An Application to Date My Daughter

Note: This application will be considered incomplete and therefore rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and medical report from your doctor.

Name:____________________ Nickname/Alias:_______________
Date of Birth:____/____/____ Height:_______ Weight:_______
I.Q.:_____ G.P.A.:_____ Social Security #:______-______-______
Driver's License #:_______________
Boy Scout Rank:__________ Good Standing: Yes_____ No_____
Home Address:____________________
City, State, Zip:____________________ Home Phone #:__________
Car Phone #:__________ Pager:__________

Do you own:
A. Van_____
B. Truck with oversized tires_____
C. Car with trunk full of speakers_____

Do you have any of the following:
A. Earring_____
B. Nose ring_____
C. Navel ring_____
D. Piercings on any other body parts_____
If yes, explain:______________________________
E. Tatoo_____

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue application and leave the premises immediately!

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?_________________________________________________________
_________________________.

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?_________________________________________________________
_________________________.

Church you attend:____________________
How often:_______________
Best time to interview pastor:_______________

Fill in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers will be confidential.
A. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be:
_______________.
B. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is:
________________________________________.
C. Now answer the question you filled in on B.:
_________________________.

NOTE: If you answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

______________________________
Signature (this means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write; this could cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names of GUIDO and LOUIE.