Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

i grade everyone's favorite female popstars

Jessica Simpson

She started off well. She fit the mold of the Christian good girl. Hell, she even invented the "issue the public statement about my virginity." Add to that, she dated a male popstar, Nick Lachey (who's dimples are featured in the perfect man) from 98 Degrees. She has such potential to continue being a household name that is shoved down American's throats millions of times everyday. But no. Instead of miraculously reinventing herself into a bed-hopping, pleather-wearing, drunken whore and claiming "this is who I really am," she kept singing her happy, feel-good pop music as opposed to something like Britney's "I'm a Slave for You," married her boyfriend, and consumated her relationship on their wedding night. What is wrong with her? Being a good girl was so four years ago. Pop-princess marketing tools don't stand up for what they believe in, they do what their told.

I give her an... F

Avril Levigne

This pop star has a lot going for her. She is the only female pop star in the new persuasion of pop music: pop punk. Before Avril was strategically placed into the scene, it was simply pop-punk boy bands, like New Found Glory, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, etc. but throwing a pop princess into the mix was sure genius. The monkey-see-monkey-do preteen girls of America are wearing ties like never before. And she's pretty good at what she does: she fills the void of the rebellious punk girl of the recording industry so desperately needs, she can't sing (like that really matters anyway), and she has the snotty, bitch-ass attitude that America has grown to love. And on top of that to disguise her marketing-tool identity, she sneakily denies her pop-princess status. However, there's two things that Ms. Levigne needs to work on: 1) Show some skin. Come on sweetie, this isn't about talent or anything like that. Sex sells. Try some pleather; it saved Aguilera's career. 2) More personal life scandals. Have your P.R. people start rumors about a person your dating, an instance of you being wasted in public, a pregnancy, anything really! America loves gossip. Gossip is what makes you a household name. I can't stress this enough; it has nothing to do with your talent. It has nothing to do with you being yourself. If it did, a snotty, talentless bitch like you would be fucked for sure.

I give her a... C

Christina Aguilera

I give Christina, or should i say Xtina, credit; she's followed the wave of the trends well: suddenly switching from sacharine sweet to dirrrty sultress. Hell, the word "dirrrty" is attributed to her; I doubt she generated the song, even if she did, oh well, it's doesn't take rocket science to do so anyway (I've been searching for about 20 minutes to see who did write it, oh well). She shows plenty of skin, and we all know the hundreds of rumors about her skanky ass. She even has people believing that this uber-punk whore facade is "who she really is." My only problem with the pop megastar is her ability to sing: she actually can sing. Not just anyone can karoke along to all her insane vocal obligatos. Hell, someone with that much vocal talent should be in a band, not just singing meaningless pop dribble, about how she's dirrrty, or a genie in a bottle, or something else retarded like that. This makes her less attractive to the recording industry. Sound a little more nasily with easier-to-follow tunes, and then you'll get your A.

I give her a... B

Britney Spears

She was the first pop princess on the scene and she's still on top of her game. Back in the day, she kept her good-girl image by stealing ideas from Jessica Simpson. Shortly after Ms. Simpson issued her public statement about her virginity, Ms. Spears did too. To keep up with the publicity Simpson recieved from her relationship with Lachey, Spears got together with *N Sync heart throb, Justin Timberlake. Furthermore, like a good popstar, she does what she's told. She has changed herself from sugar sweet in a B cup, to sexy with silicone (knee surgery my ass), to straight up ho-tastic. From publicly affirming her virginity, to keeping mum over the whole ordeal once she and Justin became official. From Justin Timberlake, to Colin Farrel, and even Fred Durst. From blonde, to the brunette bob for a total of two days, and then back to her golden locks that her fans adore so much, with the help of $1200 worth of extensions. It is because of this ability to mold into whatever "the man" tells her to, she is guaranteed to be around a long time. Add to that, her songs are so simple, anyone can sing along. I myself can sound very much like her, if I only hold my nose. Britney Spears CD's are a must-have for any drunken karoke fest. It is no wonder that Britney Spears is an American Icon. Only in America can an average girl with no talent, physical beauty, personality, etc. be taken into the recording studio, have "the man" order her around, hire millions of hair and make-up artists, personal trainers, vocal trainers, wardrobe people, etc, and have this girl come out on top. I mean seriously, who else in the world can make the news with a new (ugly ass) haircut, or a belly button peircing? Let's face it: America has gone mad over Britney Spears. The little girls dress like trash because of her; women get breast implants because of her. "The man" has created a powerful marketing tool with this one. Stick Britney on something and it will be bought. Isn't that right, Pepsi?.

I give her an...

Wait!! Stop the presses. Britney has proven herself. No matter what, no matter who, she'll do ANYTHING for the attention. Whether it's Justin, or a 45-year-old woman... she'll jam her tongue down the person's throat if the P.R. people tell her to.

She's finally earned her... A+ A++

i got my grass skirt, bring on the luau