From jenbird@earthlink.net Mon May 12 18:39:23 1997
Subject: "Us 4: All The Places We Were Hiding Love" by Jennifer Maurer
From: Jennifer Maurer
--------
DISCLAIMERS: Scully and her mom belong to CC,
FOX and 1013. Mulder's mine now, I won him in
a poker game. Hehehehe...nah, he belongs to
them, too. More's the pity. Good thing I
always keep my life-sized inflatable Mulder
doll handy! Get one today!
SPOILERS: Tiny references to Syzygy, Wetwired,
Die Hand Die Verlezt, Tooms, Scully's
abduction, and the Anasazi/Blessing Way/Paper
Clip trilogy. And, of course, parts 1-3 of
this series:)
RATING: PG-13 for language.
CLASSIFICATION: Moving towards MSR, angst.
SUMMARY: Mulder talks with Mrs. Scully and
learns a thing or two. As for his promise to
Mrs. Scully, it may be somewhat unrealistic,
but *sigh* isn't it romantic? What am I
talking about? Read on and find out...
COMMENTS: I'm holding my breath for them at
For Brightstar, who made me a similar promise.
For Endy, who stood by me.
US 4: ALL THE PLACES WE WERE HIDING LOVE 4/5
By: Jennifer Maurer
I stood in this unsheltered place
Till I could see the face behind the face
All that had gone before had left no trace
Seeing things that were not there
On a wing on a prayer
In this state of disrepair
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world we were colliding
In all the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?
--Peter Gabriel, "Secret World"
I slammed the door hard enough to bring down
the house and stomped down the front steps. I
was livid, I couldn't *believe* that Scully had
it in her to act so childish. Running off like
that just to prove her point---whatever the
hell it was. Without a word to me! Leaving me
to worry about her like that! I was also hurt
in a very unprofessional way, but I wasn't
prepared to acknowledge *those* feelings just
yet.
my conscience prompted me. No, I argued with
myself, with me it's totally different. Never mind. I dug in my
pocket for my keys, mumbling curses under my
breath.
"Fox?"
I whirled around, prepared to lay into Scully
for using my first name again. Instead I came
face to face with a worried Mrs. Scully. I
struggled to control my temper and remain
polite.
"Hi."
"Where's Dana?"
"Still inside. I have to go, Mrs. Scully."
"So soon? Did you get a chance to talk to
her?"
I snorted. "We exchanged words, yes. How much
communicating was done, I really couldn't say."
Mrs. Scully sighed and walked over to me.
"Come on, Fox," she said, taking my hand.
"Mrs. Scully, I think Dana and I just need some
space from each other right now..."
"We're not going back inside, we're going for a
walk. No arguments, now." She tugged on my
hand and I obediently followed her to the
sidewalk. As we started away from the house,
she glanced back over her shoulder. Looking
for Scully, no doubt. I refused to look, not
wanting to even give Scully the satisfaction of
seeing me look for her.
Mrs. Scully released my hand after we'd walked
a bit, apparently satisfied that I wasn't going
to run away. I crooked my arm and tucked her
hand under my elbow. I'd always admired that
gentlemanly gesture in the movies, and was
rewarded with a smile from Scully's mother. We
walked a little further in silence.
"Fox..."
"There's no excuse for the way Dana acted, Mrs.
Scully, no matter how upset she was with me.
You of all people should understand that."
"I do, Fox. If I hadn't been so relieved to
see her myself I would have been angry, too.
She didn't mean to scare you."
"Then why? Why would Dana, who's normally the
most level-headed person I know, not show up
for a meeting with me *and* cut off all means
of communication? She *never* turns off her
cell phone."
"She didn't think you would ever lie to her,
Fox," Mrs. Scully said in a soft, reproachful
voice.
I gaped. "Lie? I would *never* lie to
Scully..."
She gave me a searching look. "Didn't you tell
her you had to work on your new case?"
I winced. <*My* new case, not *our* new case.
I deserved that, unintentional as it may have
been.> "Oh...that. Okay, I admit, there
wasn't a new case."
"What was going on?"
I paused, slightly embarrassed. Then I
wondered why I was embarrassed. Hell, Mrs.
Scully had seen me do stranger things than
this.
"I was, um, out buying flowers for Dana."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Flowers?" she asked, a
delighted grin spreading over her face.
"Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "A single rose.
I, uh, kind of tossed it at Dana before I
stomped out."
"You're both under a lot of stress, Fox, a
little fighting is understandable. Oh, I'm so
relieved, this was all just a misunderstanding.
You two just need to calm down and everything
will get back to normal."
"I'm not so sure about that, Mrs. Scully."
Her gaze swung back around to me. "What do you
mean?"
"Well, um..." I hedged, not wanting to go into
too many of the gory details, "Soon after the
case, Dana called me, crying. She'd been
having nightmares, she hadn't slept in two
nights. I picked her up at a schoolyard, she'd
been wandering around alone in the middle of
the night."
Mrs. Scully frowned. "That doesn't sound like
Dana."
"I know," I answered, "That's what has me
worried. Don't get me wrong, Mrs. Scully, I'm
glad that Dana felt she could turn to me. But
she's not...acting like herself."
Mrs. Scully sighed sadly. "I know." She
glanced up at me, searching my face. "Dana
doesn't open up often, does she?"
I felt myself color, somewhat embarrassed by
the question. I knew Mrs. Scully wasn't
accusing me. She didn't have to. I'd already
beat her to it.
"No, not really. It's always 'I'm fine,
Mulder.' I try..."
"I know you do, Fox, I didn't mean it like
that." She sighed. "I worry about Dana
sometimes, keeping everything bottled up."
"I do, too." I answered. We walked in silence
for awhile. I remembered my conversation with
Scully the night before last, when she talked
about hiding from her pain in madness. That
had been such an uncharacteristic statement
from her. She *wasn't* being herself. Steady,
logical Scully...wanting to lose control?
Unthinkable.
"Dana's always been this way, as long as I can
remember," Mrs. Scully began, "Even when she
was a little girl she acted like a grown-up.
It was especially odd since she was the
youngest. Melissa always wore her heart on her
sleeve, and Dana was just the opposite. I used
to be grateful for that, Dana was much easier
to handle. Now...now I almost wish she would
get emotional."
"The stoicism I'm used to," I said, "And the
crying doesn't throw me, even Dana needs to let
go once in awhile. But just taking off like
that, without a word...it's almost like she
*wanted* to hurt me, Mrs. Scully. Dana's been
angry at me many times, but never like this."
"She's not really at angry at *you* Fox, more
at herself. That way she forgets about being
afraid and she thinks you won't notice her
fear, either. She hates to lose control."
"Don't I know it." I paused, wondering if I
should even be asking the next question, then
decided I would. "Why is she like this?"
