don't believe me? go get your ass over to radio shack and buy one today! this wonderful gadget has so many uses, you'll never know what you did without one!!

• it facilitates driving!
  • Have you ever wished that you could communitate with other people on the road? Well, now you can! I can't count the number of times that I have gotten into another lane because I put my window down and asked the person in the car next to me to let me in. Of course, one jackass said no, but then i offered to flash him and he let me right in.

• it facilitates road rage!
  • What could be more satisfying that seeing that red blazer who rode your ass for the last five miles, then passed you only to end up right next to you at the next red light? Being able to inform her that her riding your ass got her "soooo far ahead, didn't it!?" (note: sarcastic voice in use). Trust me, I did it earlier today. Not only did she get pissed off (which made me really happy), all the people around me found it hilarious, because they were all thinking the same thing. Those idiots, who think they can just drive like assholes because they're more important than everyone else on the road, don't expect someone to completely bust them on it in front of the public, so why not do it!? In this day in age, road rage has become increasingly popular. Do you want to stay on top of the game?

• it plays great tunes!
  • Want to excite a large group of people, or at least confuze the hell out of them!? Why not play one of you bullhorn's 95 pre-set songs? Or better yet, you even make your own! I programmed my bullhorn to play "Blister in the Sun" by the Violent Femmes. It kicks ass!

• it assists in making friends!
  • Ever been out to a public place: a fair, a concert, a parking lot... and wish you could just randomly meet people and see how they were doing? When your voice can project over 100 yards, you sure as hell can!!! While tailgaiting at the concert I was attending last Thursday, I made numerous friends, most of whom were severly intoxicated. It was fast, fun, and easy!

• it assists in harassing enemies!
  • Girls, any guy ever try to shut you down in public and you just don't know how to get them back? Perhaps if you could comment on the size of the person's microscopic penis loud enough that most of a sporting event can hear you, It's safe to say that bastard will leave you alone. Or guys, what if you want revenge on the new guy who's screwing your ex-girlfriend? Why not drive past his house late one night and scream, "TREVOR, I FU*CKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!" Justice is served, my friend.

• it facilitates in meeting members of the opposite sex!
  • Ladies, have you ever see a car full of attractive young men, but you can't figure out how to get their attention? Well, it would be hard not to notice a loud, booming voice screaming, "Hey sex pot!! Come over here!" coming from a hot girl, such as yourself, with a bullhorn, now would it!? Enough said.

• it generates good party stories
  • People will gather 'round to hear any story you say when it starts out, "This one time I was yelling at someone with my bullhorn..." and guaranteed, it will leave drunken party-goers laughing hysterically. "Why, because they're drunk and will probably laugh at anything!?" Of course not!! Bullhorn harassment is hilarious and all your friends will like you more if you buy one today!

• and don't forget about bullhorn karoke!!
  • Ever wish you could throughly annoy people with your horrendous singing, but just didn't have a pricey karoke machine? Well, now you can. Simply supply yourself with music that you know some of the words to and a bullhorn. You can bullhorn karoke in the car, at a garage sale, or at any party; The possibilities are endless. And talk about convience. With bullhorn karoke, you can move anywhere you please. There's no big bulky karoke equipment to hold you down, so if your crowd of adoring fans decides to hold their ears and run away, you can easily accomodate them by bringing yourself right there to the middle of the action!

• still there's more: why not try bullhorn sex!
  • Do you enjoy the thrill of phone sex, yet crave for there to be a little more risk involved? What could fill that void more than taking that phone sex outside into public places and trading your telephone in for a bullhorn? It's easy: all you need is a willing partner, two bullhorns, your best dirty talk, and your intense passion and burning desire. The rest is sheer bliss! But don't take my word for it. Ask my partners.

bring on the cheesy, hawaiian-luau styled, virtual insanity