Spambusters character action
Original being MiST'd
TITLE: Spambusters, Edition 1
AUTHOR: Robin Elizabeth
RATING: R, language, sexual references (within the damn spam too...)
DISTRIBUTION: none without prior consent (aka, gotta ask me first)
NOTES: non beta'd. written in about 1/2 hour.
DISCLAIMER: The only character contained within is myself. Shane, Test, Chris Jericho are property of themselves and WWFE.
SUMMARY: "I" along with the WWF's Shane McMahon, Test and Chris Jericho MiSTie a piece of spam.
The sound of excited chatter and music fill the room.
Shane: And what a small room it is.
Robin: It's not that small.
Shane: It's tiny!
Robin: My dormroom sophomore year was smaller. And it had slanted ceilings.
Test: I remember the story of you banging your head on one of the slants with a pen in your hair.
Robin: Yeah, that hurt like hell.
Shane: Don't talk to me about pain.
Robin: Fine, you couldn't match me anyway.
Shane: What the hell music do you have on?
Robin: Stuff I got off the Net.
Test: I can't understand what they're saying.
Robin: That's because all the words in the techno songs are in German.
Test: Who here knows German?
Robin: Ich sprache deutsch.
Test: Wha-huh?
Robin: I speak German.
Shane: Robin, you are completely fucked up. Your song list goes from Evil German Techno to a duet with Collin Raye and Bobbie Eakes "Tired of Loving This Way".
Robin: And your point would be...
Chris: Would you all please shut the hell up!
Robin: Well, that was rude. Anyway, nice of you to join us.
Chris: But effective. And thanks.
Test: I guess we better get down to business.
Robin: Our first piece of semi-useless spam comes from dryog@hotbot.com.
Test: Whoa...it's a long one.
Chris: I know, I don't like to brag, but...
Test: I meant the spam, moron.
Chris: Oh.
From: dryog@hotbot.com
Shane: Dr Yog.. yogurt?
Robin: Yogi Bear?
Shane:::looks at Robin quizzically:: You're old enough to remember that?
Robin: I am 21. Yeah, I do remember Yogi, Booboo and the pic-a-nic baskets!
To: unknown@unknown.com
Test: I thought your email address was superstarscannonballs79@hotmail.com?
Robin: That's one of them.
Test: New one I didn't know about?
Robin: ::shakes her head:: No, Test. It's a... nevermind.
Subject: Herbal BREAKTHROUGH! pkaym
Test: New viagra?
Robin: We'll have to find out.
Greetings & Blessings To You!
ALL: Greetings and blessings to you... we think.
Offering for your "Sensitive" Delight:
ALL: Yippee!
1. "Seventh Heaven" Kathmandu Temple Kiff (tm); a viripotent cannabis alternative for blissful regressions of vexatious depressions...
Chris: What?
Robin: Blissful regressions of Vexatious depressions?
Shane: Who wants to be depressed?
Robin: Obviously this isn't their best seller.
2. Sweet Vjestika Aphrodisia Drops (tm); An erotic aphrodisia; sexual intensifier / enhancer liquid amalgamated extract for MEN and WOMEN.
Shane: Sounds good to me.
Robin: I prefer more natural aphrodisiacs.
Chris: Like me?
Robin: No, Chris. Like a hot, sweaty soccer player after a good game. So like Ante Razov, Jay Heaps, etc.
Chris: You forgot someone.
Robin: Oh, duh. Carey Talley!
Chris: I meant me.
Robin: Your not a soccer player.
Chris: I could be one...
Robin: Shut it, moron.
Shane: Let's get a move on here.
***snip***
4. "Seventh Heaven" Gentle Ferocity Tablets (tm); a most efficacious, non-caffeine, non-ephedrine, non-MaHuang botanical energizer...
Test: Gentle Ferocity? What's the fun in that?
Shane: Someone broke out the thesaurus. Efficacious?
Robin: Non-caffeine? Not interested.
Chris: What the hell is MaHuang and why would I not want it?
Robin: I think that's the first intelligent thing you've said all day.
::Chris just glares at her::
*********************************************
Absolutely Legal! Marvelously Potent!
Kathmandu Temple Kiff possesses all of the positive virtues fine ganja/cannabis without any of the negatives. An amalgamation of high concentrates of rare euphoric herbas, Kathmandu is offered in a solid jigget/bar format and is actually more UPLIFTING & POISED than cannabis /marijuana while rendering Euphoria, Happiness, Mood-Enhancement, Stress/Depression Relief and promoting contemplativeness, creativity, better sleep, lucid dreaming ... and enhancing the sexual experience!!!
Chris: It's better known here as acid.
Robin: Does acid come in bars?
Chris: Wouldn't know.
::All look at Test::
Test: What?
Shane: We could ask Edge and Christian.
Robin: They would probably know.
========================================
PRICING INFORMATION:
Robin: The all important part of the spam.
Chris: Except for the important stuff before this.
Robin: That too.
1. SEVENTH HEAVEN KATHMANDU TEMPLE KIFF (tm) One .75 oz. jigget/bar $65.00 One 2.0 oz. jigget/bar $115.00 (Free Capillaris Herba with 2.0 oz. bar. Refer to Capillaris paragraph at end of text)
Shane: $115 for a 2 ounce bar?!?!
Robin: You expected this shit to be cheap?
Shane: No, but I didn't expect it to be this expensive either.
***snip rest of pricing***
Shane: Thank goodness. The other prices weren't any better.
**************************************************
ORDERING INFORMATION:
For your convenience, you can call us direct with your orders or questions.
Call 1-623-974-2295
Shane: Of course, when ordering more than $100 worth of merchandise, always make sure you pay for the call! Dumbasses.
Mon. – Fri. 10:30 am to 7:00 pm (MST)
Sat. - 10:00 am to 2:00 pm (MST)
ALL: MST!!!!!
Robin: Mystery Science Theater Time!
Chris: Mountain Standard Time.
Robin: It was a joke, blondie.
For all domestic orders, add $5.00 shipping & handling (shipped U.S. Priority Mail). Add $20.00 for International orders.
Shane: Who wants any of this crap?
REST: Not me!
Robin: I have all the drugs I need: Diet Coke, chocolate and soccer.
Shane: And German music.
Robin: Couldn't resist a techno version of Ernie's Rubber Duckie in German.(*It really exists! It's hilarious!!!)
*** ***
Robin: Well, that was fun.
Chris: For you anyway.
Robin: Admit it, you enjoyed my company.
Chris: Yeah, like I enjoy a frontal lobotomy.
Robin: You looked like you had a lot of fun during that!
Chris: That and a joke might've been funny.
Robin: That's my phrase, junior.
Shane: Stop it, will you?
