Ken John

My emails are in blue, and Ken John's emails are in red. Comments are italised and in green.


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: URGENT
Date: 28th October, 2004

Hello.

I have just received your email and am very interested in your offer. Please can you email me with more information.

Thanks,

Kevin Mingeeater.

Starting off with the classic ScammerFishing line.


From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR INTREST IN THIS PROJECT.
Date: 30th October, 2004

DEAR KEVIN

Thanks for your kind reply to my proposal, and sorry for my late reply, meanwhile all arrangement have been made on how to carry this project, all I need from you is truth and understanding to stand as a contractor to receive this payment on my behalf and you have to promise me that my funds will be save in your care till my arrival in your country for investment of this fund in your country.

So now send to me immediately your direct cell phone and fax number, bank account information, swift code if any, bank name and address, to enable me submit your information’s to a government lawyer who will arrange all the vital documents that will put you in place as a contractor with my Government to enable the pay bank which is ECOBANK PLC to hit your account within four full banking day upon confirmation of all the documents in your favor.

Are you married? If yes, how many children? What is the nature of your business? You can still scan your international passport and send to me, if you don’t mind, Sorry for my questions as you know I have to be sure you are solid for this project, because I don’t want any thing that will mess up this project, due to all my hope depend on it.

Meanwhile I’m married with four children all boys, I will scan our family pictures and send to you by this weekend and I will also want you to send your’s for my own perusal.

Await your urgent response.

Feel free to call me on my direct cell phone number 234-80-33285870

KEN.

Wow, he seems friendly, wanting to know all about my private life!


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS FOR YOUR INTREST IN THIS PROJECT.
Date: 30th October, 2004

Hello,

Thank you for your email. I currently do not have a bank account because I believe Instant Savings is the tool of the devil and that it is sinful to earn money by interest and not work for it.

For you see I am a God fearing man, Ken and do not want to go to hell. I am a Reverend and hold a small congretation in the town of Arsole in the UK. We are but simple folk who only got a computer 3 weeks ago. We are poor, so the opportunity you are providing is indeed a true Godsend!

I was married, but unfortunately my wife fell into a vat of baking dough 14 years ago. I also have no children because my testicles were violently ripped off when I was a child because I couldn't stop playing with them.

I will have to go into the next town over so that I can use their scanning machine for my passport page. For now though I have included a recent photograph of me with my puppy Rektum.

I am solid for this project, Kenneth. We need this money because otherwise my congregation will surely starve!

Looking forward to your reply,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater.

This is a photo of Father Jack Hackett from the popular C4 television program Father Ted. Poor me, I've lived such a tragic life! I only have my little Rektum left!


From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!.
Date: 30th October, 2004

DEAR KEVIN,

Thanks for your urgent response to my reply, don’t worry I will conclude this project with you, just because of GOD; I’m a Christian and also have fear of GOD like you.

Now that you don’t have account where this money can be transferred into, it will cost us money to programmed this fund through a security company as soon as the payment is in your favor, and is still better, the only problem we are going to face is that it will cost us a lot of money to bring this fund to your door step through a security company, because we have to register this fund in your church name for easy delivering to your door step upon confirmation in your favor.

So now send immediately your full name and address you direct cell phone and fax number and also your international passport, your mailing address church address also,to enable me give it to the lawyer who is going to work on your behalf.

KEN.


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!.
Date: 30th October, 2004

Hello,

Strictly speaking I shouldn't be doing this because I object to all financial transactions on moral grounds, but since you are a GOD fearing Christian like me I am prepared to help out a fellow follower.

And also because I believe your hair smells like orange juice.

I do not have a telephone or fax machine because I believe such communication techniques are the tool of SATAN. Heck, it took long enough for little Johnny to convince me to buy this infernal machine. I still believe that SATAN is transmitting thoughts through the screen but Johnny assures me that it doesn't.