Mrs. Scully answered, "You know that Dana's
father was in the Navy, so we moved around a
lot. Melissa and the boys loved it, they
looked on it as a new adventure every time.
Dana was different, she hated moving. It was
hard, too, because Dana worshipped her father,
yet it was because of him that we always
moved."
"That would be tough on a kid," I interjected,
not knowing what else to say.
"She handled it well, though," Mrs. Scully
continued with a small smile of pride, "Melissa
and I fought, oh, all the time. She was so
impetuous. Dana was the peacemaker. I
suppose it kept her mind off her own
loneliness."
"Whatever works," I said, thinking of all the
ways I'd tried to distract myself after
Samantha vanished.
"It never seemed detrimental, and Dana was so
well-liked as a child, I never gave it a second
thought. I guess I assumed she'd grow out of
it. I think it's gotten worse, though, in light
of...recent events."
"You mean her abduction," I said quietly. Mrs.
Scully nodded.
"That, and Melissa's death," she answered, her
lips quivering, "Those things scared her,
because she couldn't control them. Dana would
rather be angry than scared."
I thought back to our exchange a short while
ago. Scully hadn't snapped at me that
sarcastically since Comity. If her anger
increased equal to her fear, what did that say
about *our* relationship? Was she just
skittish because of the new corner we seemed
about to turn, or was it something else? When
we had been investigating those subliminal TV
signals, Scully had run from me, convinced that
I'd betrayed her. We determined later that the
signals brought one's worst nightmare to life.
If my betrayal was Scully's worst nightmare,
did that mean she expected it to happen one
day? My heart hurt at the thought. I forced
myself to ask the question.
"Mrs. Scully, do you think Dana is afraid of
me?"
She looked up at me, surprised. "Oh, Fox, no.
How could you think such a thing? Because of
that incident when she..."
"No, although that did cross my mind. I know
Scully wasn't herself when that happened. But
she did have the fear somewhere, it was just
brought to her conscious mind, right?"
"Oh, no. Dana isn't afraid of *you*, Fox, you
mustn't think that."
"Then what is she afraid of?" I asked
plaintively.
Mrs. Scully stopped in her tracks and looked up
at me. "You really don't know?"
I shook my head.
"She *loves* you, Fox. That's what scares
her."
I felt torn in half by Mrs. Scully's
revelation. Somewhere inside I'd known it all
along, and yet it also felt like I'd just
figured everything out. I was happy that
Scully loved me but sad and hurt that it seemed
to inspire such fear in her. I wanted to run
back to the house and sweep her into my arms
but I was afraid, too.
"Are you sure?" I asked, my head spinning.
"Yes," Mrs. Scully answered, "Dana told me
today. But I've known for awhile."
Now I was the one to stop in my tracks. I
stared down at Mrs. Scully, astonished. "How
long have you known? And *how* did you know?"
She smiled at my expression. "I'm Dana's
mother, Fox, and mothers just know these
things." The smile faded from her face as she
continued, "Dana would speak of you often, and
I'd wonder. I knew for sure when you were lost
in New Mexico..."
I winced, thinking of what Scully must have
been going through. As far as she'd known, I
was dead, burned up in a fire. When I'd
returned to her, she'd given me a look that
just about stopped my heart, but we never said
anything about it. She had "just known" I was
all right, that's all I ever got out of her.
"What happened?" I asked, curious again.
Mrs. Scully sighed. "She was called into
Skinner's office and suspended, as you know.
After that she walked to my house."
"She *walked*?"
"Yes. When she got here she started crying,
saying that she'd made a terrible mistake, that
her father would have been ashamed of her."
My heart went out to Scully, who I knew had
joined the FBI over her father's reservations.
For her to say something like that meant she
was feeling a tremendous amount of guilt.
"What was the mistake?"
Mrs. Scully looked at me evenly before
replying, "Letting you go on alone."
I was silent for a moment. Mrs. Scully
continued, "She cried all night, Fox. She
thought you were dead because she'd let you
down. Her heart was broken. When you came
back alive, I thought for sure that Dana would
tell you how she felt about you...but I was
wrong."
"I had no idea...well, maybe I did. But I
couldn't believe that Scully..." I trailed off,
at a loss for words.
"Fox, when I called you to let you know that
Dana was all right, you asked me to tell her
you loved her, remember?"
Did I ever. I'd been tearing around DC looking
for Scully, having nightmare visions of her
being ripped away from me again, when I'd
gotten the call, telling me she was all right.
So much like the call I'd gotten that morning
when Scully had awoken from her coma and come
back to me. I was so happy she was alive,
remembering also a call I'd once gotten to come
down and possibly ID her body, that I'd just
blurted that out to Mrs. Scully and hung up to
come rushing over. I'd forgotten about that
until now.
"Yes."
"I've hoped that you returned Dana's feelings
for you, Fox. When she was so sick I thought
you might, but I wasn't sure. You *do* love
her, don't you?"
I gulped. "Yes, Mrs. Scully, I do. I love
Dana."
She smiled in relief. "I'm glad. You two are
both so stubborn I was wondering if you'd ever
admit it."
"I think we're *both* a little spooked. I
mean, Scully and I have cared about each other
for years, but this...this is different."
Mrs. Scully nodded. "Dana said the same thing.
Being in love means being vulnerable, and I
don't think either of you do that very well.
Dana was hurt so badly by Jack Willis, and I
know you've had your disappointments, too."
"I would *never* hurt Dana, Mrs. Scully."
"I know that, and so does Dana. But Fox, you
two have to stop running from each other."
"I'm not the one that's been running," I
protested.
"Not this time, maybe, but you have been known
to...go off without Dana before," Mrs. Scully
delicately hinted.
"I only do that to protect her, and---"
She interrupted me, "Dana doesn't *want* to be
protected, Fox. She had the same training you
did, she's perfectly capable of looking out for
herself. That's not what she needs you for."
"Then what?"
"She wants to be *loved*. I don't think anyone
understands you two like you understand each
other."
"That's true," I admitted.
"All right, one more thing, Fox, and then I can
freely bestow a mother's blessing upon you and
my daughter. Now that we understand each
other, can you look me in the eye and *promise*
me you won't leave her, ever again?"
I'm ashamed to admit now that I hesitated. Of
course it would be an easy thing to *say* but I
knew if I made this promise and then later
broke it, I would never be forgiven by either
Dana or her mother. I had tried Scully's
patience enough already with my constant
flights. A promise like that would keep me
here, no question. And I knew how I get
sometimes, when I think the truth is within my
grasp. Nothing had ever stopped me before.
Did I want to let a promise stop me in the
future? I stopped, turned to face Mrs. Scully,
and placed a hand over my heart.
