According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in the United States more than 13 million people are infected with a sexually transmitted disease each year (source). Frightening news, but think about it. Think of all the rock stars, fraternity assholes, and just plain old sluts who get a lot of action from a lot of different people. They're most likely to contract an sexually transmitted disease, or five. Also, think about how sexually transmitted diseases have been created in the past. A.I.D.S. originated, most likely, due to exposure to monkey bodily fluid (source). Therefore, it is not unreasonable to think, that people with numerous venereal diseases could possibly be the founders of the newest diseases, because all the diseases in their systems could mix together. So, technically it'd wouldn't be a new sexually transmitted disease, but a potent cocktail of preexisting ones. One could call it "herpesyphilisgonnorheaids" or something of that nature. But out of this horrible mixture of sexually transmitted diseases, I see the dawning of a new super hero... CAPTAIN STD.
Imagine if he had his own television show! I know exactly what his theme song would play out like. A couple of permiscuous teenagers, fratastic whores and rock band members stand together in a line at the beginning. Then the first crotch is zoomed in upon. A laser-esque florescent light then shines out from the infected crotch. "Clymidia" the person shouts as the crotch light flies upward. Then, the camera pans to the next crotch and a different color light emerges. The person shouts, "Herpes!" Then on down the line the same thing occurs and the characters say, "Gonnorhea," "Genital Warts," "Syphilis." Then the camera pans up to see all the different-colored lights flying together and an explosion occurs. Out of the explosion, flies none other than...
With the sun to his back, Captain S.T.D. arches his back triumphantly, stretches upward, and begins to soar around the bright blue sky. As he flies, the start of cheesy-80's music fills the air and a voice starts singing:
Captain S.T.D.
The Newest Hero
Taking fertility down to zero
Cooter cooties
Makes your dick sick
You'll regret that you fucked that chick!
okay, I'm done....Until I start making the comic books.
