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FFargedpu's Rules To Live By   Updated Oct. 11, 2006
Deep Thoughts By FFargedpu   Updated Oct. 18, 2008
Thoughts About FFargedpu   Updated Oct. 18, 2008
The Many Nicknames Of FFargedpu   Updated Oct. 16, 2006
Images Of FFargedpu   Updated Oct. 14, 2008
Words FFargedpu Uses   Updated Oct. 18, 2008
FFargedpu's Favorite Songs   Updated ?
Items On The Internet Related To FFargedpu   Updated ?

Red indicates a rule that that has been broken.
Blue indicates a rule to which FFargedpu has not been brave enough to commit himself.

Fish must be eaten at least once a week.

When on the way to a concert a CD of the band you are on your way to see cannot be played.

There are no Loveseats, only "half-couches."

Every large purchase (>$100) must be researched intensely for at least six months.

Ice cream cannot be eaten with Chinese food.

Non-verbal communication must be used whenever possible to convey thoughts or requests:

    Drink refills at restaurants or bars must be indicated by raising an index finger into the air.

    Chips & salsa refills must be indicated by wagging an index finger back and forth between the two empty bowls.

Cell phones are unnecessary and should never be used...EVER

Blue, short-sleeve, button-down shirts and brown pants must be worn to work every day.

Comfort, in general, is not allowed.

Whiskey is the only way to cure a cold.

Eat until it hurts, then eat a little bit more.

Modern conveniences are not allowed when camping.

When hiking, two pairs of socks must be worn at any time of the year. A pair of wool socks must be worn over a pair of cotton or nylon socks.

People must torture themselves whenever possible.

   Mowing must be done at the hottest time of the day (and preferably at the hottest time of the year).

It is acceptable to open and use a gift before you give it.

   For three years running now FFargedpu has purchased movies for his niece's birthday.  These movies just happened to be ones
   that FFargedpu wanted to watch, and did so, before giving them as gifts:  Monster's Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles.

When going on a long trip it is better to stay at a campground than in a hotel.

If a person does not like something (ie. food) they must keep trying it periodically until they do like it.

If a person's name is not known, that person must be called "Bob." According to FFargedpu, there is always a Bob.

The crust of thin crust pizza must be eaten. Eating the crust of pan or thick crust pizza is optional.

Friends and relatives do not have to be thanked for gifts or favors. Dependent upon the size or severity of the gift or favor.

Pancakes should not be eaten with syrup, but with a mixture of sour cream and jelly.

Never turn down an offerred beer.

You have to live at least 3 hours from your family.

FFargedpu once ate oatmeal for 5 days straight on a camping trip in 1994. He now refuses to eat or even speak of oatmeal. It no longer exists for FFargedpu.

The clipping of fingernails (excluding a broken, snagged, or hangnail) should not be performed at work. Personal hygiene should be taken care of at home.

When in doubt, zoom in. 2000

Laziness can help out from time to time. 2000

The thing about dessert is that dessert is usually a big waste of money. 06/30/01

The only thing you need to worry about from day to day is food. 07/15/2001

My chair [recliner] is my table, that's why it has crumbs all over it. 7/31/2001

I'll eat it, I'll eat anything. 8/2/2001

I was big enough, I was just a big fat chunk. 8/3/2001

I have to drop something [subject] about everyday. 8/8/01

All I know is don't have too much of it, because apple cider will do a number on you. 09/21/01

Call the warehouse. Whoever picks up the phone, that's who you're talking to. 10/03/01

It's more food than I need, but we have it, so eat it. 10/03/01

I should just learn, if something is wrong it is probably me. 10/04/01

It never ends, even to myself. 10/04/01

Non-verbal communication: It's kinda like sign language, but it's not. 10/06/01

I know that eatings have become more of a sport to me now. 10/09/01

Whatever you do, don't run an antenna from your house to a tree because the tree will fall down. 10/13/01

There is nothing better than getting your hair washed. After that I'm ready to go. 10/15/01

I woke up sleepy. 10/24/01

When he's down, kick 'im. 11/13/01 See also 2/5/04

I know what I want to say, I just can't write it. 11/13/01

I'll tell him, gimme my damn bologna sandwich back, that's mine. Don't mess with my food. 12/13/01

I guess I'm Dave then. 1/14/02

If you've got it, you might as well show it, and I wouldn't mind seeing it either. 2/20/02

