In November of 1998
the five members of the Backstreet Boys disappeared
in the woods near Pine Hills, Florida
while on a camping trip...
A year later their footage was found by teenyboppers.

AJ is coming out of the hotel tripping all over himself with a HUGE backpack on.

AJ: This fuckin sucks! Whose idea was this anyway? (falls) Shit!
Nick: (talking into the camera) I'm glad we're done touring. I think 2,974 cities is enough.
Howie: (filming AJ on the ground) I've never been camping before Brian. (Switching over to Brian) Are you sure you know your way around the woods?
Brian: Of course, (in thick country accent) I'm a country boy!
Kevin: Shut the fuck up, I'm in charge! Give me the map!
AJ: Would someone help me up?
Howie: (filming AJ) Were you drinking last night?
AJ: Of course.
Nick: (looking up from his gameboy) When are we going? I wanna go.
Howie: Can somebody tell me why we're going on this trip again?
Kevin: Because...those damn screaming fans are getting out of control. We need to get away for awhile.
Brian: Is everyone ready?
Kevin: Come on everyone get into the van.
AJ: HELP ME!!
Nick: (laughing) Whoops, sorry AJ. (laughs)
AJ: Thanks Nick. Alright, I think I packed everything I'll need.
Howie: (filming as he searches through AJ's bag) What do you have in this thing anyways? Hmm, some vodka, oh some more vodka, whiskey, more vodka, cigarettes (pulls out a little baggie) What's this?
AJ: Oregano, now put it back.
Brian: That's alot of oregano, AJ.
AJ: Yeah, well, it better be a lot. I paid a hundred and fifty bucks for it.
Brian: Oh my goodness.
Nick: What? What is it?
Brian: I forgot my bible. We can NOT go on this trip with out God.
Kevin: Everyone get into the van...NOW!!
Nick: We can't leave, Brian's not back yet.
Kevin: (screaming at the top of his lungs) BRIAN!!!!!!!
Brian: (Running down the steps with his trusty bible in his right hand) Ok, ready!

They all get into the van. 15 minute later they arrive at the supermarket.

Howie: (filming everyone as they get out of the van) Ok, here we are in Public. (filming AJ as he struggles to get out of the van) Need some help?
AJ: (falls out of the van landing on his face) FUCK!!
Kevin: Alright guys, just the bare essentials.

> Kevin is pushing the cart along when suddenly Nick and Brian come running up with bags of cookies, gummy bears, chips, macaroni and cheese, and every type of candy ever made. Just before they dump everything into the cart, Kevin stops and shakes his head.

Nick: (whining like a 3 yr old) Awww Kev, why not? (turns around and starts pouting) Never let me do anything.

AJ then come walkin up to the cart and throws in 4 boxes of cigarettes, and a couple of 40s.

AJ: A-ight, lets go!
Howie: Hold on, (running up with the camera and a box of cereal in his hand) almost forgot the Captain Crunch.

They arrive at their destination about 2 hours later.
AJ: (laughing) Hey, hey Nick (laughs) Did you (laughs) Did you remember your Twinkies. (laughs)
Nick: AJ, I don't eat twinkies. Did you remember your alcohol?
AJ: As a matter of fact I did.
Nick: Damn alcoholic!
Brian: I think we should all hold hands and pray before we start hiking.
AJ: Fuck dat! I ain't touchin Nick's hand. He's been scratchin his ass all day.
Nick: (whining) Have not! Kevin he's lying.
Kevin: (smacks Nick) Stop whining like a baby. Come on, lets get going.

5 hours later

Kevin: This looks like a good place to camp. It's getting dark, someone help me with the tent...Brian...help with the tent, stop reading that damn bible!
Brian: THIS, darn bible is what's going to protect us out here.
AJ: (sitting on the ground with his little baggie) Anybody got papers?

In the tent

Howie: (with his camera of course) Let's play Truth or Dare! I'll go first (puts the camera on Nick) Nick, I dare you to...
Kevin: Stop! That's enough. I wanna go to sleep. Turn that damn camera off.
Howie: No.
Kevin: I said turn it off!!!
AJ: Shhhhhhhh. Did you hear that?
Brian; Hear what? I don't hear anything.
AJ: Shut up and listen!
(crackling noise)
AJ: Oh shit, what the fuck is that?! What the fuck!
Brian: (prays) Oh dear Lord protect us...
Nick: I'm scared Kevin. I'm so scared. Is it that boogie man you told me about when I was 13?

