Long Time No Type
Mood:  down
Now Playing: 88.9........The Alternation........I'm,.........Bob Long
I haven't written anything in here in a while, probably cause too many people know the address for it.... I wonder if anyone even looks at it anymore? oh well, I dont have anything to say for here anyways, I said it all in my three other blogs, and i told some people about those, im not good with commiment to myself and i feel as if I've lost my ambition from this years softball season. Oh well, I'm gonn go now.

50/50
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: GReeN DaY
Topic: Love and Life
Soooooo Bryan broke up with me.....Friday? I think. Oh well, but anyways my suspicions were kinda right I new he liked someone other than me, I just guessed the wrong person. I'm actually not that bummed about it, kinda surprising. My mind is probably on the "I told you so" side of things up there. Oh well. I dunno what else to say.....ladedah......hmmmm okay well bye!

I Have No Idea
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Simple Plan : Basicaly all of their sad songs.
Topic: Making Me Think Too Hard
I feel so lost and I don't know what about. If I'm always saying about how the world is pointless and there is no meaning to life, then why am i freaking out over small things. I even said one time, i think in an email to eric, that since eventually we are all going to die, why do we have to have negative feelings, why can't we just block them out and live life to the fulliest and yet now ive realized as i write this, that you can't, you'll just screw yourself over. and right now im so worried about something that im almost in tears. pathetic, but true. I've changed since last year, i dunno how exactly, but i know i have and I dont think i like it. I wanna say all of this stuff and let out all of this stuff, but i dunno how to say it. im just gonna stop.

To Bryan
Mood:  d'oh
Ummmmmm, Bryan, you weren't supposed to figure out the address to this site, why did i even get you the hint that the ending started with a four letter word. Well, anyways, when you're reading this, keep in mind the dates that I posted it, cause my views have totally changed. Don't use any of this info to your advantage. And besides, I still have another blog that no one knows about. :p bye now!!

There were so many of those things I wanted to put in, but none seemed right, neither this one, but hey, oh well.

I Love Life, but then again, I have no idea what the afterlife has in store......
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: Love and Life
Hello! I havn't typed in here for a while. Okay, I don't wanna say I'm in love wit Bryan, cause we've only been going out for like a little over two weeks maybe, but I know I'm in a whole lotta like with him. I don't know what to write, i had a lot i wanted to write last night and a lot i wrote before the computer froze and kicked me off, getting me really p.oed and know i willd try and remember. the other day on the way back from ski club of course bryan and i sat togther and it was...fun. he had his hands around my waist not cause he could tickle me better that way (that was just a plus), but because he could. with his hands on my waist we almost always had one hand over the other, entwined by our fingers. while he still had his hands around my waist i was bored so i decided i wanted to write on the window cause it was covered in condensation. i started to write capuccino on the window and i wrote cappu before bryan started tickling me. by the way, he wasnt just poking me, he was actually tickling me. i didnt write on the window for a little while longer cause bryan was holding both of my hands so i attempted to write on the window with the hand closest to it while his hand was still in mine, but he was too strong and i failed. Also, he came in with a side attack and tickled my side. i tried to get both of his hands in my one so i could write on the window, but i couldn't although i think i got to capucci before he really tickled me. i got the n up but it sort of collided with the i making it look like an e so i had cappucce. i think i then called my bro to tell him we were almost back and while i was on the phone with him, i leaned forward so my forehead was against the seat. my brother wouldnt quit talking he was giving me all these directions (sort of) about where the car will be and soo while bryan was looking out the window, i wiped my index finger on the window and wiped it on bryans nose. so he got me back, we did that for like the rest of the trip back and forth. also i was trying to write on teh window while bryan was looking out the window and he saw me even though i didnt expect him to, kinda stupid of me, but he tickled me then too. umm also, bryan was tired so he kept like resting his head on my shoulder, but he never fell asleep cause meghan was a few seats behind us saying things like boner in the ear. so bryan couldnt sleep nor did he want to. but it was just a fun ride. when we got to the school, you could tell which seat was ours because the window had all of these handprints on the window. we didnt even kiss though (even though i wanted to) so dont go thinking anything you people with minds. I'm gonna go now, ill probably write more by next ski club or before then depends on what happens.....

