~Today has been super crazy~ it started off bad cuz i was just in a shitty mood~ but things got better eventually... I'm still thinking of that one person, i kind of miss him, even though i wish i didnt. Everything is just crazy. Single life is great for the moment~ not having to worry bout who i can talk to without him getting mad.. its just too much drama, alot of shit that i dont need~ well im outtie cuz i got to go to my next class! school is so wonderful *Ahem* not....

Lying on my bed, eyes full of tears...
Hoping no one is around to hear
Im overwhelemed with emotion..so many thoughts
I dont know how to act...all i can do is cry
I keep asking myself why...
why i am lying hear crying so much
what is wrong with me.. i feel like i've been deeply cut
Old memories come into my head..
Thinking of all the bad things..all the shit thats been said
Those days were full of pain...i was full of fear
fearing that the death of a loved one was near
hearing the screaming, the fighting, the noise
wishing it would go away.. and that the noise would stop
Then i hear a slap...and im frozen in shock
I hear more screaming...getting louder and louder
To the point where i cant even hear myself think
While im walking into the room, im making up excuses...
its not his fault...he just had too much to drink
then i see her on the floor
tears in her eyes...while he's hitting her more
I scream, i yell, i cry for him to stop...
but that doesnt do anything...so i have to call the cops
mintues goes by..then there is a knock on the door
while she is still lying there unconcious on the floor
He looks at me evily..then raises his hand up..
But just before he could hit me..he was in handcuffs
She was still not moving there in the same spot
I scream "mommy, mommy, please wake up!"
Then i hear her moan, she thankfully woke up...
I thought i had lost her..the only person i had
Then suddenly, i was full of hatred and i was so mad
Why did this have to happen to me...
I've been hurt too many times..just wanted something happy
He walks out the door, the police officer comes by
He says "ma'm are you alright?"
She shakes her head yes... then they leave...
I help her up.. help clean up the mess
I think to myself.. things are going to change...
just to wake up later and hear him call my name
There he is...in my room
Trying to give me a hug..trying to make me forget
But thats just shit no one can forget...
And i look at her.. wondering why... why is she back with this horrible guy
Things eventually got better.. the fighting had stopped...
But 8 years later... i still think of what happened
I think how i nearly lost someone i loved
I am sitting her now.. my eyes are full of tears
I'm sooo protective..kepping people from coming near
He has changed...holier than thou
And im like what i nthe hell is taht about
Why should i listen to him after what he had done
Abandoned us, left us, he didnt give a damn
Then he wonders why i am the way i am
He expects us to forgive and forget..
I might of forgiven, but i cant forget that shit...
Still sitting here crying about the past...
Wondering how long this act will last..
I wonder if anyone has the perfect family..
Do they go through the same heartache and pain..
Things have changed.. but i am still the same..
Wipe the tears falling from my eyes...
I tell myself i need to be strong, need to stay Jazzy
Smiling, fun, getting other people happy
Those memories are stuck in my mind forever
I just have to deal with it... and not let anyone EVER.. ever lay their hands on me..
I cant let history repeat itself
and i dont need anyone elses help