According to most people at my school, I was a good kid. By my senior year, I had the main principal wrapped around my little finger- it was nice. I remember sauntering into his office and putting on the innocent, "I try so hard in school" act, and getting practically anything I wanted- from an extra, supereasy quiz in anatomy to help our grades(he was filling in for the class; our teacher had an aneurysm), to permission to hold calculus study groups during mandatory pep (I always called them "pRep") rallies. But it's not like I could enjoy my ability to sway my principal's policies... NO!! OF COURSE NOT! The Assistant Principal was to blame for that. He was on to my game. From the time my senior year began, till that sharp, old fart retired... he knew my secret plan: that I was up to no good. He busted me on several occassions for some severe acts of terrorism, and extreme inappropriate behavior. He always pulled me aside and delivered to me one of his grand lectures. Those lectures were so grand... it was if they had been delivered to me by God himself. They had such a wonderful impact on me; he showed me the error of my ways and I truly am grateful for all that senile old man has taught me.
For example, one overly hot day, we were subjected to an outdoor prep rally in the brand new stadium the school board had favored over improving the educational aspect of our school. During this prep rally, we were introduced to the cheerleaders new uniforms. They were shorter than the old ones and reavealed more of the girls' bodies. One of the events in the prep rally was a wet tee shirt contest. This led to some male students taking their shirts off and also, several female students ended up with their white tee shirts dripping wet. Not that it's highly enforced (obviously), but our school dress code stated that "our shoulders must be covered." One loophole to that is to wear a see-through shirt over a skimpier one, which that day, I was doing. I had on a mesh shirt over a tube top. Agreed, my shoulders were showing, but they were "covered." It was that fateful day, the day of this specific outdoor prep rally, in among all the dress code violations going on in front of the entire student body, my beloved Ass. Principal (pun intended) pulled me out of the stadium and sat me down to discuss my "inappropriate attire." I could have pointed out the errors of the others in that Soddom and Gamorrah of a stadium, but then I would have just been pointing those other three fingers right back at myself, huh? (That, and I was trying not to laugh or get sarcastic.) I remember how he used a highly effective driving analogy. "If the speed limit says 45, you can't do 65 or you'll get apprehended." as I took in his words, I thought to myself, "Normally, if you're doing 65 in a 45, and all the other cars are doing approximately 122.9287, I think you would be off the hook." But that's not the point. The Ass. Principal knew all along that I was a tyrant, the sharp one that he is, and he was just testing the water to see how strong of an opposition I would unleash upon the high school.
Then there was the time I sexually harassed an entire lunch table of high school misfits. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was in the cafeteria, minding my own business, leaning over a table to talk to my friend. When @#$% *&^# (i'm covering his name up cuz he's still traumatized by the event) commented that my "fat ass" disgusted him. ::Holds back tears:: I was so hurt by the comment. I did have a bit of a weight problem- 5'9" and 104 pounds, so that "fat ass" comment was very uncalled for. I had no other choice but to sexually harass him. I turned around and looked at him, still in my leaning position, and I tapped my ass and winked at him. Oh, he must have suffered so greatly by what I did!! He screamed, moaned, said no guy would ever want to fuck me, and told me I was fat and ugly... all of this with great pain because I was literally torturing him!! I know what your thinking, "Oh Lauren, you've hurt this boy plenty. Please tell me you didn't continue this harsh treatment!!" ::Sighs deeply:: I did. After that, I made several kissy faces at him. He still held out strong, but his breaking point was this: I hiked up my underwear so it intentionally went past my jeans and I continued to bend over, slightly!!! All of my friends sneered, snickered, taunted him, threw rocks, and killed his pet unicorn. Poor kid. I don't know he stayed so strong so as not to cry right then and there. After lunch, he along with a friend to hold his hand, went down to the Ass. Principal and told him of their affliction. This day, coincidentally College Fair Day, was a day that will live in infamy. The Ass. Principal took no time in hunting me out down in the college fair. In his office, he explained to me that sexual harassment is bad and that I need to stop doing it. And if someone says something mean, I shouldn't just cast it off as a joke; I should come and talk to him about it and make a big deal out of something that isn't, because the senile, old Ass. (note: I left out "principal" on purpose) needs to feel important. And I learned something valuable that day, that it doesn't matter what kind of student you are, whether your a National Honor Society Member who will be graduating with high honors, or have been held back several years because of behavioral problems, What matters is this: whoever taddle tale's first, gets the benefit of the Principal believing their story. I will always cherish these ideals, and ponder them in my heart.
UPDATE: @#$% *&^# dropped out of high school after being held back at least 2 years, maybe more. He is currently being looked for by police because he was involved in a kidnapping incident, and as well as by many "tough guys" who want to kick his ass. ::Tear rolls down cheek:: This is all my fault!! He didn't know how to handle me sexually harassing him, so I SENT HIM DOWN THE WRONG PATH!!!!
"and on that note, we que the music" -jay and silent bob
