I’ve begun to add some new fictional content on here. (Not fictional content, as in content that isn’t real – this is fiction-based content we’re talking about here.) I put up the first two chapters (found here and here) of the novel I wrote in November. I’m thinking the working title for that thing will be Aliens Abducted My .MP3s. I finally finished the thing back in January, but no sane editor would touch the thing with a thirty-foot pole, let alone me. So I haven’t edited it up at all, but I decided I’ll let the first four chapters or so stand for themselves in all their scrappy, awkward glory up here.In other writing news, I won the David O. McKay essay contest that BYU sponsors every year. It’s the most prestigious and lucrative writing award at BYU, thus making me $1500 richer (as soon as the check comes in the mail). I had to read ten minutes of my essay at an awards thing. Sean Connery, in Finding Forrester, said something like “Writers write so they don’t have to read out loud.” It was probably completely different, actually, but my point is I really didn’t want to read anything out loud. The only reason I came was because I was hoping they’d give me one of those really big checks. Alas, I got a simple pin instead. Anyway, so that’s a big deal for me – my essay is being published in a collection of essays at the end of the summer in a book called “The Restored Gospel and Applied Christianity: Student Essays in Honor of David O. McKay.” Creative title, I know – but I got $1500. I felt like running around town and singing “I got fifteen-hundred doll-ars!” Wayne’s World style, but I just wasn’t cool enough to do it.
-Carl
The drawback of only being able to afford dollar movies is a definite lack of relevant movie trailers. I think the last movie trailer I saw was for the Forgotten, which is being quickly ushered out of theaters right now. Meaning, I have no idea what new movies are coming out. Being obsessed with movies (while still being completely normal and "cool," so to speak), this can be frustrating. It's like you're in the dark, and you can't see anything around you, and you go to the dollar theater a lot. And you're naked.So I wasted a lot of time downloading movie trailers off of the Apple website, and then watching them all in a row, and then all over again. (This is something I'm convinced we all do, and I refuse to believe that this is some eccentricity of mine or evidence I have too much free time.) As a result, I am now an expert on this year's coming attractions, as well as not being a geek. *cough*
Sam, my younger brother, turns 14 on Sunday. This is incredibly important and merits mentioning (but still not important enough to be mentioned above the news that I watched movie trailers for two hours straight). The age of 14 comes with many new, exciting things, like the changing of the digit "3" to the new and exciting number "4." And if you don't watch out, the number "5" might even roll around. So if you happen to see this, Sam, have a happy birthday! And if anyone else happens to see this on their birthday, I wish them a happy birthday as well. This website will undoubtedly offer a great deal of said "happiness."
-Carl
Our big story today: Iraqi militants recently captured a G.I. Joe, sources say. This act of terrorism was likely done in hatred of the capitalist society representative of America and its perceived evils.In sports, a man severed his own testicles because of a bet involving the outcome of a rugby match. The sad thing is that his team won.
Our human interest story today details the miraculous way that a man survived a potentially fatal encounter by peeing his way out of an avalanche, something certain rugby fans might have a hard time doing.
Also, I recently wrote a satirical parental letter of complaint. Hopefully I'll find time to do a movie review this weekend.
-Carl
So I finished it. Finally. I was sitting at 47,000 words on Christmas Day and didn't even bother to throw out those last words until a week or so ago. So I guess it's done; I mean, I actually have 53,000 words written. But there's an entire chapter that I just summarized, and most of the novel is abysmal. And bad.What I think I'm going to do is edit the most egregious things out, write that chapter, and rewrite the conclusion. The conclusion, in true form to the novel in general, is hideous. (And bad.) That will need some severe editing. So what I guess I'm saying is that while I've met my goal, my novel still isn't 'done' to the point of me letting anything with opposable thumbs read it, including me.
Meanwhile, I think I'm going to find one chapter that I think represents the novel as a whole rather well, and put it up in the Nano section. The Nano section's going to be redone, as in scrapped with nothing but that one chapter in it. In fact, at that point I'll probably just chuck it into the Crap I've Written section with a little introduction to go with it. That's actually kind of sad that of the two sections of my website, an entire half is going to be arbitrarily axed. This thing's obviously loaded with content.
In other news, look for at least one more movie review to make its way on here. I've seen Cellular, Napolean Dynamite, and Flight of the Phoenix; I figure at least one of those is terrible enough to merit a review. And one last thing: if anything I do particularly sucks or is dumb, email me and tell me so. Or tell it to my face because most of the people who go here live within two-minutes walking distance.
