Mulder's words had brought me to a jumping-off place. I could sit back and scientifically analyze this, or I could "believe," as Mulder urged me to. And oh God, I *wanted* to believe, I didn't want to be afraid to believe in him, is *us*. Mulder's propensity for diving into things head first had gotten him into a lot of trouble; if I followed him into this, would the same happen to me? Or would I finally feel a certain measure of freedom from the confines of logic, and always doing what I *should*? I realized it didn't necessarily matter right now how things turned out in the end. This wasn't an experiment, this was my life. *Our* life. I wanted to participate in it with Mulder, not sit and watch it fly by. I knew then what I wanted, and I opened my eyes. Mulder was watching me with an endearing mixture of hope and fear. I rose to my feet, walked towards the hallway. I turned around to see him still sitting on the couch, tensely waiting for something. <Rejection> I thought, <he thinks you're walking away from him. He will not follow you unless you ask him too> I walked back over to the couch and stood in front of him, held out my hands to him. With amazement, he took them and rose to his feet, towering over me. "Really?" he asked quietly. "Really," I answered, tugging on his hands. We walked down the hall to my bedroom hand in hand. The blinds were still drawn from the previous evening and the room was dark after I shut the door. I sensed Mulder reaching for the light switch and stopped him. "No, leave it off," I whispered, snaking my arms around his waist. "Jesus, Scully, you're shaking," he muttered, hold me closer to stop the tremors, "Are you sure about this?" "You know me, Mulder, always afraid to believe," I joked, but he remained serious. "Scully, look at me," he said, his hands sliding up my arms to cup my face. "Shit, you can't. It's pitch black in here, how am I supposed to read your face?" "Am I that much of an open book?" I asked, pulling away from him to walk over to my bedside table where I knew a scented candle stood. Mulder, although unfamiliar with the terrain, tried to follow the sound of my voice. "To me you are---ouch!---sometimes, I can just look at you---damn it, Scully, are you *deliberately* dropping obstacles in my path?-- -and see..." His voice trailed off at the scrape of the match, and in a moment my bedroom was lit with the faint glow of one small candle. Still dark enough for my liking (to my surprise, I felt suddenly shy), but at least now Mulder wouldn't injure himself. "Oh, there you are," he said, coming to stand next to me. I crawled on the bed and sat cross-legged, patting the mattress in front of me to indicate he should do the same. After kicking off his shoes, he did. "Geez, Mulder, you can at least lose the jacket," I laughed softly. With a sheepish grin, he tossed it away, then settled down across from me expectantly. There was a pause in which I think we both wondered what to do next, now that we were in a bedroom together. "So?" Mulder asked. "So," I answered, "Very nice speech." "It's not just a speech, Scully," he said irritably, "It's not like I have something prepared for just such a moment---" I laid a hand on his knee to cut him off. "Mulder, I know, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant...I liked what you said. It had the ring of truth." Mulder's smile was even more beautiful in the flickering light. "You always know just what to say to me," he said. "Hardly! But I try." "You do okay, G-woman." "Thanks, G-man." "So I didn't sound like a lunatic?" Mulder questioned hopefully. "No, you were fine. Better than fine. It really made me think, Mulder. I do spend a lot of time analyzing things. Maybe too much. Not that I'm ever going to be like you, running full-tilt into situations. But there's got to be a medium somewhere." "I'm at one end," he answered, "And you're at the other end, and in the middle...?" "There's *us*" I said, "Scully and Mulder." "Dana and Fox," he replied. My eyes watered at that simple statement. <Mulder. I even made my parents call me Mulder.> I looked at him and knew he was remembering the same thing. He gave a little shrug and smoothed my hair with a gentle hand. "No one else, Dana," he whispered, "No one else. Just you." I nodded and this time I didn't stop him when he leaned in to kiss me. I leaned forward myself and our lips met, our bodies still separated by our crossed legs between us. His hands held mine and we kissed like that, like two shy teenagers, and it was the sweetest kiss I'd ever received. Mulder sucked gently on my bottom lip and I sighed. It was a nice place to start but soon we both wanted more. Mulder pulled back and looked at me with that hooded glance I loved. His pupils were dilated in the dim light and his breathing was ragged. I wanted him so much at that moment it almost broke my heart. I reached for his biceps, pulling him down with me as I reclined on the bed. He shifted on his way down so he was lying next to me, not on top of me as I'd intended. He propped himself upon one elbow and looked down at me. "Are you scared? We can't go back after this, you know," he murmured. "Would you want to?," I asked. "No. I only want to go forward---with you. I was just checking. It's not like I have tons of experience at this." "I know," I answered, "But I trust you...Fox." He smiled at my use of his first name. "I trust you, too. Dana." He rolled over then and kissed me like I wanted. I squirmed until I was underneath him, wanting to feel all of his body pressing down on mine. It felt so good, having all his weight on