Karl: It will be nice in another month [when the house is finished] you won't have to wait for each other [FFargedpu & Chico] to get out of the shower in the morning.
FFargedpu: We don't have to anyways. 3/13/02

That's a lot of Fozzie. 4/24/02

After you room with someone for two and a half years, it just happens. 5/1/02

I don't even know four women. 5/20/02

I don't want [my neighbor's grass] to die, but I hope it does. 5/20/02

You can grab something out of the fridge, but there won't be anything in there. 5/30/02

Policy changes always happen before me or after me, and somehow I am always the one that gets screwed. 5/31/02

So you got gas too? (A new pick up line to be used at a gas station.) 6/11/02

I went against my whole rule, and that's why you don't. 8/17/02

That's it, we are the fighting trees, Sycamore Trees! You better just leave. 8/20/02

We need a website with websites to tell us where websites are. 8/22/02

I don't have the greatest feet in the world. 9/5/02

Oltra (Olestra), just like apple cider, if you eat too much of them, same thing. 10/01/02

I like the knob. 10/04/02

I was very hyper when I was little, I think I used it all up. 10/04/02

Several people said they wouldn't have kids after they saw me...Mom said if I'd been first there wouldn't have been a second. 10/04/02

I just fell out I think. 10/08/02

You've got a longer point than anyone else. 10/08/02

There is not a lot of difference in the density of a lot of rubbers. 10/09/02

You put it in there good. 10/15/02

He to stop think of my good old larry. [Translation: He had to stop and think of my name, good old Larry.] 10/16/02

I have selective hearing, but it is not a very good selection. 10/18/02

You know what happens when you have soap in your soup, same thing as apple cider. 11/11/02

Ride [fry] me like a big Tom Turkey. 11/11/02

As long as it is straight and it fires. 11/11/02

You threw another pile on my pile. 11/13/02

You messed up my chaos. 11/13/02

Karl: Is he [FFargedpu's Dad] like you?
FFargedpu: He's worse.
AJ: That's not possible.
FFargedpu:Oh yeah, I correct HIM. 11/13/02

There are no rules, it is just the way it is. 11/13/02

I'm an idiot, I just realized that. 11/14/02

Too bad they can't pay us [early retirement] now. 11/19/02

Well, I am actually working faster than the computer now. 11/19/02

Mine [thumb] was just born dumb. 11/20/02

Something everyday, even though I don't have to think about it...I'm here to just supply stupidity. 11/20/02

I can't let the legacy end. Another kid to get picked on. Same old jokes used all over again that my grandparents had to hear. It all starts with the name. 11/22/02

If I'm gonna sit here, I might as well eat. 11/26/02

I am the most misunderstood person in the world, especially when I speak. 11/27/02

That's my goal, is to make everyone stupid. 11/27/02

I would rather roll in the mud than go clothes shopping. 11/27/02

Man you've got huge crack. 12/03/02

What happens when your shorts get wet? 12/03/02

It [Robin's dog] wouldn't stop biting me, I even bled. 12/03/02

I think you guys are the one's that are screwed up. 12/03/02

Then my slowness would be slower. 12/03/02

Me, you're talking to the person that takes... Wait a minute, I better watch what I say there. 12/05/02

I would by far prefer a woman anytime. 12/05/02

I have to think about what you guys say, because you use too many words (english). 12/10/02

They're candy bars, they're meant to be eaten. 12/10/02

I don't go home and get hammered every night, I know it sounds like I do, but I don't. 12/12/02

This thing's HUGE. 12/12/02

I'm not much of a photo person. 12/19/02

Ya, come on, just give me the big one. 1/14/03

That's it, I'm never wearing Red again. 1/15/03

Karl: Did you get a new belt?
FFargedpu: Do you want a new boot up your ass!. 1/15/03

You suck at whatever you are trying to do there. 1/16/03

Been Nowhere, Done Nothing. 1/22/03

Spoiled again. 1/22/03

Can I make you stupid?---A new pick up line. 2/03/03

I put lotion on it. 2/05/03

I don't need [a girl] that will kick my ass...Not that I have a problem with that. 2/10/03

Conversations with [younger people] are worse than you & I with me. 2/10/03

Megahose? ... Are you guys talking about me again? 2/11/03

That's right, I want a fish with hair...Whoa wait a minute, not like that. 2/11/03