-Carl
So, do you remember how I was writing a novel in a month? Apparently I decided two weeks was good enough. During week two, I opted to write (among other things) over studying for my midterms. This led to much pain and gnashing of teeth. (As well as bad grades on my midterms.) So last week I decided to put school first and play catch-up during Thanksgiving break. Well, I'm now on Week Four, and I should be about 75% done, and I'm not even halfway done. This week is gonna be, needless to say, crazy. Because I'm totally still going to finish it. Keep track of my amazing progress here. I'm also putting up some excerpts of stuff I wrote earlier to kind of reinspire me. (Since, y'know, putting stuff I've already written on a website nobody visits inspires me to write more.)-Carl
As you can see, the month of November has started. Along with its beginning comes the beginning of my NANO novel, christened "Working Title" in an applaudable excercise of creative muscle. The goal is 50,000 words in 30 days. I'm thinking 1800 words a day, or however many I feel like writing before I get lazy. (Whichever one comes first.) I've done today's total, and I'm getting excited. It's incredibly random and probably crappy, but I'm enjoying it a heck of a lot more than thinking "maybe one day I'll write a novel." When I'm done I'll be able to pick up those hot, intelligent chicks at coffee shops by suavely mentioning "Oh, that reminds me of that one time I wrote a novel in one month." She'll probably spill her coffee on her lap in wonder and I'll be forced to wipe it up with napkins.But if you go to the Nano section of my site, you can see a little excerpt from what I've written so far. I'm sure it'll inspire you and change your life forever, or something.
-Carl
With election day looming near, it's important for us all to be as informed as possible on current events. Here are the main stories:Steinbrenner Acquires Nuclear Weapon
Cheney Vows To Attack U.S. If Kerry Elected
Low-carb leader will get [Dave Berry's] vote
-Carl
There is an elite form of stupidity that only 5% of the population is able to attain. I've managed to join this upper-echelon of stupidity, along with many other elitist morons. You can, too, by simply registering here.First news item...EVER - Sep. 30The above link will take you to the website for an organization which takes decent, intelligent people, and turns them into raving lunatics who spend most of their time hunched over keyboards. November, apparently, is National Novel-Writing Month. During November, the dumbest smart people in the world get together and write novels at least 50,000 words in length. Before November is over, that is. This requires a certain amount of disregard for one's own sanity. I can just picture myself completely unshaved, ripping the hair out of my scalp while mumbling "only six hundred more words for today." They call this writing method "the kamikaze approach." That's heartening.
Anyway, I encourage you all to join me in this mass suicide of sanity. If you'd rather just make fun of me, I've prepared for that as well. I've set up a section of my humble site where you can track my process. I'll put up my word count at the end of every week, and post a few excerpts from what I've written.
Also, I've put up another writing sample. It's a children's story I wrote for my high school Creative Writing class a couple years ago. It originally came with illustrations, but needless to say, those sucked.
-Carl
This first, pointless news post will kick off the opening of my little website: The Official Homepage of Awesomeness. I originally created this site so I could stand on a soap box and spout whatever selfish nonsense came into my head. Selfish, you say? You're right. Having reexamined my ambitions and concerns for this site, I've instead decided to use it so I can stand on a soap box and spout whatever selfish nonsense comes into my head. That, I think, is an effective summary of what you can expect here. In fairness to the readers, (well, reader; if you're reading this, you're probably just my mom) I don't plan on updating this place a heck of a lot, unless I get a sudden, dangerous spurt of work ethic.The Official Homepage of Awesomeness is based in Provo, Utah. Carl Duzett, who enjoys speaking in the third person for some reason, owns all this stuff. The images are courtesy of whatever websites he stole them from. (If you can call that courtesy.) The text, however, is all from the mind of Carl Duzett. Trust me on that one. If that doesn't cover something that's controversial, assume that he's in the right and you're in the wrong. Comments, questions, or rude remarks are welcomed through his email, carlosduzer@yahoo.com.I'm basically using this place as a dumping grounds for stuff I've written. Some of this stuff will be columns from my high school paper, other stuff will be simple livejournal rants, pretty much anything that I think is particularly classy. Check out the stuff I got so far here.
Before I sign out, I should probably say some catchy phrase which would start a huge tradition and set the standard by which I ended my news posts. I'm looking for something that says "goodbye" while also making me look cool or something. Unfortunately, my phrases generally lack any sort of catch, I'm bad at goodbyes, and "looking cool" has been an item on my to-do list for the past 18 years. If you asked anyone if I've ever "looked cool or something," they'd choose something. Email me a catchy phrase at carlosduzer@yahoo.com if you think of one. Heck, email me anything at carlosduzer@yahoo.com. I'm getting kind of tired of there being nothing but online dating advertisements in my inbox.
-Carl
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