top of me. I assured him that he wasn't crushing me; on the contrary, I felt safe. Real. Grounded. We lay like that for a long time, exchanging deep kisses and body heat. I opened my legs and Mulder settled between them, his erection rubbing against me with his every move. After what seemed like forever he raised his head and looked at me, sweat gleaming on his face. "Dana, I want to touch you everywhere, I wanna feel your skin." I nodded feverishly and went to work on his tie, whipping it out of the collar. I smiled at the thought that we'd made out so long and Mulder still had his tie on. He propped himself up so I could reach his shirt buttons, which I made quick work of; then his undershirt. Mulder sat back on his haunches and made me sit up and follow him. I stroked his chest with my fingertips, then my palms, enjoying the feel. Oh, I'd seen Mulder's chest many times but never like this. He gasped when I rubbed his nipples with my thumbs. I grinned wickedly and looked up at him watching me. "Your turn," he said huskily, grabbing the hem of my T-shirt. I rose up on my knees and stretched my arms as he pulled it slowly over my head. I closed my eyes and smiled as he murmured, "Ah, front hook" and unclasped my bra. My breasts swung free and for a long moment there was no touch. I looked at him, curious. He was letting his eyes roam over me, his hands still hanging at his sides. I took them in my own and covered my breasts with his palms. He smiled and massaged them gently, enjoying my soft moans. "You're so soft," he whispered, "You feel really good." I merely smiled at that remark and let one hand drift down between his legs, where I stroked him through his pants. Arching one eyebrow at me, he let his own hand drift south. We knelt there, knees spread, caressing each other, wondering who would crack first. "God, you're so hot, I can feel it through your sweats," he muttered, then groaned as I answered that remark with a playful squeeze. "You're pretty hot yourself," I replied, feeling him grow harder under my fingers. He answered that with a throaty growl and hopped off the bed to stand next to it, pulling my hand until I also slid off and stood opposite him. Never taking his eyes off mine, Mulder slowly took my hands and guided them as I unbuckled his belt and slid his pants and boxers down his hips. I could see him, hard and bulging. God, I wanted him inside me, wanted him to just throw me back on the bed and fuck me hard. But I was also enjoying taking my time, so for now I left his boxers alone. With a small smile, Mulder hooked his fingers inside the waistband of my sweatpants. The teasing touch of his fingers against my abdomen made me catch my breath and I heard him chuckle. Unable to look at him, I closed my eyes and waited for the cool draft of air against my naked skin. Mulder's hands stopped moving suddenly. "Scully, look at me." I opened my eyes to see him regarding me with a slightly concerned expression. "You're shaking again, are you really sure about this? We stop whenever you give the word." I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around him, unable to feel close enough. The hair on his chest rubbed over my sensitized nipples with a delicious feeling. I nuzzled my cheek against his chest, enjoying the warmth and the smell that were exclusively Mulder. <Much nicer without a dress shirt in the way> I thought. He held me tight, stroking my hair in reassurance. "I'm sure, Mulder, it's just that..." I trailed off, embarrassed. Mulder stood away from me so he could look down into my eyes, his hands cupping my face. "Just what?" "It's...been a long time. Since anyone's...seen me. Been with me. Maybe I'm a little shy." "Hey, it's okay," he whispered, "I like what I've seen so far," he gently teased, his hands gliding down to caress my breasts again. I inhaled sharply at the pleasure his touch gave me. "Oh, Mulder..." I managed to choke out. Watching my face, Mulder slid his fingers further inside my waistband and starting easing my sweats down my body. He caught my panties and slowly slid them down to my ankles, sinking to the floor in front of me. Breathing hard, I saw him drink in every detail of my body with his dark eyes. He remained kneeling in front of me, looking up at my body. <This> I thought <is what it's like to be a goddess.> "Scully, you are so beautiful," he murmured, sliding his hands all over me. He nudged my thighs apart with his hands and touched my curls gently with a fingertip. Almost involuntarily, I spread my legs further and gasped when he stroked me, exploring deeper. "You're so wet, so hot...you want me," he said, making it a statement, not a question. I nodded wordlessly. Mulder pushed gently against my hips, sitting me down on the edge of the bed. Still kneeling in front of me, he put his hands on my knees and slid his hands upwards, opening my thighs as he went. I knew immediately what he wanted and made a small noise in my throat. He looked up at me. "No?" he asked. I didn't want to refuse him anything, God, I wanted his mouth on me everywhere, but... "I n-never," I stammered, feeling my face start to burn. Mulder slid his arms around me and drew circles on my lower back with his palms, reassuring me. "Why?" he asked simply. I shrugged. "I don't know..." "I'm glad," he answered, pausing to kiss me right above my navel, "I want to be the first, if you'll let me." <If I let him> My eyes closed and I took a deep shuddery breath at the words. I threaded my fingers though his hair, pausing for the briefest instant before I guided him gently downward. I wasn't sure why I had