As requested, here is the address for my church:

The HighlyHoly Church of Arsole
53 Bumcheek lane,
Buttock Hills
Arsole
AR5 0LE
UK

Like I said in my previous email, I will be getting my passport scanned tomorrow and will be sending that to you accordingly. In return may I request a photograph of you? You are a fellow GODfearing Christian such as myself, and such I would like to welcome you into my family - an Honourary Mingeeater no less. It would be a great honour to know what a loving Christian I am dealing with here if you could supply a photograph of yourself welcoming your introduction into my family. Declare this with you holding a piece of paper with "I am an Honourary Mingeeater" and you will be forever blessed within my heart.

Bless you my son. May your manseed by fertile in the belly of your woman.

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater.


From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: re: THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!.
Date: 30th October, 2004

Dear kevin,

Thanks once again, is very very important you buy phone and fax because the bank and security company and the ministry incharge of this payment,can not reach you through email,if you are not ready, please tell me with out delay to enable me look for more solid person for this project.

KEN.


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!.
Date: 30th October, 2004

Wassup?

I thought you were a GOD fearing Christian Kenneth, like me. Why then are you asking me to frequent myself with the communication tools of the devil!??!

Surely there must be some other form of communication we can use? I am well clued up on Braille, Semophore and Morse code - can they help? If not then it looks like I'm going to have to sell my soul to the devil to help my congregation who are starting to get really pale and weak. We may have to eat little Johnny, Kennth! That's how badly me and my flock need this money, and if I have to burn for all eternity in the fires of hell, getting red hot pokers up my arse until the end of time then so be it!

I will purchase a telephone / fax machine just as soon as I find the key to the church donation box.

Any news on the photo of you holding up the sign "I AM A MINGEEATER"? It would mean so much to me in my frail dotage.

I will email again with details regarding the phone,

Stay Impotent,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater Esq.


Well, I said I'd email back...

From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: CHEAP BASTARDS!!!
Date: 30th October, 2004

Jesus!

You're not going to believe this Ken, but I finally got the church donation box open with a crowbar and there was only $4 and 6d in the old money! HOW MUCH OF A CHEAP BASTARD ARE MY CONGREGATION!?

Fuck 'em! If they can't help the church then they can starve for all I care. I'll keep this money for myself - I'm going to hell for it anyway.

Don't you worry though Kenneth for I shall buy the telephone out of my own personal beer money. I shall have it within the next couple of days.

Love you,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater Esq.


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: Further Details...
Date: 30th October, 2004

Hello,

I have ordered a new telephone which should be getting here within the end of next week. You see Mr. Ken John, we live so far away that all items must be delivered to us by courier pigeon, and since he can't hold up a whole phone he's having to carry it in piece by piece. I have blessed his little cotton socks so GOD is watching over his journey.

Please also find enclosed, as you requested, a scan of my Passport, which I had done today next town over. Since I am showing my trust in you Ken John, I would find it most comforting if the favour could possibly returned. I see you as a member of the family now, and would like to welcome you as a Mingeeater. To show your gratitude to this humble gesture could you have a photo taken of yourself holding up a sign saying "I AM A MINGEEATER" to show your pledge to my family name.

Thank you kindly sir. I eagerly await your reply.

Forever Autumn,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater Esq. RAC.


This is the 'passport' I sent.


From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: THANKS
Date: 30th October, 2004

Thanks for all your letters,from what i'm seeing you are not solid for this project.

ken.

How DARE he say that!


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS
Date: 30th October, 2004

Hello,

May I ask why you feel that I am not solid for this project? I am a man of GOD Mr. Ken John and believe wholeheardedly that lying is an ultimate sin. I am responding to each one of your requests as you have asked - I have included a scan of my passport for you, I have ordered a telephone which will be complete by the end of next week, I've even shown you my puppy Rektum!

I apologise if my previous emails gave you the idea that I was not being serious, for this is not the case. I really do wish to help you and am willing to commit myself wholeheartedly, and may GOD strike me down if I tell a lie.

See, I'm still here. Please send further details regarding the finalisation of this deal.

GOD Bless you,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater.


