Update 3/28/06
So today out of nowhere I figured it would be funny if I were to look back on the old days and check out the old Neil Gone Wild! site. Out of sheer irony, it turned out that my last update was exactly one year ago today. I assure you this was just a total coincodence. Anyway, after something like that I figured that I HAD to bring the site back. A lot has happened in the past year and I kinda miss doing this site on a near daily basis. Having said that, it's baaaaaaaaaaaaaack... -I no longer live with roommates and am now living on my own. Nothing bad happened between us but I just could not pass up the opportunity of living 2 blocks behind my favorite bar. Plus it's a 5 min walk to all my classes but who cares about that. The one down note is that I no longer get to take cabs or buses to the bars which usually provides a shitload of stories. Although a few weeks ago we did take a cab and I did get to hear a whacko driver tell us that he was kicked out of the military because "they didn't like what they found in his urine." Awesome... -Over the summer I was an assistant coach on the 18 and under travel baseball team I used to play for. While manning the first base coaching box, I set a franchise record for ejections in a season with 7. I was quite proud. -I have begun to take classes so that I can get my certification as a sports agent. There was really no rhyme or reason to this other than I have way too much free time on my hands. Okay so maybe all that much hasn't happened over the past year. Anyway, check back tomorrow afternoon or so for my first real column. I promise I won't disappoint. Update 3/29/06 So when you think Neil Gone Wild, the first thing that does not come to mind is baseball. But you know what, fuck you it’s my website and I will write about taking a dump if I want to. Anyway, last year I attempted to write a season preview book which was coming along pretty well but was just too much for one person. Throw that in with the fact that no one was going to buy it and I gave up. So with that, here is my 2006 season preview, although not 1/100th as serious as last year’s work. Today’s entry is for the American League, tomorrow you get the National League. Baltimore Orioles- First I would like to thank Baltimore for being one of the shittiest cities I have ever been to. If you love 3rd world nations but aren’t a fan of long airplane rides then Baltimore is the city for you. Having said that, it is only appropriate that their team be ran like Haiti. I didn’t think it was possible but now with Anna Benson arriving in town, the city that is known for its crabs (the STD or the food, take your pick), the disease rate will actually increase. The team continues to throw big money at players such as Miguel Tejada, Javy Lopez and Ramon Hernandez for the sheer reason of spending money. All of which are talented but are worthless when the rest of your players suck. They are finally starting to develop some stars of their own in Nick Markaikis, Haden Penn and Daniel Cabrera. In a division where everyone else actually has a plan (even Tampa), I think Orioles fans should be excited about many last place finishes for years to come, starting with this year. Leo Mazzone may help the pitching staff a little but I still expect home plate to get pounded more than Anna Benson’s snootch, and that is saying a lot. Division Finish: AL East, 5th(Last). Boston Red Sox- Speaking of cities I am not a fan of, next up is the Boston Red Sox. I hate traffic and stupid accents, and Boston is basically the Disney World of both. Your ancestors came over nearly 400 years ago, learn how to pronounce an R you dumb pieces of shit. On the field, Boston seems to have the right mix of veteran pitching and young guns who should keep the veterans interested throughout the season. Losing Johnny Damon is not going to hurt as much as people think as he is beginning to decline and has the throwing arm of Mohammed Ali. My only gripe was trading away prospect Andy Marte for Coco Crisp. Marte has the makings of a star while if it were up to me Mike Lowell (their current 3B) would be on the next floating toilet seat back to Cuba. Crisp should fill in well for Damon but they overpaid, as even they have admitted. Boston should fend off the competition though and take home their first division title in like 8 years or whatever. Division Finish: AL East, 1st. Chicago White Sox- Chicago is the first city on the list I haven’t been to so I guess I’m forced to talk about baseball here. For starters I do not trust their closer, Bobby Jenks. If it is at all possible he is in even worse shape than last year, thus his ass is spreading faster than Anna Benson’s, although for entirely different reasons. That shouldn’t be too much of a problem though because they have plenty of capable arms to plug in his place. The team is actually improved from last year with the additions of Jim Thome and Javier Vazquez. Even with the new additions though it is only expected that they suffer from some sort of World Series hangover. The AL Central should be a race that is fun to watch all year and Chicago is expected to be involved in that race. It’s really a toss up but I will give them the division, if only because I am a nice guy. Division Finish: AL Central, 1st. Cleveland Indians- Ah, back to a city that I have been to. Even though all of the women look like David Wells, I actually enjoyed my brief time in Cleveland. A nice little revitalized downtown area as well as two awesome sports venues, Quicken Loans Arena and the Indians’ Jacobs Field. Unfortunately baseball is decided by how nice your digs are. Regardless, fans of the Tribe have a lot to be excited about this year. Before Omar Minaya was too busy making retarded decisions for the Mets, he was making retarded for the Expos and thus giftwrapped their best prospects over to the Indians. One of said prospects being Grady Sizemore. Sizemore has basically