I'm not trying to amount to anything. 2/11/03

It's a good thing I didn't go down. 2/13/03

That's fine if he wants to give it to me; he's not going to like it. 2/24/03

Just stick a fork in me and break it off...........Hey, Hey, Hey, I was joking. 3/06/03

When I want free pop, I want a Coke. 3/13/03

Did I just sneeze, it felt like I just sneezed? (1 minute after the sneeze) 3/17/03

Did I crap my pants or something? 3/31/03

The worst time is the best time. 4/16/03

I can't even crack on Rod, I suck. 4/16/03

As long as it is long and painful. 5/15/03

That's what it sounds like. 5/15/03

That was taken completely out of complex [context]. 6/17/03

I have to look at the words for a long time to figure out what it says. 6/25/03

I think I'm just speaking the wrong language. 7/1/03

I'm supposed to be German. (referring to the quality of German engineering) 7/1/03

I don't mind sitting in filth. 7/7/03

Your mouse is so much different than mine. 7/9/03

Something's not right...it must be me. 7/9/03

I have been on a roll lately. It must be something I eat. 7/9/03

It's gettin' close to 'bout that time. 7/30/03

It's my fault for runnning. (after tripping over another player's feet in soccer) 07/30/03

I hear things. 07/31/03

I think my hand is drunk or something. 09/16/03

You can't eat clothes. 09/30/03

I just hit "DELETE" and it goes away. 10/06/03

I like caseroles. You could probably make a caserole out of s#!t and I would eat it. 10/18/03

Winning's not our thing. (referring to the FFargedpu family) 10/25/03

I can't even talk to myself. 11/04/03

It was probably stolen from somewhere. That's okay, I steal all the time. 11/07/03

It's a lot easier to sleep when you're tired. 11/12/03

The Navy's not the military. 11/11/03

The less I know, the less I hear. 11/13/03

I've had my head in a bucket before. 12/11/03

If I'm going to have free pop, I'd prefer Coke. 12/11/03

I've got a direction. I just don't know where to go with it. 12/11/03

I can't be comfortable all the time. 12/18/03

I was told something. I just can't remember what it was...I haven't had my fish this week. 12/18/03

Sometimes at the end all you get is cheese. 02/04/04

You're making fun of me, I think. 02/04/04

Discussion about weather in Portland
FFargedpu: It's supposed to be in the 50's out there.
JGS: They are quite a bit further North. [Thinking it should be cooler there than here]
FFargedpu: Yeah, but the Earth is tilted. 02/05/04

Kick the guy down when you already know he was going to get it. 02/05/04 See also 11/13/01

CS: You have definately gotten funnier [since you have been in Portland].
FFargedpu: It's all the fish I've been eating. 03/03/04

JDS: You don't look like you have gained any weight [since you've been in Portland].
FFargedpu: I've gained about ten pounds. It was all that rain. 03/08/04

I don't worry about it. I throw it at whatever speed it comes out. I don't worry about it. 04/06/04

I like this time change. It's my favorite time change. 04/06/04

Buttons are too complicated for me. 04/08/04

This is what happens when you're dumb. 05/19/04

I bought it when I was two, but I wasn't two. I was old enough to buy something. I was probably six. 08/18/04

I haven't said anything in three months. 08/18/04

You weigh more than me? Why do I still feel bigger than you? 08/18/04

What happens if you shake it too much? 08/18/04

Salsa isn't cooked...it's heated. 08/24/04

I had a thought and it lost. 08/24/04

How many days are there without weekends? 08/24/04

I never said I was right [in the head]. 10/13/04

Both of you probably know more about packaging than I do...UPS or United Way or whatever. 10/21/04

CS: You would eat horse [meat], wouldn't you?
FFargedpu: If it was prepared correctly. 11/04/04

If I really need to know the time I look for daylight. 12/07/04

It's my life! If anyone asks me what I do, it is to make them dumber. 03/02/05

[Conversation takes place while FFargedpu cuts a piece of paper along a straight line that is not parallel to either edge of, or any line on, said piece of paper]
CS: How did you ever pass the second grade?
FFargedpu: You know, I bet if we had a scissor-cutting contest right now I would kick your ass. 04/26/05

