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My Star Trek Novel Fivers

This is actually as much for my reference as it is for anyone else's. Asterisked novels are ones that I apparently don't own anymore (for better or worse). They may still get blurbs.

If you want to encourage me to hurry up with a novel that appears on this list (or even suggest one that doesn't appear), please do contact me at the forums or via e-mail to say so. Can't promise what you want will get done quickly (or at all -- I don't have a few of these anymore), but it helps to know people are interested in this!

As always, Star Trek and its novels are copyright Paramount Pictures, Bantam Books, etc., and I don't mean to infringe on any such copyright. This is just for fun and parody. And the "Five-Minute ___" concept and format are borrowed with permission from Zeke at

Back to my 5MV index

The Original Series
Pawns and Symbols
by Majliss Larson
Bored with beating Koloth all the time, Kirk accepts an old foe’s challenge for a rematch. Kang loses, just because.
First Frontier
by Diane Carey
Some Klingons try to answer the age-old question, “Are you a man or a rat?” Bannon learns that dinosaurs and bad cameos don’t mix.
Rules of Engagement
(barely begun)
Across the Universe
The Disinherited
The Vulcan Academy Murders
The Great Starship Race
The Tears of the Singers
The Rift
The Starship Trap
Dreams of the Raven
Chain of Attack
The Final Nexus
Best Destiny
How Much For Just The Planet? (This is just here for completeness. I can't conceive of doing a parody of it.)
Planet of Judgment
The Three-Minute Universe
Black Fire
The Kobayashi Maru
Death Count
Uhura's Song
The Wounded Sky
A Flag Full of Stars
Traitor Winds
Shell Game
My Enemy, My Ally
Strangers From The Sky
The Joy Machine
Spock's World
The Ashes of Eden
The Final Reflection
* Sanctuary

The Next Generation
War Drums
by John Vornholt
This Sunday, it’s Humans vs. Klingons in a titanic symbolic struggle between Racism and The Noble Savage! Everyone does the wave.
Gulliver's Fugitives
by Keith Sharee
The crew puts on a performance of “Turkey in the Straw”. The Alan Parsons Project files a protest.
Here There Be Dragons
by John Peel
Ro goes Captain’s bride on Picard, who is disappointed to discover that the “t” in “tachyon” does not stand for “tea”. LaForge learns the hard way that one should never go in against technobabble when death is on the line.
by Peter David
An omnipotent ‘shipper, furious because his beloved W/T is the only ‘ship not treated favorably in the entire book, decides to destroy the entire multiverse in retaliation. Kinda puts C/7 in perspective, doesn’t it?
The Devil's Heart
by Carmen Carter
It keeps going on. So does Celine Dion’s heart. Coincidence?
Dark Mirror
by Diane Duane
The ship gets a new Wii, just in time for the electricity to be shut off. Does it work anyway? Oui, oui.
Into the Nebula
Debtors' Planet
(barely begun)
* Requiem
* Metamorphosis
* Spartacus

Deep Space Nine
by John Vornholt
Ants do matter.
(barely begun)
Devil in the Sky
Station Rage
The Laertian Gamble
The Big Game
The Long Night
Objective: Bajor
The Tempest
The Heart of the Warrior
The 34th Rule

Incident at Arbuk
by John Gregory Betancourt
Janeway finally promotes Harry, just to shut Sozoas up. Chakotay appears on “Fear Factor”. The crew must survive an identity crisis to learn the answer to the age-old question, “Who would win in a debate between Evil Tuvok and a Sperian?”
(barely begun)
The Escape
The Murdered Sun

New Frontier 1-5
by Peter David
A new crew investigates a bizarre new part of the galaxy, where the hydrogen has been replaced by soap. The bubbles obscure any storyline, but at least the plot that does exist is squeaky-clean.
I.K.S. Gorkon 1 & 2
Splinter of the Mind's Eye