So it was a Friday night in Pittsburgh and my dear, sweet, man-juggling friend, Maria, asked me if I would like to go Oakland to see some new-guy-she-met's band perform. I had already intended on going to Oakland that night because I needed to do some promowhorring, so I agreed to if she would accompany me with the promowhorring.

We show up to see them on stage warming up. "That's him." she said to me as she pointed to the guitarist. I whistled loudly and got his attention for her. When he looked up, he looked a little bit familiar, but I ignored it. As he's playing, his mannerisms give him away: I had hooked up with him at a teenie-bopper club about three years prior to this evening. "Vanilla Ice Jeff" my friends called him. So in an attempt to make things less awkward, I avoid him like the plague, but I see him peering out of the corner of his eye, trying desperately to place me. He was obviously clueless because he even told Maria I looked familiar, but couldn't figure out why. Then, to make matters more interesting, the rather intoxicated drummer of the band decides in his drunken wisdom (and with his beer goggles) that I am the single most beautiful woman alive and that he needs to get him some of me. Damn, I must have some milkshake. Fortunately, all he ended up doing is standing motionless next to me most for of the night and actually only saying two sentences to me, "I'm sorry I'm so blunt, but you're really hott." and, "Can I get your number?" However, while in the midst of telling Maria of my innate beauty, he ended up groping her.

Then, to make matters even more interesting, Maria and I are sitting away from the stage while another band sets up, completely minding our own business, and another guy, a rather cute one, comes up to us... well, more like comes up to her. The two are chatting as I stare off into space wondering how in the hell she does it. Then they both just kinda get up... I follow blindly because I have no idea what's going on. The show was starting again, and Maria sort of stopped paying attention to dreamy boy. She whispered to me, "Do you like him? You BETTER leave with his number!" Granted, he was an attractive and all-around cool dude, but end of discussion: I felt idiotic because I don't take handouts (I did give him my number because he asked and I'm a sucker for a pretty smile... but this will probably turn out pretty interesting if he actually does call).

And I need to mention that this entire time, I feel like I am going to hurl my guts out (note: don't ever mix energy drinks and ice cream sandwiches).

So then, as the show is wrapping up, Vanilla Ice Jeff invites us to join the band at some bar they can illegally sneak us into. 1) I'm avoiding this dude so that it doesn't dawn on him why I look so familiar 2) I'm avoiding the intoxicated molester they call a drummer and 3) I feel as though I am going to hurl my brains out... so needless to say, there is NO WAY I am going to this bar. (And besides, if I was going anywhere after this fiasco, it would have been to the party that cute dreamy cool boy asked me to attend... just thought I'd vainly brag.) I feel bad because I know she obviously wants to go, but she gives me the whole "Well, you don't feel good.. so they can take me home." to which I would have preferred the truth. Anyway, so I'm driving home alone and the roads [to anyone who has been driving on them, I'm not making a new discovery here:] ARE TOTAL SHIT! On Carson Street is a pothole the size of my old Cabbage-Patch kiddie pool, and of course, it's filled with water, and it's dark out, and I don't see it until it's too late. BAM! There went not only the alignment of my car, but the front passenger tire. I feel blessed because it was only a seeping flat, not an automatic one, and I don't even notice anything wrong with my car until I am a couple minutes away from home. I then retire to my bed, where I endure severe insomonia (hence why this is being written at 6:07 a.m.). The perfect end to a wonderful night.

Surprisingly, there were some good points of the evening: I saw three wonderful people I graduated with (one of whom had dated another member of this same band... too freaky), a girl who a friend of mine likes to kidnap and take with us out to clubs (who was dating the drummer of another band), and said cute boy walked me to my car and gave me a much needed hug.

"Maria, I can't keep your men straight!"

"Don't try to; I can't either."