It has been brought to my attention that a particular ex of mine is trying hard, but to no avail, to get laid. Of course, the fact that I turned into a campus urban legend may hinder this quest. However to make up for this, and because I am a bitter and scathing female human, I decided to provide him, as well as any other desperate fellows in his predicament, with a simple guide that will facilitate this difficult, horomone-driven task.

1. Duct Tape Your Mouth Shut.

   

   • You cannot imagine how much better girls will like you when there's no idiotic banter directed their way. If the only way prevent yourself from saying stupid things is to inable yourself to speak, then do so, in the name of booty-hunting. You know it has to be true if toothpastefordinner.com agrees! (note: If link continues to malfunction, simply right click it and select "copy shortcut." Then, paste and enjoy!)

2. Cover Your Head With a Bag.
   • Perhaps it's just better, in some situations, that girls just don't see your face. If ugliness is your problem: a paper bag is the solution. No, I take that back, try plastic.
3. Go To a Location With Plenty of Girls and Alcohol.
   • Never underestimate the power of the magical beer goggles. So locate yourself near the porcelian god's all mighty throne and wait patiently. Girls will be stumbling right into your arms! Don't forget to listen for the mating call, "Ohhhhh Gooooddddd I'm sOoOOOoooOo DRUNK!"
4. And Most Importantly, For the Love of All Things Sacred, Wear A Condom!
   • No, this isn't about preventing S.T.D.'s like herpes, because herpes is totally cool. I believe that number four is most important, simply because PEOPLE LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T PROCREATE!!! [thank you mr. kevin]