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1)Three dogs walk into a bar, a german shepard, a chiuaua, and a pug. A beautiful collie comes up to them and says "If you can use liver and cheese in the same sentance, you can have me". The german shepard says "I like liver and cheese". The collie says "No thats not good enough". The pug says "I LOVE liver and cheese". The collie says "Thats still not good enough". The chiuaua says "Liver alone cheese mine".

2) There was a little boy whose parents always beat him. He was in the court room, and the judge asked him "Would you like to live with your mom?". The little boy replys "No!". "Would you like to live with your dad?" the judge asked. "NO!" The little boy responded. "If you dont want to live with your mom, and you dont want to live with your dad.. then who do you want to live with?" the judge questioned. The little boy answered "I wanna live with the oilers.. they never beat anybody".

3) Why are blonde jokes so short? - So brunettes can remember them.

4) A blonde walks into a store and asks the salesman if she can buy the tv. The salesman says "Sorry ma'am we don't sell tv's to blondes". The blonde dyes her hair brown and goes back to the store the next day. She asks the salesman if she could buy the tv. The salesman answered "Sorry ma'am we dont sell tv's to blondes". The blonde shaves her head bald and goes back to the store the next day. She asks the salesman again if she could buy the tv. The salesman says "I told you twice now, we DONT sell tv's to blondes". The blonde said "I dyed my hair brown, i shaved my head bald, so how do you know im a blonde?". "Well.. that isnt a tv ma'am, thats a microwave" the salesman answered.

5)There was this little boy whose grandparents were going to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. The little boy decided to wait outside for his grandparents. Some teenagers were down the street and the little boy overheard them say B*t*c*s and B*s*a*ds. He went inside and asked his parents what that meant and they said Grandma and Grandpa. He went back outside and heard the teenagers say dicks and boobs. He went inside and asked his parents what that meant. They said hats and coats. The little boy went back outside and heard the teenagers say S**t. He went inside to see what it meant. His mom said shaving cream. He went back outside and heard them say F***. The little boy went inside to see what it meant. His dad said stuffing. He was on his way back outside when the doorbell rang. He knew it was his grandparents so he answered the door and said "Hi, b*t*c*s and B*s*a*ds, hang your dicks and boobs on the coat rack. Dads upstairs putting s**t on his face and moms in the kitchen f***ing the turkey.

If you would like me to add a joke, email it to me.

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