I know I had problems once from eating too much licorice. 05/19/05

If someone wants to get hurt they get away from me. 06/01/05

You pay what you get for. 06/08/2005
Five minutes later
FFargedpu: You get what you pay for.
JGS: Good job.
FFargedpu: Oh, wait. I meant to say it wrong again. 06/08/2005

JGS: Look how wet he is.
FFargedpu: Well, I did walk from outside. 06/13/2005

JGS: Is it any good (referring to FFargedpu's homemade slop)?
FFargedpu: It's edible...it won't make you throw up or anything. 06/13/2005

You should use a live table any time, all the time, at all cost, if at all possible. 06/15/2005

I don't like being told things I already know. 06/22/2005

It's only deep because it is so small. 06/23/2005

You know, as tired as I am, my bowels could be very loose and I wouldn't know. 07/19/05

It's Phil's circle...but it's a good circle. 07/27/05

Ouch! That hurt. And it's wet too. 07/27/05

I have the worst eyes. 09/20/05

This year I will believe that I did have the flu. 09/20/05

Too many buttons. I'd click them accidently. (referring to the new many-buttoned mouse available for ProE Wildfire) 09/28/05

I've been shoveling it in lately 'cause food tastes good. 10/06/05

I have to go fool with it...I can't think at your desk. 10/06/05

I bet the week that's left over is the one nobody else picked. 10/17/05

…he insists on sleeping with me (referring to a dog he was watching while the owners were on vacation). 05/22/06

I live in a cave but I turn the light on once in a while. 09/05/06

I'm just headcount. 09/14/06

Surely there are more [FFargedpisms] from this year. I haven't been that unproductive. 09/14/06

He keeled over so they tried to reveal him. 10/12/06

Ya know...it's all pretty easy...if you know how to do it. (referring to ProE Piping) 10/25/06

I feel like a big bag of Jell-O 02/12/08

[To his supervisor as he was pointing out mistakes about Ffargedpu's design package] You're not supposed to look that close. 02/12/08

Sometimes I would like to drive over his head with a car. CS 12/02/02

For God's sake, I could come down here, get Pro/E training and finish your project before you do. CS 12/03/02

Are you going to give me something this millenium to sign, or do I have to personally come over here and hand you some cheese. ... Very close? Oh I'm all in a tither. PKP 12/03/02

He woke me up, he got cold, so he went upstairs to put some clothes on. WRW/i> 12/04/02

The synergy of the group is thrown off, because Dave is anxious to complete something. PKP 12/11/02

Dave has no idea what he is doing. KS 12/17/02

When I cook it, you're not getting any. WRW 01/08/03

We will need to permanently send someone to Greenville with the Electric truck, that person is Dave. PKP 01/15/03

I know you get excited about stuff, I just don't know what it is. KS 01/16/03

You know, for a fat guy, you’re awful jittery. CS 01/30/03

DU² is doo doo by the way. PKP 02/06/03

The only exercise you get is jumping to conclusions. CS 03/27/03

He looks like dough. CS 04/24/03

You're gonna just slide into the sunset. SD 04/30/03

Your life has been one long string of nonconformances. CS 08/04/03

He is his own Shelter-In-Place. JDS 08/04/03

You are what is wrong with the world. CS 11/04/03

The day you have a plan, I get nervous. PKP 12/15/03

PKP: What is DU doing over there?
AJ: He's ramping down [for his trip to Portland]
PKP: How can you tell? 2/03/04

You're working too hard. We're going to have to chain you to FFargedpu to slow you down. PKP 2/04/04

DU is a mystery to me. PKP 3/04/04

You're worse than the knot in my back. M BARNES 04/22/04

JGS (to FFargedpu): Dude, you know more than I do.
CS: Ffargedpu doesn't even know as much as Ffargedpu does. 05/18/04

He's like a fountain of stupidity. JDS 08/24/04

Your moments of clarity are disturbing. CS 11/11/04

It's like he's a foreigner just learning the English language. JGS 03/02/05

He makes me thirsty. JDS 09/29/05

This guy is very desirable...on the outside. JGS 06/19/06

CS: I'm here today addressing you as FFargedpu's mouthpiece.
AJ: He's like Stephen Hawking (he needs someone to speak for him).
CS: Except Stephen Hawking has a functioning brain. 09/14/06

Everything you do is annoying (seconds after the latest in a lifelong string of exaggeratedly loud sneezes). CS 05/25/08