taken over the city like the fictional Rick Vaughn for his outstanding play and boyish good looks. If I was a chick I’d do him. Throw in Victor Martinez, Jhonny Peralta and a host of other young players and in the near future we may be looking at a dynasty. But for now they’re going to have to rely on Bob Wickman and his 9 and a half fingers. I think the pitching is a little too suspect for them to take over first place, but they should be right there. Division Finish: AL Central, 2nd. Detroit Tigers- Oh good ole Detroit. A city in which our cab driver actually confessed to my father and I that he had to carry a gun at all times and that we shouldn’t walk around downtown at night, good times. In an episode of Arli$$, the running joke of one episode that the only sure thing in Detroit is that someone is going to get shot. Well fortunately for Tiger fans, one sure thing is that they will be treated to some excellent pitching all season long. A rotation of Bonderman, Justin Verlander and Joel Zumaya (who will start off in the bullpen), should make Tiger fans giddy. They are a good team with a good in-game manager (Jim Leyland) but the talent gap is too far this year. They will surprise a lot of people and should finish over .500 for the first time since I was 9 years old. But I’m talking like 82-80, not 92-70. Plus if all else fails, maybe newly acquired P Kenny Rogers will snap and beat up a cameraman again. Division Finish: AL Central, 4th. Kansas City Royals- I’ve never been to KC although I would love to because it is home to the Negro League Hall of Fame. Plus how can you not want to go to a city where Ichiro learned his first words of English which were “Kansas City in the dead of summer is hotter than balls.” I kid you not. First and foremost I would like to apologize to all zero of my KC readers. The team is terrible and the front office is even worse. They continue to acquire players with 84 letters in their last name (Graffinino, Grudzielanek, Mientkiewicz) or are just 84 years old (Matt Stairs, Reggie Sanders). All of said players are blocking the paths of prospects who will eventually be the future of the team. To add insult to injury, the team sucks so badly that their once golden boy pitcher, Zack Grienke, literally quit during spring training a few weeks ago. If you work in the Royals ticket office, I’d hold off on printing playoff tickets. Not just this season but for the next 10…Division Finish: AL Central, 5th (Last, worst record in baseball) The Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim who play in Anaheim but say they are from Los Angeles which is like the Jets and Giants who play in New Jersey but say they are from New York- Phew, that name sure will be tough to fit on their road jerseys. Last year in my book which never came out, I predicted the Angels to win it all. But since my book never came out, I never said that and you never heard that. The pitching is as suspect as the location they claim they are from, and the hitting for some reason never came around last year. I don’t think the hitting will struggle again this year as they have a boatload of prospects who are waiting in the wings and could be asked to take over at a moments notice. Despite not knowing where they are from, I think they have what it takes to win the AL West. Will they? That is another story. In addition, I have been to Los Angeles and absolutely loved it there. I have never been to Anaheim although I hear it is white trash. Division Finish: AL West, 1st. Minnesota Twins- I had my chance to go to Minnesota for the first time this past weekend to watch my Florida Gators in action but declined so that I could ruin my liver in the Florida sun as opposed to in the Minnesota chill. I’ve heard good things about the Twin Cities though. Minnesota didn’t waste much time pissing me off this year as they have named Tony Batista their 3B. For those of you who are unaware, Tony Batista is the worst baseball player ever. He is good for 25 home runs and 800 strikeouts each year and defends 3B as well as Anna Benson defends her snootch. That is my last Anna Benson joke, I think. They also decided that their best prospect, pitcher Francisco Liriano, should start the season in bitter cold Triple A Rochester as opposed to bitter cold Minnesota. Liriano is arguably the best prospect in baseball and when teamed with staff ace Johan Santana, they may form the best 1-2 punch in baseball. But hey, I guess you have to give the people of Rochester something to look forward to, other than death that is. The Twins are good but not quite good enough to overthrow Chicago. I listed the Indians as 2nd in the division but they could easily flip flop with Minnesota. Division Finish: AL Central, 3rd. New York Yankees- For anyone who knows me, they are aware of the fact that I literally refuse to even touch an article of Yankees clothing. I would honestly consider running face first into a train before putting on a Yankees hat. Aside from that, I think the pitching is old as dirt and this is the year that the boys in the Bronx miss the postseason. They even have the makings of dare I say, finishing in 3rd? The team isn’t getting any younger and the past few years they just seem to be lacking the desire that they had throughout the late 90s. What people don’t realize is that those teams were built from within their minor leagues as Derek Jeter, Andy Pettite, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera and Bernie Williams were all brought up through the Yankees’ system. Guys like Paul O’Neill, Wade Boggs, Scott Broscius et al, were leaders who wanted to win more than breathe. Those guys wanted to win, they wanted to play with eachother (both in the showers and on the field). It’s when they started adding the stars such as Giambi, Sheffield and Johnson amongst others that the wheels started to fall off. People make the argument all the time that the Yankees buy their championships