Jokes page

I had originally intended this to be a blonde joke page, but i figured why discriminate, joke on everyone, we can have a category for everything there is a category for.

Blonde Jokes

How do blonde brain cells die?

How can you tell if a girl had a blonde boyfriend?
Her bellybutton is bruised.

What do you call a blonde with multiple brain cells?

What does a blonde say after sex?
Next! (or) Thanks guys!

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom a pool.

What was the blonde doing when she fell out of the tree?
Trying to rake the leaves.

Why did the blonde never leave the shower?
She couldnt get past repeat on the shampoo instructions.

Why do blondes wera panties?
To keep their ankles warm.

Why wasn't a blonde allowed to buy the TV she wanted from the department store?
It was really a microwave oven.

What kind of blondes are smart?
Bleached blondes.

What did one blonde leg say to the other?
Nothing, they have never met.

Why don't blondes get insulted by blonde jokes?
They don't understand the punch lines.

What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
They get looser the more you bang 'em.

What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
Have another beer.

What is the mating call of a blonde?
"I'm drunk!"

What is hte maitng call of a horny blonde?
"God damn it, I said I'm drunk already!"

How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to alphabatize a bag of m+m's.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
For crawling when the sign said don't walk.

What do you call 30 blondes standing in a circle?
A dope ring.

What do you call 30 blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.

Why was the blonde upset?
She got an F in sex on her drivers liscence.

How are blondes like railroad tracks?
They are laid all over the country.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN, she has a grenade in her mouth.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Why don't yopu give blondes coffee breaks?
You would have to retrain them.

How do you measure a blonde's IQ?
With a tire gauge.

What do you call a blodne at an institute for higher learning?
A visitor.

Men Jokes

How do men change a lightbulb?
Hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What does a girl have to do to please a man?
1:Show up. 2:Bring beer.

Why do women keep men around if they are such pains in the ass?
Cause the lawn doesnt mow itself.

How do you turn off a man in the middle of sex?
Say, "oh no, don't do that I had burritos tonight"
Or: "I want a baby!!"
Or: "My last boyfriends was much bigger"

Women Jokes

What do you do when you dishwasher stops working?

Slap her ass and tell her to get back to work.

Why are womens feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink when they clean.

What do you do if your women comes out of the kitchen to nag at you?
Shorten her damn leash.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, she has already been told twice.

Why does the dishwasher stop working when the power goes out?
Cause the bitch cant see what she is doing.

Sex Jokes

What similar betweena condom and your girlfriend?
They both spend mor etime in your wallet then on your dick.

Other random jokes

What did one talking hot dog say to the other talking hot dog?
HOLY SHIT!!! We are talking hotdogs.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They rearranged the furniture.

How can you prove god has a sense of humor?
Midgets exist.

What did the blind chick say after her boyfriend prematurely ejaculated?
"I didn't see that coming."

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2...the hard part is getting them inside the lightbulb.

What do you call a boomerang that doesnt work?
A stick.

What do elephants call sheep?

What national holiday is dedicated to people who do not use contraceptives?
Labor day.

Story Jokes

Three guys, a nigger, a spick, and a white guy, were walking down a beach. They find a lamp and rub it and poof, a genie pops out. Three guys, three wishes, they all get a wish. The spick goes first and wishes that all his spick people were back in Mexico and happy and all that. The nigger goes up and wishes that all his nigger pals and family adn people were all back and happy in Africa. The white guy asks, "You mean to tell me all the niggers and spicks are out of America?" The genie replies, "yes." "In that case," the white guy says, "I think I will just have a coke."

Two blondes walk into a Toys-r-us. They yell out "32 dyas" at the top of their lungs. A store clerk asks them, "uh, what is so special about 32 days?" "Well", says one of the blondes, "we finished this puzzle in 32 days, and the box says 3-4 years on the cover."

A kid comes home from high school one day. he tells his mom, "I have great news, I had sex for the first time today." "What!", the mom replies, "wait till your dad hears this". When the father comes home, the mom tell shim what happened. The father walks up to the son and says, "Well son, i am proud of you, you are finally a man. I know your mom doesnt share my opinion on this, but I say good job." "Thanks dad", the son says, "but you know next time I do this I gonna have to use some lube." "Why is that?", asked the dad. The son replies, "Because my ass hurts like hell."

They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. They both wanted to get skewed. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like Logs.

People should never make fun of concentration camps. My grandfatehr died at one...he fell off the guard tower.

A black guy walks into a pet store with a parrot on his shoulder. A worker at the store asks, "Where did you get that?" The parrot responds, "Africa, they are all over the place"