There's a dirty little secret out there that's being quietly hidden from homosexuals across the nation. The gay press doesn't want you to know, so they cover it up and distort their own opinions. The openly gay celebrities, what few there are, certainly don't want you to know because their pathetic careers depend on you NOT KNOWING THE TRUTH.
You ought to be thankful that I am here. I am a truthteller. I shall exclaim, as loudly and proudly as a bitchy 19-year-old dance major at a pride rally, the simple fact that has been kept in the closet for so long.
QUEER FILMS SUCK!
Not all of them, mind you. No, of course not. If a film genre exists in any sort of vast quantity, you're bound to have a few winners. There are, in fact, good queer-themed films.
However, most of them are terrible. Not just bad, mind you, but terrible. They're terrible because the characters have no personality outside of a couple token traits pulled out of a hat. They're terrible because they are romantic coemdies that are neither romantic nor comic. They're terrible because they simple take boring, overused formulas from heterosexual films and transplant them into boring "queer" films. They're terrible because they spend their entire running time rabidly promoting that "It's okay to be gay" to THE VERY PEOPLE THAT KNOW THIS ALREADY.
They're terrible because they're poorly-written, tepidly-acted, mind-numbing pieces of cinematic warm hugs, existing solely to fill the void that needs constant re-assurance of sexuality.
And most gay people, my friends, are terrible because THEY ACCEPT THIS. They accept the AIDS-infected character whose sole purpose is to die and make everyone think about life. They accept the stereotypical fat fag hag character. They accept the wise, advice-giving drag queen that doesn't actually seem to have a life outside a night club. They accept the fact that there are no gay men that are fat, bald or middle-aged unless they're meant to be creepy.
You'll notice that gay films rarely get actively bad reviews. In mainstream papers, this could come out of fear--giving a "queer-themed" review could be deemed similar to gay-bashing, and with snotty, humorless media watchdogs like GLAAD around, you'd best watch yourself. Meanwhile, gay papers and major websites themselves are simply regular publicity forces for the gay lifestyle--deeming anything "gay-positive" as qualitatively bad just isn't in their nature. On the other hand, giving a positive review of anything resembling a "homophobic" film is even more out of the question.
This is a site for queer film reviews.
The writer is gay.
And pissed.
And not very good at HTML.
Enjoy.
Rants:
The Trouble With Dorothy:
A Case Against Queer Film Marketing
Archive reviews:
(5 Star scale)
...And Then Came
Summer **
Annie Sprinkle's
Herstory of Porn: Reel to Reel ****
At Twilight
Come the Flesheaters ***
Better Than Chocolate
*
The Brotherhood
***
Crocodile Tears ***
Edge of Seventeen
**
Jaded *
Kate's Addiction ***
Killer Flick ****
Last Man on Planet Earth
*
Slaves to the Undergound
*
Skin Gang ***
Speedway Junky
**
Sticks and Stones
***
The Versace Murder
*
When Love Comes
*
