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I wrote the newest book in the "Everyone Poops" collection! Be grateful I didn't include the illustrations...

It's called:

Everyone Masturbates!

Once people hit a time in their life called puberity, they begin to want sex. This is because a person's brain produces chemicals called horomones. It is perfectly natural and you should not worry. Nothing is wrong with you. This is just a part of nature so that people will have sex and make babies, so there will be another generation of people.

Because sex is not always an option for people, sometimes people like to make themselves feel good, so they do what we call "masturbate."

Normally boys like to make a ring around their winky with their hand and pump it up and down. This is called "jacking off." And it feels good.

Usually, little girls like to put their fingers inside of themselves. They also like to run their fingers along the clitoris. See if you can find your clitoris.

Some boys like to masturbate while sticking foreign objects into their butt. It is because they like to fantasize that another boy's winky is inside him.

Some girls like to use foreign objects as well. Some use toys made specifically for this purpose, while some are more creative. Some girls try cucumbers and bananas and everything in between.

Some boys like to wear girls' underwear when they masturbate. To some people who do not understand, these boys look silly, but these boys like to feel pretty.

Some boys and girls like to masturbate while they deprive their brain of oxygen. Although it is supposed to feel very good: do not do this. Without oxygen, our bodies can die. And who wants to have others find you dead with your hands on your genitals?

sorry that was so messed up.. now that it's outta my system, we can move on.