The next morning the boys wake up to find Kool-Aid sprinkled around the tent. Brian: Thats odd.
AJ: It ain't just odd, bitch. That's some freaky ass shit!
Nick: Why is there Kool-Aid around are tent? Huh? Kev?! Why is there Kool-Aid around our tent, Kevin?
Kevin: I don't know, and I don't give a flying fuck! Pack everything up, we're leaving.
They're walking through the woods now trying to figure out where they're going. Then out of nowhere, Nsync just passes by them. Kevin looks up from the map.

Kevin: Now the fuck are you guys doing here?!
Justin: Aw, ya know, we jus tryin to ta be escapin' from all da fans and everythin' yo.
AJ: You gotta be kidding me!
Lance: We kid not. We're here for the same reason you are.
Howie: What a coincidence.
Chris: It is kinda ironic, don't you think?
Kevin: Shut up and get the hell out of here.

Nsync splits and the BSB aren't successful in their attempt to get out of the woods. They must spend another night. They are now in the tent

Nick: Hey guys, do you think Nsync were the ones that were trying to scare us last night?
Howie: Of course it was them. Who else would sprinkle Kool-Aid around a tent?
Kevin: Yeah well if they try that shit again tonight I swear to god I'm gonna murder them!!!
Brian: Kevin! Puh-leeeaase, don't swear. Our Lord, Jesus Christ is watching over us, protecting us.
Howie: (filming AJ) AJ what are you doing in the corner over there?
AJ: Nuttin bitch. Mind ya business.
Nick: I wanna see. AJ let me see whatcha doin'.
Nick swings AJ around revealing him eating all of their food.
Kevin: AJ!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU FUCKIN' CRAZY?
AJ: (laughing) Its aaaaalll gooooood.
Kevin: No! Its not all good. Fuckin druggie! Always getting high, always drinking. When are you gonna grow up?!!
Howie: Shhhhh. Do you hear that? I think its Nsync again.
Kevin: NSYNC BASTARDS!! THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!! I'M GONNA KILL THEM!!!

Kevin runs out of the tent.

Nick: Kevin, Nooooooo! What if it's not Nsync? What if it's...something else.
AJ: (laughing) Whatever, its Nsync, dawg!
It's morning now and Kevin still hasn't returned. Brian is off to the side crying. AJ is sittin on a rock drinkin a 40.

Howie: What are we gonna do now? Kevin was the leader, who's gonn take charge now? Guys? What isn't anyone talking
to me? Hello?! Hello?!
Brian: Stop it Howie! Stop talking like Kevin's not coming back. He IS coming back. He IS!!
AJ: Man, he ain't coming back. (takes a drink) Dat bitch gone and deserted us.
Nick: It's all your fault AJ! (crying) Why did you eat all our food. What are we gonna do. WE'RE LOST! WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE!!
Howie: We're not gonna die.
AJ: Turn that damn camera off Howie. It's gettin old!
Howie: No! I wanna document this occasion.
AJ: What occasion? We're fucked! we're lost.
Brian: (crying and rocking back and forth) He's coming back. He's coming back. He's coming back...
Howie: Alright, lets just go.

2 hours later

Nick: Hey guys!! You gotta see this! WOW!
Brian: What is it Nick?
Nick: There's balloons hanging from all the trees! I think it a birthday party!!!!
Howie: What?!!
Nick: Balloons!!
AJ: (excited) Are they filled with helium?!!
Howie: (filming the balloons) Now, THIS is weird.

AJ is teaching Nick how to inhale helium out of a balloon.

Brian: AJ, Nick, Stop that!
Nick and AJ: (in high-pitched voice) follow the yellow brick road.
Howie: I think we should get the hell out of here.
It's night time now and they're in the tent.

Nick: What if the boogie man comes back tonight?
Howie: Nick, there is no boogie man. It was Nsync.
Nick: But what if it wasn't.
Brian: (shaking with fear) Did...did you hear that?
Voice: HELP MEEEEE!!!!! GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!! HELLLLLLPPP!!!
Nick: That sounds like Kevin! KEVIN?!! KEVIN, WHERE ARE YOU?!
Voice: NICK, GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS!!!!
Nick: That's Kevin all right.
AJ: What the hell is Nsync's problem?
Brian: Lets go, we gotta go find Kevin. AJ: Don't even think about it churchboy. If you go out there who knows what those psychotic Nsyncers would do to you.

Next morning

Brian: (Pannicking) Where is it?! I know one of you took it.
Howie: What's wrong Brian?
Brian: I can't find my bible.

