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BUMPER STICKERS

Don't Laugh


Bumper Talk

The best of Bumper Sticker humor that I've collected over the years. Enjoy!


On Life

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
  • It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
  • Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
  • I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • If we aren't supposed to eat amimals, why are they made with meat?
  • Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
  • Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill.
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
  • I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
  • If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
  • All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
  • Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
  • This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me. new
  • Eat right, exercise, die anyway. new
  • If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the
    Hut? new
  • Money isn't everything, but it sure Keeps the kids in touch. new


On Driving

  • Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
  • If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
  • I may be slow, but I am ahead of you!
  • I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.
  • If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
  • CAUTION! I drive like you do!
  • Keep honking, I'm reloading.
  • I brake for…wait…AAAH!…NO BRAKES!!!!!
  • I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
  • Guns don't kill people. I DO!


Miscellaneous

  • If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
  • I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.
  • Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
  • Don't steal. The government hates competition.
  • Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
  • How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
  • I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.
  • I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.
  • Welcome to California. Now go home!
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.


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UPDATED ON 10/09/08
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