Everyday I Give Thanks to God, I have Two Mounds upon my Bod. I Shave my legs, I sit down to Pee, I can Justify any Shopping Spree. Don't go to a Barber, but a Beauty Salon, Can get a Massage, Without a hard-on. Can Balence the Checkbook, Can pump my own Gas, Cantalk to my Friends about the Size of My Ass. My Beauty's a Masterpiece, and yes, It takes Long, At least I can Admit to others when I'm Wrong. I don't Drive in circles at Any Cost, And I don't have a Problem Admitting i'm Lost. Don't act like I'm in a Times Marathon, Every Time I have to go to the John. I don't Brag about the size of my "Cup", Hey, put the Seat Down, 'Cause I won't Leave it up! I Never Forgot an Important date, You just gotta Deal, I'm Usually Late. I don't Watch Movies with lots of Gore, Don't Need Instant Replay to Remember the Score. I won't Lose my Hair, I don't get Jock Itch, And just cause I'm Assertive, Don't Call me a Bitch. I don't Wear the same underwear Everyday, The Food in the Frige has no sign of Decay. Don't Burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart, Ballet, not Football, is what I consider an Art. Don't say to your Friends, "Oh yeah, I can get her", In your Dreams, my Dear,I can do Better! Flowers are okay, But jewelry's Best, Would you Look at my Face, not at My Chest! I don't have a Problem Expressing my Feelings, I know when your Lying, you Look at the Ceiling. Don't call me a Girl, a Babe, or a Chick, I am a WOMAN, get it you Prick? Let me tell all you Men, Listen to me Boy's, Those things in your Pants, That you Treat as toy's, You Love them more than we Ever will, We would Rather Suck on a Cold Pickled Dill. I know all you Men Think that you're "It", But Compared to a Woman, You just ain't SHIT!