Copy Cat and Christmas Gifts
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Things that make me mad
okay im noticing more and more instinces where this person, the one i believe is copying off of me, is copying of me and its really getting on my nerves! i feel as if they are stealing my indentity and i really dont want to say anything about it hoping it will go away, but its not. and no, the coping is not someone who has stolen my word buttmunch, besides, ive come across a new one, poopyhead and the poopiest of all poopyheads (if poopyhead isnt enough). one instince is if you go to my forum, look at the first post i put in there, i quarentee you that you will find something very similiar to some of my comments somewhere else. ugh anyways......
I feel like a bad person. for christmas the theme of stuff i got was ear piercing and so i got a lot of earrings. three of them were in those little jewelery boxes they come in. well u know the little thing the earrings themselves come on, i picked those up and on the back of them, for all three of them was the price tag. each one of them said $100.00 even the one my brother got me, which actually came with a necklace, but still. real gold, real pearls, real diamonds, real whatever it had on it. the one my brother got me, the one with the necklace, is made out of the same kind of aquamarine stone my one ring i have is maed out of. thats 300 dollars altogether, 100 of it being from my brother. i felt soooo bad last night that they spent so much on me and look at this, just from right there thats 300 dollars, three little small boxes and then on top of that add the 185 from last years snowboarding and then the 185 from this years snowboarding. 670 dollars from just about a total of say 14-18 trips to brandywine and three little boxes its 710 when u add the 40 dollar gift card my parents got me so i can get my ears pierced. sooo of course now i am getting my ears pierced, but i didnt want my family to spend that much on me, i feel so guilty and horrible, enough that i cried last night, on Christmas eve, well actually, very early christmas morning. i mean i wanted to get my ears pierced and i liked what i got, but i dont need my first pair of earrings to be 100 dollars. my sister got me earrings too, but they weren't $100 each, she got i believe five different sets and im betting it was under at least 30 dollars and she also got me a little box to put them in. i like those just as much as i like the others. my family has spent way to much money on me over the years and what have i done for them? i feel so bad. i feel like a horrible, greedy person and that makes me feel worse about myself. im realizing that every little default i notice in my life, im being to cry over because i get so worked up about it and make myself expand it to great amounts so it appears much worse than it is and then i cry. i used to rarely cry about things so why am i turning into such a cry baby now? is this just my body's way of telling me i can't mentally handle this stuff or what. on top of that, i feel sorry for whatever guy i marry in the future, i'm gonna be expensive with all of the things im being pampered with now, clothes, shoes, fine jewelery (gold, diamonds, pearls, etc.) its almost a you name it, i got it thing. i am not affordable, another thing making me feel rotten, yeah.

Sooooooooooo
Mood:  hug me
I found the necklace bryan gave me last year, i don't remember why he gave me it, some holiday maybe valentines day, but he got me the dog for that....hmmm anyways the necklace thats 14k gold filled and says "i love you" in cursive. it seems like it could break easily. i was gonna give it to good will or something like after i broke up with him, but ive changed my mind. i think i might wear it next time i see him just to see if he recognizes it. cory keeps emailing me over and over again, if i haven't responded yet do ya really think im going to? one email he sent me asked me if i still loved him, i dont. i think i might break up with him on wedensday. hes paranoid, even when he doesnt have reason to be, and always asks me if im mad at him, i have over 600 emails from him, (im not a fan of deleting probably in case i need blackmail :D) and the other day i deleted only about 1/6 of that. jeez. when i do break up with him, im blocking his email address so that he can't bug me and beg, my dad's idea. i dunno what else to say.

Life
Mood:  don't ask
a fickle thing that usually gets you more p.oed then happy. is that love or life? i don't think ill be able to post as many things that make me mad in here anymore, i should never of told anyone this blog, that was my whole poiny yo having this blog, a secret thing were i can let all of my emotions out without getting anyone mad. but noooooo, its not so secret anymore, my fault or nobodys fault so im not mad at anyone. few things that made me mad at the school dance, but now ill keep them to myself and slowly let them turn me sour, i think im already turning. last year was so much better, none of us got mad at each other and we didnt do the same things that get on each others nerves, what has happened? it can't be just that the 7th graders came in and the now 9th graders left, or are we all just being stupid and letting little things get on our nerves so that soon we'll no longer be friends. i dont like cory and i have no idea what im doing, breaking up with him over christmas break would be so mean, but he's sooooooo obssesed. im gonna go listen to some twisted christmas music by bob rivers now as i clean out my bird cage, ohhh sounds like fun dont it?

blahbadeblahblah
Mood:  not sure
okay i do not like cory and if i do its only at the friend level and thats all i really consider him as not as a boyfriend. i dont want to break up with him because i dont know why because maybe i dont want to hurt his feelings, but i know thats what im unfortunately doing now. im hoping that eventually he'll break up with me, but i dont think that will happen. hes acting like i was when i was going out with eric, and now i know how annoying i was when i was going out with eric. now i dont like cory and i have no idea what im doing, i never want what i have the second time around, kinda one of the reasons i was hoping eric would go back out with me, so it would help me get over him, weird startegy, but i thought it might work. i broke up with robby the first time and when i went back out with him thinking i still liked him i found out soon that i didnt. second time i went out with josh i dont know what i was thinking. second time i want out with bryan i longed for our friendship more than our other relationship, now that bryan's moving im just wanting to spend as much time with him as i can cause i know im gonna miss hims cause hes like the best guy friend i ever had even after i broke his heart twice. i dunno im lost and i think the only reasons i went back out with cory were one because he begged and two because i felt as if the only people that really got recognized in our group was those who were going out with someone and i dunno it just seemed that way from my point of view. plus cory has these views that i totally disagree with, views i heard him say from his mouth like basically the male is dominent in a relationship and it may seem somewhat small but he uses things like that in ways that get on my nerves. i have more fun when im with bryan and i dont want to lose him as a friend when he moves.

Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: boredom
well weva floats your boat. i think he is getting dumb too. he is really perverted and i am getting tired of trying to help. i would tell you somthin but i promised jon i wouldn't tell. cuz cory told him