You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

You clean your fingernails with a stick.

You've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

You ever got too drunk to fish.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."

The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You've ever bought a used cap.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You're considered an expert on wormbeds.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.

"Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.

You learned to drive in a monster truck.

You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.

Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.

You believe books are bad luck.

You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.

You believe all-star wrestling.

The smell of catfish bait makes you feel romantic.

You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.

You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.

You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.

If rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you "bring your own."