AJ is off to the side laughing his ass off.

Howie: What are you laughing at?
AJ: (laughing uncontrolably) Man, I kicked that damn book into the river last night. It wasn't doin any good.
Brian: WHAT?!!! ARE YOU CRAZY? (hyperventilating) WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! THAT BIBLE WAS THE ONLY THING KEEPING US ALIVE. Lord forgive him for he knows not what he has done.
Howie: Let's just all calm down. We gotta figure a way out of here. Lets work together.
Brian: Howie's right. I don't wanna spend another night here.

The 4 of them begin walking nowhere in paticular because none of them understand the map. They hike for 8 hours.

Nick: (whining) Nooooooo. I don't wanna sleep in the woods again! I don't wanna! (starts crying like a baby)
AJ: Get a hold of yourself.

In the tent

Howie: There it is again.
Voices: (singing 'God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You')
Brian: What do you want from us?!!!
Voices: (singing 'Giddy Up')
AJ: Noooooooo! I hate that song!! STOP IT!!!
Nick: SING "I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY"!!
AJ: (slaps Nick) Shut the hell up. Why you gotta be so stupid?!
Nick: You're the one that ate all our food.
Howie: Guys? Something's happening...

The tent starts to fly into the air and the four BSB members jump out and run for their lives.

AJ: Holy shit! RUN NICK! RUUUUNNNNNNN!! FASTER!!!
Nick: (out of breathe) I can't run any faster!
Howie: Ok, I think we're safe here. Man, what the hell was that?
Brian: I don't know, I don't know
AJ: Yo, D, you know what Nsync was doing, right?
Howie: No, what?
AJ: They're trying to show us that it was THEIR idea to fly over the audience.
Howie: Damnit! They KNOW it was our idea first.

When the sun rises they start to walk back to the camp site.

> AJ: AWWWW! WHAT THE FUCK!!! Why is my shit thrown all over the place!
Nick: Where's my bag?! My gameboy is in there.
AJ: Yours is right there. DAMNIT! They dumped all my alcohol out! FUCK!
Brian: Calm down AJ. You don't need it.
AJ: I do need it. Why does this shit always gotta happen to me?! AAWWW! My weed's thrown all over the place.
Howie: Thats it! Nsync is going to pay for this!
AJ: Yeah, damn right!

The guys walk around the woods for another day but they still can't get out of course. They spend another night in the tent.

Nick: Ok, there it is agian.
Voice: HEEEELLLLLPPPP! HEEELLLPPPP MEEEE!
Howie: We're coming Kevin!
Brian: Tell us where you are!!!
Voice: I'm in this old abandoned house about 300 yards in front of you!!!!
AJ: Lets go!

They run straight to the house and push through the door. They all run up the stairs and when they reached the top they stopped dead in thier tracks

AJ: What the fuck?!
Nick: NOOOOOOOOO!!
Brian: I can't believe it...Its...its...its you. But why...I though it was...How did you...where's...WHY LOU, WHY?!! Lou Pearlman: (in deep demonic voice) I told you all before, I OWN you. I always will. You tried to get away but I will never let that happen.
Howie: I thought Nsync was doing all of this. What about the singing in the woods?
Lou: I OWN Nsync too. I can make them do anything I want. Including switching over to Jive Records just to teach you a lesson.
Brian: Where's Kevin?
Lou: Take a look...

Lou moves to the side to reaveal Kevin tied up, gagged, and his eyebrows shaved.

AJ: Ok......That's weird......What kinda freaky fetish you into over there Lou?
Lou: Shut the hell up you freak of nature.
AJ: You can't tell me what to do, Fat piece of shit!
Lou: I can sit on you!
AJ: And I can warn you.
Lou: Warn me? About what?
(Gun shot)
AJ: About Nsync behind you with the gun, you dumb motherfucker.
Brian: Thanks guys. I can't believe you did that for us.
Justin: Hey, ya know, I jus dink we needs ta be gettin along wit eachotha ya know?
AJ: Yeah, I know whatcha sayin? Give me the gun and lets shake on it. ( holds out his hand)

Justin hands him the gun.

AJ: Stupid bitch! (he shoots each member of Nsync)
Howie: AJ?!!.....Way to go!!
Brian: NSYNC'S finally dead!
Nick, AJ, Howie: WHAT?!!
Brian: I may be a church boy but I wanted Nsync dead just as much as you guys.
Nick: (kicks Lou in the head) Not to mention Lou. I'm glad this fatso is dead!

They untie Kevin and skip off into the woods holding hands.