THE REASON
I am so sad, I am so broken. I really don't know what to do anymore. It's so final. I know I put it in a box, but I had to know, if you loved me or not. I really hoped, I tried my best but never prayed. Coz I knew you loved him more than me. Never did any ask me how I felt. Never did any care. I had to let go, it hurt me so. Why do you care now? When I'm gone? Why do you bother? Do you bother? Do you care?Sad isn't it, when I was around nobody cared. If you did you would've showed me! If you did you would've known! In the end nobody believed me. I told you this would happen. I guess it was me crying wolf. That doesn't mean I don't mean. I was just asking for help, for love, for you to care. Why didn't I say? Coz I thought you loved me! I thought you cared! I thought you knew! Being me, I don't want to hurt you. I am what I am. I am hated, I am hurt. God hates me, you don't love me. I am an outcast. I am hated. Good! I want to! Hate me! Hate me!! No, I'm not angry. I'm just confused. Am I? No, I'm not troubled. I'm heart broken. Understood? Why? Why?? If you don't know, stop reading this now. You don't know me. You never did. They say "silence is not the way if heaven is on the way". Heaven, Hell. Do I care? No. I'm burning already, I'm broken already. Are you angry? Are you confused? Why? Could you do anything now that you know? Could you have done anything if you knew then? Am I angry? No. I said that! Who am I talking to? ALL OF YOU! Not just you alone. To the rest too. If you know what I'm saying. Good for you! Tell the others that never bothered to know. Never bothered? My fault I didn't say? That means you never cared enough for me to say! Forget me. Like you've always done. Leave me here. Don't cry for me. I've cried because of you. I've cried because of all of you! Think all this is stupid? Think it's wrong? Why? Why should I care? Nobody cared before. Think about it. I know I won't. I just cried about it. I hate you!! I hate you!! NO, not you. Can't read anymore? Why are you crying? Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why do you care? You never did before. I said it before, I told you before. You were not sure? I said it before, I told you before. Did you hear? Don't worry, soon you will forget. Because You don't care. You don't care. If I were here now, what would you do? You know the saddest thing is, I'll never know.
MAZHAR
(12th November 2003; 4.30am)
PLEASE DON'T TELL MUMMY AND DADDY IT WAS SUICIDE! MAKE UP A STORY, SAY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, OVERDOSE, ALLERGY, ETC. ANYTHING EXCEPT THIS! I KNOW IT'S UNFAIR TO THEM, AND I KNOW THIS WILL HURT THEM THE MOST. THEY'VE BROUGHT ME UP THE BEST THEY COULD AND I DON'T BLAME THEM FOR ANY OF THIS. I LOVE THEM ALOT AND I DONT WANT THEM TO BE HEARTBROKEN. THERE WAS NOTHING THEY COULD'VE DONE. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. I LOVE YOU MUMMY, AND I LOVE YOU DADDY.
Copyright 2003 © Mazhar