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You Couldn't Understand!
My Thoughts and Shit! (CrowEyesJD)

Tuesday November 4, 2003
Okay Wow! I haven't updated in a long ass time. I guess I've just been busy with school and shit. I guess I should be telling you what's going on...ha, as if anyone actually reads this. Anywho, I've been kicking ass in school and I'm actually starting to think that I'm going to enjoy working in the Human Services field. Supprisingly all my classes are really easy. I haven't found a job yet, but in all actuality I haven't been looking that hard, but I think I have a good shot working at this place in the mall that sells body jewelry. Yeah so other than school and being lazy I've been working really hard on my music and have finished another song titled "Expecting To Much". It's pretty cool and everyone I've played it for really likes it, so just a few more songs and I'll be ready to record.
On another note I'd just like to review some more movies that I've seen in the past few months. So here we go. Home Room (if you want to know what it's about go Here!) This movie just flat out ruled. Not only was the script, acting, cinamatography, plot, and cast great, it just totally blew me away. I give it 5 stars *****. Next is Mystic River. This movie wasn't all I was hoping for, but it did have a lot of great elements that I look for in a movie. The last 4-5 min. of the movie could have been cut completely out and made the movie even better, but over all I thought it was pretty good. 3 1/2 stars ***^. The Safety of Objects. Intresting movie involving four different families that ends up centering around one tragic event. It's harder on some people than on others. Good script, decent acting, but could have done without some scenes that just dragged the story on. 3 stars ***. Confidence. Great movie if you like who-dun-it films. Once you think you got it figured out it turns on ya. I say it's worth spending the money to just buy rather than rent. 4 stars ****. mom rented it so I'm not even gonna go there. 2 stars **. Daddy Day Care. Oh man, Eddie Murphy lost it a little with Life, Bowfinger, Dr. Doolittle 2, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, although I did enjoy Shrek and I spy. He's totally back in his element in this movie. Along with Steve Zahn I laughed so hard I farted. 3 1/2 stars ***^. [I know this just keeps going, but I've been away for a long time, and I LOVE movies] A Mighty Wind. If you're a fan of "This is Spinal Tap", "Waiting For Guffman", and "Best In Show", you'll love this movie. If you don't understand the humor of a mockumentary then you won't get it at all. 4 stars ****. Dreamcatcher. Although it borderlines on a remake of 1982's John Carpenter's The Thing staring Kurt Russell I thought it was pretty freaky. The CGI (computer generated images for you slow folks)were really well done, and the acting and script were pulled off really nicely. Way to go Stephen King...4 stars ****. Hollywood Homicide. Not Harrison Ford's best work but not a real bad movie either. If someone were to say to me, "hey should I rent this"? I'd say, "Ehhh" and hand them something else worth paying to rent. 2 1/2 stars **^. [Damn this is a lot of typing!] It Runs in the Family. I thought it was just cool to see Michael Douglas, Kirk Douglas, Cameron Douglas, and Diana Douglas all in a movie together about family. There were laughs, sadness, and drama all in one. 3 1/2 stars ***^. Down With Love. Although I never really cared for the 50's I do like Renée Zellweger and Ewan McGregor. Intresting concept but didn't keep my intrest very much. 3 stars ***. And finally 28 Days Later. Sweet ass suspense movie. Not all that much gore,but more on the edge of your seat, "holy crap this could actually happen" suspense. I watched it twice. 4 1/2 stars ****^.
Well that's it folks, but I'll be back soon to review some more films and shoot the shit. I'm actually going to see American Splendor tomorrow so I'll let you know how it goes. Now Piss Off!

Tuesday June 29, 2003
So not much is new. I'm still thinking about attending bartending school. I'm just not looking foreward to going back to school in the fall, since I failed all my classes last quarter now the best thing for me to do is to retake those classes, but I really really don't want to.
On a more positive note I've recently viewed some really good movies. I will rate the following movies on a 5 star scale. (*****) First is The Hours. It's a little bit confusing at first, but once you figure out what's going on it's really a well writen script and movie all together. I give it 4 stars ****. Second is Phone Booth. Although it didn't give much to the other characters besides the main guy and the dude on the phone, it had good cinamatography. I give it 3 stars ***. Next is Anger Management. I enjoyed this movie a lot. Jack and Adam make a great comedic pair. The plot never slowed down and it had great supporting actors and special apperances. I give it 3 1/2 stars ***^. The next movie I'd like to talk about is Antwone Fisher. I thought that this movie was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Everything about this movie was awesome. I can't explain to you how good this movie is. It takes a lot for me to speak so highly of a movie, but this movie has done it. It also takes a lot for me to get emotional during a movie and I have to tell you I cried at the end of this movie. I give it 5 stars *****. If anyone would like me to recomend a movie just IM (CrowEyesJD) me because I rent around 6-8 movies a week and I have a vast knowledge of a wide varity of movies and could recomend any type of movie for any type of person. Now piss off!