but in fact they earned their World Series rings. It’s the past few AL East championships that they have bought. Division Finish: AL East, 3rd. Oakland Athletics- I’ve never been but I have heard that Oakland is apparently Detroit West. Unlike Detroit though, Oakland is loaded with the talent to potentially win the World Series this year. The pitching staff is loaded with young guns and they acquired Milton Bradley this off-season who is most likely to actually shoot someone with a gun. The offense is still a major concern though and that is the only reason why I have them finishing behind the Angels. They could just as easily win the division though if their glut of outfielders can actually produce like outfield bats should. The future looks bright in Oakland, or San Jose, or Las Vegas, or wherever this team will be playing a few years down the road. I’d write more but I’m running out of material and I’m exhausted from my weekend drinking binge. They’re good, okay? Division Finish: AL West, 2nd (AL Wild Card Winner) Seattle Mariners- This is the city where Starbucks began so therefore I refuse to ever step foot there. Fortunately, this is also the city that has given us Nirvana, Frasier, Ichiro and Felix Hernandez. So maybe it evens out in the end. For those of you who are unaware, Felix Hernandez is a bad ass. And I mean that literally. Last year he even had it stitched on his glove in Spanish. It’s these little tidbits why you should love me. The kid can flat out throw and is basically my generations Doc Gooden, minus the coke habit. Last year after he was called up I made it my business to stop what I was doing and watch him pitch. The kid is only 19 years old and when all is said and done he may be better than Pedro, Roger Clemens AND Randy Johnson. I kid you not. It is a shame that him and Ichiro have to waste away in Seattle where it is rainy and depressing and the team is terrible. My favorite joke of the off-season was when Seattle signed Jarrod Washburn to a contract worth 37.5 million dollars and my initial thought was, “It better be a contract for 37.5 years.” Good times. Division Finish: AL West, 4th (Last) Tampa Bay Devil Rays- Enjoy the name while you can because after this year they are thinking about changing the name all together, or just abandoning the word “Devil” and being the Tampa Bay Rays, with Rays standing for rays of sun. Again, I shit you not. Tampa is arguably one of my favorite cities in America and a place I would love to live one day. Heck, even the baseball team is improving. This should be the year they get past 70 wins, although not by many. This is a team that is built to win in the future and after years of piss poor ownership and piss poor drafting, appears to be on the cusp of something big. Sadly, they are in a division that is loaded. But their own messed up plan may have actually worked as they are peaking just as New York and Boston’s window is closing. I could go on and on about the young talent this team has but I just want to finish this thing up already. BJ Upton, Delmon Young, Carl Crawford, Scott Kazmir and Elijiah Dukes are all going to be very good, next. Division Finish: AL East, 4th. Toronto Blue Jays- Toronto has the best hot dogs you will ever eat, period. I used to spend a week up at the Skydome every summer so the city will always have a soft spot in my heart. But after 13 years the team finally will be just as good as their hot dogs. After rebuilding through the minor leagues (HINT HINT IDIOT GM’S WHO CONTINUE TO OVERPAY FOR WASHED UP HASBEENS) and making some nice acquisitions this off-season (Overbay, Ryan, Burnett, Glaus) the team appears ready to make some noise. It should be a dog fight all season long in the AL East and it should be the Blue Jays downfall. Between the Jays, Yankees and Red Sox all beating eachother up, I think the 2nd place team won’t finish with enough wins to merit the AL Wild Card. There will be meaningful baseball played in the month of September in Toronto, just not October. Division Finish: AL East, 2nd. Texas Rangers- A quick round of applause for the Texas Rangers for not only finding a team dumb enough to take Alfonso Soriano off their hands, but then acquiring a player that is better than him in Brad Wilkerson. Texas has tried to improve the defense and pitching this year as opposed to their philosophy of trying to outslug teams last year but they didn’t do enough. Second Basemen Ian Kinsler gets my vote for Rookie of the Year so I guess they have that going for them too. Much like a few other teams, they should hang around for most of the season but in the end will not have the firepower to make it to the playoffs. I haven’t been to Dallas so no further comments. I know a chick who used to work for them so if you want to know anything about the city shoot her an email or whatever. Division Finish: AL West, 3rd. Check back tomorrow for my National League preview! Update 3/30/06 Yeah so I thought about it and I didn’t feel like previewing the NL. The AL took way too long and with the NL having two more teams I didn’t want to go through with it. Sucks for you guys. Here is my quick predictions for the NL and the playoffs…. AL East- Red Sox AL Central- White Sox AL West- Angels AL Wild Card- A’s NL East- Braves NL Central- Cardinals NL West- Dodgers NL Wild Card- Mets ALDS- A’s over White Sox, Angels over Red Sox ALCS- A’s over Angels NLDS- Mets over Cardinals, Braves over Dodgers NLCS- Mets over Braves World Series- A’s 4 Mets 2 Basically I am a lazy shit but this weekend should be the mother load of updates. Friday night I am going to Medievel Times, Saturday night I will start drinking at 2pm for my Florida Gators’ first final four appearance in 6 years. Sunday is Wrestlemania and Monday I will either be in NY for Mets Opening day (if Florida loses Saturday Night) or getting hammmmmered in preparation for Florida vs. LSU/UCLA in the national title game. Stay tuned…
