A little girl so sweet and shy. A trusted father made her cry. From ages 6-12 years old. "It's our secret" he said....she never told. Growing up feeling empty and lost, did he know how much it would cost? No! He didn't care about the child laying there. Dealing with self hatred...drowning in tears. He just cared about his sexual needs. Now she lays here-needing to bleed. Taking a razor, being percise. Cutting her arm slice after slice. Feelings of anger and love betrayed. For years she kept quiet and always obeyed. Until she could keep it no longer inside. So much pain...she wanted to die. How could he do that to his own little child? Messing up her head-day after day. So this is what I have to say. Take a fucking knife...cut it deep. Drops of blood rise before I retreat to sleep. If I die before I wake, life was just too cruel to take. Relief is felt and blood flows red. Needing to know I'm alive...instead of dead. SELF HATRED, ANGER, GUILT FLOW OUT. Total satisfaction without a doubt. Fighting depression everyday. Insecurities and fear along the way. Low self-esteem, feelings of despair. But nobody ever said life was fair. There's a lot of us here, you see. Abused, broken, wanting to be free. We're afraid, scarred, needing care. Looking for help, is anyone there? Don't look at us in disgust. A non-judgemental attitude is a must. Remember we're still lost children inside. Running from the pain we try to hide. Just reach out and be a friend. Don't lie to us or try to pretend. Give us comfort when we cry so we don't give up and decide we want to die. Scars tell a story of the pain inside. Revealing our secrets we try to hide. Showing the misery that alot of us share. Hoping and praying someone will care. Maybe if you look deep in my eyes, you'll see the child behind the cries. And the things that murdered my soul. And the self-hatred that's taking its toll. We numb our brains to stay alive, whatever we have to do to stay alive. We cut ourselves and burn our skin to punish and get rid of sin. For that we're looked upon as freaks and outcasts. But we're just trying to get rid of the past... To destroy the images and lies that were told. The ones that left us broken, messed up and cold. If you really listen and try to understand, maybe I'll trust you and take your hand. Just listen to me when I need your ears. Give me your arms to hug away my fears. Help me rip out the crazy thoughts inside and try to find that part of me that died. Help me to like myself again. Stick with me and be my best friend....
