rantings and ravings of a simpleton

may 21, 2003 ~ 9:04 p.m. kill me now if you must, but don't make it lengthy because me own conscious is doing it for me. first day of summer break. thank god i've lasted this long. although i've promised all my friends not to kill myself, this year has certainly been the emotional downfall. i do congradulate all my friends for keeping me alive another year =) couldn't have done it without you (literaly). the relationship between me and jason grows ever more traumatic each day. we spent most of the day together. and then out of nowhere he ran off into his own little world probably contemplating my death. but it kills me. and the hardest thing is that i have no idea how to get through to him. i feel like there's a huge brick wall between us and there's no way to get over it. try and try again nothing seems to becoming of the "after the fact" relationship. not to mention his friends want to kill me too. but i guess i can't blame them. only looking out for one of there own. jason did invite me to his graduation party, but i don't know if i want to go. i want to see him so badly but i burst into tears every time i see him. i just can't handle the situation any more and i can barely keep control of all the shit that's being thrown in my face due to this crap. i want jason. like i've never wanted anyone before. i just don't know how to tell him that. i want a genie. that way i can grow some balls and tell jason how i feel. kill me now if you must, but don't make it lengthy because me own conscious is doing it for me

Email: TiredetjadeD@aol.com