Rich,

            Unlike my other letters, all hand-written and in one direction, I’m sending you something for your own good. We’ve come to the point where you completely don’t respect anyone or anything, including yourself and your life.  I’ve known you for a long time, and I know basically what makes you happy and I also know what kind of person you are. You were humble, honest, kind, considerate, understanding and tolerant. Now, you’re anything but.

Between you and me, there was always mutual respect. As human beings, it’s important to treat one another with respect in order to keep a clean soul. Our own personal kindness of spirit is what gives us good vibes. We surround ourselves with positive vibes in order to keep our own. You and I almost always gave off positive vibes. That is why we became friends, and even pursued our relationship further. We could spend hours with each other having fun just doing nothing. Our friendship was a great one because our good vibes fed off each other for the greater good. The randomness of how we met and where our friendship began doesn’t even matter, because the reason of our friendship is what’s most important – we were two positive characters who liked to be with each other.

We got along very well as friends and barely disagreed with each other, because our good vibes bounced off each other so well. Do you realize that people would go out of their way to just hang out with us TOGETHER because we had so much fun? We were a team, and people envied the relationship we had.

Do you realize that as of now, you have no respect for anything?

·         You stole from your brother. A thousand dollars – hence, no respect for your family.

·         It’s only after I begged you on the phone that you once again became friends with Paul. I honestly don’t even think you were going to befriend Paul again, had I not called. And the reason I had no faith in you is because of the new person you have become. You’ve barely respected any of your friends these past few months – I’ve heard from the mouths of every town. Maywood , Hackensack , and Rochelle Park agree that you are spiteful and bitter, and turning into bad company.

·         You could care less about your stuff, or other people’s stuff for that matter. You smoke in people’s car without even asking. It’s a matter of principal, and respecting people’s property. Months ago you were taking your shoes off when coming into my house. Now, you barely have the decency to ask to light up.

·         You’re killing your own body. You smoke so much, it’s frightening. And you’re smoking pot again – even after I begged you to stop. I held your face in my hands and pleaded with you to stop. What more can I do? Eric just got caught. Are you going to be next? And don’t say “I’m not as dumb as Eric” because Eric was NOT dumb when it came to watching his back. Eric got narc’d. And you will too. It only takes one enemy to destroy a life.

I’m not trying to fix you with the intentions of being with you again. I am trying to fix you because you’re a good person who has gone rotten. There are only so many good people left on this planet – it’s a shame to loose one. I have always been very tolerant of you. You’d party, you’d float away to hang out with girlfriends or other people and leave me hanging, you’d forget to call – all the same, I tolerated it. I didn’t hold judgment because it was your personality. I’ve always known you were one to go where the fun is. Seldom would you ever hang out with more than one set of people at once. You went through shifts.

First, you hung out with Greg, Eric, Jerky, and Joe. Then I snuck my way into that group. Then it was Steph, Em and Me. Then you dated Steph and had your share of her. Then after that, it was Sean and Me. And during the Sean/Em/Di drama, you met Paul, and with him came Allie and Kim. After you broke up with Kim, it was Paul and Me. Then, I got a job and it was Paul and Danny. Then, a few things happened and you were suddenly with Jared and his friends. Then I left, and you drifted away from everyone. You went to the next fun thing – pot, drinking and smoking.

I’m not saying I’m the reason you became who you are now. But when someone tells you “I don’t want you to go,” and you leave anyway, and then you watch them turn into someone else from a 180 mile distance, you kind of feel responsible. I stayed in touch with you – I did what I could to keep our friendship. And it almost seemed as if you could care less.

The friendships and acquaintances that we make at this age mold who we will become as adults. These friendships also stand as the potential friendships of our lifetime so, we must make every moment count. I’m at the breaking point where I have no time for your bad karma right now. When you finally decide you want to behave civilly, then maybe I can make time for you again. Rich, I want to be your friend. But it’s to a point where you make it impossible.

            As of now, I feel like we can’t even be friends anymore. I don’t want, nor do I need someone so negative in my life. Usually, I dismiss people who are no good, ie. Christine, Steph, ect. But I’ve given you several chances because I’m trying to convince myself that this is just a phase you’re going through and that this is NOT the real you. I want to be your friend; that is THE most important point I’m making. I’m writing you this letter because I care and I don’t want to watch you just slip away. But I almost have no more patience for your arrogant and condescending attitude.

            I am working so hard to just be your friend and I shouldn’t have to. This is what you wanted – a platonic friendship complete with respect and understanding. I complied with your wish, and then you go off on this new digression and act as if you careless about anything. You can’t beg me for the moon and then toss it aside as if you never asked.

            I have had so many people ask me what’s wrong with you. I don’t know what to tell them. I’m 180 miles away – I don’t know. People call me at 11 o’clock at night, telling me I need to “fix” you. I can barely do it when I’m home, how am I expected to do it this far away? Writing letters is the only way I can see me getting through to you. The phone calls did nothing. Seeing you those short times together apparently worsened things.

You want everyone to stay friends with you. You want us all to put up with this attitude. But think about it, who needs you around if you’ve turned into sour milk? Some people would rather dump you down the drain. I’ve tried to convince them that this is a phase, and eventually, you’re going to go back to the sweetheart you once were. Don’t make a liar out of me.

Change your act, or you’re going to leave Maywood in August with nothing. We all care about you, especially me. Its bad enough I had to loose you once, and eventually I’m going to loose you again. But if you’re going to leave, at least stay the same as you were back in May. I know you often feel like life has got you down, and you've got nothing to be happy for. Please, stop thinking that way. I've known how hard it's been for you. I know things don’t seem to work out, and when things finally go well, they then go bust. Been there, done that. If you’re not happy with your life, change it. If you’re not happy with the change, go back to Square 1. If Square 1 still sucks, fix it. There are hundreds of ways to better your life. Do what you love, find a new hobby, get something healthy to better yourself and get back to a happy place.

We all miss the old Stinky. I’m doing what I can to bring him back, because no one else has the stamina. Please, if for no one but yourself, come back to us. Clean up you act. You tell me the only people you have left are Greg, Eric, Paul, Sean and myself. You have seemed to forget about Danny, Joe, Jerky, and Wes. There are also people out there who wish you were still their friend, but you’ve decided to shut them out. You say you appreciate us few so much? Then keep treating us all like garbage and watch us stick around. They will fade from your life if you keep up this attitude, and eventually so will I. You’d like to believe that they’re tolerating these mood swings, but they are all only so close. If you only knew how many fights I’ve gotten into, trying to convince people you’re just going through a stage. There is only so much I can say to others. I don’t know you anymore and I can’t tell people the truth of what’s really going on, because, I don’t know.

I wish you would just consider everything I’ve said in this letter. Remember the humble sweetheart you used to be. Straighten out your heart and turn a blind eye to all the turmoil in your life. You’re seventeen, things may better – things may worsen. But life goes on. We live, and we learn.  I won't walk out until you know that deep inside, you’re one of the nicest human beings out there and deserve the world. And if only I could help shapen your world to the one you desire, I would. All those times that I saw you hurt, I wish I could’ve just taken it all away. There is nothing more to say, other than I miss you, the real you, and can only pray we get you back.

                                                                                    Love always,

                                                                                            Di