Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw" - More quotations on: [Drinking] What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. Dave Barry - More quotations on: [Maturity] Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. Dave Barry I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. Dave Barry Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Dave Barry - More quotations on: [Golf] Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. Dave Barry (1947 - ), "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do" Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed. Herman Melville (1819 - 1891) As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night. Philip K. Dick, What The Dead Men Say, 1964 - More quotations on: [Advice] Each success only buys an admission ticket to a more difficult problem. Henry Kissinger, Wilson Library Bulletin, March 1979 - More quotations on: [Success] The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. Henry Kissinger, New York Times, Oct. 28, 1973 There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Henry Kissinger The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. Henry Kissinger - More quotations on: [Boredom] The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. Henry Kissinger Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. Henry Kissinger - More quotations on: [Politicians] It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. Garrison Keillor, in Salon.com Humankind cannot stand very much reality. T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965) Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982) Everything you can imagine is real. Pablo Picasso (1881 - 1973) Reality is something you rise above. Liza Minnelli (1946 - ) Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. Jules de Gaultier Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. Jane Wagner (and Lily Tomlin) The real distinction is between those who adapt their purposes to reality and those who seek to mold reality in the light of their purposes. Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. Garrison Keillor (1942 - ) We're all in this alone. Lily Tomlin Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Lily Tomlin The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Lily Tomlin Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. Lily Tomlin - More quotations on: [Reality] Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. Lily Tomlin - More quotations on: [Americans] I will follow the right side even to the fire, but excluding the fire if I can. Michel de Montaigne, 'De l'utile et de l'honnete,' 1580-88 Even on the highest throne in the world, we are still sitting on our ass. Michel de Montaigne, 'De l'experience,' 1580-88 When I am attacked by gloomy thoughts, nothing helps me so much as running to my books. They quickly absorb me and banish the clouds from my mind. Michel de Montaigne - More quotations on: [Books] There are some defeats more triumphant than victories. Michel de Montaigne - More quotations on: [Defeat] The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself. Michel de Montaigne So it is with minds. Unless you keep them busy with some definite subject that will bridle and control them, they throw themselves in disorder hither and yon in the vague field of imagination. ..And there is no mad or idle fancy that they do no bring forth in the agitation. Michel de Montaigne No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. Michel de Montaigne I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. Michel de Montaigne He who is not very strong in memory should not meddle with lying. Michel de Montaigne - More quotations on: [Memory] Fashion is the science of appearances, and it inspires one with the desire to seem rather than to be. Michel de Montaigne Don't discuss yourself, for you are bound to lose; if you belittle yourself, you are believed; if you praise yourself, you are disbelieved. Michel de Montaigne Some people have so much respect for their superiors they have none left for themselves. Peter McArthur I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive. Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations. Charles de Montesquieu (1689 - 1755) Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. Charlotte Whitton, Canada Month, June 1963 He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. David Frost love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. Rabbi Julius Gordon No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. Henry Adams (1838 - 1918) If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. Quentin Crisp I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. Unknown The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost The best way out is always through. Robert Frost Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired. Robert Frost - More quotations on: [Love] I'm against a homogenized society, because I want the cream to rise. Robert Frost Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. Robert Frost - More quotations on: [Happiness] A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. Robert Frost - More quotations on: [Laws] Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your t emper or your self-confidence. Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) When you meet your antagonist, do everything in a mild and agreeable manner. Let your courage be as keen, but at the same time as polished, as your sword. Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816) Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content. Louis L'Amour (1908 - 1988) Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973) You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war. Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), (attributed) The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924) It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. William Blake (1757 - 1827) Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy. Spike Milligan It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. Sally Kempton Reveal not every secret you have to a friend, for how can you tell but that friend may hereafter become an enemy. And bring not all mischief you are able to upon an enemy, for he may one day become your friend. Saadi (1184 - 1291) Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake. Persian Proverb A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891 Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies. Moshe Dayan (1915 - 1981) Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall - but don't rush to pick him up either. Jewish Proverb You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. Baltasar Gracian Above all things, never be afraid. The enemy who forces you to retreat is himself afraid of you at that very moment. Andre Maurois (1885 - 1967) He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, And he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere. Ali ibn-Abi-Talib (602 AD - 661 AD), A Hundred Sayings My toughest fight was with my first wife. Muhammad Ali There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people. Muhammad Ali Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer. Muhammad Ali, "More Than a Hero" Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Muhammad Ali, Catch phrase Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life. Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956), The Mother, 1932 I'd rather get my brains blown out in the wild than wait in terror at the slaughterhouse. Craig Volk, Northern Exposure, A-Hunting We Will Go, 1991 Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon. David Assael, Northern Exposure, It Happened in Juneau, 1992 Death is the enemy. I spent 10 years of my life singlemindedly studying, practicing, fighting hand to hand in close quarters to defeat the enemy, to send him back bloodied and humble and I am not going to roll over and surrender. Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, First Snow, 1993 Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes. Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) There are new words now that excuse everybody. Give me the good old days of heroes and villains. the people you can bravo or hiss. There was a truth to them that all the slick credulity of today cannot touch. Bette Davis (1908 - 1989), The Lonely Life, 1962 Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story. John Barth (1930 - ) Every hero becomes a bore at last. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. Umberto Eco (1932 - ), Travels in Hyperreality Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is. Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), Newspaper article, Feb. 15, 1925 One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity. Andrew Carnegie (1835 - 1919) I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of happiness. Lao-tzu He who knows others is wise; He who know himself is enlightened. Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu I have three treasures. Guard and keep them: The first is deep love, The second is frugality, And the third is not to dare to be ahead of the world. Because of deep love, one is courageous. Because of frugality, one is generous. Because of not daring to be ahead of the world, one becomes the leader of the world. Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu The best [man] is like water. Water is good; it benefits all things and does not compete with them. It dwells in [lowly] places that all disdain. This is why it is so near to Tao. Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits. Dan Barker, "Losing Faith in Faith", 1992 The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on. Joseph Heller (1923 - ), Catch 22 It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. Franklin D. Roosevelt The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little. Franklin D. Roosevelt We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. Franklin D. Roosevelt The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Franklin D. Roosevelt, message for Jefferson Day, April 13, 1945 Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds. Franklin D. Roosevelt, Pan American Day address, April 15, 1939 - More quotations on: [Chance] When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin D. Roosevelt, quoted Kansas City Star, June 5, 1977 A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. Franklin D. Roosevelt, radio address, Oct. 26, 1939 - More quotations on: [Conservatives] Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth. Franklin D. Roosevelt, radio address, October 26, 1939 - More quotations on: [Lies] In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. Franklin D. Roosevelt, Speech, September 22, 1936 - More quotations on: [Freedom] Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober." G. K. Chesterton - More quotations on: [Patriotism] An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. G. K. Chesterton Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere. G. K. Chesterton - More quotations on: [Art] I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. G. K. Chesterton say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it. G. K. Chesterton Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist. G. K. Chesterton - More quotations on: [Music] [Food] The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. G. K. Chesterton The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion. G. K. Chesterton To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. G. K. Chesterton here are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob. G. K. Chesterton, "Heretics", 1905 The rich are the scum of the earth in every country. G. K. Chesterton, Flying Inn (1914) - More quotations on: [Money] t isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. G. K. Chesterton, Scandal of Father Brown (1935) Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command. Alan Watts Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be. Anton Chekhov (1860 - 1904), O Magazine, February 2004 To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), Marriage and Morals (1929) ch. 19 Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves. Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. David Viscott I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman's feelings; and there may often be a great deal more suffered than a stander-by can judge of. Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. Jeanne Moreau Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. Lynda Barry To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt. Madonna (1958 - ), O Magazine, January 2004 Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate. Margaret Cho, weblog, 01-15-04 I believe that uncertainty is rally my spirit's way of whispering, ""I'm in flux. I can't decide for you. Something is off-balance here."" Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine, June 2003 Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ************************************************ Tevye: As Abraham said, "I am a stranger in a strange land..." Rabbi's Son: Moses said that. Tevye: Ah. Well, as King David said, "I am slow of speech, and slow of tongue." Rabbi's Son: That was also Moses. Tevye: For a man who was slow of speech he talked a lot. Perchik: Money is the world's curse. Tevye: May the Lord smite me with it. And may I never recover. [Talking to God] Tevye: I know, I know. We are your chosen people. But, once in a while, can't you choose someone else? [Perchik and Hodel have announced their engagement] Tevye: He loves her. Love, it's a new starting. On the other hand, our old ways were once new, weren't they? On the other hand, they decided without parents, without the matchmaker. On the other hand, did Adam and Eve have a matchmaker? Oh, yes they did. And it seems these two have the same Matchmaker. [To God] Tevye: Sometimes I wonder, when it gets too quiet up there, if you are thinking, "What kind of mischief can I play on my friend Tevye?" [Tevye admires the lavishness of a butcher's home] Tevye: And all this from killing innocent animals. Constable: You're an honest, decent person. Even though you are a Jew. Tevye: Oh... THANK you, your honor. How often does a man get a compliment l ike that? Tevye: Thank you, your honor. You are a good man. If I may say so, it's too bad you're not a Jew. Constable: [laughs] That's what I like about you, Tevye. You're always joking. Tevye: [is not laughing] Lazar Wolf: Have a drink? Tevye: I won't insult you by saying no. Tevye: When I get angry even flies don't dare to fly. Mordcha: If the rich could hire others to die for them we, the poor, would all make a nice living. [On being evicted] Motel: Rabbi, we've been waiting for the Messiah all our lives. Wouldn't now be a good time for him to come? Rabbi: I guess we'll have to wait someplace else. Tevye: [to God] It may sound like I'm complaining, but I'm not. After all, with your help, I'm starving to death. *********************************************************** Mary: Let me ask you something. [Grabs his hand] Mary: Why are you alive? John Preston: [Breaks free] I'm alive... I live... to safeguard the continuity of this great society. To serve Libria. Mary: It's circular. You exist to continue your existence. What's the point? John Preston: What's the point of your existence? Mary: To feel. 'Cause you've never done it, you can never know it. But it's as vital as breath. And without it, without love, without anger, without sorrow, breath is just a clock... ticking. Partridge: You always knew. [begins to read from Yeats] Partridge: "But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." I assume you dream, Preston. John Preston: I'll do what I can to see they go easy on you. Partridge: We both know they never "go easy". John Preston: Then, I'm sorry. Partridge: No, you're not. You don't even know the meaning. Its just a vestigial word for a feeling you've never felt. John Preston: There's no war. No murder. Partridge: What is it you think we do? John Preston: No. You've been with me, you've seen how it can be - the jealousy, rage. Partridge: A heavy cost. I pay it gladly. [Reaches for his gun] ************************************************ Judge Dredd: Emotions... there ought to be a law against them. Warden Miller: So tell me Rico, what is the meaning of life? Rico: It ends. *************************************** Poetry *************************************** *************************************** I keep you jealously to myself, in a photo the size of a kiss a kiss in the shape of a bullet. -unknown