"I promise. I won't run off without Dana ever
again. But," I continued with a small smile,
"I can't promise I won't run off and drag her
along with me."
Mrs. Scully smiled back and said, "That's only
what she wants from you. Now, let's get back
to the house so you two can work this out."
I walked along beside Mrs. Scully with an
unusual spring in my step, as corny as that
sounds. I felt better about this whole thing
for the first time since Scully has teased me
about making out like "normal" people. I'd
overreacted to that, and pushed her away, as
usual. She'd only responded in kind. Well,
that kind of thing would come to an end,
starting now, I decided. Our experiences
together had taught us both that nothing should
be taken for granted. Tragedy can strike at
anytime. I vowed to myself,
We rounded the corner and I was disappointed to
see that Scully's car was no longer parked in
front of her mother's house. We walked up the
front steps and went inside. The house was
empty, Scully had left.
"She probably went home, why don't you try and
catch her there," Mrs. Scully said.
"Yeah, I think I---" I was cut off my the
cheeping of my cell phone. Mrs. Scully arched
her eyebrows and smiled, obviously expecting it
to be Dana. I answered it, hoping she was
right.
"Mulder."
"Hi."
"Scully!" I exclaimed, a smile spreading across
my face to match Mrs. Scully's. "Your mom and
I were just talking about you."
"Yes, I thought as much," she said a trifle
sourly. "Mom likes to play matchmaker."
"Well, it wasn't like that, really..." I
trailed off, wondering if she was going to get
hostile again. I supposed I'd be a little
annoyed if *my* mom had taken Scully for a walk
to discuss intimate details of my life. I thought.
"Oh, I think it was," she answered, "But that's
not why I'm calling. I wanted to apologize for
scaring you like I did. It was thoughtless of
me and I'm sorry."
A pause. Silence. That was it? That's all
she had to say to me? Nice apology, Scully,
but isn't there anything else, I thought to
myself. I cleared my throat. More silence.
Okay, if she wasn't going to reach out then I
was just going to have to.
"Scully, we need to talk." Mrs. Scully perked
up considerably at my words, mouthed something
I couldn't understand, and waved goodbye to me.
I smiled and waved back, waiting for Scully to
answer me.
She sighed quietly. "What's left to say,
Mulder?"
The resignation and defeat in her voice
startled me. I couldn't believe what I was
hearing. I'd never seen Scully run from
anything, and I was hurt that she could brush
me aside with so little regret.
"There's a *lot* left to say," I answered
forcefully, as I walked to my car, "This is not
over, not by a long shot. In the first place,
we're not giving up on a four year partnership
just because of a misunderstanding. So, if you
were entertaining any thoughts of transferring
out of the X-Files, you can forget it."
"I have no intention of transferring, Mulder,
but this is more than a misunderstanding, and
I---"
I cut her off, "It's just a different *kind* of
misunderstanding, that's all, and we'll work it
out like we have all the others." I slammed
the car door and turned on the ignition.
"How, Mulder? *How* will we work this one out?
The lines of communication between us have
completely broken down!"
"Scully, that's not true. We just have to sit
down together and take some time with this. We
know how we feel about each other now---"
"Yes, we do, Mulder, and let's examine how we
found that out. My *mother* had to *explain*
it to us. Let's face it, we suck at
communicating on a personal level. Look at the
time we've wasted already running around each
other in circles. This is just who we are,
Mulder, and I don't think either of us is going
to change."
I was shocked equally by the sentiment as well
as Scully's language. When was the last time
I'd heard her talk like that?
This conversation was not conducive to safe
driving but I was determined to get to Scully
and make her face me as soon as possible.
"You don't believe that," I said, and it wasn't
a question, "We *can* change, we've *already*
changed. Scully, from that first day you
walked into my office, something changed.
I...learned to trust someone again. Not all at
once, but it happened. I'd like to think I've
had some effect on you as well."
"You have, Mulder. You know you have."
I blew out a long sigh of relief at her quiet
answer. "Good. I'm on my way to your place
even as we speak. The running and hiding stops
now, Scully."
"Why this sudden change, Mulder? You weren't
at all interested in discussing this last
night, or this morning."
"I know. I'm an asshole, I'm sorry. It's just
that...I never used to mind being abnormal,
until now."
She chuckled softly, "Mulder, you're not
abnormal."
"Maybe not," I replied, "But I guess I am a
little nervous."
"Me, too. I said some things I didn't mean."
"I did, too. Look, Dana, neither one of us is
used to anything like this. But I believe in
us; it's one of the few things I have an
unshakable faith in. We can solve this like we
do our cases---by working together. I'm almost
at your building, will I be admitted or should
I try the fire escape?"
Another soft laugh. "As appealing as the sight
of you scaling a fire escape for me would be, I
think you should just come up the elevator."
"Okay, see you soon," I answered, and
disconnected.
Once I'd hung up my cell phone and could devote
my full attention to the road, I of course
drove even faster. I'd peeled out going to
Scully before, but this had the potential to be
the most important meeting of our lives. As I
dodged through traffic I remembered all the
other frantic drives to get to her. Flying
over to that devil-worshipping high school,
after what I thought was a frantic phone call
from her for help. Dashing back to her
apartment after I'd found her necklace in
Tooms' lair, knowing she was going to be his
next victim. And the worst one of all, driving
and praying desperately that I'd get to her in
time after her screams for help on my answering
machine. That had been my one miss, Duane
Barry. Too late that time.
I rounded the final corner and
screeched up in front of her building. I took
several deep breaths as I turned off the car.
I took the stairs two at a time, too jumpy to
wait for the elevator. I burst through the
stairway door and bounded down the hall,
counting down the apartment numbers in my head.
I skidded to a halt, my hand half-raised, ready
to knock. I felt like my entire future waited
for me behind that apartment door.
I
thought, as I rapped on her door.
*********************
End 4/5
Wow, aren't you all wondering how *this*
conversation is going to turn out? Mucho
gracias and a big smooch to Leyla and Sabine
who helped me fix the boo-boos.
From jenbird@earthlink.net Mon May 12 18:40:13 1997
Subject: "Us 5: The Heart It Will Not Be Denied" **NC-17** by Jennifer Maurer
From: Jennifer Maurer
--------
AN UNUSUALLY PHILOSPOHICAL DISCLAIMER: If I
didn't include one of these, do you really
think Chris Carter, FOX and 1013 would take the
time to sue my poverty-stricken butt? Does
Chris Carter even *read* this stuff? Nah,
probably has his lawyers read it for him.
Thus, I respectfully mention that I own none of
these characters, and that I never ever (well,
hardly ever) tell lawyer jokes. So don't sue
me:)
SPOILER: "Unruhe," of course. References to
Jack Willis, Phoebe Green, "Blessing Way."
