Personal Safety 2
Ladies:
This is a powerful piece and, as suggested below,
should be shared with as many female friends as possible.
It is particularly important that we share this with
our younger sisters, daughters, nieces, friends
who may suffer in silence not knowing where to turn.
Please read and forward to as many
female friends as possible,
you never know who maybe going through a situation
like this.
I GOT FLOWERS
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night.
He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me flowers today.
It wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.
STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TODAY!!
DO NOT TOLERATE IT!!! EVER
ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
By Bob Narindra
You'd be surprised at how many people
suffer through abusive relationships
and not just women.
Both emotionally and physically abusive relationships
are happening with increased frequency.
Abuse can take many different forms.
Of course, the most famous type of abuse is physical abuse.
Mental abuse, however, can be just as harmful,
if not more so.
Mental abuse is becoming increasingly prevalent in society.
For this reason,
in this article I will concentrate
on how to detect and handle mental abuse.
Mentally abusive people have one goal --
to destroy your self-worth.
They do this by a variety of methods including,
but not limited to, verbal threats,
demoralization, alienation of friends and family,
and by putting down any positive impulses you have.
Some examples of mental abuse are:
Telling you that you are worthless.
Not allowing you to have any contact
with your friends or family
unless cleared by them first.
Threatening to leave
if you don't do what they say.
Making it seem like the whole world is against you
with sayings such as
"Everybody knows you are a failure" or
"They are all talking about how messed up you are."
Withholding good news from you
about your friends, family, neighbors and associates.
However, at the same time,
making up or embellishing bad news
about those same people.
Putting up roadblocks to any of your own
personal goals that do not involve them.
Telling you how lucky you are to have them
because no one else would love you.
Telling you how messed up you are
and how much you need to get help while,
at the same time, putting up all kinds of roadblocks
on you doing anything to improve yourself.
Those are just a few examples
but I am sure you can see the underlying trend.
The basic tool is control.
They have to have control over everything you do,
who you see and who you talk to.
Through this control,
they are able to keep your self-worth at a minimum
so that you don't leave.
They also very often play the pity card:
"I will kill myself if you leave."
"I am so sorry, I love you so much."
Realize that these types of control methods
are calculated to keep you around.
When they feel that they have gone too far,
they will back off on putting you down
just long enough to make you have doubts
about whether they are that bad.
Once they feel more secure,
the abuse starts right back up again.
The effects of mental abuse are often
more devastating than physical abuse
because they are hidden and there are no outward sign,
such as bruises etc. that happen with physical abuse.
Very often,
the abused person is unwilling to tell anyone about this,
which makes it even harder to spot.
However, depression, anxiety, nervousness
and lack of self-confidence are common results
of this type of abuse.
Sometimes, however,
the partner is just being overly controlling
and not actually being intentionally abusive.
When you are looking at a situation,
make sure you look at the broad picture
and not just isolated incidents.
Every single person has used one or more
of the methods described above at some point in their life,
particularly when under stress.
It is important when looking at this
to look at the real long-term motives of the person in question.
Are they actually being abusive,
or are they simply being over-protective?
If the latter is the case,
then that can be handled simply by communication.
If, however, it does turn out to be real abuse,
then you owe it to yourself and your children (if applicable)
to get out of the relationship.
Don't use the kids as an excuse to stay.
They are smart and probably already know what is going on.
Do you want them to grow up thinking
that it is ok to be physically or mentally abused?
So, what do you do if someone you know
is in an abusive relationship?
Well, the ideal situation would be
to get them away from their abusive partner.
Get them alone and talk with them about it.
Start with a soft, concerned approach
and make sure they know that anything they tell you
is in strict confidence.
Then, work out a plan to get them
out of the relationship permanently.
If kids are involved,
you have to be even more careful as the abusive partner
will use them as leverage if they find out what you are doing.
If you are in an abusive relationship
talk to someone you can trust,
a close personal friend or a family member.
Make sure that the person you talk to is trustworthy
and will not betray your confidence.
If you feel you are in an abusive relationship,
get out and get help!