Sunday June 20, 2003
Okay so I'm still jobless and pissed off. I thought that just doing nothing would be fun, and it was for a while, but now I'm just bored and wish that I actually had money to do stuff and a car to get away. I've been looking for jobs in the paper and I found one that talks about bartending school and says they help with job placement after you finish. $14-15 base pay would be fucking awesome. My friend Kyle wants to sell his motercycle and told me he'd sell it to me for $270. He's fixed it up so it runs great. If I only had a job. Damn my life sucks right now.

Tuesday June 15, 2003
Wow it's been a long time since I've added something in here. So lets start out with the bad news in my life. First of all I just want Laura to know how sorry I am for her loss and to let her know that I'm here for her if she ever needs me. Second I accidentally deleted my entire main page last night, but after about 2 1/2 hours I rebuilt a new one, but I still have more work to do.
Now for some good news. On Sunday some friends and I went out to Playmore Ballroom and did some dancing to 2 different country bands. I dispise country music, but I still had a blast hanging out and dancing like a fool. I've also decided that I'm going to look into attending bartending school and get a job doing that, cuz hey...there's some bling bling in that line of work. I also started a diet last week Monday and I've already lost like 5 or 6 lbs. Thank you Subway. Okay that's all for piss off.

Thursday July 3, 2003
So it's a little late, but angelfire was being stupid the other day so here it is. On Tuesday I went and saw the Deftones with my friends Kyle and Dave. It was a totally kick ass show. Not that many people showed up so it was easy to get up close where all the hot sweaty people were. CKY didn't play cuz they got sick, so instead a band called Code 7 played. They had good vocals and shit, but the lead singer's stage performance was really odd. He just kept swinging his arms around like he was on crack or something. but overall the show kicked ass. It wasn't the best show I've seen and I admit it could have been better, but for the first show on their tour and their first show in almost 2 years I thought they did a damn good job. My neck stll hurts even 2 days later. I guess that's the price you pay for headbanging durning a kick ass band.

Thursday June 26, 2003
Oh sucks not having a job. My days consist of sleeping, watching tv, taking at least one good shit, and more than likely sleeping some more. I'd like to go out and do more shit, but I have no car and on top of that no money. Hopefully though I'll be able to dig up enough money to go to the Thursday concert at Knickerbockers on Monday. It should be a pretty kick ass time...ya know...cuz it's Thursday, and they kick ass. Anyway, I just wish I knew where my life was headed, at least that way I can start to plan things out and have some confidence in myself. I guess I just have to face it I'm a lazy fuck and as of right now I can't change that. I wish I could stop smoking, get in shape, get a job, get a car, and most importantly get a significant other to share my time with. I just want someone to be there and to hold, and call my own. It that too much to ask?

On another note, if anyone reads this I'd like you to sign my guest book just to at least know I'm not doing this just for myself.

Sunday June 22, 2003
I'm so wiped out from yesterday. I wanted to go to a party in Omaha, but I couldn't get a ride up there. Instead I went to a party with the guys from 8th Wave. They recently moved into a new house and a lot of people were parting over there. It was a wicked awesome good time, and I'm suppost to say hi on here to Ashley and Hi guys.
Anyway, one of the best parts of the night was when Emmy (the drummer of 8th Wave) got on this little blue tricycle and started riding around the living room. They have a hard wood floor so he was going pretty fast, then he made a real sharp turn and fell over. I guess you sort of had to be there. I highly recomend attending a party at their house sometime, it is wicked loads of fun. Okay...I'm out.

