Chapter One: he's just not that into you if he's not
asking you out
Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out
Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us
sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable
of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem
to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something."
Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want.
(Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you,
we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you,
take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.
Now you begin the life-changing
experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and
questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're
lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses
that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so
lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in.
The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse
Dear Greg,
I'm so disappointed. I have
this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in
a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for
dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely
flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So,
what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting,
right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg,
I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can
I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance.
Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?
Jodi
Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except
when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether
or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a
pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster -- but watch how fast
that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did
feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think
about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys
don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be
a "fuck buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that
lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep
conversation and model looks.
I hate to tell you, but that
whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so
well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship.
Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever
been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about
someone, we can't stop ourselves -- we want more. If we're friends with
someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And
please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of --
and I say this with a lot of love -- is how not attracted to you he
is.
The "Maybe He's Intimidated by Me" Excuse
Dear Greg,
I have a crush on my gardener.
He's been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without
his shirt on, he was hot, and now I'm hot for him. I brought out some
beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because
he is my hired man. In this situation, can't I ask him out?
Cherie
Dear My Secret Garden,
He's capable of asking you out.
Haven't you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy.
But seriously, if he didn't pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has
nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the
bad news: He's just not that into you.
Let me say it again, sexual
harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a
woman of higher status if he's into her. He might need a little more
encouragement than normal, I'll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny
the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not
help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.
By the way, why are you dating
the exterminator?
Just kidding, he's a good guy.
The "Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow" Excuse
Dear Greg,
There's this guy who calls me
all the time. He's recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch
recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and
it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since
then, he calls me all the time but doesn't ever suggest we see each other
in person again. It's like he got scared or something. I would understand
if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-whole-new-life stuff he
wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have
long heart-to-heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy?
Jen
Dear Pillow Talk,
Sadly, not wanting to see you
in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the
recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah,
I'm getting sleepy, it's hot, I'm going down for a nap. When I wake up
from that nap I'll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking
control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date,
because despite all your excuses for him, he's still not asking you out.
Now, if you're a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone
relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he's just not that
into you. Be his friend if you're at all interested on that level, but
move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.
If a guy truly likes you, but for
personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that
immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure
you don't get frustrated and go away.
The "But He Gave Me His Number" Excuse
Dear Greg,
I met a really cute guy at a
bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call
sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the
situation like that. I can call him, right?
Lauren
Dear Control Freak,
Did he give you control, or did
he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic
trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to
decide if he wants to go out with you -- or even return your
call. Why don't you take Copperfield's number, roll it in a newspaper,
pour milk in it, and make it disappear.
"Give me a call." "E-mail me."
"Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime." Don't let him trick you into
asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds
old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.
ORDER IT NOW!