Lance (hanging up the phone): Hey, you guys, I got some bad news.
Somebody killed Justin last night.
Chris: WHAT?!
JC: Oh my God! Justin's dead?! Without Justin, we're ruined! Who else can
even get 8-year-olds sexually aroused but him? Certainly not any of us.
Joey: Hey, when are we eating?
Chris: Is that all you can think about? My BEST FRIEND is dead! He was
the only one who ever laughed at my jokes! I'm screwed!
Lance: Hey, on the plus side, somebody killed Britney too.
JC: Well, I guess every cloud does have its silver lining.
Lou: Boys, I'm sure you've heard the terrible news. I'm probably losing
thousands of dollars as we speak. Anyway, to be on the safe side, I'm
imposing a curfew on you. You must all be indoors by 9 o' clock.
Chris: What a fat piece of shit.
Joey (looking up from a bag of chips): Huh?
Chris: No, not you Joey. I was talking about Lou.
Joey: Oh.
JC: So what are we going to do?
Lance: Well, if we have to be in by nine, why don't we invite all of our
friends over so we won't be lonely?
JC: Yeah, but Lance, you don't have any friends.
Lance: Oh yeah. Okay, why don't we just all get wasted and make fun of
Joey instead?
JC and Chris: Okay!
Chris: Hey, can somebody get me another beer?
Lance: Yeah, me too.
JC: Me three.
Joey: How come I'm always the one who has to get the beer?
JC: What else are you good for?
Lance: Hey Joey, I think there's a coke in the garage.
Joey: Coke?
Lance (nodding): Yeah, a Superman-shaped one. You can have it if you get
us more beer.
Joey: SUPERMAN-SHAPED!! Oh my, God, I think I just had an orgasm!
JC: That was more than I needed to know.
Joey: Hey, I don't see any coke! But Lance wouldn't LIE to me! I've
shared too much of myself with him to do that!
Joey: What the hell?
Joey: Well, this is...awkward.
JC (returning from the bathroom, YES, contrary to teenybopper belief,
NSYNC DOES use the bathroom)! : Hey guys, what's taking Joey so long?
Chris: Who cares? He's gone. Lets enjoy the moment.
JC: Well, I'm going to check on him.
JC (panicking): You guys! Joey's dead! I saw his body hanging ...
(trailing off) Uh, guys, why are you SMILING like that?
Lance: What's not to smile about? Justin's dead, Joey's dead, and soon
you'll be dead. (Lance raises a bloody knife and slowly advances towards JC.)
You like my knife? It's an antique. As BOP reported, I really do collect
them. But you already knew that, didn't you, JC? That's because you know
everything, don't you?
JC: Chris! Help me out here!
Chris: Help? HELP? Why? So you can steal more of my solos later? I don't
think so.
JC: Why? Why would you do something like this?
Lance: Why? 'Cause I'm from MISSI-FUCKING-SSIPPI, THAT'S WHY! Or how
about this? Lets see, how you would feel if people constantly told you that
you couldn't dance, that you were really a girl, and that you were having sex
with JOEY?! You would want to kill people too!
JC: You've got a point ... but Lance, all those things are true.
Lance: Shut the fuck up!
JC: Chris? What about you, what's YOUR motive, huh?
Chris: My motive? I'm a 27 year old virgin (not really, but whatever)
with dreadlocks, and the only people who see me as a sexual being are under
the age of fourteen. Plus, I'm the CRAZY one of the group! It comes with the
territory!
JC: Fair enough.
Lance: But you haven't even seen the best part. (Lance snaps his
fingers.) Chris! Bring the surprise!
JC: Oh my God! You've kidnapped Nick Carter!
Lance: Picture this: Nick relizes that he is not the number one sex
symbol in America anymore because of a certain JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. He snaps,
and goes on a killing spree. He kills all the members of NSYNC, except, of
course, me and Chris.
Chris: Being the stupid fuck that he is, he forgets that we're in the
group ... actually, most people tend to forget that.
Lance: Then, the reality of what he's done hits him, and he kills
himself. It's perfect!
JC: Yeah, except ... hey, what's Topanga doing here?
Lance: Wow, he finally did something funny.
JC: I'll say.
Nick: Oh, JC! Your my hero!
JC: Dude, get the fuck off me. (JC brushes himself off.) Hey, now I can
finally have a solo career! What a great ending! I'm
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!