RATING: NC-17. Yes, the payoff has arrived!
This is my first time writing smut. My friends
say it gets easier;) If you're underage, bail
out now.
CLASSIFICATION: S/R/A, MSR. You can also label
this one RST, for *resolved* sexual tension,
tee hee.
SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully, after various
misunderstandings, finally work things out.
Now listen up, people, I'm all for safe sex in
real life, but you won't find any in this
story. Flames on this topic will be used to
roast weenies...that's why they call it fan
FICTION.
COMMENTS: *gasp* Must...have...feedback. *THUD*
For Cosmic Coley, who asked me when Mulder and
Scully were "gonna do the horizontal tango" and
suggested I paraphrase "Top Gun" by having
Scully holler, "Mulder, ya big stud, take me to
bed or lose me forever!" Thanks for the
inspiration, you lunatic;)
US 5: THE HEART IT WILL NOT BE DENIED 5/5
"I can imagine the moment
Breaking out through the silence
All the things that we both might say
And the heart it will not be denied
Till we're both on the same damn side
All the barriers blown away
I said please talk to me
Won't you please come talk to me
Just like it used to be
Come on come talk to me
I did not come to steal
This all is so unreal
Can you show me how you feel now
Come on come talk to me."
--Peter Gabriel, "Come Talk to Me"
I watched Mulder and my mother walk away down
the sidewalk. I had little hope that she would
be able to calm him down. He was angry, and
rightly so. It had been irresponsible of me to
run off like that. Coupled with my guilt was
lingering resentment that he often did the same
thing to me, but apparently I wasn't supposed
to mind. I guess Mulder's philosophy was once
an abduction victim, always an abduction
victim. I knew that's what his constant fear
was. True, they'd caught me by surprise once,
but that wasn't going to happen again, whether
Mulder hovered over me or not. I wouldn't
allow it.
I sighed and let the curtains fall back in
front of the window. Mom and Mulder
disappeared around the corner, arm in arm.
Mom had always been like
Melissa that way, very open with her feelings.
I knew she considered Mulder a substitute son,
since Bill and Charlie were so far away. I, on
the other hand, was just like Ahab, keeping
everything tightly buttoned up. Mulder and I
were two of a kind. I wasn't sure if that was
good or bad.
I scooped up my keys and tossed on my coat,
suddenly feeling the need to get out of the
house before they got back. Mom's words echoed
in my head. I shrugged them off, or tried to, as I
headed for the door. I stopped with my hand on
the knob. What if I ran into them as I was
leaving? Angry at
myself for caring so much, I slipped out and
made myself walk at a leisurely pace to my car.
My hands were shaking so much I could hardly
get the key in the ignition. Sure,
fine, whatever, I told the rational voice, and
pulled away from the curb.
What was bothering me so much about this? I'd
kissed Mulder several times without the
slightest hesitation. I'd even enjoyed it, no
problem admitting that. I knew he had liked
it, too. So why were we dancing around each
other like this? I'd never had difficulty
airing my views to Mulder before.
Had my love life been that unsuccessful? Had
Mulder's? Okay, he had the excuse of a
traumatic childhood for not being able to let
someone in. What was my excuse? Yeah, Jack the workaholic.
Jack who was so driven that our relationship
always came second. I'd told myself at the
time that I'd liked it that way, being equally
driven myself. But I knew it wasn't really
true. I loved my career and had no intention
of giving it up, but that didn't mean I wanted
everything else to take a back seat to it. A
good job doesn't love you back.
I reassured
myself. My heart ached at that thought. At least
I still had Mom. Mulder didn't really have
anyone...except me. sneered
the little voice. I shook my head. No, those
were just for release. That only gets you so
far. Even Mulder, the incurable cynic, needed
to be loved.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop myself
from wondering just what Mulder and my mother
were talking about. I had a few thoughts of
driving around the neighborhood until I tracked
them down...but then what? Run Mulder over
with my car? Chastise Mom for butting in when
I was the one who'd run to her in the first
place? My curiosity was driving me nuts but I
forced myself to let it go. One way or another
I would find out eventually, and I didn't want
to confront Mulder with Mom there playing
peacemaker. No, I decided, I would just go
home and wait it out. He'd crack and come to
me eventually, even if it was only to yell at
me some more. I could wait.
I don't think I'd ever been so relieved to get
home. I tossed my coat and briefcase on the
couch and headed for the bedroom. I glanced at
the clock, startled by the time: it was late
afternoon already. I felt like I'd been
through the wringer. I wriggled out of my work
clothes and slipped into my oldest sweatpants
and a T-shirt. Much better. I padded around
barefoot, putting my clothes away, tidying up.
That done, there was nothing left to do but sit
and wait. I plopped down on the couch with a
sigh.
Time crawled. What could Mulder and my mother
be talking about for so long? Should I have
followed them? I squeezed my eyes shut and
rubbed my temples. The events of the past few
days were so strange. If anyone had told me
even a week ago that Mulder and I would be
playing hard-to-get with each other like this,
I would have said they were crazy. Yet here we
were, two grown adults having our differences
smoothed over by my *mother.* And why?
Because we were unable to communicate
rationally or productively when left to our own
devices. A week ago I would have *never*
pulled a stunt like turning off my cell phone
on Mulder. Then again, a week ago I probably
wouldn't have kissed him, either. came the voice in my head, Okay, maybe that part wasn't entirely
true.
What was it about our last case that had
changed things between us? Or perhaps more
accurately, changed me? I'd survived numerous
close calls in the line of duty. Why were
Gerry Schnauz and his icepick so different?
I contemplated the insight. As much as I hated
to admit it, because I hated anything that had
to do with my abduction, it sounded right. It
sounded like something Melissa would have said
to me. She'd urged me to explore my
subconscious, try to recover the memories of my
missing time. After one hesitant attempt, I'd
given up and shut the door again. I thought.
But what did any of this have to do with
Mulder? Why my sudden urge to reach out to
him, and on such a personal level? Well, I
reasoned with myself, he's the only one who
would understand. I can't exactly go around
spouting off about mutants and aliens to just
anyone...only Mulder knows what working the X-
Files is like.
my mind piped up,
"Fine!" I shouted to the empty apartment, "I'll
admit it! I'm in love with Fox William Mulder!
Happy now?"
Silence. I asked
myself. I decided it hadn't, not really.
Maybe the trauma of Gerry Schnauz had pushed
the emotions into the forefront of my mind, but
they'd been lurking for awhile. I trusted
Mulder more than anyone, certainly. I cared
about him a great deal, considered him one of
the best friends I'd ever had.
the
voice in my head I'd started calling Logic Girl
asked me. I spoke the answer out loud and was
not surprised to find it was something I'd once
said to Mulder.