never let anyone go down on me before. It was so much more intimate than sex, to my mind, tasting a woman there. I had never felt closer to anyone than I did to Mulder. I wasn't quite sentimental enough to want to be a virgin for him, but it felt right that he should be the first person who made love to me this way. Mulder cupped his hands under my ass and eased me back onto the bed, climbing up after me. He teased me by taking a detour and lowering his head to kiss my breasts as his hands slid upwards from my knees once again. I opened myself to him, feeling the cool air against my hot wetness. His tongue swirled around my nipple, drawing it into a tight peak in his mouth as he massaged my thighs. I moaned and twitched under his hands and tongue, hardly recognizing the sounds that escaped my lips. I could feel the moisture seeping from me and I wanted to feel him lick it off my feverish skin. "Please, I want..." I begged in a hoarse voice, trying to push his head further down my body. Mulder resisted my efforts, instead raising his head to kiss me, cutting off my entreaty. I moaned into his mouth, sucking on his tongue the way I wanted him to suck on me. I had never been this wild with desire before. Finally he broke the kiss and hovered over me, his weight supported by his elbows so his skin barely touched mine. The heat between us was unbearable. "Tell me," he demanded, "Tell me *exactly* what you want. Just so I'm sure," he continued, challenging me. <So>, I thought with an arched eyebrow, <Mulder assumes I'm *that* shy, does he?> "I want you," I said slowly, enunciating each word, "To go down on me and make me come with your mouth." Mulder stopped nibbling on my neck long enough to look at me with mock surprise on his face. "I've been told, Scully, that women really lose control in situations like that." There it was. Mulder's *real* challenge, and most likely the reason we'd danced around this so long. Why I'd only permitted the light of one small candle. Why I'd been so shy about him seeing me, knowing me in such intimate ways. Why no man had ever done what I was now begging Mulder to do. *Losing control.* I had never allowed it before. I had never trusted anyone this much before, either. The prospect of letting Mulder drive me crazy was intriguing and yes, a little scary, but in a good way. "Please," I said, "I want your mouth on me, everywhere." With a small smile of satisfaction on his face, Mulder started nibbling his way down my neck, pausing only to dip his tongue into the hollow at the base of my throat. He kissed his way down between my breasts, sucking on each nipple, then stroking my stomach with his tongue. His mouth hovered above my waiting flesh. I could feel his breath ruffling my damp curls. I grabbed handfuls of the sheets, making myself wait. With a tiny kiss on the inside of each thigh, he finally lowered his mouth to me. The whole experience is a blur of pleasure and exquisite torture. I would watch Mulder's face between my legs until a fresh wave of pleasure overtook me and I closed my eyes against it. He kept me on the edge for what seemed like forever. The pointy tip of his tongue would flick lightly, then soft, broad stokes that covered every inch of me. Just when the sensation would start to build towards my climax, he'd back off. I was gasping for breath, moaning with every exhalation. I had never felt anything this intense before, never showed this much need to anyone. The more I gave Mulder the more I wanted to give. I was completely uninhibited, unafraid of letting him see my desire. I writhed and squirmed under his touch, finally begging him for release. His hands slid from cupping my breasts to hold my own clenched fists, and I grabbed on tight, pulling against his arms as I bucked my hips against his face. He told me later I screamed aloud when I came, but I don't remember that, only a sweet spiral of sensation that bloomed until it engulfed my entire body. I was still gasping for breath when Mulder's mouth left me and he slid back up the length of my body, our sweat-soaked skins gliding against each other. He rolled over onto his back and pulled me on top of him, holding me close. I dug my fingers into his shoulders and panted into his ear, unable to talk for a moment. I could feel his erection, hot and hard beneath me. I knew he must be ready to explode but he sensed that I needed to come down and made no demands, just rubbed my back. When I felt reasonably coherent again I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. "Mulder, that was..." I rolled my eyes, at a loss for words. We both laughed. "Yeah, it certainly was," he said, his own voice rough around the edges, "Thank you." "For what?" I asked. "For trusting me enough to be that vulnerable and open around me. For sharing yourself like that." he replied. I smoothed his sweaty hair back from his forehead and looked at him. "Thank you for being someone I can trust with all those things," I said softly. I threaded my fingers through the damp strands and lowered my lips to his. He responded hungrily, sweeping his tongue through my mouth. I felt myself start to throb again as he slid his hands down my back, over my ass, and between my thighs, to guide them open. His hips were thrusting up against mine, the tip of his erection dancing against me in a tantalizing way, seeking entrance. I broke the kiss to rear up on my haunches, hovering above him. Mulder whimpered at the loss of contact and looked up at me with greedy eyes. "Tell me exactly what you want," I said huskily, imitating his earlier words, "Just so I'm