A TICKING CLOCK
I know it isn't easy to understand why I'm going to do (or did) what I will do. And if you found that THE REASON was hard to understand, or harder still to accept, this section will hopefully clear up some misunderstandings or blurred spots. You see I have thought about suicide for a good while now, and infact I've tried to carry on with it several times before but usually something occurs or someone has always stopped me before. This section is a compilation of previous suicide notes I had written, which suited the time. Now although not all that is said are true with this time, but the build-up of all that are contained in these letters is what led me to this decision. Other than letters, I have also written a few poems before that described the current mood I was in. Hopefully this too will help you understand the emotions and feelings I went through. I didn't put them in any chronological order or anything because I'm not sure which comes before which. However, I will try my best to keep it in a flowing order. There's alot more stuff I decided not to put in here due to their very personal nature especially IRChat logs. They contain alot more information and are probably more direct and straight forward, but it is because of this and because they contain peoples names that I will not put them here. It just isn't a nice thing to do. Let personal conversation remain PERSONAL. Anyway, what's here is good enough. Analyze it, scrutinise it but above all, try to understand it.
- RAMBLINGS -
- UNSAID -
- COLD -
- ONE LAST SIGH -
- LOST IN YOU -
- PAINFUL EYES -
- 2 MONTHS OFF -
- JUST ONE THING -
- LAST POEM -
Copyright 2003 © Mazhar