"I'm afraid. I'm afraid to believe."
Mom was
right.
Mulder had asked me many times over the course
of our partnership to stretch my imagination,
open myself up to extreme possibilities. Even
when I hadn't agreed with him, I'd tried.
Couldn't that extend to include our personal
lives as well? I sighed, remembering how safe
I'd felt with him. How nice it was to wake up
and know he was watching over me. Not an easy
thing for independent Dana Scully to admit, but
there it was. I wanted to be with Mulder,
plain and simple. Of course, a relationship
with him would be neither. Still, I wanted to
try. Second chances are never guaranteed;
hell, not even first ones are. Mulder and I
certainly deserved a chance.
So I called him, not without some trepidation.
Knowing that Mom was hovering in the background
listening made my end of the conversation
somewhat clipped. Besides, I have always hated
trying to tackle weighty emotional issues over
the phone. Mulder sounded ridiculously glad to
hear from me. My own heart did a silly little
dance. I
cautioned myself
I'd been standing at my window as we finished
our conversation, expecting Mulder to come
flying around the corner at any second. He
didn't disappoint me. With the ease of long
practice, he careened down my street and slid
into the last empty parking spot, right behind
my car. I watched him unfold himself from the
car, his anxiety and eagerness written all over
his face. He still clutched his cell phone in
his hand. Despite my own uneasiness, I had to
smile. I tapped on the window pane with my
fingernails and Mulder's head flew up. Our
eyes locked and for a long moment we stared
solemnly at each other.
I had almost cried when Mulder had told me *we*
were the one thing he had an unshakable belief
in. I hadn't realized Mulder was that certain
of *anything* in life. He really wanted to
have a relationship with me, he wanted to make
this work. He honestly believed we could
change. I didn't *want* Mulder to change, I
loved him just the way he was (and what a
revelation that was to me!), but there were
some things that were going to have to be
different if *we* were going to be different.
So many times we had been unable to
communicate---but there were an equal number of
times when Mulder or I could convey any thought
with just a look, a raised eyebrow, a tilt of
the head. We meshed like textbook
partners...and something more. This was what
he was betting all his chips on. Not just me,
but *us.* His courage astounded me, bolstered
my own. I gave him a smile and waved. He
grinned like a little boy and bounded up the
steps.
I could hear him thumping down the hallway. I
left the window and walked over to the door,
hearing his footsteps stop. He coughed. I put
my eye to the peephole and saw him raise his
hand to knock, lower it, raise it again, run it
through his hair. I thought, and laughed.
"Young lady, maybe you'd like to share your
joke with the rest of the class," came Mulder's
voice through my door. I opened the door and
smiled again at the faint blush on his face.
"Hi," I said simply.
"What's so funny?" he asked, arching one
eyebrow.
"Oh, no," I answered, grabbing his sleeve and
pulling him inside, "Don't even go there,
Mulder."
"What? Go where? What am I, some kind of
clown, here to amuse you?" he squawked. I took
the coat he shucked off and hung it in my
closet, hiding my smile from him. As much as I
enjoy Mulder's sense of humor, *some* serious
conversation had to go on here. I shut the
closet door and turned back to face him,
crossing my arms over my chest.
"Uh-oh."
"Uh-oh *what*?"
"Uh-oh, it's the Dana-Scully-is-not-amused
look."
I allowed a small smile, "Very good Joe Pesci
imitation, Mulder."
"Thank you," he answered, then paused. "Can I
ask you a question without making you angry?"
"Mulder, you can always ask me anything, no
matter what," I answered honestly.
He crossed the room to me, and gently took my
wrists in his hands, uncrossing my arms. He
guided my hands around his waist and pulled me
close to him, wrapping his own arms around my
shoulders.
"Please don't ever leave me like that again,"
he whispered into my hair, "I was really
scared."
I hugged him back, surprised by this decidedly
non-flippant remark. I remembered how I'd felt
in New Mexico, and my eyes filled. I pulled
away and looked up at him.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"S'okay," he replied.
We stared at each other, entranced. I
thought, but it didn't happen that way. We
just held each others hands. Like children,
venturing into the forest. One of us was going
to have to take the first step...or had that
already been done? I backed towards the couch,
pulling Mulder along with me.
"Let's sit," I said.
"Okay," he agreed amiably, settling down next
to me. Right next to me. I scooted backwards a
little, only to find myself wedged between
Mulder and the arm of the couch. No where to
go. my look
telegraphed to him. His smile confirmed my
suspicions.
"Mulder," I began, "We need to talk."
"Hmmm. Okay. One of those relationships
talks, huh? Haven't had one of those in a long
time," he said.
I had a fleeting thought of Phoebe Green and
gave him my best skeptical look.
"Okay, maybe never," he conceded. I smiled at
the admission.
"Phoebe didn't seem the type for talk," I
commented dryly.
"No, she wasn't," Mulder replied, looking right
into my eyes, "But she wasn't the kind of
person you built a lasting relationship with
either, you know?"
I was speechless. Mulder may have been
reticent with his emotions but when he wanted
to say something with hidden meaning, he said
it right.
"Is...is that what this is?" I stammered.
"Yeah, I think so," he answered softly, taking
my hand, "I'd like it to be. On a different
level than it is now, if you know what I mean."
"I know what you mean," I whispered, hardly
daring to believe we were having this
conversation. He squeezed my hand and smiled
at me, then slowly started leaning closer. His
eyes closed, I could feel his breath on my
face...God, I wanted to kiss him so badly,
but...
"Mulder, wait," I said, pulling my hand from
his grip to plant my palms on his shoulders.
"This is how we got in trouble last time. Too
much action, not enough talk."
Mulder opened his eyes and sat back. "What is
there to talk about?" he asked simply.
I was shocked at his offhand attitude. My
brows drew together in a frown and I opened my
mouth to let out some angry retort when he
shushed me with a finger over my lips. I reminded myself,
"That came out wrong," he said, "Let me try
again before you reach for your gun." He
removed his hand and I waited, my face relaxing
into calmer lines. When he saw that I wasn't
going to interrupt, he continued.
"What I'm trying to say, Scully, is
that...well, we've known each other a long
time. I think we know each other better than
anyone else in the world." He trailed off,
looking at my face for confirmation, before
continuing, "I care about you, I *trust* you
more than anyone. You already know that. And
I already know you feel the same way about me.
Maybe all that's left to be said between us is
'I love you' but I think we've even said that
before, if not in those exact words. Now, I
know how you love to analyze everything," he
went on, a teasing note creeping into his
voice, "But maybe the time for thinking has
already gone by. We have the foundation,
Dana...for the rest, we just have to believe."