Tuesday June 17, 2003
What is it with me? It seems that my life has to have drama in it to make it seem at least somewhat exciting. If there is no drama I end up wanting drama, but whenever I do get drama it always comes in big waves and then it's just too much to handle. There is never just the right amount. I'm also sick of Lincoln. There's nothing to do in this town. I wish I could just up and leave to Europe or somewhere exotic. I just found out that my brother and sister-in-law are leaving in five hours to go to the bahamas. He's only two years older than me and he's already been to Jamaca and now the bahamas. Damn I wish I could just up and leave...I just wish.

Monday June 9, 2003
I have such resentment toward everyone right now. It seems that everyone close to me is either starting to pull back or they seem to just stop caring. The only one I ever seemed to really connect with is all the way out in CA. I wish she was here with me so that we could hang out and talk like the old days. I miss those days when innocence was lost and didn't want to be found. I miss the nights that never seemed to end and when they did they just seemed to begin again. I miss taking drives not knowing where we were going, but knowing when we got there. I miss hours of talking about nothing and yet everything. I just miss those days where everything seemed complete. Sometimes I wish things could be different, I know they can't and I can't change them, but I can always hope. Hope is what keeps us going even when we know that against all odds we won't succeed, but we keep on trying until we are satisfied. Usually we never are and so we keep on trying. I know that someday I will be able to stop and look at my life and be totally content with everything around me. Maybe that someday will come soon.

Friday, June 6, 2003
I've decided to start putting my thoughts and shit up on my website. Not that anyone I know really reads it, it's just that I need a way to vent my feeings and emotions. I haven't really been getting online all that much laitly, but every time I do I go to this web site of a girl I barely even know, and I read what she has updated in her blog. Every time I read it I totally relate with what she's saying, and what she says she feels. I want to let her know that I'm feeling the same way that she is, but I don't know how to. Like her I just want to be with someone and just know that they're there for me when I need someone. This is how she describes it, and every word she says here is exactly how I feel about relationships, and everything I would want a relationship to be.
"I've been thinking a lot lately. I want somebody around. I want this kind of relationship where you love each other and know everything about each other. Best friends. Completely comfortable with each other. Full trust. Enough to be able to date other people also, but to know that you're tight enough with each other to trust them that much. And know that you won't lose each other. Kinda like, I don't care what you do as long as you come home to me. As long as you share everything with me. No secrets. No lies. No games. Just complete comfort and honesty. But not like, oh yah, go have sex with everybody while I sit here and wait for you alone. More like, I trust that you won't go and fall in love with this person, so have your fun and I'll always be here for you. That way, you're free to do whatever you want, but there's always that one person that comes before everybody else. And you come before everybody else for them. That way you always have someone to turn to when everyone else just sucks. And no matter what happens with the people you date, you will never be alone. So you don't have to like force yourself on someone to fill up some loneliness. And when either of you want the attention, neither of you deny the other. You never ditch each other for someone else. There will be those days when you'd both just rather be with someone else. Full and complete trust. No jealousy. Because you know exactly what's going on. I think the only reason people get jealous is just because they don't know the whole story. So the more they think about it, the more it builds up into something huge in their mind. At least that's what I do. I worry too much. If I see a hint, I get paranoid. But if I was just told the whole true story, in honesty. If I was introduced to the people. If we all hung out as a group or something, it wouldn't be a problem. Plus, you can't really get all that jealous if you're allowed to do it too. But it shouldn't be a competition or anything. And all the people you both dated would know that it was not ever going to get serious. So no one would get hurt. I don't know. You could lay down all kinds of ground rules for something like that. I think it'd just be wonderful to be so close to someone like that. Just to have such a wonderful best friend to put before everything. People always want what they can't have. It's unavoidable. So why try to control each other? It's not like you're married. And this way, you could build a good strong friendship before you even consider getting married. You share everything without hesitations like, "Oh no, I wonder what she'll think about this." I just don't think that people should tie themselves to someone before they're absolutely sure. It's like that New found glory song, Vegas. Go download it now."
Maybe I'm stupid for thinking this way or stupid for having a crush on someone I hardly even know. In either case I hope I'm not just flat out stupid. I want her to know that if she ever reads this I would like her to IM me and let me know her thoughts about what I've said. I'm pretty sure that she'll know if she's the one I'm talking about, after all I've taken her words straight from her site.