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the boyfriend application

I've realized that being a boyfriend is an important job. A guy has to be dedicated 100%. It takes commitment: time, effort, and even monetary, for a relationship to last. But the pay is good. Boyfriends get paid in all different kinds of affection. And if a guy is a good boyfriend, he's pretty sure to get a nice fat Christmas bonus. But bad boyfriends should get fired, and most of the time, they don't. I blame two facts for that: girls are stupid (::sigh:: myself included) and love is blind. I say why not just write it all out: have interested guys fill out an application. If they look good and they sound good, then call them in for an interview, or two, or three. Only then should they have a chance with girls as great and as wonderful (and as modest) as we are. I've generated what a basic application should look like:

Name:____________

Date:____________

Job Description

  • Spending quality time with me
  • Appreciating and Cherishing me
  • Listening to my problems
  • Occassionally Showering me with affection
  • Providing me with plenty of hugs, kisses, and other little nookies
  • Finding creative ways to make me smile
  • Being considerate of my wants, needs, and emotions
  • Having an innate desire to please me physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually
  • Respecting my morals, decisions, and life choices
  • Fulfilling promises on a regular basis (e.g. I'll call you tomorrow, I'll take you out Friday , etc.)
  • Eventually Trusting me a side of you most others do not see
  • Keeping my secrets safe in your heart

Are you capable of fulfilling these requirements? Yes/No

If yes: explain (and it better be good, asshole)____________________________________________.

Drug History

Do you obtain and/or use illegal drugs? Yes/No

If yes, explain:___________________________(Illegal drug usage may or may not affect hiring... yeah right!)

Do you smoke cigarettes? Yes/No

How regularly do you drink?_______________________

Relationship History
Name Dates involved From: To: Phone Number Depth of Relationship(e.g. fling, love, causal, etc) Reasons For Break Up May We Contact Her?
_______ _______ _______ _______ _______ _______ Yes/No
_______ _______ _______ _______ _______ _______ Yes/No
_______ _______ _______ _______ _______ _______ Yes/No

Attach additional pages as needed.

Explain any gaps in relationships (e.g. moping, having a dry spell, pining away for some girl that didn't want you, joining a monestary):

______________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________

References

Name:______________________________________________________________

Telephone Number:______________________________________________________

How Does This Person Know You:________________________________________

Name:______________________________________________________________

Telephone Number:______________________________________________________

How Does This Person Know You:________________________________________

Name:______________________________________________________________

Telephone Number:______________________________________________________

How Does This Person Know You:________________________________________

Good Luck!! You'll Need It!

For some BiZzaRe reason, I'm interested in filling this out and emailing it to you.

index me!