A few of my favorite quotes

• Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile!
• Don't say you love me unless you mean it cause I might do something crazy and believe it!
• If I had a star for everytime your smile cheered me up, I'd be holding the night sky in the palm of my hand.
• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
• All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand!
• Black holes are where God divided by zero.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
• Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them!
• I poured spot remover on my dog, now he's gone!!
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
• Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
• I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
• The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, and the young know everything.
• My friend single handedly tries to save the economy everytime she goes shopping.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

• A friend is someone who knows all there is to know about you and loves you anyway.
• A friend is someone who goes around saying nice things about you behind your back.
• Love is friendship set on fire!

• You said you'd stay forever. Forever wasn't very long.
• I'll listen for free, but you have to pay me to care.
• Adults are so funny. They want you to learn to take care of yourself, and when you do, they're angry.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
• Look on the bright side, Not everyone despises you as much as I do.
• Keep staring. I might do a trick.
• NO, this is not a
• Torturing one animal is cruelty. Torturing many animals is science?
• Find a penny pick it up--all day long you'll have a penny.
• I'm not Attention Deficit. I'm just ignoring you.
• Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me.
• I'm having amnesia and Deja vu at the same time.
• Leprechauns stole my lunch money.
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up.