I would like you all to picture a chic Christian Dior runway show. The bright lights, the catwalk filled with the most beautiful people imaginable. Each model, adorned in the most bizarre yet extraordinary clothing, struts gracefully down the catwalk, turns, and walks back. The fusion of color, light, and sound is simply breath-taking. Now I want you to pay attention to the model's hairstyles. It's a style new to runway modeling. Every strand is poofed and sprayed in place. The ends flip outward and the cut is very short in the front, but long in the back. That's right, the mullet is back with avengance. As an avid mullet-appreciator, I decided to take a closer look at this trend, its history, its different subgroups, and its present effect on society.

Although the origin of the mullet is unknown, contrary to popular belief, the mullet far predates the year 1979 A.D. Most evidence points to a dual-origin in both Ancient Egypt and Western Europe. Historians and "mulletians" have come to this belief due to the presence of mullets in literature and art from the cultures during this time period.

In Western Europe, Germanic tribes used hairstyles to indentify with their tribe. Many of these styles were similar to our present day mullet. In Procopius's "Secret History," written 550 A.D, depicts a rebel tribe and their mullet as an identification method.

"First the rebels revolutionized the style of wearing their hair. For they had it cut differently from the rest of the Romans: not molesting the mustache or beard, which they allowed to keep on growing as long as it would, as the Persians do, but clipping their hair short on the front of the head down to the temples, and letting it hang down in great length and disorder in the back, as the Massageti do. This weird combination they called the Hun haircut" (pp. 35-36).

In fact, there is even a reference to mullets in Homer's (8 A.D.) "The Iliad":

"The sprinting Abantes followed hard at his heels,

their forelocks cropped, hair grown long at the back,

troops nerved to lunge with their tough ashen spears

and slash the enemies' breastplates round their chests." ("Book 2: The Great Gathering of Armies" lines 2.632-35)

"some warriors of that day used to keep the front of their heads shaven, so that their enemies might not be able to catch ahold of it in battle. They shaved off their beards, for the same reason... They left their hair growing behind --why, do you think? Because they did not expect to run away."

Mullets then were integrated into Ancient Rome. The man most famous for this was Tiberius. According to the Roman biographer Gaius Suetonius Tranquillus stated that, "The letting his back hair grow down over the nape seems to have been a family habit of the Claudii." This is a silver danari with his picture on it. And this is his mullet.

Mullets were also present in art dating back to this time. This sculpture is of a young Tanean man, dating back to approximately 500 B.C.

In Egypt, hairstyles were used as a status symbol. Egyptian officials would wear mulletesque hair styles. Sarcophagi have been uncovered with, believe it or not, depictions of these mullet- wearing officials. This sarcophagus dates back to approximately 510 B.C.

Ancient Greece culture condoned a longer hairstyle and during this time and most of the dark ages mullets were not seen. There were a few exceptions, namely the Vikings.

Then in the 17th century, the mullet resurfaced. French culture adopted a ornate form of the mullet. It quickly spread throughout Europe and into America. Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and countless other founding fathers wore their hair in the mullet fashion. Mullets also became common in the wild west. Then, as the country became "civilized" the mullet went back into hibernation.

The modern Mullet resurgence is associated with the time when the hippie era was dying out and punk and metal rock was on the rise. But this time, the mullet trend was much different. Before, only white, burly, rebelious men were seen sporting the hairstyle, but now, the mullet had spread across all genders, cultures, and ages.

The female mullet, or femmullet, was popularized by Suzanne Pleshette and Florence Henderson in the Brady Bunch.

But the mullet trend didn't stop there. Oh no. Children have the kiddie mullet. Grandmothers have the grammullet.

The Mullhawk, a mohawk with a mullet extended down the neck.

The skullet, a balding person who tries to compensate by growing their hair long in the back.

The permullet, a mullet plus a perm.

The bowlet, a bowl cut in the front with a party in the back.

And the rat tail, a cousin of the mullet.

But the interesting things is that from 1979 forward, the mullet has stayed put. It hasn't faded from society, only to reoccur again at a later time. Oh no. It has become the hairstyle that we love to hate. Right now, there are countless satyrical websites, internationally mind you, based on hunting mullets, defining mullets, labeling famous people with mullets, literally obcessing over mullets. Last month, UPN premiered a new show, the Mullets. The basis was simple, it's about a family. Their last name is Mullet. And, get this, the two sons have mullets. Unreal, isn't it!?

Well, I hope this speech has left you better informed on the subject of mullets. I hope that maybe you guys will be sitting around the dinner table, or at a party or something and you can wow your friends and peers with your awesome mullet knowledge: the history, the different types, you all probably knew the present effect on society before you heard this speech.

I would like to conclude with some Beastie Boy lyrics. This song is entitled, "Mullet Head."

You wanna know what's a mullet? Well

I got a little story to tell

About a hair style that's a way of life

Here's the sources I used, if you have any interest in mullets, I'd suggest you check them out.

Mullets Galore

UPN's Fall Show Preview

Dan's Mullet Haven

Salon.com article "Business in the Front, Party in the Back"

viva la mullet