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Minutes of the March Meeting

 

The meeting opened at 5.00pm (After Wales had just taken the Italians to the cleaners.) with a special visit from our esteemed President,- Gwilym. He spoke a few stoic words and congratulated us on the way that VICE has developed over the past months.

Also a first for VICE, the March meeting was attended by one of the Lady members, Mrs. Rosalyn Smith, AKA "Rosie". Asked why she had graced us with her presence she replied that she had heard that a certain members wife would be attending the meeting with a view to "getting her tits out" and she wanted to have a good seat to view this spectacle.

The meeting then began with a tribute to the late Spike Milligan, it was thought that if he had known about VICE he would have been a keen member as he was the king of stupidity. All VICE members in attendance wore a sticking plaster by way of tribute. We then had a 2 second silence to his memory.

1 Proposed that the minutes of the last meeting were a true record.

This was voted out as it was felt that they sounded nothing like the record  "True" made by Spandu Ballet It was then suggested that a copy be sent to Martin Kemp for verification. -- Agreed.

The next item on the agenda was to be "Matters arising" but it was felt this could be better dealt with after item 8 ( see item 8) -- Agreed.

2 Officers reports.

Raving Ambassador.

See the mins of Nov, Dec, Jan, Feb, nothing changes.

Treasurers report.

I’ve spent all the money.

MLO report.

He wished to complain about two of the members, these were - Rob Seaward - Farting. David Evans - Drinking Nancy drinks. i.e.. gin and tonic. Rob Seaward was then congratulated by the members as to the quality of his flatulence. David Evans received a ticking off.

The MLO then reported that he had been looking into the possibility of providing uniforms for the staff as it was felt they needed sprucing up a bit. He had received a number of catalogues from Littlewoods, Gratins, The Army & Navy Surplus Store and Anne Summers. Although it was felt that The Army & Navy Store had the most appropriate clothing he felt that the uniforms in the Anne Summers Catalogue would be more ascetically pleasing. -- All were in agreement

A measuring committee was then set up consisting of Rob Seaward - women, Rosie Smith -Men. When asked "what men"? someone mentioned, Lloyd, We all laughed!

The Member without portfolio then suggested that we should find a suitable paper bag for Lloyd to wear over his head. The MLO said he had plenty to choose from as the Anne Summers stuff came in plain brown paper.

The MLO then moved on to a complaint he had received from certain members of staff. He was told not to get involved with the staff as they had a number of complaints that medical science had no cure for. We commiserated with him and told him that we hoped he would not pass any of these complaints to his wife. He assured us that for reasons he did not want to go into, that there was not a cat’s chance in hell that he could pass on any complaint to his dearly beloved.

On returning to the matter in hand (pun intended) he then told us that certain members of the staff had complained to him that the Raving ambassador had been taking the piss out of them by talking to them in an exaggerated Welsh accent. We discussed the matter and decided to award him 10p out of VICE funds for his public spiritness and adherence to the basic principles of VICE. He thanked us and magnanimously donated the 10p to the VICE charity fund.

Recruitment officers Report

He told us that he had been hard at work traveling as far afield as Langland and Bishopston, as he felt that we needed a better class of membership. He had signed up 3 new members, we didn’t believe him. He let himself down rather badly when he referred to the esteemed president as a puppet.

He was severely reprimanded for this and sentenced to 4 lashes of gin and tonic.

One of the new members that the RO had signed up was then put on a charge for chucking fried bread about. He offered some feeble excuse and asked for it to be entered in the seconds of the meeting. We all laughed, and he felt very embarrassed, Saying " I’m only a welder,- OK! And I’ve driven through a red light twice, next meeting I’ll bring in a big bag of prawns" He was told to shut up and sit down.

The MLO then produced a letter holding it up he said " I have in my hand a piece of paper" He then read out the letter purporting to be from a Mrs. E Lowe ( John Lowe’s mother) See copy of letter attached to minutes. Click here to read letter It was thought that this was in fact a forgery, as John was well known to supply letters from his mother when he wanted to get off school.

We thought that the best course of action was to call his bluff and actually reply to the letter. He could be in trouble with his mother when she reads it.

At this point the meeting was interrupted with the joyous and glorious news that France had stuffed England.

It was then reported to the meeting that we had managed to raise around £100.00 for the cancer fund at Singleton Hospital during the day by selling all day breakfasts. The Chairman and the Secretary were thanked for their efforts in cooking and serving the food, and the members were thanked for doing their bit by consuming copious amounts of bacon and egg.

We agreed to send a letter of complaint to ITV due to the confusion that is arising over a TV program called The Vice. Some people are mixing us up with this program and asking us for services that we cannot supply. We thought it would be a good idea if ITV could change the name of their series. A letter will be sent in the next day or two.

8 Mrs. Lowe's’ event

She didn’t turn up to do the biz ( see letter referred to in previous minutes). so there were no matters arising. All were bitterly disappointed especially Rosie.

The meeting finished             HOME