I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by his speech for
a moment. I felt as though Mulder's words had
brought me to a jumping-off place. I could sit
back and scientifically analyze this, or I
could "believe," as Mulder urged me to. And oh
God, I *wanted* to believe, I didn't want to be
afraid to believe in him, is *us*. Mulder's
propensity for diving into things head first
had gotten him into a lot of trouble; if I
followed him into this, would the same happen
to me? Or would I finally feel a certain
measure of freedom from the confines of logic,
and always doing what I *should*? I realized
it didn't necessarily matter right now how
things turned out in the end. This wasn't an
experiment, this was my life. *Our* life. I
wanted to participate in it with Mulder, not
sit and watch it fly by.
I knew then what I wanted, and I opened my
eyes. Mulder was watching me with an endearing
mixture of hope and fear. I rose to my feet,
walked towards the hallway. I turned around to
see him still sitting on the couch, tensely
waiting for something. I thought,
I
walked back over to the couch and stood in
front of him, held out my hands to him. With
amazement, he took them and rose to his feet,
towering over me.
"Really?" he asked quietly.
"Really," I answered, tugging on his hands. We
walked down the hall to my bedroom hand in
hand. The blinds were still drawn from the
previous evening and the room was dark after I
shut the door. I sensed Mulder reaching for
the light switch and stopped him.
"No, leave it off," I whispered, snaking my
arms around his waist.
"Jesus, Scully, you're shaking," he muttered,
hold me closer to stop the tremors, "Are you
sure about this?"
"You know me, Mulder, always afraid to
believe," I joked, but he remained serious.
"Scully, look at me," he said, his hands
sliding up my arms to cup my face. "Shit, you
can't. It's pitch black in here, how am I
supposed to read your face?"
"Am I that much of an open book?" I asked,
pulling away from him to walk over to my
bedside table where I knew a scented candle
stood. Mulder, although unfamiliar with the
terrain, tried to follow the sound of my voice.
"To me you are---ouch!---sometimes, I can just
look at you---damn it, Scully, are you
*deliberately* dropping obstacles in my path?--
-and see..."
His voice trailed off at the scrape of the
match, and in a moment my bedroom was lit with
the faint glow of one small candle. Still dark
enough for my liking (to my surprise, I felt
suddenly shy), but at least now Mulder wouldn't
injure himself.
"Oh, there you are," he said, coming to stand
next to me. I crawled on the bed and sat
cross-legged, patting the mattress in front of
me to indicate he should do the same. After
kicking off his shoes, he did.
"Geez, Mulder, you can at least lose the
jacket," I laughed softly. With a sheepish
grin, he tossed it away, then settled down
across from me expectantly. There was a pause
in which I think we both wondered what to do
next, now that we were in a bedroom together.
"So?" Mulder asked.
"So," I answered, "Very nice speech."
"It's not just a speech, Scully," he said
irritably, "It's not like I have something
prepared for just such a moment---"
I laid a hand on his knee to cut him off.
"Mulder, I know, I didn't mean it like that. I
just meant...I liked what you said. It had the
ring of truth."
Mulder's smile was even more beautiful in the
flickering light. "You always know just what
to say to me," he said.
"Hardly! But I try."
"You do okay, G-woman."
"Thanks, G-man."
"So I didn't sound like a lunatic?" Mulder
questioned hopefully.
"No, you were fine. Better than fine. It
really made me think, Mulder. I do spend a lot
of time analyzing things. Maybe too much. Not
that I'm ever going to be like you, running
full-tilt into situations. But there's got to
be a medium somewhere."
"I'm at one end," he answered, "And you're at
the other end, and in the middle...?"
"There's *us*" I said, "Scully and Mulder."
"Dana and Fox," he replied.
My eyes watered at that simple statement.
I looked at him and knew he was
remembering the same thing. He gave a little
shrug and smoothed my hair with a gentle hand.
"No one else, Dana," he whispered, "No one
else. Just you."
I nodded and this time I didn't stop him when
he leaned in to kiss me. I leaned forward
myself and our lips met, our bodies still
separated by our crossed legs between us. His
hands held mine and we kissed like that, like
two shy teenagers, and it was the sweetest kiss
I'd ever received. Mulder sucked gently on my
bottom lip and I sighed. It was a nice place
to start but soon we both wanted more.
Mulder pulled back and looked at me with that
hooded glance I loved. His pupils were dilated
in the dim light and his breathing was ragged.
I wanted him so much at that moment it almost
broke my heart. I reached for his biceps,
pulling him down with me as I reclined on the
bed. He shifted on his way down so he was
lying next to me, not on top of me as I'd
intended. He propped himself upon one elbow
and looked down at me.
"Are you scared? We can't go back after this,
you know," he murmured.
"Would you want to?," I asked.
"No. I only want to go forward---with you. I
was just checking. It's not like I have tons
of experience at this."
"I know," I answered, "But I trust you...Fox."
He smiled at my use of his first name. "I
trust you, too. Dana."
He rolled over then and kissed me like I
wanted. I squirmed until I was underneath him,
wanting to feel all of his body pressing down
on mine. It felt so good, having all his
weight on top of me. I assured him that he
wasn't crushing me; on the contrary, I felt
safe. Real. Grounded. We lay like that for a
long time, exchanging deep kisses and body
heat. I opened my legs and Mulder settled
between them, his erection rubbing against me
with his every move. After what seemed like
forever he raised his head and looked at me,
sweat gleaming on his face.
"Dana, I want to touch you everywhere, I wanna
feel your skin."
I nodded feverishly and went to work on his
tie, whipping it out of the collar. I smiled
at the thought that we'd made out so long and
Mulder still had his tie on. He propped
himself up so I could reach his shirt buttons,
which I made quick work of; then his
undershirt. Mulder sat back on his haunches
and made me sit up and follow him. I stroked
his chest with my fingertips, then my palms,
enjoying the feel. Oh, I'd seen Mulder's chest
many times but never like this. He gasped when
I rubbed his nipples with my thumbs. I grinned
wickedly and looked up at him watching me.
"Your turn," he said huskily, grabbing the hem
of my T-shirt. I rose up on my knees and
stretched my arms as he pulled it slowly over
my head. I closed my eyes and smiled as he
murmured, "Ah, front hook" and unclasped my
bra. My breasts swung free and for a long
moment there was no touch. I looked at him,
curious. He was letting his eyes roam over me,
his hands still hanging at his sides. I took
them in my own and covered my breasts with his
palms. He smiled and massaged them gently,
enjoying my soft moans.
"You're so soft," he whispered, "You feel
really good." I merely smiled at that remark
and let one hand drift down between his legs,
where I stroked him through his pants. Arching
one eyebrow at me, he let his own hand drift
south. We knelt there, knees spread, caressing
each other, wondering who would crack first.