sure." "Oh, Dana, if I have to explain it to you," he breathed, laughing shakily, "Then we're in trouble." Before he could stop me I grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the bed, leaning over him. My breasts swayed with the movement and Mulder lifted his head, trying to capture my nipples in his mouth. I shifted around, hearing him grunt as I rubbed against him. I leaned on him with all my weight, until our faces were mere inches apart. "Tell. Me. What. You. Want." I commanded him, looking into his eyes. He stared into my eyes for a long moment. I saw my own desire reflected in the hazel depths. This was the threshold, this was where the partnership ended and we became one person. I knew perfectly well what Mulder wanted---his hips were still pushing up against mine. But I wanted to hear what he would say. "I want *you*," he said softly, "I want to be inside you, I want to feel you and watch you and know that I'm the one *you* want." "You are," I whispered. He smiled at my simple answer and pulled his wrists out of my loosened grip. His arms came up around my back and he slowly rolled us over, reversing our positions. I watched as he positioned himself over me, then paused. "I love you," he said. My eyes filled and I smiled. "I love you, too," I answered. I reached down, feeling the hot silkiness of him fill my hand. I guided him as he slowly pushed into me with a groan. "Jesus, you're so tight," he moaned, starting to move slowly in and out of me. I responded by squeezing my inner muscles around him at his next stroke and was rewarded with a grunt of surprise. "Keep that up and I'll last as long as your average sixteen year old," he whispered. I laughed under my breath and did it again. His pace picked up a little. "This is...oh, God," Mulder tried to slow down but I started lifting my hips to meet him, encouraging him to go faster. He braced himself above me and we looked at each other, watching the desire rise in our faces. I grabbed his butt and dug my nails in, wanting him deeper inside me. "Ahhh, I like that," he growled, going faster and deeper into me. I saw the beads of sweat trickle down his face and knew he was close. The knowledge started my own climax building. I let my eyes slip closed and arched my back, urging him on. "Oh my God," he moaned, and hearing his control slip sent me over the edge once again. I made no sound this time, biting down on my lower lip to keep from crying out as my second orgasm over took me. I felt my muscles contract around Mulder and he slammed into me, finally finding his own release. I clutched at him, wanting him close to me as he came, calling out my name in a voice I had never heard before. "Dana, Dana..." he cried, thrusting into me over and over, riding the waves of my own climax along with his. I was sobbing, unable to get my mind completely around the sensation of being one with him like this. We drew the pleasure out as long as we could stand it, then slowed down until he slipped out of me, completely spent. We lay there, holding each other in a tight embrace as we caught our breath. Mulder shifted as if to move off me but I shook my head, not wanting to lose contact with one inch of his skin. I felt his own shoulders shake with sobs as his tears streamed down my neck and shoulder. I woke with a start. I didn't even remember falling asleep, it seemed impossible that I could have dozed off after what Mulder and I had been to each other. The room was pitch black, the candle gone. I sat up with a muffled cry, reaching for him. My outstretched hands caught at his own. "I'm right here, it's okay," he whispered, drawing me close to him. I nestled my head on his shoulder. I became aware of the sound of running water in the background. "I've been playing with some of your bath stuff, come join me," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice. He tugged on my hand and I slid off the bed, giggling when my legs wobbled under me. "Lose your sea legs, Starbuck?" he chuckled, leading me into the bathroom. I smiled at the sight. Mulder had gone digging around and unearthed every single candle I owned, filling the room with golden light. Bubbles spilled out of the tub and onto the floor. "You only need a little bit," I laughed, scooping some up and blowing them at him. "I'll remember that for next time," he said, stepping into the tub and drawing me in after him. He sat down with a slosh, his back against the wall. I settled down in front of him, leaning back against his chest with his arms wrapped around me. I felt the sweat from our lovemaking dissolve in the sweet-smelling water and I sighed, content. "You thought this up all by yourself?" I teased. "Well, I think the last time *I* took a tub bath was with my toy boats, but I know it's your thing and I thought it would be a suitably romantic ending to a very enjoyable evening." "Ending, Mulder?" I questioned, feeling a shiver run through me. He held me closer and splashed some of the warm water over me. "You could say an ending of one phase and the beginning of another," he said, punctuating his words with a kiss on the top of my head. "What ends?" I asked. "Our separate paths." "And what begins?" "Us." ********************* "So we end as we began With the man in the woman And the woman in the man It was all for the union Oh, the union of the woman and the man." --Peter Gabriel, "Blood of Eden" *big happy sigh* Well, there, it's finally done! Thanks beyond thanking to everyone who encouraged me through this series, especially Leyla, without whom it would have sputtered and died. Comments to <jenbird@earthlink.net>