Kind Readers,
My mental illness, schizoaffective
disorder, caused me to hallucinate throughout a
three-year period of my life. During that time,
I wandered, aimlessly, from one delusion to another,
from imagined insults to false memories, and my
hallucinations were the only things in this world
that mattered to me. They all played out in my mind,
like sound bites, sometimes comic, sometimes horrifying,
and when they weren’t there, I had nothing.
Eventually, the voices took over in an eight month
period of straight hallucination, a feature film,
starring every person I’ve ever met along
with every celebrity and politician I’ve ever
heard of.
Above all else, I wanted
this book to portray my illness, accurately. After
my disorder had run its course and I had other victims
of this disorder to help me, I’d come to realize
that I’d hallucinated on all five of my senses.
With the help of my friends, I’d also come
to realize that I’d heard voices both inside
and outside of my head. In A Sublime Detour,
I tried to include all of the voices, as well as,
the feelings, the tastes, and the smells that my
sickness put me through, both grotesque and exalting.
In some instances, remapping
my voices involved quite a bit of guesswork, because
I still don’t know the difference between
what was real and what was imagined. All in all,
I’m happy with how this book turned out. I
think it gives a good idea of what I went through.
Chapter 8: My Escape From Reality
misses the mark most, because it was written while
I was sane, for a sane audience, and in such a way
that the general reader can see the logic behind
my skewed perceptions. By necessity, everything
in the book is presented in much more of an orderly
fashion than the way it was, when it actually happened
inside of my head.
The schizoaffective mind
is a very confusing place to be. Imagine having
your subconcious mind play on your innermost fears,
fantasies, and uncertainties. Everything was happening
at once during my eight month period of straight
hallucination. There were dozens of sub-plots being
developed by my voices, they would jump from one
to another in a matter of seconds, and each one
could change, drastically, by the whim of a random
firing neuron inside of my brain.
A Sublime Detour
is meant to be read in two or three short sittings.
I had no refuge from my voices, and I didn’t
want to give one to you, either. The hallucination
sequences, which take up the majority of the book,
are meant to be skimmed through, quickly, to emulate
the reality of the schizoaffective mind. Nothing
that happens in this book requires deep meditation
to understand, but just let the voices take you
on the same trip that they took me through. It is
then that the few bombshells of wisdom in this book
will best strike you.
While this book is based
on my real life experiences with schizoaffective
disorder, the real life events in my story aren’t
necessarily true. I made the real life events secondary
to my hallucinations. After all, the whole plot
of A Sublime Detour is driven by
my hallucinations. I’ve changed some of the
real life events and condensed the time frame that
they occurred in, because I wanted to give my voices
an opportunity to tell their own story.
There are a few general facts
that I think you need to know about schizoaffective
disorder, before you read A Sublime Detour.
First, the sufferer’s hallucinations are often
sexual in nature. This, certainly, proved to be
true in my case. If sex or the innocent-natured
perversion of it offend you, then you, probably,
shouldn’t read this book.
It’s also common for
the schizoaffective’s skin tone to change,
while they’re hallucinating. Odd, but true.
The only reason that I mention this fact is that
I want you to know why I'm so paranoid about being
‘yellow’ in the book. I have light olive
skin, just so you know. And, finally, people affected
by this disorder usually have the delusion that
they’re being reborn. In my opinion, that’s
why there are so many of us in mental hospitals
who believe that we’re Jesus Christ.
The schizoaffective mind
isn’t constrained by the limits of reality.
My hallucinations set me thinking in new ways that
are going to be with me for the rest of my life.
Despite the serious nature of this book, it really
is a light-hearted story. It’s meant to be
a simple journey through the mind of a man who just
went a little crazy, in order to avoid going completely
insane.
Warm Regards,
Trevor McCormick