"God, you're so hot, I can feel it through your
sweats," he muttered, then groaned as I
answered that remark with a playful squeeze.
"You're pretty hot yourself," I replied,
feeling him grow harder under my fingers. He
answered that with a throaty growl and hopped
off the bed to stand next to it, pulling my
hand until I also slid off and stood opposite
him. Never taking his eyes off mine, Mulder
slowly took my hands and guided them as I
unbuckled his belt and slid his pants and
boxers down his hips. I could see him, hard and
bulging. God, I wanted him inside me, wanted
him to just throw me back on the bed and fuck
me hard. But I was also enjoying taking my
time, so for now I left his boxers alone.
With a small smile, Mulder hooked his fingers
inside the waistband of my sweatpants. The
teasing touch of his fingers against my abdomen
made me catch my breath and I heard him
chuckle. Unable to look at him, I closed my
eyes and waited for the cool draft of air
against my naked skin. Mulder's hands stopped
moving suddenly.
"Scully, look at me."
I opened my eyes to see him regarding me with a
slightly concerned expression.
"You're shaking again, are you really sure
about this? We stop whenever you give the
word."
I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around
him, unable to feel close enough. The hair on
his chest rubbed over my sensitized nipples
with a delicious feeling. I nuzzled my cheek
against his chest, enjoying the warmth and the
smell that were exclusively Mulder. I
thought. He held me tight, stroking my hair in
reassurance.
"I'm sure, Mulder, it's just that..." I trailed
off, embarrassed. Mulder stood away from me so
he could look down into my eyes, his hands
cupping my face.
"Just what?"
"It's...been a long time. Since
anyone's...seen me. Been with me. Maybe I'm a
little shy."
"Hey, it's okay," he whispered, "I like what
I've seen so far," he gently teased, his hands
gliding down to caress my breasts again. I
inhaled sharply at the pleasure his touch gave
me.
"Oh, Mulder..." I managed to choke out.
Watching my face, Mulder slid his fingers
further inside my waistband and starting easing
my sweats down my body. He caught my panties
and slowly slid them down to my ankles, sinking
to the floor in front of me. Breathing hard, I
saw him drink in every detail of my body with
his dark eyes. He remained kneeling in front
of me, looking up at my body. I thought
"Scully, you are so beautiful," he murmured,
sliding his hands all over me. He nudged my
thighs apart with his hands and touched my
curls gently with a fingertip. Almost
involuntarily, I spread my legs further and
gasped when he stroked me, exploring deeper.
"You're so wet, so hot...you want me," he said,
making it a statement, not a question. I
nodded wordlessly.
Mulder pushed gently against my hips, sitting
me down on the edge of the bed. Still kneeling
in front of me, he put his hands on my knees
and slid his hands upwards, opening my thighs
as he went. I knew immediately what he wanted
and made a small noise in my throat. He looked
up at me.
"No?" he asked. I didn't want to refuse him
anything, God, I wanted his mouth on me
everywhere, but...
"I n-never," I stammered, feeling my face start
to burn.
Mulder slid his arms around me and drew circles
on my lower back with his palms, reassuring me.
"Why?" he asked simply. I shrugged.
"I don't know..."
"I'm glad," he answered, pausing to kiss me
right above my navel, "I want to be the first,
if you'll let me."
My eyes closed and I took a
deep shuddery breath at the words. I threaded
my fingers though his hair, pausing for the
briefest instant before I guided him gently
downward. I wasn't sure why I had never let
anyone go down on me before. It was so much
more intimate than sex, to my mind, tasting a
woman there. I had never felt closer to anyone
than I did to Mulder. I wasn't quite
sentimental enough to want to be a virgin for
him, but it felt right that he should be the
first person who made love to me this way.
Mulder cupped his hands under my ass and eased
me back onto the bed, climbing up after me. He
teased me by taking a detour and lowering his
head to kiss my breasts as his hands slid
upwards from my knees once again. I opened
myself to him, feeling the cool air against my
hot wetness. His tongue swirled around my
nipple, drawing it into a tight peak in his
mouth as he massaged my thighs. I moaned and
twitched under his hands and tongue, hardly
recognizing the sounds that escaped my lips. I
could feel the moisture seeping from me and I
wanted to feel him lick it off my feverish
skin.
"Please, I want..." I begged in a hoarse voice,
trying to push his head further down my body.
Mulder resisted my efforts, instead raising his
head to kiss me, cutting off my entreaty. I
moaned into his mouth, sucking on his tongue
the way I wanted him to suck on me. I had
never been this wild with desire before.
Finally he broke the kiss and hovered over me,
his weight supported by his elbows so his skin
barely touched mine. The heat between us was
unbearable.
"Tell me," he demanded, "Tell me *exactly* what
you want. Just so I'm sure," he continued,
challenging me. , I thought with an arched
eyebrow,
"I want you," I said slowly, enunciating each
word, "To go down on me and make me come with
your mouth."
Mulder stopped nibbling on my neck long enough
to look at me with mock surprise on his face.
"I've been told, Scully, that women really lose
control in situations like that."
There it was. Mulder's *real* challenge, and
most likely the reason we'd danced around this
so long. Why I'd only permitted the light of
one small candle. Why I'd been so shy about
him seeing me, knowing me in such intimate
ways. Why no man had ever done what I was now
begging Mulder to do. *Losing control.* I had
never allowed it before. I had never trusted
anyone this much before, either. The prospect
of letting Mulder drive me crazy was intriguing
and yes, a little scary, but in a good way.
"Please," I said, "I want your mouth on me,
everywhere."
With a small smile of satisfaction on his face,
Mulder started nibbling his way down my neck,
pausing only to dip his tongue into the hollow
at the base of my throat. He kissed his way
down between my breasts, sucking on each
nipple, then stroking my stomach with his
tongue. His mouth hovered above my waiting
flesh. I could feel his breath ruffling my
damp curls. I grabbed handfuls of the sheets,
making myself wait. With a tiny kiss on the
inside of each thigh, he finally lowered his
mouth to me.
The whole experience is a blur of pleasure and
exquisite torture. I would watch Mulder's face
between my legs until a fresh wave of pleasure
overtook me and I closed my eyes against it.
He kept me on the edge for what seemed like
forever. The pointy tip of his tongue would
flick lightly, then soft, broad stokes that
covered every inch of me. Just when the
sensation would start to build towards my
climax, he'd back off. I was gasping for
breath, moaning with every exhalation. I had
never felt anything this intense before, never
showed this much need to anyone. The more I
gave Mulder the more I wanted to give. I was
completely uninhibited, unafraid of letting him
see my desire. I writhed and squirmed under
his touch, finally begging him for release.
