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Away MessagesAre you ever plagued by the need to get away, but you are completely without a witty away message for all your loser friends to see when they try to get a hold of you while you're gone? Whether you're a frequent awayer, or rarely leave at all, we've got what's right for you! Just scan through our variety of away messages and pick the one that's right for you and you can have it for 65 easy payments of$5.975![ We're perfectly aware that it LOOKS like you can just use these without paying, but trust us, if you do, something wretched and awful will happen - not to mention we'll steal your soul. Thanks for your time ":)" ]The Apathetic Away Message:(©Copyright Peri) Hi, sorry I'm not available to read your pointless IM at the present moment. If you would like to leave a message, please press # four times, type your favourite number, phone number, number of letters in your middle name, and then 284490. -->Failure to follow these instructions shall lead to your untimely demise.<-- After you have typed in all those numbers, please proceed to leave your message. Please state your name, reason for IMing, and your favourite colour. After completing your message, press 412, type "apple of barrels" and eat a block of cheese. Thank you, and thanks for clicking *beep* The Angry Away Message:(©Copyright Crimmy) When life gives you apples... screw making applesauce. The apples are probably rotting on the inside anyway. (Life's humour is just that way. Shiny and red on the outside, decaying on the inside!) I say chuck the damn apples at people. If someone's quick enough to dodge them then perhaps they're halfway intelligent and interesting - if you ever see a person covered in decomposing apple, you'll know without even having to speak to them that they're not worth your time. :-) Imagine all the energy you'll save by not expending it to useless causes! The Drinker's Away Message: Not away but not here, God damn this stupid beer. The Taoist's Away Message: eeko saiko sanko siko wooko lioko chiko bako jioko shikashoi! The Pensive Monkey-Lover's Away Message:(©Copyright Peri) If a monkey can peel ninety bananas in an hour, how many monkeys can a banana peel in fifteen minutes? The Marsupials Inc Employee's Away Message: I'm not here right now - This message has been brought to you by Marsupials Inc, home of the rabid marsupials, and founders of the Marsupials Against Walabi Abuse Foundation (MAWAF). The Annoyed Away Message: I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people like you. The Pitiful Away Message: It's okay, half the people in the world are below average, like you. The Bored Away Message: I'm bored, and you're boring! So, don't leave a message. The Bathroom Idiot Away Message: HELP! I'm trapped in the toilet, I fell in. Can you please help me... Hello... Hello.. Uh-oh I think someone is coming. The Dirty Away Message: It's that time of the week again - I'm in the shower. The Broken Away Message: (YOUR NAME)'s computer is broken right now. This is her fridge. Now, if you speak really slowly I'll try to write your message on a post-it note and stick it to myself. The Liar Away Message: My dog ate my away message. The Busy Away Message: Hello, you have reached the automated answering machine service for (YOUR NAME), your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved - your message is number 8,243. Please hold, your message is important to me. The Sixth Sense Away Message: Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. The Cleo Away Message: If you want to know where I am, call Miss Cleo and ask her! If you're too lazy to do that (damn you, you lazy person you) just leave me a message and I guess I'll get back to you, despite that you're a lazy prick. The Smart-Ass Away Message: This is not my away message. (I also think I’m extremely funny.) The Clueless Away Message: I am lost. I have gone off to find myself. Should I return before I find me, please tell me to wait until I get back. (Note to self: Print out Mapquest directions next time.) The Amish Away Message: You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is completely based on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your computer at this time. (Note: Please respect this honor system the same way you would the university honor code during an unsupervised midterm.) The Snobby Away Message: I'm not ignoring you, I'm selectively bypassing you. The Cop-Wannabe Away Message: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and then later used against you. You have the right to consult another screenname from your buddy list before speaking to me. If your popularity does not afford you this opportunity, AIM's Smarterchild or another robotic, online buddy will be provided to you in a third-party chat room IM window at no cost. If you decide to speak to me now without a robotic, online buddy present, you will still have the right to stop blabbering on or complaining at any time to consult another buddy. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you still even considering IMing me? The Self-Centered Away Message: Hi , I'm (YOUR NAME). People like me get thousands of IM's a day, mostly from people just like you looking to model their lives after each and every update I make to my away message and profile. While I can't guarantee your vicarious satisfaction through my life, I can assure you that you will learn a lot from my every move. You see, through years of adolescent hard work surfing the Internet and honing my social skills through Instant Messenger, I have finally gotten a life. Now, I am making that life available for FREE for everyone on the Internet to benefit from. So be sure to check back with my screenname often and don't be surprised if I'm not here--remember, I actually have a life now. Good luck. The Confused Away Message: How are you reading this?! I thought I blocked you!! The Sleepy Nerd Away Message: I am three things right now: 1) Asleep, 2) Online, 3) A nerd because I'm asleep and online. The Denial Porn-Addict Away Message: Finally, some quality porno time. (Please read porno as SLEEP seeing as my delete button is broken.) The Thoughtful Beer Away Message: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my own dreams." The Laughing Away Message: Hi, I'm sorry I’m not here right now. If you’d like to leave a message please press 2, then 4, then 345 then type 'Yes, I am this lame.' The Vacant Away Message: This space for rent. The Bad Babysitting Away Message: This is (YOUR NAME). I am not....excuse me a moment, please. 'Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN!' [Window breaks] Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later, I really hate babysitting. The Psycho Away Message: There is always a deafening silence in a crowd whenever I leave a room. Perhaps it's my stunning wit and grace that leave people in speechless awe. Perhaps a deep sadness fills the room as my people realize that they will no longer be graced with my presence. Perhaps it's because I pumped the room full of nerve gas and everyone is dead. The Christian Away Message: I am at church right now. Unlike you I don't want to be consumed by the flames of Hell. The Blonde Away Message: The phone is ringing and apparently I need to answer it when that happens or it won't stop. The Dreaming Away Message: I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive until I realized "Damn, suicide is just wrong!" The Confused Away Message: Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?" The Pill-Popping Away Message: Annoying people like you, make people like me need medication!! The Slave Away Message: Child labour laws do not apply at (YOURADDRESS) | |||||||||||||||||