Deer season is over, but don't worry... there's a new hunting season. These devilish little critters have become rather abundant lately (at least, I've noticed). They are mostly nocturnal, but some can be found during the day. They are fast, traveling anywhere from below 25 miles an hour, and upward. Some have even been seen traveling upwards of 80 miles an hour. They can be found in all sorts of places, especially urban places, like parking lots and along roadways. That's right, I'm talking about padiddles. Now some of you are probably unaware of the illusive padiddle. So allow me to answer the most frequently asked padiddle questions:

• What exactly is a padiddle?
  • A padiddle is a vehicle missing one main headlight. The secondary headlights do not count. A vehicle can be "padiddled" one of two ways: either the headlight was damaged and/or removed (I call those "ironic padiddles") or the more common species of padiddle, where light is simply burnt out.
• Why padiddles?
  • There are many advantages to hunting padiddles. Number one, whether alone or with a group, it is a fast and easy way to entertain oneself. Number two, it increases observation skills (or at least padiddle-observation skills). Number three, in some cases, rules can be added that if a person spots a padiddle first, others may be forced to remove clothing (hence the importance of padiddle-observation skills).
• Can I hunt them during the day?
  • You most certainly can. If a car has running lights, or the car simply has its lights on, one can obviously tell if the car is indeed a padiddle; however, in cases of ironic padiddles, one can assume that the car is a padiddle w/o the headlights (or should I say headlight??) turned on. This is because laws require all cars on the road to have functional headlights.
• Are all padiddles created equal?
  • No, some padiddles are more rare and illusive than others, which makes them more valuable than others. I'm not going to establish some sort of "padiddle hierarchy" and demand you all accept it in your hearts and practice it. This is because padiddle heirarchy is a very controversial topic in the world of padiddling, but I will show an example of a typical padiddle heirarchy. Usually an average car is at the bottom of the padiddle chain, follow by sports car padiddles and VW bug padiddles (a punch-buggy padiddle). Then the dump trucks and other small work-related vehicles. Then are big rigs, public transportation buses, and school buses. Then, padiddle oddities such as motorcycles (yes, they do exist!), back hoes, cement mixers, etc. And finally, at the pinnacle of rarity in the world of padiddles are police cars, ambulances, fire trucks, and other emergency vehicles.

one of my goals in life is to play strip paddle with a car full of hot men." - me

"okay hunnie, just don't loose." -my mother