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Self-Introduction Speech

I gave this as a speech to my Public Speaking Class. It's my damn webpage so I can post it if I want to.

Let's be honest: we all do it. I try so hard not to, but know I do it sometimes, and I'm sure you do it too. We can't help that we want it and it's so much easier just to give in and do it. Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about stereotyping! I, for one, always seem to get stereotyped. At a first glance, many people think I am ditzy or conceited. Others think I'm some kind of goodie-two-shoes, and still others think I'm some kind of (Nasty!) bad girl. But none of these labels are true. So today, I would like to clear up this whole misunderstanding, once and for all.

The first, and most incorrect stereotype I often get is that I am ditzy and stuck up. I once had a girl petrified to go to church camp because I was going to be there. I guess I can see where it comes from. I mean look at me: I'm tall and thin. I have this long blonde hair that I am notorious for playing with. I tend to be loud and obnoxious. I dress pretty flashy, and I don't exactly run around acting like a flaming intellectual either. But I'm not stupid and I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone, except maybe you (point to random person in audience). I'm kidding! I graduated with high honors, and I'm keeping on the Dean's List again this year if it kills me. And odds are, if you don't act like I am a ditzy blonde, I will bend over backwards to help you out if needed. In fact, I used to get stepped on because I was too nice to people. I would spend hours helping my "friends" when they were stressed out over school, or guys, or their other friends, only to be put back on the shelf again until I was needed again. Now that I've cleared that up, onto the "goodie two shoes" stereotype.

Sometimes after people get to know me a little bit, they assume that I am a goodie two shoes. I can see where people would get this idea: I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a virgin by choice. I go to church just about every Sunday. I wear this cross, the cross that my Godmother gave me at my baptism, around my neck. And my favorite week of the year is Vacation Bible School, when I get to help out with the little kids. But I don't exactly fit the bill as a "good girl." This is because I am a pretty big loud and crazy. As you witnessed first hand with my introduction, I can make anything sound dirty. Add to that, one of my favorite technological advancements is the bullhorn. I bought mine at Radio Shack, and the thing goes everywhere with me. I like to harass random people with it. If you amuse as easily as I do, I'd suggest you try it; it's pretty fun. Also, I thrive on sarcasm: if I can't be a smartaleck, I'm not interested. Why, even the first day of class in here, I had to bite my tongue. When Dr. Czerwinski asked, "What can you do to grab your audience's attention?" I was sitting here thinking to myself, "Hmmmmm... well, you can throw things at them, or strip, or murder a kid in the front row." Fortunately, I contained myself and did not to raise my hand. Because of this personality quirk, others believe the contrary is true of me; they think I am a (Nasty!) bad girl.

Ironically, after other people get to know me a little bit, they assume I am a bad girl. This is probably because of all the things I previously mentioned: I dress so scandalously, I behave so sarcastically, and I joke so perversely. I often get invited to get drunk, get high, or have sex. Not too many people fully believe me when I explain that I don't do those things: never have, and don't intend to. It is only after I am at a party and am beer bonging with lemonade and mixing virgin drinks in the blender that people start to take my word for it. My sobriety often means I get stuck being the designated driver, but at least that way every one will get home safely.

After three minutes of me ranting up here about how other people view me, I probably seem like I'm some paranoid people pleaser. To be honest, I genuinely don't care too much what people think of me. If someone just solely relies on their first impression of me and writes me off, it's entirely their problem. I just happen to find it hilarious when I get misjudged. Lastly, I figured that if a three minute speech was going to give you a genuine idea of what I am like, it would be easier to simply address incorrect first-time impressions that to bore you with basic facts about myself.

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