His hands slid from cupping my breasts to hold
my own clenched fists, and I grabbed on tight,
pulling against his arms as I bucked my hips
against his face. He told me later I screamed
aloud when I came, but I don't remember that,
only a sweet spiral of sensation that bloomed
until it engulfed my entire body.
I was still gasping for breath when Mulder's
mouth left me and he slid back up the length of
my body, our sweat-soaked skins gliding against
each other. He rolled over onto his back and
pulled me on top of him, holding me close. I
dug my fingers into his shoulders and panted
into his ear, unable to talk for a moment. I
could feel his erection, hot and hard beneath
me. I knew he must be ready to explode but he
sensed that I needed to come down and made no
demands, just rubbed my back. When I felt
reasonably coherent again I lifted my head and
looked into his eyes.
"Mulder, that was..." I rolled my eyes, at a
loss for words. We both laughed.
"Yeah, it certainly was," he said, his own
voice rough around the edges, "Thank you."
"For what?" I asked.
"For trusting me enough to be that vulnerable
and open around me. For sharing yourself like
that." he replied.
I smoothed his sweaty hair back from his
forehead and looked at him. "Thank you for
being someone I can trust with all those
things," I said softly. I threaded my fingers
through the damp strands and lowered my lips to
his. He responded hungrily, sweeping his
tongue through my mouth. I felt myself start
to throb again as he slid his hands down my
back, over my ass, and between my thighs, to
guide them open. His hips were thrusting up
against mine, the tip of his erection dancing
against me in a tantalizing way, seeking
entrance. I broke the kiss to rear up on my
haunches, hovering above him. Mulder whimpered
at the loss of contact and looked up at me with
greedy eyes.
"Tell me exactly what you want," I said
huskily, imitating his earlier words, "Just so
I'm sure."
"Oh, Dana, if I have to explain it to you," he
breathed, laughing shakily, "Then we're in
trouble."
Before he could stop me I grabbed his wrists
and pinned them to the bed, leaning over him.
My breasts swayed with the movement and Mulder
lifted his head, trying to capture my nipples
in his mouth. I shifted around, hearing him
grunt as I rubbed against him. I leaned on him
with all my weight, until our faces were mere
inches apart.
"Tell. Me. What. You. Want." I commanded
him, looking into his eyes. He stared into my
eyes for a long moment. I saw my own desire
reflected in the hazel depths. This was the
threshold, this was where the partnership ended
and we became one person. I knew perfectly
well what Mulder wanted---his hips were still
pushing up against mine. But I wanted to hear
what he would say.
"I want *you*," he said softly, "I want to be
inside you, I want to feel you and watch you
and know that I'm the one *you* want."
"You are," I whispered.
He smiled at my simple answer and pulled his
wrists out of my loosened grip. His arms came
up around my back and he slowly rolled us over,
reversing our positions. I watched as he
positioned himself over me, then paused.
"I love you," he said. My eyes filled and I
smiled.
"I love you, too," I answered.
I reached down, feeling the hot silkiness of
him fill my hand. I guided him as he slowly
pushed into me with a groan.
"Jesus, you're so tight," he moaned, starting
to move slowly in and out of me. I responded
by squeezing my inner muscles around him at his
next stroke and was rewarded with a grunt of
surprise.
"Keep that up and I'll last as long as your
average sixteen year old," he whispered. I
laughed under my breath and did it again. His
pace picked up a little.
"This is...oh, God," Mulder tried to slow down
but I started lifting my hips to meet him,
encouraging him to go faster. He braced
himself above me and we looked at each other,
watching the desire rise in our faces. I
grabbed his butt and dug my nails in, wanting
him deeper inside me.
"Ahhh, I like that," he growled, going faster
and deeper into me. I saw the beads of sweat
trickle down his face and knew he was close.
The knowledge started my own climax building.
I let my eyes slip closed and arched my back,
urging him on.
"Oh my God," he moaned, and hearing his control
slip sent me over the edge once again. I made
no sound this time, biting down on my lower lip
to keep from crying out as my second orgasm
over took me. I felt my muscles contract
around Mulder and he slammed into me, finally
finding his own release. I clutched at him,
wanting him close to me as he came, calling out
my name in a voice I had never heard before.
"Dana, Dana..." he cried, thrusting into me
over and over, riding the waves of my own
climax along with his. I was sobbing, unable
to get my mind completely around the sensation
of being one with him like this. We drew the
pleasure out as long as we could stand it, then
slowed down until he slipped out of me,
completely spent. We lay there, holding each
other in a tight embrace as we caught our
breath. Mulder shifted as if to move off me
but I shook my head, not wanting to lose
contact with one inch of his skin. I felt his
own shoulders shake with sobs as his tears
streamed down my neck and shoulder.
I woke with a start. I didn't even remember
falling asleep, it seemed impossible that I
could have dozed off after what Mulder and I
had been to each other. The room was pitch
black, the candle gone. I sat up with a
muffled cry, reaching for him. My outstretched
hands caught at his own.
"I'm right here, it's okay," he whispered,
drawing me close to him. I nestled my head on
his shoulder. I became aware of the sound of
running water in the background.
"I've been playing with some of your bath
stuff, come join me," he said. I could hear
the smile in his voice. He tugged on my hand
and I slid off the bed, giggling when my legs
wobbled under me.
"Lose your sea legs, Starbuck?" he chuckled,
leading me into the bathroom. I smiled at the
sight. Mulder had gone digging around and
unearthed every single candle I owned, filling
the room with golden light. Bubbles spilled
out of the tub and onto the floor.
"You only need a little bit," I laughed,
scooping some up and blowing them at him.
"I'll remember that for next time," he said,
stepping into the tub and drawing me in after
him. He sat down with a slosh, his back
against the wall. I settled down in front of
him, leaning back against his chest with his
arms wrapped around me. I felt the sweat from
our lovemaking dissolve in the sweet-smelling
water and I sighed, content.
"You thought this up all by yourself?" I
teased.
"Well, I think the last time *I* took a tub
bath was with my toy boats, but I know it's
your thing and I thought it would be a suitably
romantic ending to a very enjoyable evening."
"Ending, Mulder?" I questioned, feeling a
shiver run through me. He held me closer and
splashed some of the warm water over me.
"You could say an ending of one phase and the
beginning of another," he said, punctuating his
words with a kiss on the top of my head.
"What ends?" I asked.
"Our separate paths."
"And what begins?"
"Us."
*********************
"So we end as we began
With the man in the woman
And the woman in the man
It was all for the union
Oh, the union of the woman and the man."
--Peter Gabriel, "Blood of Eden"
*big happy sigh* Well, there, it's finally
done! Thanks beyond thanking to everyone who
encouraged me through this series, especially
Leyla, without whom it would have sputtered and
died.
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