The picture above of me is a fair idea of what a turd loox like.
Ghost Shit: You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Tetlon Coated Shit: Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it.
Gooey Shit: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit: You're all done wiping your arse and your about to stand up when you realise it .... you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit: This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit: You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit: You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has it's head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit: This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit: This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash and gets your arse wet.
Wish Shit: You sit there all crumped up and fart a few times, but no shit.
Cement Block or Oh God Shit: You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit
Snake Shit: This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit): Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (Also Known as Screamers): You'll know it's alright to eat again when your arsehole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit: This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house
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