V.I.C.E. Press Release, 24th February 2002
Administratium: Ad
V.I.C.E.'s Honorary Life Member, have discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named
Administratiu
m; chemical symbol Ad.
of zero. It does, however, have one neutron,
125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons,and
111 assistant vice-neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it
can be detected, as itimpedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact.
amount of Administratium can cause a reaction to take over two weeks to
complete, when it would normally happen in less than ten seconds.
reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons,
vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. In fact, an
Administratium sample’s mass will actually
increase over time, since witheach reorganisation some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming
new isotopes.
This characteristic of "moron
promotion" has
caused some of the scientists
to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as the Critical Morass.
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to prepare a paper describing the new element was thwarted when the
scientist concerned discovered that he did not have a pen. Upon requesting
one, he was advised to fill in a requisition form, available from the 2nd floor.
However, not having a pen, he was unable to complete the form!
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