MINUTES
OF THE INAUGURAL VICE MEETING HELD ON
SATURDAY 29TH
SEPTEMBER 2001
Present : Patrons of the
Village Inn
![]()
The following officers were unanimously appointed to the following executive posts:-
VICE President Gwylim Tynt
VICE vice President Rhys Lillie
Chairman Clive Ashcart
Secretary Don Lillie
Treasurer Allan ( Blackhands ) Bryant
Social Secretary Chris Fletcher
Female Liason Officer Jackie Fletcher
Raving Ambassador Tony the Kiwi
Member without portfolio Simon the English
Member without brain Paul ( Pikey ) Jones
In addition to the above it was decided to create the post of Management Liason Officer ( MLO )
It was agreed that the main function of this post is to carry clecks to management about unacceptable behaviour from bar staff. The importance of this post can not be understated and it was decided that the incumbent would have to be diplomatic, sensitive, observant, courageous
( or stupid ) and short. In addition it was agreed that it would be helpful if the person appointed could be relied upon to carry a pen and small ruler at all times and turn up frequently at 5.30 pm departing at 6.30 pm when his dinner is ready.
On this basis the executive officers unanimously agreed that only one person known to them could fulfil all this criteria and therefore in his absence Rob Gear was appointed as MLO.
When informed of his appointment Mr Gear immediately tendered his resignation which was not accepted by the executive.
Finally, The executive agreed that two covert officers should be appointed who would act as “Mystery Customers “ feeding back important information about service standards, alcohol quality, staff behaviour and anything else we can nail them for. Two members have been appointed but they have not been informed so as not to compromise the nature of their undercover operations.
There was some incomprehensible discussion on this matter resulting in general agreement that VICE activities and responsibilities would be largely concerned with representing it’s members
( patrons ) interests relating to service standards and product quality. In order to gain management’s approval of VICE activities it was also agreed to tell them that our fundamental aim is to help the Village Inn acquire national recognition for customer excellence. This would have to be done sensitively without revealing the true motives which are largely concerned with winding up members of staff.
Finally, following a proposal from the member without portfolio it was agreed that the Chairman and Secretary should produce a simple mission statement designed to convey to all the motives, values and priorities underpinning VICE activities and the means by which it intended to achieve them.
At the this point the executive took a short recess in order to enlighten the member without brain as to what was going on.
This item had been placed on the agenda because it had previously been suggested that a list of complaints should be submitted to management on a weekly basis.
The MLO fervently objected to this and again tendered his resignation which was not accepted.
At
this point a motion was put forward and subsequently agreed which states that “Once appointed an Executive Member does have a definitive right to
resignation except those who have shit jobs like the MLO”
In order to pacify the MLO it was reluctantly agreed that a monthly rather than a weekly complaints list would be produced . This would allow the MLO to have a lie down and worry on just one occasion a month rather than four as previously intended.
The Executive considered this matter at some length and through individual experiences produced a collective list naming some 17 members of staff who they would like to hit. It was subsequently pointed out that only 11 staff were employed at the Village inn and further investigation revealed the list included names of personnel employed In the Black Boy, the Commercial Inn, the Coop and the Killay Tandori restaurant.
At this point the member without brain put forward his own motion which caused considerable alarm amongst the Executive. It was some time before order was restored and some time longer before the member concerned was able to understand that there is a difference between a natural bodily function and an item of committee procedure.
Due to the excessive amount of time spent on this item and the fact that the Raving Ambassador had been spotted verbally abusing a Swedish member of staff it was agreed to defer further discussion to the next meeting.
It had already been decided to remove this agenda item on the basis that there was no deserving recipient on this occasion. The Chairman reported that one female member of staff had been on line for the award but had virtually eliminated herself when she inferred that the member without portfolio was a fat bastard and should go on a diet.
It was agreed to re-visit this item on a monthly basis and it was noted that one male member of staff was already a strong contender having explained to the Executive that if he won it he would provide us with invaluable “inside information”.
The Chairman asked the Executive members for suggestions about how to raise the profile of VICE and the following were agreed as being worthy of further discussion at the next meeting :-
a) VICE website
b) VICE plaque ( similar to Rotary Plaque )
c) Xmas Function
d) Membership Fees
e) Financial Donations from management
The member without brain became extremely excitable at this point when he realised the meeting was taking place away from the stated venue viz a viz the Brownies table. Without approval from the Executive the member concerned took it upon himself to personally evict the intruders. As a result a complaint has been received from the ladies section concerning the member's attitude, use of swear words and abusive behaviour. Whereas VICE do not condone such behaviour we are mindful that the member concerned had consumed copious amounts of Guinness ( in line with VICE recommendations ) and that the Brownies were in fact occupying the table that now belongs to VICE.
The Executives view is that we wish to represent everyone’s view ( even women ) but it will not tolerate indifference or subversive behaviour designed to undermine VICE’s authority.
As a gesture of good faith the Executive has negotiated with Management and can confirm that the Brownies are to be re- housed in the downstairs bar with the door shut.
Finally,
the Chairman thanked the Executive for giving up their time and for buying him
beer and assured them that their commitment and enthusiasm would not go
unrewarded.
The meeting concluded at 7.30 pm when Ken came in.
Date of next meeting Saturday 29th October at 6.00 pm on the table that the Brownies used to have.