The sport from our clever little friends in Canada
Welcome to Crispy and Stover's Opinionary. This right here is the first review and we both decided we should do it on something that many American citizens aren't quite aware of. The artful sport of Curling.
Have you ever played a game in the circus or some other remote strange area that involves an object and you getting the object into a designated area? Chances say that the answer is "yes" and "that is just about every fricken game created". Curling takes this idea and throws it on ice! Just to make it extra silly willy, toss in a large rock, brooms and opposition that will shoot metal blades and hot lazers at the rock as it slides to it's ultimate demise. Well, that just subtract the coolness. Then you think "wow, then it must be a cheap board game or something" but no. It is an olympic event. Doesn't that make you want to "curl" up in a fetal position and scream until your lungs burst?
I can bean on Curling all day, but lets get down to the real business here. Curling is a sport that ranks up there with such old greats as "pong" and "tetris but not quite as good". So, I was thinking and I decided to come up with my own sport titled "Smack the Willy". There is a diagram below I made with my fellow, paint.
Ok. Now you see the Dixie? The player IS the dixie. The centerplate is the ultimate goal in this game. The vibrating "Blades of Deathery (tm)" glide around the arena freely. The shards of glass add to the effect because you, the dixie, is completely nude and on variations of hot coals and ice. The centerplate dispenses rabid animals as you proceed to it. And wait. This was my idea for an ultimate deathmatch arena for death row convicts.
Sorry, I got caught up in that. In fact I never made a plan for a sport. Or ever will. Mainly because I am afraid it will turn out to be as boring as curling. Wait no, that isn't possible. This blank piece of paper is STILL more exciting than curling. Or maybe the fact that all sports are butchered by rules and whiny players and such. Which I believe to think is probably the basis of curling. Arguing mathematical calculations and all. OMG! The angle on my rock is so OFF IN HITTING YOUR ROCK! Well, I guess that is enough for today. Have a nice day all.
