I AM THE WAY INTO THE DOLEFUL CITY,
JUSTICE IT WAS THAT MOVED MY GREAT CREATOR;
BEFORE ME NOTHING BUT ETERNAL THINGS WERE MADE,
Yep, that's it. The Gate into Hell itself. That's our friendly guard, Charon, there with his list of the damned.
Wanna know if you're on it? Ha ha, too bad. Not until you die, silly goose - it's a surprise
(wink, wink) Anyway, Charon would like to introduce you to "The Boss,"
but unfortunately Satan's not around now. Probably out doing unspeakable evil somewhere... Luckily,
some of his favorite minions are here for you to meet. (They're introduced below.)
Have a nice trip! 
I AM THE WAY INTO ETERNAL GRIEF,
I AM THE WAY TO A FORSAKEN RACE.
DIVINE OMNIPOTENCE CREATED ME,
AND HIGHEST WISDOM JOINED WITH PRIMAL LOVE.
AND I SHALL LAST ETERNALLY.
ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.
Welcome to the gates of Hell!
Britney Spears, also known as Babylon the Great, Mother of Whores and of Earth's Abominations. And her boobs aren't real either. Sorry guys, she is definitely responsible for corrupting the leaders of the land. Her and a certain Monca Lewinsky..
Pat Buchanan: Possibly the Antichrist. Thinks women belong in the kitchen, wants to keep America "racially pure," and thinks that America should have let Hitler do his thing. But gun control is bad. Go fig.
It's Martha Stewart! She's the perfect little housewife, baking and making cutsie little crafts... Just look at the vaguely crazed look in her eye. This woman is clearly the embodiment of Satan on earth. Beware, the Martha Stewart Collection bears the mark of the Beast.
Dubya. Perhaps he's the false prophet. Too stupid to be a really big player in the coming Apocalypse, but who wants to move to Canada with me while he's in office, if for no other reason than to avoid the inevitable economic slump and ensuing war with someone. Wag the dog much?
There's not much to say about these two except that they are obviously evil. They're Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, scary little artificial girls sent to walk the earth and torment all human beings who are explosed to their vile presence. Eeek.
Feeling sinful from your trip through the bowels of Hell? Here are some...
Ask Sister Rosetta your BURNING questions...
Sites to Save Your Soul