From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: Re: THANKS
Date: 30th October, 2004

THANKS I'M NOT HERE FOR CHILD PLAY,THIS IS A DEAL AND YOU HAVE RESPECT YOUR SELF AND TALK LIKE A MAN ,WE ARE TALKING ABOUT $5M USD HERE.

THIS PROJECT WILL COST US MONEY ARE READY TO PROCEED OR NOT?

KEN.

Phew! Thought I had lost him there for a second! $5m eh? How does he sleep at night?


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS
Date: 30th October, 2004

Hello,

I'm not here for childs play either; A friend of mine did that once and got jailed for 7 years!

I am just wondering now, because this is the first time that you have mentioned that this is going to cost me something to complete the transaction. Please can you elaborate on this? Is it going to be much? Am I going to have to whore my choir out to fat, sweaty perverts again?

I am ready to proceed Mr. Kenneth for I full heartedly believe that this is GODs direction. What is the next step we have to take?

Forever Blowing Bubbles,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater.

I've overstepped the line again. Ken will get suspicious and call off the deal!!


Jeez! I was wrong!

From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: Re: THANKS
Date: 31st October, 2004

Dear Kevin,

THANKS FOR YOUR EFFORT SO FAR,FIRST YOU HAVE TO GET A FAX AND PHONE,THEM OUR LAWYER WILL PROCEED OF YOUR BEHALF TO MAKE ALL THE CHANGES IN YOUR NAME.

AFTER THAT I WILL INFORM YOU HOW MUCH YOU WILL SEND FROM YOUR SIDE.

KEN.


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS
Date: 31st October, 2004

Hello,

Firstly, may I wish you a very happy halloween. Today is the most sacred of hallowed days where the Dawn of the Dead is celebrated by 50p plastic marks and eggs being thrown at my church.

As I have stated in a previous email to you, Kenneth, I currently do not possess a phone but have, as you asked me to do, have ordered one to be delievered to my church. It will be here around Friday next week.

Since it seems that there is nothing else that can be done until then, perhaps we could use the opportunity to get to know ourselves a little better so that we can strengthen the trust that we have already formed under the eyes of the LORD. If you could be so kind fo fill out this little 'getting to know you' questionnaire I have compiled, it'd be so greatly appreciated.

1) Full name

2) Country you live in

3) What is your favourite music band

4) How many children do you have?

5) How many of them are yours?

6) What is your religion?

7) Do you fear GOD?

8) Really?

9) Do you believe in Angels?

10) Do you believe in demons?

11) Do you believe in life after love?

12) What is your size when flaccid?

Thank you kindly Kenneth. You have mentioned before regarding being a member of my family, as I have greatfully accepted since I believe you will make a fine brother whom I would die for. However, the photo I requested of you holding your pledge to my family name ("I AM A MINGEEATER") I have not yet received. Is there a reason for this?

Thank you Brother Kenneth for your time. As always I am eagerly awaiting your email and photograph and that my phone arrives soon so that our deal can formally start.

May GOD love you and your Monkey Midget butlers,

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater Esq. BSc. RAC. AA. CLiT. BOM.

I'd say again that I've definately pushed this guy too far now, but after last time I think this guy will take a lot more than what I'm currently throwing at him.


OMG he replied!!

From: Ken John
To: Kevin Mingeeater
Subject: Re: VIEW PICTURE
Date: 2nd November, 2004

DEAR KEVIN,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?HOPE ALL IS WELL, UPDATE ME AS SOON AS YOUR ARE MOBILE.

VIEW ATTACHMENT.

KEN.


The picture was actually twice the size of this - I've had to shrink it down.


From: Kevin Mingeeater
To: Ken John
Subject: re: THANKS
Date: 31st October, 2004

Bless you for your email. However, it is not the photo I requested. You seem like a genuine person, but unless you can prove that you are who you are I must insist on a photo of you holding a sign saying "I AM A MINGEEATER". If you cannot provide this then I'm afraid I must back out of the deal.

Bless you and your illegitimate children.

Rev. Kevin Mingeeater.


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